Her Mortal Mate

Chapter Thirty Nine: Undermined

Jadea

A handful of hours later, Adam and I were only an hour into our drive back to the Central Valley with several hours to go.

Music played gently as we sat in tense silence.

I could feel his withdrawal from me as well as his troubled, turbulent mind. He was projecting his emotions rather fiercely. Even without the bond, I would have felt his unrest.

I was proud of myself, though. Throughout this entire encounter, I hadn't closed myself off from him at any point, which should have eased his doubts about my stance on what had happened earlier between us. He should have been able to tell I wasn't mad or upset with him.

While I was slightly perturbed, it had nothing to do with him. I was upset with myself, because I had been careless about my thoughts and actions earlier. Iwas silently berating myself over the need to be more careful and mindful about my thoughts.

Sighing, I allowed Adam a little more time to sulk and digest everything that had gone down since this morning. I was hoping he would open up to me on his own, but I had a feeling this time I would have to pry.

Back at Lance's, after Adam and I had had our little clash, the group had discussed the plan of action for the day of the debate. While there was a big possibility Harley wouldn't even be there, I was still nervous about Adam placing himself in such harms way. I'd meticulously combed over every scenario that could happen, hashing out plans and specific instructions for each scenario. My pack was used to this level of caution and detail because we had done this on numerous occasions while on the hunt.

Lance and Adam, however, weren't quite as used to it.

I knew Adam had become overwhelmed almost instantly, but he had wanted to be a part of this. Which meant, in my personal opinion, he needed to be part of the hard conversations. He deserved to know just exactly what he was getting into. Not to scare him, or scare him away from his choice, but to expose him now in a safe environment to everything that could happen instead of exposing him the day of when things were going down.

Perhaps it had been a little too aggressive?

But that was who I was and how I worked, especially in the field. Taking charge and being a little more on the aggressive side was one of the ways in which my pack and I had survived and found ourselves at the top of our game when we had been in the hunting business.

Once we had everything hashed out, my pack mates helped pack the SUV before announcing they would go ahead of us on foot to "clear" Adam's apartment one last time. I rolled my eyes and sighed. We could have easily done that when we all got into town.

The cowards!

They hadn't wanted to be stuck in a confined space with both of our moody asses.

Honestly, how could I blame them?

"Alright vanilla, I can fairly see the smoke coming out of your ears. What's got you so worked up?"

Adam dropped his gaze to his fidgeting hands. "I did something wrong, didn't I? And-" he adamantly interjected snapping his gaze defensively my way, "don't say that I didn't! Because I know it did."

Okay... "What do you think you did wrong?" I asked curiously.

"I-I--" he huffed agitatedly when he couldn't get his words out. Taking several deep breaths, he tried again. "I undermined your authority. Through the bond, while you were connected with everyone, including Lance, I realized I had overstepped. I k-know you are an alpha of a pack, but before I didn't truly understand the dynamic. Even now, I still don't. And, I'm not technically a part of that dynamic yet," he rambled on. "Yet, I feel like I should have approached that differently. Maybe not in front of everyone?"

A grin spread across my lips. He was ever the sharp cookie, he caught onto things so quickly and could see straight through to the heart of the matter. "There is that dynamic, yes. But, and there is a huge but with this, I am not a normal alpha. It isn't a secret. I have earned my packs respect and trust instead of taking it and forcing them to comply with every single one of my demands. They, on their own, have decided to follow me which means they follow my lead without question most often. I do not force them to stay, nor do I force their compliance most times. However, when I feel it is necessary, when they are placing themselves in unnecessary danger and risk, I will use my given alpha abilities to ensure their safety and the safety of the pack. There are times of weakness when I will break my own rules, though that isn't often.

"I also allow my pack to make decisions, to have a voice and debate with me because they have great ideas too. In my opinion, being a successful hunting pack is a group effort. However, my packmates usually try to keep it to a minimum when around other packs, not necessarily due to pride and respect, but out of necessity. There are many alphas and packs out there who view that kind of leadership as weak and, as a result, are very volatile since they are still entrenched in old traditions. If they feel like a rival alpha is weak, they will attack. Lance is not that way, which is one of the reasons why I did not force your silence or compliance. You will learn in time, Adam, when it is appropriate to be so vocal and insistent about such issues in front of others."

"I'm sorry, Jadea."

"I don't want you to apologize, Adam. You didn't know," I reassured him, which was why I was telling him now. Reaching over, I took his hand in mine and laced our fingers together. "I'm not mad. Not even in the slightest bit upset with you, okay?" Only after he nodded did I continue. "What else?"

