A Kiss Good-Bye Series

Chapter 11

Em

I couldn’t hold it back anymore. Tears streamed down my face before I entered my room. As soon as I closed my bedroom door, I went to the darkest corner of my room, sat on the floor, raised my legs to my chest, and laid my head on my knees and wept.

I couldn’t stop. The memory was seared into my brain and tortures me every time it creeps up. My body trembled as I remembered the flames shining in the night sky. I can still hear the angelic sounds of sirens arriving too late to douse the flames. Then, after the show was over, I waited to see the grand finale. When EMTs and firefighters rolled out the bodies that were hidden in the body bag, everything stopped. I didn’t expect them to drag out three bodies, I was expecting two. Not three. That was when my soul shattered.

The door to my room opened, and light footsteps crossed over and sat next to me. Jax put an arm around me and pulled me to him. He smelled of aftershave, and it was so masculine that I breathed him in as much as I can. I stopped shaking and relaxed against him. What was it about Jax that I feel comfortable around him? I pressed closer, until realization hit me. This was Sara’s man. I shouldn’t even be near him. I tried to move away slowly, but he dragged me back and held me tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to push you. I didn’t know.”

“I know,” I said, wiping my eyes. “Why do you think I was hard on you about investigating further on Jones? I made a mistake because I was cocky.”

“What happened?” he asked. I remained quiet for a moment, trying to even out my breathing. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No,” I said. “I should. I never spoke to anyone about it. No one knows.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

“I was hired to kill a man and his wife for this mobster. I didn’t care for details; all I needed was a picture of them to do the job. It was the beginning of winter and I knew they turned up their radiator, plus the wife would leave a candle lit at night. So, I disconnected the gas line from the stove and waited from a distance until the house blew. I watched the flames rise higher and higher until the house was no more.

“I watched as they dragged three bodies out of the ashes. I thought it was supposed to be two. I went back to my hotel room and watched the news. It was reported that they had a child- a child I didn’t know. I never knew because I was too cocky and didn’t look more into their lives. I don’t even know what the child looked like. At least you know what Vanessa looks like. When I close my eyes, all I see is a faceless child. That death haunts me to this day and I promised myself that I would never make that mistake again. I don’t think I could survive it.”

I don’t think I could talk anymore. My voice trembled, and I didn’t want to cry anymore-let alone remember. I hate how my soul crushes as I think about it. As if sensing it, Jax touched my chin and lifted it so that we can see eye to eye. Even though he was barely touching me, I tingled all over and I couldn’t stop my body from shaking. He saw it and his breath shuttered. His eyes dilated, and his thumb gently rubbed my jaw.

“At least you feel what you did wrong,” he said, barely a whisper. “You’re a killer with a conscious. You have feelings which make you human- a beautiful one at that.”

I stopped breathing. Not because he used the words I threw at him, but because he called me beautiful. I haven’t been called that since…. I didn’t know what possessed me to lean in, but I did and Jax met me halfway and his lips ignited me.

I never felt this kind of heat before, not since… I can’t think about that now. My hands clutched his soft hair, and he pulled me into his lap. His arms tightened around me, then he pulled me away.

“Take off your shirt,” he demanded.

I stared at him. He’s bossy and even though I like being in control, I kind of liked it. I did what he said. His eyes roamed my chest, and he reached behind my back and unhooked my bra. He growled at the sight, and before he could kiss me anywhere, I said, “Take off your shirt.”

His eyes grew darker by my command and he moved fast. His shoulders were broad, and his body was ripped. He had muscles that I wanted to roam, and I did while his body quivered at my touch. My hand went back to his hair. I pulled his head back and licked his neck up to his ear and bit his ear lobe. He moaned loudly and I did it again.

Next thing I know, I’m on my back with Jax hovering over me. His lips crushed mine and I know he wants control, and I’ll let him this one time. Our pants were gone, and before I could brace myself, he slammed into me with a roar. I cried out, enjoying the penetration, and matched him stroke for stroke. Lying on my back was good in all, but I needed some control. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I flipped us over, so that now I was riding him.

There was lust in his eyes with what I did and made his eyes even darker when I held his hands over his head, unable to touch me. His moans and groans told me that he liked it, until he removed my hands and sat up to where we were face to face.

He kissed me with so much passion that I could have died happy. I couldn’t pull away, and I didn’t want to. I clung to him as he flipped us over again and this time, I had no more control. It was all him.