3 C.R.I.M.E.S

Chapter 16

It's been three hours since then. Three long hours of silence where the only thing I could hear was my heartbeat and my breathing. I knew that tears just kept pouring out of my eyes, down my face and joining by my chin before falling into my lap.

I was carried back to the room and laid down on the bed. Unable to move, until the feel of my tears irritated me and I sat up, letting them fall.

Even now as I sat, Joseph watched me from the other side of the room. His eyes seeming cold and his face set as hard as stone. He held a cigar to his lips and a broken empty bottle of vodka laid on the floor.

I was too scared to say anything, I was too shocked to even look at him.

I knew he was going to say something but I didn't know what. It was only going to be a matter of time.

I watched as he got up, walking towards me and standing above me.

"Are you surprised?" His voice sounded more hoarse and the tone was angry.

I chose to not reply to him, rather, looking at his legs, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"I'm talking to you," he said, forcing me to look up at him but I averted my eyes, looking back down and he let go of my face.

"Ok, I see how it is," he said and I heard him walk around the bed and open his drawer, taking out a gun.

"And you're going to talk," he said as he c****d the gun and I felt the sound all the way to my heart. He walked back and stood right in front of me.

He held up the gun, pointing it to my head.

"Talk."

I swallowed hard, slowly looking up at him, "I'm not pregnant," I said softly, my tears coming out more and more.

"I can't f*****g hear you!" He exclaimed, pressing the gun harder to my head and I cried out.

"I'm not pregnant!" I said through a violent sob. Unable to stop my loud crying now.

"And why the f**k not?" He snapped, changing the position of the gun to below my chin.

"Because I tied my tubes," I spoke quickly, unable to meet his eyes because I knew the anger in them would kill me.

I knew that if I looked into his eyes, he'd get the strength.

The strength to pull the trigger.

"And," he crouched down, and looked down at his feet. This time he was holding the gun to his head, "who the f**k told you that you could tie your tubes?" I bit my bottom lip, my hands shaking in terror.

"I'm asking you a question, Jacqueline, Lord help me, Lord help me if you don't f*****g answer," he said under his breath, looking at my face and I kept my eyes away from his, "I will kill you, Jacqueline. I will kill you."

"I didn't mean to do it, I just," I cried, trying to get away from him, "I didn't want anymore children and I knew you wanted more kids and I didn't want to go through the things I went through. I'm sorry, Joseph, I didn't think that-"

"Didn't think that what?" He asked slowly, grabbing me and pulling me back to him, "shut up, I don't want to hear you talking, matter of fact I don't even want to look at you right now."

He got up, pacing the room and then threw the gun at the TV shattering it and I jumped at the sound.

He walked to his wardrobe, talking to himself, and then walked back to me.

"Look at me," he instructed and I did, looking at his angry eyes. Which held no love or lust, just anger. Absolute anger.

"How many times must I tell you, darling?" he began, leaning down and holding my face in his hands, "how many times must I tell you that I know everything?"

He wiped away the tears on my face but it seemed more started coming down my face and he ignored those, "you didn't tie your tubes."

I shook my head, "I did."

"You didn't," he responded shaking his head, "the doctor came to me first and told me what you told him to do. I told him not to do it."

"No," I said, shaking my head.

"Yes, yes. So all this time when you thought your tubes were tied, they weren't. All this time I watched you panic. Panic about how you would tell me you tied your tubes," he wiped my tears, "shh stop crying so much."

He put his forehead on mine and I wanted to push him off of me but I didn't have the strength.