"You wanted to discuss my thoughts about my apartment and how I felt about moving in with you at your ranch," he continued a bit weakly. I wasn't surprised he had picked up on that too. As our conversation shifted, his mind became heavy with dread.

"I did."

He swallowed hard as he gathered his bearings. "I am nervous about such a huge move," he started. It made sense for him to be that way, given his past history. "But, I trust you indefinitely. I have no intentions of leaving you. So, make the necessary arrangements to have everything moved to your ranch."

Complete joy and warmth enveloped my chest, yet I tamped them down. "I don't mind paying for your apartment, Adam, if it would help ease your mind."

"No," he said with finality. "I will also have to call my work and ... quit."

I felt the instant spike in anxiety. He wasn't comfortable being jobless, because it meant no income. And no income meant being back on the streets, living out of a car.

I followed his irrational thinking and understood it. No matter what I said, it wouldn't ease that feeling of responsibility and security a job provided.

"We could still use help with our music," I interjected into his stormy thoughts. "I'll have the lawyer write up a contract for with you and Knight Necromancers with a yearly salary that is entirely yours. Regardless of what happens, that money will be yours alone."

"J-Jadea I didn't m-mean for you to do that," he started with an edge in his tone.

"I know," I replied back gently. "But it is my job to make sure you are comfortable, Adam. I know your history. I understand your fears. I want you to be at ease with me and my pack. I want you to not feel anxious in our relationship. And, if that means jumping through some hoops and doing a few things like this to ensure it, then so be it." I shrugged. "I did the same thing for Blade and Briar when they first joined our group." As alpha, it was my job to make sure my pack mates were taken care of. Adam and his children were not only my family now, they were also a part of my pack. It was my job that I saw to each and every one of their needs--

"But who sees to yours?" Adam interrupted. His eyes went huge as he realized his mouth had spoken before his mind had time to stop him.

"I am the alpha, Adam. I see to my own needs."

"That doesn't seem fair, or healthy."

I smiled and shrugged. "I'm hoping that within our relationship dynamic, you and I will see to each others needs. Like a partnership in a way."

He nodded thoughtfully. "I would like that."

"I figured you would."

A handful of minutes ticked by. "I have a random, off the wall question that has nothing to do with any of this."

"What is it, vanilla?"

"Why do wolf packs generally consist of excessively attractive men? Is your pack considered abnormal because there's both male and female wolves?"

I burst out laughing, unable to help myself as it spilled out. I knew he was asking seriously, but in my defense it was such an off the wall, random question that I had not been at all prepared for! Once I'd been able to catch my breath, I first apologized before explaining, "To be fair you've only ever seen the males in a pack. Yes, Lance's pack is consisted of an entire group of bachelors. They haven't found their mates yet. The other packs you have encountered: Nikolai's, Alistair's and Hector's, are mixed. Why you don't normally see the females is because they are usually left to guard the pups, protect the territory and remain safe while the males are out fighting. Not every wolf is made to fight. And many females are groomed for breeding or other 'non-violent' chores or jobs. Even though there are opportunities for females to become hunters or fighters, the wolf world is rather sexist. Female alpha hunters, such as myself, are exceptionally rare. My pack of mixed hunters isn't as rare, but is more uncommon.

"As for s*x appeal, that is more genetics than anything. As immortals, we are more appealing to humans. Mainly for feeding purposes," I continued. "However, just like humans, wolves come in all shapes and sizes. Humans have this unrealistic ideal that immortals are inherently fit. It takes a lot of time and effort to maintain the physique we have. Yes, we are inherently stronger and faster than mortals, but to be stronger and faster than other immortals, we have to train and work hard for it."

He chuckled, "I was under that impression that immortals were just... Born that way."

"I mean, it makes sense why mortals would believe this because we are immortal. It takes centuries for us to start 'aging'. So, to mortals it might seem like we are inherently and excessively attractive and that our bodies don't change."

"So, are you really only twenty three?" Adam asked slyly. "Am I truly dating someone who is younger or are you the cradle robber?"

Laughter filled the vehicle. "Before I answer that," I said blocking just that information from his mind so he couldn't snoop. "Would it bother you if I was older? Like... A century?"

"No," he smiled. "Because love is timeless." I felt the truth within his mind. And, I also saw the main reason behind his question. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the g******e I had been caught up in. It was hard to understand how so many immortals could just up and disappear without the mortal world knowing.

"I'm only twenty three," I said honestly.

He picked up our joined hands and kissed the back of mine. "I love you baby girl."

"I love you too," I shot a soft smile at him.

"Sing for me?" he asked.

How could I say no to the puppy dog eyes he cast my way?

And that was how we spent the rest of the ride: both of us taking turns singing, talking and simply enjoying one another.