The Sight Beyond The Haze

Chapter 53: What Does Sadness Felt Like?

Although the winter season was fading, the snow still has not melted everywhere and even the temperature was still low that I had to always wrap myself up with a scarf.

The students of the Academia Amitiel have returned and the desolated white buildings of the academy finally found warmth and more colors with the arrival of the students. The whole building was abuzz with the news and announcement of the prom for the juniors and seniors.

With the news of prom, I remembered Deo asking me to be his date when he was pretending to be Caspian. Of course we have already agreed that he won't be coming back soon in the academy and as soon as I have solved the case of the disappearances of the students, I would be moved to the Dalcanorian Territories to take up my position among the ranks of the Noble Seats.

With the start of classes was also the beginning of another plan. Although we all know that Anasthasia was doing well now, her progress was still rather slow. And I cannot wait for more months to see if she would be able to remember anything well. At first, I knew Cocytus was deeply bothered by my proposal of the plan. He was hesitant and I noticed that, but he did not say anything about the dangers.

The day that I proposed my plan to him, we just finished training and it was quite a few days before the start of the classes. We were making the most of the time we have for practice and training, but a thought has been rolling within my mind, trying to get my attention.

"Are you sure about this, Seraphin?" he asked me, there was a particular sharpness on his tone that quite shocked me. Although we often teased each other with harsh words, I have never used that kind of tone to him, and neither has he used it before.

Not until now.

Maybe because I was proposing something outrageous that might cause us Anasthasia's life. But I was not deterred with my goal and told him still what I wanted ro say.

"I know that this might jeopardize the safety of Anasthasia, but I cannot stay here for ever just to wait for Anasthasia to fully recover her memories. If the culprit knew that Anasthasia is with us, who ever that culprit was would want to get her back. Although you do not have any political power, I have and since nothing has happened yet it would mean that Anasthasia has not revealed any secrets just yet."

"It will be the perfect bait for the kidnapper, right?" Cocytus asked me, raising an eyebrow. His eyes told me that I must have gine crazy for suggesting to reveal that Anasthasia was under our protection.

"Anasthasia is still valuable to us," I told Cocytus coldly.

"And?" Cocytus asked me so mockingly.

"When you lost a thing and found someone took and cared for it, what do you do?"

Cocytus knotted his forehead at me, demanding me to get to the point with a glance. I looked back at him and finally said what I wanted.

"You covet it back," I told him with a cold glance. "That culprit knew that Anasthasia Adams' Veil has been tampered with because they were the ones who meddled with it. That means that if we have not make any moves yet, Anasthasia's memories have not been recovered to the extent that she would have a power to divulge any secrets. That is something that the culprit could not risk, and you know that since they have been careful with their moves."

"Didn't know that you understand human nature enough for this. You might have got a point, Seraphin, and if Anasthasia was taken, again, by that kidnapper? Now what do you do?" Cocytus crossed his arms in front of his chest. "I know you're terribly impatient now with Lord Deo's last visit, but won't this be too reckless of us?"

I shook my head as a response, but he was still waiting for a concrete answer and I do not have any answer that he would like to hear because I do not intend for Anasthasia to be taken back.

"Then we just take her back along with the other students."

We have consulted Leigh about this matter, but his lips were tight as usual. He won't help us, he said, we should be able to find a way around this. While Leigh has no intention to provide any sort of aid to both Cocytus and me, Eris was kind enough to tell us that there was not any immediate danger around us.

And so, Anasthasia was able to get back to her classes. We have already reached her family and they were relived to have heard from Anasthasia herself, or at least the maid that got the phone call was relieved to hear from Anasthasia since apparently, her parents have not even noticed her sudden disappearance.

While Eris was still welcoming our cry for help, I asked her to keep an eye out for Anasthasia while she was in class. Like how Bianca had been, Anasthasia was not terribly social, a wallflower and very unlike of a social butterfly. I nodded at her as we both parted, but as she made her way to her own class, I just gazed at her back.

No one seemed to have noticed anything odd about her, no one even asked her on why she was gone for a few months or where did she went to? And I realized that if I was still Seraphim Griyego and not Lady Seraphin Alaric Elliot, that nobody girl who has plain features and was quiet, I wonder if that would also be the same.

I have been having this kind of emotion that felt as though I was only remembered by the people around me who demanded more attention. I was remembered by the students from the Dalcanorian Territories because of my parents, I became a topic of conversation once I started attending the academy because Leigh Tharraleos sponsored me and because Headmistress Henrietta Amitiel herself gave me a tour.

My name could have been anything at all, I might not even be Seraphin if no one actually knew what I looked like.

If nobody remembers you, did you truly exist in this world?

That has been my question lately. The name Seraphin Alaric Elliot was buried so easily that my mother, the great Erina Alaric, the Grand Duchess of Alrerk, could pretend that I have never existed and that would be fine.

And that made me feel something. As though a heavy weight was on top of my chest and I could not get it off. My eyes get teary but the tears would not fall, I could not understand just what it was that made me feel like crying but then not really.

I shook my head at myself.

I was feeling so sentimental and that was not anything like me.

"Seraphin," someone called out to me.

