Just a Pen & Paper

10. getting her fix

ftr: 2.22.2021 [9:22 pm, pennsylvania]

10 - GETTING HER FIX

addiction • the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.

/əˈdikSH(ə)n/ | noun

"Addiction is the only disease that convinces you 'you're okay', while it suck the life force right out of you." - April P.

━

"I was never addicted to one thing; I was addicted to filling a void within myself with things other than my own love." - Unknown

*

          "Okay, we'll be working on a group project over the next two weeks. When you're name is called, go to your assigned partner." Ms. Panettes, Luna's health teacher, adjusted her glasses on her nose.

               "Tuesday with Orson. Eugene with Kilian."

Names were called, and Luna lost track, snapping back to reality when she heard hers.

          "Luna with━" Ms. Panettes stopped short to yell at another student, who was caught passing notes. "PATRICIA!"

          Ms. Panettes took a deep breath before getting back on track. "Anyway, Luna with Unity."

Luna wasn't exactly sure who 'Unity' was so she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, feeling even more uncomfortable when a girl walked over sitting in a neighboring seat.

     "I'm Unity." She thrust her hand towards Luna for a shake, but Luna gently pushed Unity's hand away. "Let's wait until Ms. Panettes is done pairing us up, so we can find out what this project is about."

After pairing up a total of 36 students, she finally started giving information on the project.

          "You guys are going to work with your partners to answer the question: Nature or Nurture? I expect that you provide proofs and reasonable evidence to explain your claim. Don't forget to provide a little information for the counterclaim as well. Use the remaining of class time to get started."

          "Isn't this psychology?" Unity scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. "I thought this was health class."

          Luna shook her head, sighing exhaustedly ━ her mind had been on her father throughout her periods, she was a little worried and not to mention she was curious about that smell. "Psychology is a form of health. Mental health."

Unity nodded her head in understanding. "Ohhh okay."

     Leaving Luna to wonder why Unity was even in the class in the first place.

          "So I formed an idea of how we can do it." Though Luna wasn't very social and talkative, she became so when it was on a topic or activity she was passionate about. "If we talk about nature and genetics. . ."

*

It'd been 46 minutes since they started working on the projects, which only felt like 5 to Luna. Everyone else weren't particularly paying attention to their projects like they should've been, for that attention was on Luna, the quiet one. It was the most talkative and energetic they'd ever seen her, so whenever they saw her excited about a topic, they made sure to take a good long look ━ like they were doing now.

          "Okay." Ms. Panettes was reluctant to interrupt Luna's fun. "Bell will ding in a minute, I'm dismissing you all."

     Luna snapped her head up, looking around at the classroom ━ to find them looking back at her. She scolded herself out of habit, contributing to the cycle of liberosis. "Bye."

She collected her belongings and started for the door, but Unity called out to her. "Wait. . . I━ uh, I need your number for the project."

Unity had noticed Luna hadn't been shutting her down like she did everyone else, perhaps Ramsha and therapy were to thank for that. 

          "Fine." Luna motioned for Unity to come forward, before spilling her number. "(219) 842-9361. Capice?" She exaggerated, just wanting to be left alone ━ grumpy and embarrassed that she allowed herself to get so absorbed in the project.

     Unity just nodded with an idiotic grin. "Yea."

Luna just rolled her eyes, stomping her way into the hallway and to her next class ━ History.

*

She was on the way to her group therapy session, boarding the bus on the route that had became familiar and grew like vines ━ wrapping itself around her, imprinted and giving her the dilemma of friend or foe. She wasn't completely sure if it was a bad thing to get used to the sessions, but unlike her usual self, she just let it happen.

     Once she reached, she gave nod of acknowledgement to the receptionist ━ a sign that therapy had been doing her some good. After riding the elevator to the right level, she opened the door to the group. "Good afternoon."

          Those words of course, were a huge improvement for Luna, who normally wouldn't have reacted or glanced their way. "Hey." They replied in choir, some with smiles on their faces and others with a nod of their heads.

     "Glad you could make it! Grayson also made it here today." Atlas had a huge grin on his face, while Luna was stuck confused on why he thought she would care ━ though Grayson had been living rent-free in her head for about a few hours during the weekend, not that she would tell anyone.

          "Great." She muttered, taking the same seat she always did ━ which everyone eventually understood she preferred.

               "So today, we'll be discussing identifying triggers and how they can affect us. It's important that we understand and know what our triggers are, because they'll help us and others both short and long-term."

     Everything dulled around her as Luna started feeling an urge, one that she was all-too familiar with. It'd been with her since she could remember, though she couldn't remember anything younger than nine, she knew what it meant. She needed to get her hands on some paper, she needed to write something; not just anything but something. She needed to write a story.

          She started to get a nice bit fidgety, feeling restless because she wasn't getting her "fix". Her father and "mother" tried their best to remove any pens and paper from around her, but they could only do but so much. Beginning to feel a little agitated and upset, she bounced her leg up and down, hoping to occupy and distract herself from the impulse.

