Her Mortal Mate

Chapter Sixty One: Root Cause

Jadea

“Do you mind if I join you?” Blade asked as he stood next to me on the rooftop of Lance’s house.

I was hoping I would be able to find some peace and quiet to come to terms with everything that went down earlier. As fate would have it, that wasn’t going to happen. “By all means,” I huffed. No one else was listening.

It felt like my dominance was slipping, my power and control too.

Not over my pack, per se, but over myself. And if I didn’t have control over myself, I had no right to run my pack. If I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, I could end up killing them.

Constance asked me—as a new councilor—to hunt down Elam while my father took on Hans. However, I was almost to the point of begging my father to take on the responsibility of running both my pack and his while I took some time to deal with the demons that were dragging me under. I could feel myself slipping into that desolate, depressed girl.

If I fell entirely… if I broke, it would be detrimental. And I knew those moments wouldn’t pick and choose when to strike either.

Blade’s arm wrapped around my shoulders as the overwhelming emotions burned through my chest. They ripped open old wounds and new. “You know we love you no matter what, right? And we would follow you, even if you aren’t at your strongest? We aren’t your normal wolf pack, Jadea. You built our pack on love and trust. Not on power and control.”

I nodded, the words I tried to say stuck in my throat. Tears burned once again as I felt the beginnings of a panic attack trying to take hold. Yet, just as suddenly as it came on, it was gone. Blade used his powers to help regulate my emotions. “Thank you,” I whispered at his show of kindness.

We sat there for a while in silence, listening to the peaceful nightlife. I was exhausted, however I couldn’t just turn off my mind.

“You know, turning Adam isn’t a bad thing. It will make him less fragile, for one. And it might even help you.”

I pursed my lips in displeasure. After I practically forbade Adam to turn tomorrow, Constance reminded me of the laws surrounding mortal mates. There had been no hesitation on his part.

It was his choice to make, even if I wasn’t ready.

“Oh?” I asked in a clipped tone, not really wanting to talk about this.

“Well, you wouldn’t be quite so worried about him. And, I have heard when a mortal is changed, their wolf makes them stronger and more… dominant. You need someone right now to help and hold you as you go through this rough patch. I know last year he was on and off about you guys. You left him because he needed to heal and grow. He has done both. He isn’t going to one day wake up and hate you for allowing him to make this decision. He is in it for the long haul. He isn’t going anywhere.”

He was right. And I hated that.

Perhaps if I wasn’t in such a vulnerable state of mind, I wouldn’t be so uptight.

I was still caught up on how we ended the year before. I knew that was the reason I was gun shy. It was time I trusted his intentions, actions and words. Our bond had solidified his feelings and commitment to us. I knew there was no doubt left in his mind. I knew it was the best choice all around.

And, I was still scared.

As I reached out to Adam, I realized our bond was fading rather quickly. I needed to reinitiate it. “You should go talk to him, Jadea,” Blade encouraged. “He’s nervous. But I think he’s more worried about not having your support. He needs you, Jay. He deserves to have this life with you. He deserves to have a choice. And he deserves to have you backing his decision.”

Yes, he did deserve that and so much more.

“And,” he added, “you deserve him too.”

I didn’t understand why the tears were back in my eyes. There was a vise in my chest and I was having a hard time breathing. This, right here, was what I was having a hard time coming to grips with.

This was the root cause of everything.

I didn’t feel deserving to have Adam or his love—

“It’s going to be alright,” Blade whispered, forcing me back out of my thoughts. “I know it doesn’t feel that way right now, but it will work itself out in the end.”

“You should get some rest. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow,” I commanded, numbing myself to the pain and fear wanting to take hold.

“As long as you promise to go and talk to him,” Blade countered.

“I promise,” I relented. “Thank you, Blade.” I meant it. I was lucky to have been blessed with such wonderful pack mates who loved each other and looked out for one another just like family.

And who weren’t afraid to call each other on their bull s**t.

“Of course, Jay.” And with that, he hopped down off the roof, leaving me alone.

A few moments later, I followed and went in search of my mortal mate.