3 C.R.I.M.E.S

Chapter 18

Angela POV

I had practically rushed home today, eager to get curled up in my blankets. I stopped at my ex-boyfriend's apartment picking up our daughter. I parked outside his apartment building and rang up his phone, waiting for them to appear.

I saw her run towards my car and I smiled wide at her, and watched as she opened the car door and got inside, and I saw Dominik's chubby build right behind her carrying all of her bags with him.

It was clear I wasn't going to get out of the car and he didn't really seem bothered. He greeted me and we made no effort to make anymore conversation as he closed the door and waved goodbye at Darya and I started the car, making our drive to my mum's house.

She spoke to me about her upcoming ballet recital and asked me if her dad would be able to come. I chose to not say anything, just nodding my head and running my hand through her thin hair. Dominik was a useless bum who loved the feel of his ass on the couch more than his own daughter. It was best she thought highly of the man than know the truth that he doesn't miss her recitals because of work but because of his video games which result in him over sleeping.

When I got to my mum's house, I did the first thing that I usually do whenever I get home: I bathed Darya. She went on and on about her friends and teachers and talked about how she was the best dancer in her class.

I smiled, watching her as I bathed her, her hair was wet and she looked at me with an innocent smile.

Darya was just like myself. She was an average looking ginger with big brown eyes which she'd gotten from her father. She looked absolutely beautiful in my eyes and no other child could look as beautiful as mine.

I had big dreams for her and it seemed all she wanted to do at this point was dance, which was fine since she was growing and probably would grow out of this stage.

After Darya had taken a bath, we sat down to have supper with my mum who was dressed in a pants suit. Even during that, I had gulped down my food and asked my mum to tuck Darya into bed.

So here I sat in my bedroom, with my favourite pajamas on, on my bed with blankets around me and two books in front of me.

The two journals.

Which to begin with?

I decided to go with Joseph's. I knew how nonchalant he could be about serious matters and I'd rather get the worst out of the way before I read Jacqueline's which I hoped had more depth.

With an excited yet dreadful sigh, I opened the journal.

June 2018

I'm just going to go ahead and say it. I am in love with Jacqueline.

I am in love with the very person that she is, beginning from the tips of her curly hair all the way to her not so pretty toes that I like to tease and say are death claws. I love her eyes, the way they glare at me whenever I do something she doesn't like. I love her nose which she wrinkles up in disgust whenever I try to kiss her after I've just woken up. I love her lips which form the most beautiful amazing curve when she looks at me, a curve that's only reserved for me and me alone. Her smile.

Just her smile itself, even after all these years can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. Does that even make sense? That at times I become breathless around her, or that sometimes I have so much air I just keep breathing in and out?

Sometimes she smiles and all I want to do is throw her against the wall and have my way, and other times I just look at her. I stare at her and ask myself, "how can a man like me ever get a woman like that? Whose smile looks like the sunrise and sunset at the same time."

She makes me feel as though I'm human, she makes me feel like I can take over the world and everything in it. She makes me feel like all I need is her, and yes that's true, all I need is her and I have everything I could ever need.

She's the blood coursing through my veins, she's the beat to my cold heart, she's the beauty to my ugly.

At times I'm not fully sure how I ended up with her, or how she ended up with me but I'm damn glad she did. I know she deserves better, I know that if she had went for another man she would've been different from the cold, hardened woman that she is now, but I'm selfish. I'm a selfish man and want her all to myself.

I want everything that I could possibly get from her. I want her breath, I want her body, I want her soul, I want her heart, I want her children- whatever it is I can get from her. I want it, I need it.

I've always been f****d up but I get more f****d up when it comes to Jacqueline. I can never explain any of my actions but I know that I don't regret them and that's a terrible thing to say but it's true.

You called it toxic, and I'm sure it is, Angela. But toxic is all I've ever known my entire life, and I don't plan on changing it anytime soon.

Joseph

I read the last sentence, just numb from what I had just completed reading, as I made sure my eyes scanned the signature at the bottom of the page.

I shut my eyes tight and placed his journal at the foot of my bed, trying to shake off his words. They were unnerving- terrifying. I didn't expect a man like Joseph Hutcherson to be mentally stable, but I wasn't expecting this kind of love towards his wife. Twisted love, it was twisted and dark and I almost felt sorry for Jacqueline as I thought about how their relationship was.

Moreso, I felt sorry for his daughter, Natalya and the expected child.

I looked around my bedroom, taking in the neutral colours before I massaged my neck and picked up the second journal.

Dear journal

Joseph is a wonderful husband who treats me better than I think any man possibly can, he's an even more wonderful father to Natalya, but as wonderful as he is, he's also a major pain in the ass. He likes to be in control and he wants things to only go his way or the goddamn highway.

And I'm honestly sick of that.

I stayed up late last night staring at the ceiling and just wondering what the hell was I going to do. I didn't want a child, I'm not ready at all to have another child, and a lot of things popped into my head and I will admit shamelessly that I was tempted to take my jet and go to Atlanta to that lady around the street corner in my old neighborhood and ask her to do me a favour.

Then for a moment all I could think about was Natalya's excited face and all the things she's been doing for her "best friend that's about to come". How she and her dad just chat away about all the exciting things they're going to do when the baby arrives.

Maybe eventually I'll be as excited as they are.

I do smile a bit every time Natalya asks to hold my 'tummy'. I do smile a bit when she looks up at me and asks me where the baby is because she can't feel it or see it. It's creating memories with Natalya and that's an amazing thing, and I can't overlook that.

But I'm still mad at Joseph and it'll take a lot more than roses, chocolates and strawberries to make mama bear happy again.

Jacqueline

I shut the book closed and tossed it to the foot of my bed before I threw myself back into my pillows, "school really doesn't prepare us for work," I complained as I buried myself deeper into my pillows, hoping to try and figure out how to fix a relationship where everything was already shattered.

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