Her Mortal Mate

Chapter Forty One: Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

Jadea

I was standing in front of the window dressed in a pair of boy-short underwear and one of Adam's shirts, staring unseeing across the darkened city.

Yesterday morning, we had left the Central Valley to make our final trip into SoCal. With the help of my packmates, the drive had been lively. We all took turns driving. We'd even made a game of who could find the weirdest gas station find along the way.

A half hearted grin crossed my lips as all of the fun memories filled my mind before it disappeared.

And now, here we were, in the city of lost angels.

It had to be close to three in the morning.

I'd forced everyone to bed by ten, hoping some of us would be able to get some rest. It had taken a while for all of them to finally find sleep. I had waited ever so patiently for the sandman to find them so I could pace and worry in peace.

So now, it was just me.

I had known I wouldn't be able to sleep. I was too wound up in my own thoughts, too worried about what could happen to Adam at the debate. I was having second thoughts about letting him talk me into allowing this. It was far too late to turn back now, though. Things had already been put into motion.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I sought some form of comfort. Sighing, I slid down the floor to ceiling glass window and clutched my knees to my chest. I was having a really hard time with this. I was so afraid, I could taste the fear on my tongue. The bitterness caught in my throat. My chest hurt with anxiety, aching in a way I wasn't used to. My heart pounding faster than it should have. Unknown and unprovoked tears leaked from the corners of my eyes.

My whole body started shaking as a full blown panic attack took hold.

I weathered through the storm and, as I came out on the other side of it, I tried to focus on what the root cause was.

As I reached further within myself, I could feel that growing sense of overwhelming fear, pain and loss of control again. This wasn't normal. I had never had a back to back panic attack before. My body was spiraling out of control again and, as I lost myself to this second panic attack, it hit me like a freight train...

***Flashback***

As father stomped by, I saw Harley following him.

Had my brother intentionally set me up and ratted me out?

It didn't make sense... There had to be another explanation, right?

As I cowered in the brush, closing my eyes and taking steadying breaths to keep my heart from racing and alerting my father to my whereabouts, I prayed. I prayed my father wouldn't find me. I prayed for Benji, that he had avoided my father's wrath. He had been one of the lucky few who--despite having two gifted parents--was born gift-less. However, that didn't stop my father from being disappointed with him nonetheless. It was almost as bad as having my manipulation power.

Night descended upon the land and I shivered as the cool air settled in. I was shivering. I was cold. Yet, I still refused to move, too scared of what would happen to me if he found me.

Would he whip me? Beat me? Skin me?

Sometimes father's rage got so far out of control he would accidentally go too far and kill. And that's what I was afraid of.

I didn't want to die.

All I ever wanted was to be a good pup. I did my best. I listened to him. I tried to stay out from underfoot. I did all of my chores on time and perfectly. I did my training. I listened...

Yet, it was never enough.

I was never good enough.

He would still yell. He would still hit, kick, and lash out.

Why wasn't I good enough?

I just didn't understand.

I was a good pup, right?

A whimper accidentally escaped my throat, and I was instantly tense and on alert.

Was he nearby, laying in wait, waiting for me to make just one little mistake so he could find me?

I couldn't stop my heart from pounding out a frantic rhythm because I was sure he had heard me. The sound of his boots would reach my ears soon enough, or the sight of his silent paws would appear.

My body was vibrating with fear.

Through the pounding in my ears, I heard him coming.

I heard the footfalls of boots hitting the ground heavily because they were on a mission. He didn't have to be quiet anymore. He knew exactly where I was. Twigs snapped as he got closer. Fallen leaves crunched underfoot.

I tucked my nose under my tail and squinted my eyes shut.

Running wasn't an option. It only made him madder. It only made the beating worse.

Hiding like this wasn't much better, but it was all I could do to prolong the inevitable.

Just because I could hear him approaching didn't mean I had to watch too.

He was yards away. Feet... Inches...

He paused.

I held my breath, hoping, wishing, praying...

And then his hand gripped the scruff of my neck and yanked.

"Jadea!"