"Here's a pregnancy test. Go check," he began, "you're six weeks pregnant."

~~~

"Are you ok?" Tasha asked me softly, looking around the room quickly and locking the door behind her, "do you want to run away? Did he hurt you?"

I shook my head, holding the pregnancy test and looking at her with sad eyes. She sighed, looking down at it and then back at me.

"I'm so sorry, Jacky," she said softly, hugging me and then sitting besides me on the bed, "so, what are you going to do now?"

I shrugged my shoulders weakly, not having the energy to say anything.

"Do you want to go home?" She asked me and I shook my head.

"He won't let me."

"Well, maybe if Wendy came to pick you up he'd let it happen?" She asked hopefully and I still shook my head, "so you're really pregnant?"

I nodded, handing her the test and she held it with two fingers on the tip, "uhm, ok."

"Damn..." She said after some time, "so he knew all this time and he played you."

"This whole time I believed that my tubes were tied," I began with a scoff, "I didn't use protection, I didn't do anything. I was just going at it."

Tasha laughed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, it's just that...it's funny how everything went. Now I'm not saying what you went through is funny, I'm just saying, you know...that, uhm, it's funny..."

"There's no need to explain yourself."

She coughed, "so you're really having a baby? Wow. How far are you?"

"Six weeks."

She whistled, "damn, that's a long time. How did you not know though? I mean, no morning sickness, or mood swings. Didn't you get a feeling or something?"

"If I had then we wouldn't have been having this conversation right now, now would we, Tasha."

"Ok, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you..." She said softly, holding my hand.

"I know that right now, you're very angry. Angry at Joseph, the doctor and yourself. I know you're mad at a lot of things," she began slowly, taking my head and placing it on her shoulder, "but for what's it worth, you're such an amazing mother to Natalya, and Joseph is such an amazing father to Natalya and you know that. So I have no doubt that you and him will be equally amazing to this child that you're about to have."

"There's thousands of women out there who can only dream of having their own children or getting a second chance for a child but they can't have that. Yet, you do. So please, look at it as a blessing, look at it as God's way of giving both you and Joseph a second chance to do things right. A chance to make this pregnancy more pleasant than the last, a chance to better yourselves as parents and bring joy into this world. Look at it in that way, Jacqueline, not any other way. Don't miss your blessings and don't do anything you'll regret."

I sighed, taking in her words. Tasha had her moments when what she said would be so wise and touching. Other times she'd be careless with her words and say what she thought with no filter and not considering your feelings, but it was these kind of moments when I remembered just why she was my best friend.

She laughed softly under her breath, putting her arm around me and holding me close. Like she would back in college when I'd cry or have one of my panic attacks, she'd baby me and treat me like how my mum would.

She'd hold me close as I'd cry, shushing me and rubbing my back.

This moment here brought back those kind of memories.

"Remember how much fun it was when you were pregnant with Natalya?" She asked and I could practically feel her smile which resulted in me smiling, "oh, I'll never forget the day when we heard it was a girl..."

"I cried so long, and I was so happy. I don't think I've ever seen Joseph smile as wide as he did that day, of course your wedding day doesn't count and the day of her birth doesn't count either...that day was crazy. I had just graduated, remember?" She continued, excitedly.

I giggled, "yeah, you finally got your degree in business."

"Damn right I did and you told me that I was going to be her godmother and I just about died," she laughed, "your baby shower was out of this world! My god, we went to Paris and just celebrated. Your mum, Wendy, Galina, you and I. Apple juice and strawberries will never taste as good as they did in Paris."

I nodded, remembering the memories.

"And oh my god, the clothes were so small. Like little panties, it was adorable and the diapers and everything was so damn tiny," she paused, intertwining my fingers with her's, "and the day she was born. She was so small, I didn't want to hold her."

"You cried when I tried to give her to you," I said laughing softly.

"I was emotional, don't hold it against me," she laughed loud, "that day...was amazing. I had so much fun, I was so happy. Everybody was gathered in the waiting room. Idris, Quinn, Wendy, your mum, Galina, Hedeon and Bryson. Joseph was just losing his mind, it was like it was him going through labour and not you. You know we were eating right?"

I laughed nodding, "yeah, I seen the damn take aways when you came to see me. You guys bought Nando's. Bloody hell having a good time while I was busy pushing out a damn baby and thought I was dying."

"Oh please, you're alive right now aren't you."

"That's not my point!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," she said and I laughed, "see, it's not all bad. Just look at it as...having a baby...that I can't have."

"Don't say that," I began slowly, looking up at her, "there's still so much time."

She shook her head, looking away from me, "no, I've accepted it, you know. Maybe some day when I...when I meet the right guy, he'll stay despite all my flaws. But for now, yeah, I've accepted it and I know for sure that children, children just weren't written down for me and I respect that."

I let out a slow breath, wrapping my arms around her. Both of us just sitting in silence. Her slow heartbeat went with my thoughts.

"Maybe in the future," I said softly.

"Huh?" She asked, her voice sounding lower than before.

"Maybe in the future you'll have your own," I said, speaking louder.

"Yeah, maybe," she admitted, "but for now, your kids are my kids...and I'm fine with that."

~~~