When I looked back, it was Zachriel who was also wearing thick layers of clothing. He looked exceptionally bright on his black coat. When our gazes met, he smiled gently at me though his face suddenly became distorted. His steps were quick and he was suddenly right in front of me, his face was worried and anxious as his hands awkward tried to reach out to me.

"Zachriel," I greeted him back, only feeling the coolness of the winter on my face.

"Lady Alaric Elliot?" Behind Zachriel was Haziel whose hair was in a bright haze of gradient blue and green. "Why are you crying?"

"Does this occasion calls for a new nickname?" asked Caspian to no one in particular though Hermes has already smacked the back of his head with quite a force.

"Shut up, you i***t," Hermes told him. He glared at him fiercely, trying to shut him up with just his eyes.

My hands reached towards my cold face, realizing that it was not the cold causing my face to feel numb but was actually tears that has frozen off the surface of my face. It does not sting, just that I felt heavy.

My eyelids felt heavy.

"Seraphin?" Haziel then asked me so gently. Her usually hoarse and matured voice was delicate, trying to coax me into speaking.

My eyes found her face and I ran up to her, hugging her as I did. My chest became heavier as my mind recollected that this person I was hugging was not the same as the one I was thinking about. All the experiences and memories I have had with this face was not really with this person.

It made those days cheap in my eyes. I was not even able to be with the real face of that person.

"Seraphin," Haziel called out to me but I did nor let her go. On my embrace, her slender frame felt so fragile against me and I just cried like that in the middle of the hallway.

I was not certain how Haziel was able to move me, but I was suddenly in the comfort of some one else's bed.

"Are you fine now?" a familiar voice asked me then smacked my legs so hard that I knew it would leave a red mark on my skin.

"HEY!" I screamed and it was probably the loudest scream I did as far as I can remember. I abruptly sat up and looked for the culprit who smacked my leg. It stung though it was bearable, but I still felt that I should take revenge for the redness that I found pn my skin.

"There you go, you crybaby!" Caspian screamed back at me.

I have never felt so disrespected before. It was not that he outright harassed me or that he cursed me, it was that he did not hesitated to not show me any disrespect and that was an experience I have never felt before. The adrenaline of screaming somehow made me feel slightly better.

My eyes swept on the area and found Caspian, sitting beside me that was lying on the bed. At back of the room was Haziel, reading a book. She looked undisturbed by the fact that Caspian and I just screamed at each other. Instead, Haziel looked like the epitome of a very calm person.

My hand unconsciously rubbed in circular motions the place where Caspian smacked me. It indeed created a small handprint against my pale complexion. Seeing my skirt being pulled up, I tugged at the hem of my skirt and bent my knees. I knew that there was an odd glint on my expression when Caspian scoffed at my face.

My eyes widened a little with that scoff, wanting to strangle Caspian's head off of his shoulders. I think I would have done so if it were not for Haziel interrupting the trail of my thoughts. She closed the book she was reading with a snap and turned her head to my direction.

"You're finally awake, Lady Alaric Elliot," she greeed me, standing up as she did so and executed a small bow. She looked at Caspian, gestured at the door and nodded for him to get out.

"It's fine," I told them, "I'm going to get out anyway."

Before I could do anything, not even to stretch my legs, Caspian with his big enermous mouth was already talking about what happened. Both Haziel and I looked at him with wide eyes. Haziel looked like she does not know how to shut Caspian's mouth fast enough that it would choke him, while I was certain that I looked like a chicken with disheleved hair and an ashamed expression on my face.

"It's sooo embarrassing when you suddenly jumped on Haziel!" he complained loudly, as in loudly that his voice started to ring on my ears. "I mean, you're a giant and I thought you're like devouring her! Then you started crying and everything started to get awkward. We all thought that it's me who got smack on my back by Zachriel and Hermes? And not you so why're crying?! Like what the heck? It's not my fault you cried! You crybaby!"

Actually, I have been meaning to punch him similar to what Zachriel said Hermes did. On my case though, I wanted to inflict real danger and harm on him. As Haziel and I were both conflicted on how to get Caspian to shut his mouth, his ramblings went on for a good minute before I cleared my throat loudly, disrupting his monologue.

"Thank you," I finally said. I thought that when I opened my mouth, no sound would come but, surprisingly, I found my voice to speak. "Thank you for your very keen observation. I must got though, I have acted completely out of my position. I hope that none of you would hold this against me."

I started standing up. I realized that we must have been on the infirmary when my eyes glued on the white wallpaper everywhere and the anti-septic scent that lingered on the edge of my sense of smell. On the chair just beside my bed was my scarf and coat. I quickly, and finally, got up, cloaking myself with the coldness of my own clothing.

"Why did you cry though?" Caspian asked.

I would love to have punch him right there and then, but that question also appeared on my mind.

"I felt that there is this heavy thing inside me," I said, my voice was steady and cold even with my ears but I could hear the fear despite that false boldness that I put forth. "I felt as though I have a difficulty to make the tears fall."

"And then there's this emptiness you cannot explain," Haziel finished for me.

I looked back at her and she was so small, but the warmth on her hands that patted my arm gently was so vital and alive.

"Well, that's sadness," Caspian concluded and I heard the same emptiness and fear in his voice that I heard from mine.

We were all similar, I see.