Awakened

Chapter Five

“Amara, we truly just wanted to see if you were okay. I am sorry to have bothered you.”

“Okay?” I laughed. “How could I possibly be, ‘okay?’” I used air quotes around the word okay. “That is a stupid thing to wonder. My parents are dead. How could I be okay after that?”

“I’m sorry,” he said as he looked down at the floor. “You are right. I have just been concerned about you and wanted you to know I am here for you. You are not alone in this.”

“I’m not alone?” I shrieked as tears began to fall now. “My parents are gone, I am an orphan and to top it off, I… it is my fault they are dead. But sure, I am not alone.”

“That is not your fault, he shook his head in disagreement. “It was an accident.”

“Oh?” I huffed. “But it was my fault they were driving out so late. If it weren’t for me, they’d have been home in bed, asleep.”

“Amara-,” he did not get another word in as I interrupted him.

“No stop,” I spat. “Nothing you say will convince me otherwise. I went to that stupid party. I called them to come pick me up. They were on the road that night because of me. I killed my parents. Now please, just leave me alone. Please just GO!”

I fell to my knees as I screamed for him to leave.

“Ama-,”

“GO,” I growled. “I hardly even know you. We talked for a few minutes one night, so I don’t even understand why you are here or why you care so much, so please, just GO!”

But he does not go. He took a deep breath and walked toward me. He leaned down by my side and wrapped his arms around me. I gave in instantly and just sank into his chest. The tears flow even harder now.

“My parents are gone,” I said between sobs.

Without a word, he just sits there and rubs my back for a few minutes. He pulls my hair out of my face before pulling me in even closer. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

Emanuele and I sat there for a while without another word. He continued to rub my back softly as the tears continued to wet my face.

That is until Jack came strolling in and found us on the floor. He did not say anything at first, but then he cleared his throat, which caused Emanuele to jump up.

“Sorry, I just wanted to see how she was doing,” he explained. “I should go.”

“Probably a good idea,” Jack shook his head in agreement, holding the door open for Emanuele.

“Thank you for coming,” I whispered as I stood up. “I’m sorry about what I said.”

Emanuele just nods and heads for the door.

“Are you ready to go?” Jack asked, watching Emanuele as he left the room.

“Yes,” I said as I grabbed the bag of clothes I came in with, not that I would want to keep them after how bloody they had gotten.

“Great, I already have the valet pulling the car around.” I watched as Jack looked outside the door before looking back at me. “I’m sorry, I did tell him you wanted to be left alone.”

“I know,” I said as I shook my head in understanding. “It’s okay.”

The car ride is quiet. It was not until we pulled into the driveway that my heart completely sank into my stomach. Reality is about to punch me in the face. Jack looked at me with concern in his eyes, like he could read my emotions. I am sure anxiety is written all over my face.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go back to my apartment? You can have my room and I can sleep on the couch if you are not ready to come back here just yet.”

“No, it’s okay,” I lied through my teeth. I am realizing how much I do not want to leave this car, but I have to. “I’ve got to face reality sooner or later. Mine as well make it sooner.”

“Are you sure?” he asked as his eyebrows rose. “I truly don’t mind sleeping on a couch if that is what would be easier for you.”

“I am sure.”

When we got inside, I headed straight for my room but on my way, I passed by my parent’s bedroom. Their bed is unmade, and their television is still on. Unable to enter, I just shut the door and kept heading toward my room. I cannot bring myself to touch their things right now, even if it is to just shut off their TV. I know I will have to go through their things soon, but not tonight. I cannot gather the strength to step inside.

When I reach my room, I slip into a set of pajamas and slide right into bed. I am so physically and mentally exhausted it does not take me long to fall asleep.

*****

I awakened to the sounds of screams. My eyes snap open and I immediately realize I am no longer in my bed, but lying in the woods, in a bunch of brush. I sit up, confused, and see flames ablaze not too far from where I am. How did I get here? What is going on? Last thing I remember… Another round of screams fills the air, taking me from my thoughts. Such agony in their voices.

I jump up instantly, as the memories start to flood back. Those screams are from my parents and that fire is raging from our car. We had just rolled down a large hill. But how did I end up outside of the car? I was buckled in, wasn’t I?

