The Sight Beyond The Haze

Chapter 36: A Sheep In Wolf's Skin

I was sleepy.

My eyelids kept on just dropping over my eyes unconsciously. Twice or thrice, I have just lost count to be honest, I have been called by my current class' professor just to be woken up. This time though, it was already the fifth or sixth times that I have been called and I guess the class professor was losing his patience on me.

Really though, I have also lost track of their names that just melded into two different categories; either Ma'am or Sir. Either I call them by those titles or I just forget their names, I learned that I could survive by myself. Actually, it was even more effective if I just went up to the faculty office and just say either of Cocytus or Leigh's name. It can do the work for a whole semester.

But I was not about to abuse power when it was not even given to me directly. And even if it was really given to me, who am I to abuse any kind of power?

Anyways, the professor called me a few more times which I unconsciously ignored, dozing off to my little space in the corner of the room. It was until that mentioned professor slammed his hands on the remaning space of my desk that I was actually and truly woken up.

Because I moved too fast and he was leaning on my head, trying to gauge and screamed at me, the back of my head hit his nose. I heard a loud c***k that resonated throughout the entirety of the room, even some gasps could be heard around.

I did not looked at him at first, my neutral expression cracking like fragile glass. There was bewilderment and shocked as droplets of blood dripped down on my wooden desk. One drop of red fluid then another and there was an eerie silence.

I slowly looked up to my professor, dread on my expression that I could not keep away from my face. What greeted me was my professor's face's nose dripping with bright red blood.

There was fury and wrath visible on his eyes that I knew he could also not suppress.

I suddenly became so tempted to just say Leigh's name and see if it would have some sort of effect, but I did not do that of course.

I have already embarrassed myself enough and I was not interested to further or prolong the experience.

"Sir," I said curtly, silently daring him to say something bad towards me.

I felt as though every person inside of this classroom held their breath as we all await for the teacher's response to me.

"Ngiss Gyengo," he said, a suppressed emotion on his tone that I was certain a not overly positive one. "Ngere'sh a-"

There was a very carefully contained and quiet chuckles that could be heard all around the classroom. As it was my fault and an act of mercy, I kept a straight face while I was looking at my teacher.

"Group work?" I asked. My hand went to my skirt's pocket and fished out a clean white handkerchief. "I did not know that you were over there, Sir..." I stopped abruptly, remebering that I do not actually know this particular teacher's name. "I apologize," I instead continued nonchalantly.

My hand reached out to him with the handkerchief from my skirt's pocket. I was guilty of course, but it was not like I would beg for his forgiveness and panic all over him.

That was just irritating and annoying.

"Should I send myself to the detention?" I asked him indifferently and I saw how the emotions on his bloody face has violently changed, from the paleness from the pain my head caused to a bloody red of anger.

Was I too direct? I thought that to myself.

"I think you should send him to the infirmary first, Griyego!" someone from the seats in the back.

An eraser quickly flew to his forehead, knocking him backwards with a loud crash on the ground. Since the whole class could not contain any longer, every one of the students inside let out a bark of laugh— this, of course, further aggravated the situation I have with the professor.

At the end, the professor whom I injured sent himself to the infirmary. He bid us good-bye for the day, dismissing the class in the process, but he did not go without telling me to get his personal belongings to the faculty office.

I, of course, obliged since it was indeed my fault and I acknowledged that fact.

I was not sleepy because I was too lazy to just study and listen to my teachers during class hours. It was because of what I started doing after I told Haziel that they should quit scouting out the Haefen and also to quite patrolling around the academy.

Since the defences of the academy has lessened throughout the years, Leigh suggested that this could be a reasonable experience for me. With Cocytus behind me and the extra assurance of the golden light butterflies, every night until the sun rise, I would ran around the perimeters of the academy and just look out for the Haefen members.

It was not as though I encountered anyone face to face, but I did saw some of them, walking around the edges of the academy unable to just go inside of the academy since they all were being prevented by the ancient protection around the academy,the Blessing. Sensing the killing intention within the people, the protective seal between the inside and outside of the academy has repelled those Haefen members, and any magician that has the same negative intention. The protective seal that has been working for the last hundred of years was strengthened with the help of the Deity's reinforcement.

But it could only hold for so long.

Deo has better got a plan on how to get every single Dalcanorian out of here with no bodu getting hurt.

Back to my reality, when every one of the students stood up to desert the room, although some were still lingering to talk with other students that were probably not their classmates to other classes, I also stood up from my seat. I went to the podium of the professors and teachers to get that particular professor's belongings.