***End Flashback***

Jadea...

"Jadea."

Adam's voice broke through the haze of my mind and I started when his hand landed on my shoulder.

I was still caught in that in between state where reality blended with memories and I jerked away unintentionally. My mind was still caught up in my memory. My wide, wild eyes stared blankly back at Adam as I cleared the fog from my mind. As I forced myself to remember where I was.

I was safe.

This was Adam, my mate.

"Jadea," Adam said one more time, his tone softer. His blue eyes were concerned. He stayed kneeling where he had been when I'd jerked so violently away from him and didn't reach back out for me, seeming to understand I needed space. "Jadea," he said with a little more force behind it. "You're safe. I'm here."

I'm here...

And that's when it hit me.

Damn it!

I'd woken him up with the flashback.

I wasn't used to being connected with someone at all hours of the day and night. Now I felt guilty on top of everything else because I'd allowed my mind to run away with me.

Grunting, I leaned my head back against the glass, closed my eyes and took several deep, calming breaths. I wasn't trying to avoid Adam, or ignore him, I was just--

Before I'd finished my little exercise, Adam was there pulling me into his embrace. My shoulders tensed for a second before I eased into his hold. He cradled my head in the slope of his shoulder, my face turned so I was looking away from him. Under my cheek I felt his collarbone as he gently pressed me closer into him. As one hand wrapped around my shoulders and fingers splayed in my hair, his other arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me even closer.

I wasn't used to this.

I wasn't used to someone being here for me when I was falling apart.

I couldn't burden anyone else with my pain. With my fears. With my tears. Which was why I always waited until everyone was asleep.

But, there was no escaping Adam.

"That was a very dark memory, Jadea," he commented softly. "Have you talked to Dr. Andrews yet?"

I nodded, remembering the other flashback I had at the warehouse. "Yes. And he said I would most likely start having more of them now, especially since I am under high levels of pressure and stress. Plus, with my abusers coming after me, it isn't as surprising that these memories are starting to shake loose," I explained quietly, clinging onto Adam like a lifeline in the darkness.

I was so very lucky to have this man in my life.

As I started getting sentimental, I lost it all over again. I felt the tears leaking from my eyes and I hated how weak I felt.

I felt, more than heard, his soft scoff. "Even now, Jadea, I could never see you as weak. You are as strong as they come."

Amusement curled through me at his comment. A small smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, but the tears were still flowing.

"But, if you do feel weak, I can help make you feel strong again," he breathed against my skin, his lips moving enticingly over the vein. In his mind, I saw his offer. I felt him willingly give himself to me, placing his fate into my hands.

I knew what he was doing, and I absolutely adored him for trying to make me feel at least in control of something. Slowly, I eased back just far enough so I could hold his gaze. "I know what you are doing, and I greatly appreciate your offer, Adam. But I will have to respectfully decline."

"B-But--

I pressed a finger against his lips, his gaze confused. "Even though you are willingly offering, it isn't right. It wouldn't be right for me to do that," I stated calmly, seriously.

Last year, there had been an incident when I'd needed help working through an emotional trauma that had occurred during the hunt. Adam had helped me through it using some techniques I'd learned in b**m therapy. He had experienced a taste of Dom space and had experienced being in control of someone else's pleasure. He knew I felt like I was spiraling out of control. That I was losing what little control I had over my life.

He was offering me to top him, to be able to have at least some kind of control while the rest of my world was shattering.

However, that wasn't healthy. I wasn't in the right headspace for it, and I refused to participate in that kind of play until I got myself back under control. It wasn't necessarily the idea that I could hurt him... More so, it was the fact I wouldn't be able to focus on him and to properly manage and evaluate his mental state of mind. As my sub it was my job to ensure he was okay at all times, and I knew for a fact I was too distracted to play safely.

Through our bond, he saw my reasoning and nodded understandingly. "Is there something else I could do?"

"Just hold me, vanilla. And tell me sweet little lies."

Tell me everything was going to be okay. Reassure me I had made the right decision.

Tell me this was all just a bad dream...