Pushing thoughts aside, I got up and started to run toward the flames. I run for what seems like an eternity, but it does not seem to matter how much I run. The flames seemed to be moving away from me or maybe I was just running in place. I cannot tell. The flames and the screams stay the same distance away from me, no matter how fast or hard I try to make my way toward them.

“Amara?” I heard someone yell in the distance. It sounds like my dad, but it doesn’t at the same time.

Just as I am about to call back out, the earth beneath me begins to shake. “Amara?” I hear again. “Amara, wake up!”

Everything around me starts to fade away, as if the earth is slowly evaporating from beneath me. Seconds later, things around me go black, but then I blink my eyes a few times and find myself back in my room. Jack is sitting over me, fear clear in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

My breathing is heavy, and tears are streaming down my cheeks. I must have been crying in my sleep. Without a word, I sat up and lay on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in tight.

“Things will get better, I promise,” he whispered.

“How can you be so sure?” I said as I wiped away tears.

“I can’t,” he admitted. “But we have to believe that they will.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“I’m not going to lie to you,” he whispered. “It won’t be, but we will get there.”

I just nod. He stays with me for another few minutes as we sit in silence, but when he is gone, I lay back in my bed for a while and let the tears flow. How am I ever going to get over this? Will it get easier? Or will I never get past this? I do not see how I could. My parents are gone. I am never going to be able to see them, touch them, or even hug them ever again. Do they even know how much I loved them? Our last words exchanged were a fight over a stupid party I never should have gone to. They were so angry with me. Are they still angry with me now, wherever they are? Are they at least at peace? I can only hope they are.

After a couple of hours of lying around and not being able to get back to sleep, I finally got out of bed and hopped into the shower. I just stood there for a while, letting the hot water run down my back, taking in the steam, and breathing in deeply. The rest of the night I did not do much but lounge around my room. I cannot get the images of the car ride out of my head. It just keeps playing on repeat. But eventually, I fell back to sleep.

The next morning, I woke to the sound of knocking at my door. “Come in,” I said in a groggy voice as I stretched. In came Jack. The look on his face already tells me that I am not going to like this conversation. He took a seat on the edge of my bed.

“There is really no good time to bring this up but I just wanted to let you know that the wake and funeral have been put together for tomorrow afternoon,” he said, looking at the floor, unable to look me in the eye.

“Okay,” I replied, holding back tears. Hearing him say that just makes this even more real.

“We are going to get through this, Amara, I promise you,” he said.

“I don’t know if I can get through this,” I said as tears began to fall now. “How am I supposed to face everyone tomorrow? It is my fault our parents are dead. What if people-,” he does not let me continue.

“What happened to Mom and Dad was NOT your fault,” he assured me. “It was an accident.”

“But they were out that night because-,” he cut me off again.

“Amara, it was an accident. No one could have predicted what was going to happen that night.”

“But-.”

“Stop it, Amara,” he huffed. “You must stop blaming yourself. Just because they were out driving to pick you up, it does not make it your fault that the accident happened. If anyone is to blame, it is the random person who was walking in the middle of the road where he had no business being at that time of night.”

“Do you think they will ever catch the person who caused us to swerve?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “The police don’t have the best description to go with. At this point, it could have been anyone.”

“I wish I could have helped more,” I said in a whisper.

“You gave all the details you could, Amara,” he assured me. “Now listen, I have to head to work for the day. I have some important paperwork to finish. I’ve been putting off the last few days, but I’ll be back later.”

I shook my head in understanding. He cannot keep missing work because of me.

I spent the rest of the morning just lying in bed. Around one o’clock, I get up and rummage through my closet. What am I going to wear tomorrow? Do I even own anything black?

As I look through all my clothes, in the back, I find a black lace dress. I forgot I had this. It is a dress my mother bought for me two years ago after my grandfather passed away. She wanted me to wear it to his funeral. I guess I can wear it tomorrow. I remember how much she liked it. She loved the way it fit me and how it had a tutu-style bottom. So, I place it on the chair in the corner of my room and grab a set of flats to go with it.