As I was about to leave the room with multiple folders and textbooks, a person stepped on my way, making me wobble and almost stumble. Good balance was one of the things that Deo's lesson provided, and even Cocytus and I were both still training on it.

"Hey there, Seraphim!" the same boy from the week before interrupted me as I walked. "You were so snob the other days, what 'ya doin'?"

I almost slap him from his very suggestive tone, and also almost took out both of his eyes with the way he was looking at me. It was not just him that was blocking my way but also some other guys on our class.

My jaw clenched automatically. What do they think they were actually doing?

Since I do not want any of them to be hurt by me, I gently shouldered my way through the group of my classmates. I was afraid that if I use too much force, I would only just recreate the earlier scene wherein my professor's— a full grown man, face was bleeding.

I do not know what urge these boys to block my way. Maybe they thought that the professor's blood was fake and only an excuse to dismiss the class early, but either way they were still a bunch of stupid and idiotic mortals.

I do believe that the weak should be protected by the strong. But if the weak people were only just being a jerk, then I would beat them up until they regret of being ever alive in this world or until they just wanted to die and vanish.

But the boy did not get the clear and bright message that I wanted to convey. Instead of letting me pass, one of them even reached out to touch my chest, his hands poised to groped on my body. I evaded smoothly, twisting around him to avoid his hands that were both already in positions.

Something in my mind bothered me and i suddenly cannot get it out of my head. I was still worried that if it was not me they were all harassing right now, would the person they set their sights on be able to protect themselves?

I contemplated in my head what should i do. If I break their bones, that will only be for temporary fix. After I evaded, I turned towards their direction to face them. My back was pressed against the door and I could feel the door handle behind me, cold against my arm. I could have just gotten away so easily that it could not even be called as escaping.

I looked around the room and saw we were the only ones left. My hand discreet crept behind me and locked the knob. There was a distinct click that echoed throughout the empty room.

Should I make them go away?

"I saw her with Haziel Imbert last week," said of the boy who first blocked me. "Tss," he sneered at me vehemently as though I did something to him when I do not even know who he was. "You think you're above us just because you belong to that group? Strip!" he commanded which outraged me.

The other boys followed his lead and also shouted the same profanities.

"Strip!" they shouted at me as though if they shouted the same profanities over and over again, I would actually be the fool and strip in front of them.

The fluttering wings of the butterflies nudged at me on my bag, making their presence known to me. Even the butterfly atop my head that was disguised as a hair clip was pressing on me with quite a force.

Both ends of my lips turned downwards, ignoring the offer of help of the butterflies. Nudging the doorknob if it was indeed locked, I started to attack them.

When I opened the door, I was still holding our professor's textbooks and folders, and there was a satisfied smirk on my face that was a rarity even to me. Behind me was the cries of torment of those boys that attempted to bully me and in front of me was Zachriel Legrand who was actually waiting for me to finish.

I looked left and right, expecting to see another person rather than this guy. It seemed though that Cocytus was still busy with the person on his closet. The end of my lip curled back, displeased with the confrontational ambiance of Zachriel Legrand.

I looked behind me.

I was certain that there won't be any class after ours that might happen in that classroom so leaving those people should be fine. And if they ever file a complaint against me, it was not like they would openly admit that they were beaten up by a girl.

Misogyny and their pride.

I did not notice Zachriel deliberately and just continued on walking on the hall. I was late for my next class, but nobody would really care. I might as well not attend, but then I do not want to be ungrateful to both Cocytus and Leigh.

"You shouldn't have done that," Zachriel told me in a very grave manner. Although I cannot see any disapproval on the expression that he has on, I could still hear it on the tone that he used.

I took a deep breath, wanting to reprimand him but was still unable to do so. I did not take any notice of him again. Do I have the time to pay attention to someone who has done exactly what I did?

He might have thought years ago that what he did was everything that was honorable and good for the common good, but it was not for me.

Maybe we were both hypocrites, but at least I know that I am one when he seemed to have forgotten exactly who he was to me and what he has done to me.

"Haziel told me that you have reached full recovery," he persisted, I heard him took a few steps towards me. "I am glad that you have recovered so quickly, my lady."

I unleashed one of the butterflies to hold Zachriel Legrand in place then I turned towards his direction.

"It's fine even if you do not say a thing, Lord Legrand," I told him, that one single sentence was full of implications which I wished he could catch up on.

Zachriel's footsteps abruptly stopped. I imagined he could not even hold himself up even against those golden light butterflies. He was, as I was expecting, stopped by just a butterfly. I was being unfair to him, of course. A Weaver such as him does not have any physical strengths unlike me.

