Suicide Room

6

‘‘Can I go now?’’ 

Melissa stared at him blankly. She knew he couldn‘t arrest her as she was under the supervision of her medic, who decided Melissa wasn‘t right in the head.

“If you promise me you‘ll go to see your medic right now, yes.“ 

For some weird reason, Gregory cared about her. She could hear the worry in his voice.

‘‘Pinky promise.’’

 Melissa locked her pinky with Gregory‘, and he laughed. He showed her off to the door, watching her leave the station. Melissa stepped back outside and inhaled the fresh air. She hated the thought of coming back to the place she runs from. But she didn‘t have a choice. Melissa buttoned her coat and walked through the park, enjoying the sun.

The park seemed strange, Melissa peered around but haven‘t noticed any changes. She recognized the same bench her mum sat on, the swing she always fought for with other kids. It felt empty like someone has erased the happy moments and left only bad ones. Melissa looked away, concentrating on the path before her. She could walk with her eyes closed and still find the center.

The area changed, reminding her of home. The dark red buildings looked like her own house, the smell of weed reaching her nose made her smile. The same view welcomed her back. Melissa crossed the road and stopped in front of the only white building in the neighborhood. The posters on the walls were inviting people to come inside, ask for help. They promised to give you a second chance, a reason to live. Melissa was boiling inside from rage. She wanted to rip the posters off, but what would it change?

She pulled the door and stepped in. The inside was dark, the only light was coming through the big window on the other side of the room. She could clearly see dust flying around in the air. This place hasn‘t changed, it got dirtier.

‘‘Melissa?’’ 

A familiar voice made her shut her eyes. She knew who was that -  her medic. The woman who was supposed to help her. Melissa turned around to see a woman with a bitchy face and Harry Potter style glasses. The medic was a tiny lady, she needed to look up to see Melissa‘s face. She thought she‘s better than her because she was the one in charge.

 ‘‘I‘m glad to see you again. Will you join the afternoon session? There are some familiar faces you would like to see.’’

Melissa nodded and followed the medic to the back room. When the door opened, familiar faces stared surprised at the newcomer. Melissa smiled nervously and sat on one of the plastic chairs. Four more people were sitting on the chairs placed in a circle. Three men and an older woman smiled at her, welcoming her back. Melissa hated this sort of meeting, but Vitalij and Gregory wanted her to get better, to fight her inner demons. He always said she was stronger than the drug in her veins. She promised them, but it was strange to be back, to see these people.

‘‘Welcome back Melissa. Long time no see. I almost forgot about your existence.’’ 

The medic looked at Melissa and others with a satisfied smirk on her face. She enjoyed seeing them in pain, always writing notes in her large book, pretending she cared about their personal life, the pain they were going through. Yet after work, she spent hours gossiping with her friends about what exciting things her patients told her today.  ‘

‘Would you like to start today?’’ 

Melissa glanced at everyone, her cheeks blushing from embarrassment. Everyone leaned forward, waiting for her story. She was gone for so long, her addiction ‘buddies‘ wanted to hear everything. Melissa looked at her mentor happily sitting on her throne. Police probably had already sent her a report about what‘d happened. That‘s why she wanted her to go first, but she wouldn‘t talk about it. There were more important issues in her life.

‘‘It‘s about Vitalij, he‘s...’’

 Melissa lifted her tired eyes and looked straight at the woman‘s breast, escaping from her blouse. She still couldn‘t believe, someone like that was employed to work with sick people, supposed to help them out. All she cared about was the attention given to her decollete. 

‘‘He‘s in the hospital because of...’’

‘‘Carlos, would you like to tell us about your experience with a new medicine, which I prescribed to you?’’ 

Saggy t**s knew about Vitalij‘s profession, and she couldn‘t let other patients know about it. It was the same every meeting Melissa attended. She wanted to talk, to tell what happened recently, how she tried her best to fight, to say no to the white powder. Carlos was a short and skinny guy from Spain, with black hair and a wide smile, which missed some teeth. He looked at Melissa, not being sure if he was allowed to interrupt her, and shook his head, not wanting to be the center of attention.

‘‘He got shot.’’ 

Melissa didn‘t care. She sat there, staring blankly at the dirty floor, rewinding the night everything happened. The mentor wasn‘t happy, she tried to kill Melissa with her gaze, drilling a hole in her head and breathing faster and faster.  Her skin broke out with red dots from the raging. She took off her glasses and let out a long, loud sigh, letting Melissa continue. She knew that she would get in trouble if she wouldn‘t stop acting weird and let her patient speak freely.

‘‘I‘m afraid it‘s my fault he got shot.’’ 

Melissa ignored the medic‘s stare. She finally wanted to share her story with the world. ‘‘He started selling drugs because of me.’’ Everyone in the room gasped. No one had a real idea of what‘s her life was really like. They all thought she was just a rich girl who loved to spend her money on h****n, but that never was the case. Her mother was a drug addict, as well as her dad. Melissa was fed with h****n from the day she appeared in her mother‘s insides.

‘‘He was always my hero, but he never understood that I‘m the villain in our story. I can‘t be saved.’’ 

She didn‘t cry this time. Melissa stared blankly at her dress, remembering the day Vitalij bought it for her. She understood that she wouldn‘t survive without Vitalij being around. Melissa needed him more than breathing. She needed to unite with him once again.

‘‘Excuse me for a second.’’ 

Melissa stood up and went to the toilet. She closed the door behind her and took out the tiny bags from her coat‘s pocket. She looked at herself for a second, before snoring the inside of the bag. Melissa smiled feeling the drug taking over control. She saw her pupils shrinking, turning into tiny dots. She felt funny, it was a struggle to open the door and get out.

With every step she took, it was harder to breathe. Melissa could feel someone‘s hands choking her, making her dizzy. Her half-conscious body fell on the floor. She could hear the muttered voices coming from the meeting‘s room. Melissa reached out, opening her mouth to call for help but her fingers changed their color. She shifted her head to the side, smiling at the blue veins popping out under the skin. Suddenly, her body felt heavy, she needed to take a nap. The moment Melissa closed her eyes, she could swear she felt Vitalij wrapping his hands around her, pressing her closer. 

‘‘I‘m glad you‘re back,’’ 

Melissa whispered before forever closing her eyes.