     Eventually, it got too much for her. So she raised her hand a little, and firmly asked. "Can I borrow a notebook and pen?"

Atlas paused his talking, turning his head to Luna just like everyone else had done, including Grayson. "Why?"

          She couldn't understand why he would just let her borrow some. . . unless he knew. "To take some notes." She lied.

          He sighed, shaking his head in disappointment and disapproval. "Bad idea. If you don't understand anything or didn't catch something, you can stay back and ask me at the end of the session." So he did know.

          "Yea, yea." She muttered in a grumble.

Every passing minute only chanted to her urge, "grow, grow, grow!", causing her mind to wander in hopes of deterring the feeling. She found herself pondering on the thought of that smell, and from what she caught about Atlas speaking on triggers ━ maybe that classified?

     She just couldn't figure out how or why that smell made her feel that way; it just didn't make sense to her.

*

          "━na! Luna! The session is over." Ramsha was waving a hand in front of her face, Luna hadn't even known she was at the session ━ so naturally she was surprised to see her there.

          "Something's wrong. You've been in a daze. What's up?" Ramsha c****d her head, one hand on her hip and leaning to one side.

          Luna shook her head, as though it would clear her thoughts. "No I haven't. I'm fine."

     Ramsha didn't believe a word coming out of her mouth, so she challenged her. "Oh yeah? What'd you eat for lunch?"

Luna truly tried to think about it, all she could remember was a blurry-red tray and blurry food ━ whenever she tried to access the faulty memory. But she didn't want to have to spill anything, so she lied ━ which she felt bad about, seeing as it was the second time today. "I had steak, mashed potatoes and peas."

          Ramsha wasn't convinced what-so-ever. "Mhmm. How was it?"

               "Well. . . the mash was so hard I could shank you with it. Peas weren't cooked all the way through, and the steak wasn't seasoned good."

          Ramsha just acted like she was becoming convinced, until she dropped a bomb. "They don't serve that in public schools. Today, you had a slice of pepperoni pizza and fries. C'mon really, Luna? You don't get education at a restaurant."

     Luna would've been embarrassed for being caught in her lie, but she was more disturbed by the fact that Ramsha knew what kind of school she went to AND the school she went to ━ seeing that she hadn't told her yet. "How do you even know what school I go to?"

          Ramsha was caught off-guard by the question, so she stuttered like the nervous mess the question made her. "Wha━ I uh." She flushed, but it wasn't as vibrant due to her beautiful mocha complexion. "All public schools in the district serve the same meals on the same day."

               "But who told you what district I was in?"

Ramsha couldn't deal, her blush had become more noticeable ━ knowing how uncomfortable she must've been, Luna shrugged it off, even though she was still feeling little unsettled. "It's whatever."

     Her anxiousness only became fuel for her desire to write.

          "Luna, can you stay back? I won't be long." Atlas had called out to Luna, still sitting in the chair that was in the center of the semi-circle ━ Luna nodded, a simple 'yes'.

     Deryck had been so quiet since that "fight", that Luna thought he didn't come back to attend sessions, but he did ━ he was just so quiet, he was almost invisible! Until now. "Oooh someone's in trouble. . ."

          Luna for the second time today, was shocked by the appearance of someone who she thought didn't attend. There seemed to be plenty of second-times today. "Whatever." She mumbled, not really up for his antics.

After everyone had left, Deryck waiting outside so he could leave with his uncle, Atlas dragged a chair to his center one. Patting the seat and gesturing for Luna to take it, he sat down in his and began talking. "I know you're not to fond of being in a therapy group, or sharing anything for that matter. I'm aware of your troubles with writing, among many other things which you may not see yet. You see this?"

     He held up a yellow smiley-face rubber ball, taking one of Luna's hands which were shoved in her hoodie-pockets, opening it up and placing it in her hand. "This is a stress ball, I want you to use that whenever you feel an urge to write. I also understand that you tell your feelings in your journals or stories, but maybe it'd be better to tell a person instead."

          "Yea, maybe." But that was all Luna was willing to leave it at, a possibility. So with that, she got up, slinging her backpack over her shoulder and giving a curt nod before walking out, closing the door softly behind her.

          "Nice to see you made it without a panic attack or crying." Deryck teased, his back leaning against the door.

          Luna wasn't in any mood to retort or bite back, she was emotionally exhausted from listening to Atlas decipher her. Though she hadn't really talked much, she never really spoke on her emotions ━ so that was enough to tire her. . . like a physically inactive person trying exercise for the first time.

Brushing past Deryck's shoulder on her way out, she left Deryck confused and annoyed that she didn't respond. He planned on asking Atlas if she was okay, so he could use that information against her. Whether Atlas spilled or not, would determine whether he really deserved to be in his position.

So would he?

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[A/N]: I want to let you all know before you continue, that this book is NOT a fairytale, so don't expect it to be one. Grayson and Luna will not always be morally correct, they do in fact have mental issues which can corrupt their judgement, as this goes for most characters in the book. Not everyone in this book is going to be kind-hearted, as it's shown true in reality. This book is to be as realistic as I can possibly make it and see fit.