"I am not requiring you," I told him harshly though I had my back in front of him, "to do anything for me."

I anticipated him not being defensive and just letting it all go as though I do not know what he was talking about. When he talked at lst, I was correct.

"What if those boys talk with Headmistress Henrietta?" he asked politely and, blech, worriedly.

A tick twitched on my jaw, it kept on twitching as I continue to listen to Zachriel. I hated him, this boy whose features on his face was very similar to mine. He was making me hate him more.

"Do not act like you care," I hissed at him then my tone changed slightly, there was this kind of c***k on it that even I was not expecting. "Must you act like you care?"

I shook my head at myself.

It has been a long time. Ten years. Ten years of being scratched open and manipulation. But it felt as though I was being reverted back to that six year old little girl that looked at Zachriel with so much trust.

"I do care, Seraphin," he refuted, rather helplessly and on that gentle voice of his, "but we are in a war. Must you really be so selfish?"

His question taken me be back. Selfish, he says. I turned around to look at him, and there were still the same perfectly black obsidian eyes, those high cheekbones, and his very pretty other facial features all plastered on his face.

"Selfish?" I heard myself echoing his question. When I turned around, Zachriel was also looking at me with wide eyes. The golden butterfly was in his feet, rendering him immovable.

His eyes mirrored my distress, as though he also wanted to yell for help. I thought back to what he just said. Was I really just being selfish?

"Why would you all place something as big of a responsibility as that on my shoulders?" I demanded to him. Even to my ears, I could hear just how disgustingly of a spoiled brat that sounded like. "What am I really? Why does it sounds like I am being won over by a divorced parents? You all never gave me any chance! Never! And you—" I pointed at him, my expression was still as cold as before "—you robbed me off my memories. Even my personality was being controlled, my emotions, my very being. Why?"

"I do not have any choice," he told me, there was an almost desperate quality on his tone that made me doubt everything I have said. "You said you're the only one with the greatest responsibility, what about me? I have done the same exact procedure on multiple people. I do not have a choice because both my father and my leader demanded it of me. My powers were used for torture and interrogations. I was only five when they started training me."

My hands turned into fists, restraining myself from giving off expression. I do not want to pity Zachriel, I thought to myself, I never want to pity anyone. I just wanted a scapegoat that would explain to me why things were they way they were.

I just wanted to blame someone.

I did not know that while even if I was living under a pretense of calm and serenity, one of the people that put me in that pretense was also suffering.

"I have heard the suffering of the others, even yours, and endured it like a monster," Zachriel told me.

I do not want to listen, but, for the first time, I do not want to admit that I was wrong. I do not want to just say that it was all over, we should just move on.

"Why are you telling me those things?" I asked him, I demanded him. "Do you want my pity? Do you want to say that even the so-called suffereing I have experience was also fake? I do not want to sympathize with you. You also did that to other people? Then I bet they were as angry as me."

I hated Erina Alaric at that moment.

I hated Zachariel Legrand at that moment.

I hated Araqiel Elliot at that moment.

I hated them all. I hated that they were all pushing my generation to be against each other, they were all pushing us to suffer the consequences of the things they have done in the past.

I hated it all.

And I wanted to say I was sorry to Zachriel, I really do, but I was hurt still. I could still see him in my mind looking so dead as he work his way through my memories, twisting and manipulating. Making me believe on certain things and putting me on a new person that I do not even know.

I still see him as the villain.

I hurt Zachriel with my words. I saw his eyes reddened with sadness and pain. I did not feel happy at all for making him cry. I felt as though I was such a horrible person and guilt started pouring in and out of me.

He shook his head weakly. He talked and I could hear how unhappy he was that I thought him as such way.

"I'm sorry, Seraphin," he said and that felt unjustified. "I really am sorry for the years I have been modifying you. I feel that you have lost yourself and you're still finding yourself, maybe that is the reason why you are so angry. But that is fantastic that you'll be able to find yourself again, and I hope that I did not made such a big mess on your mind. I hope you still recover."

My jaw clenched tightly. I do not want to address him so I summoned the butterfly to me that was making him immobile on his feet.

I started walking away from him, my footsteps were echoing throughout the entire hallways that has been desolated since the beginning of the other class.

I did not responded to him because I do not know how. It was not easy being talked to like that. He knew he was wrong and he admitted to it, was there any more reason to rub it on his face? He was clear that he was holding himself accountable and maybe I should not be so harsh to him.

After all, we were only being used as pawns by the adults.

I sighed deeply, now the grogginess that was caused by my lack of sleep due to the patrolling we did at night has now completely faded away.

Why don't I skip the next class since I was already so late?