Her Mortal Mate

Chapter Sixty Two: Two Way Street

Adam

I couldn’t sleep.

And so, I followed a worn path around the perimeter of Lance’s property and allowed my mind to wander.

I was so wound up and overwhelmed by everything that had happened today. The underground city. Leviathan. The earthquake. Learning that time could be tampered with. Constance and everything that came with her.

But, what was most heavy to bear was the realization I might not have Jadea’s support for tomorrow. I felt saddened by her lack of support. I just couldn’t understand why she was reluctant to this decision. It was by far the most logical, not to mention I wanted to do this for my own personal reasons.

As I continued to stew, time became irrelevant. Heck! I wasn’t even sure how many times I’d made the complete loop of the perimeter. Just as I was starting to contemplate about going back to try and rest, a figure stepped out on the path in front of me.

“Jadea?” I hadn’t expected her to find me. Not after what happened earlier.

“Hi Adam. Do you mind if I join you?” She asked hesitantly.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. She allowed me to pass by before falling into step behind me. The path wasn’t wide enough for us to walk side by side.

We walked in tense silence for several minutes before she grabbed my shoulder, pulling me to a stop. Slowly, I turned and faced her and I saw a very broken expression on her face. One I hadn’t seen before. Her eyes were down cast.

As I reached for our bond, I realized it had faded almost to nothing. Which could attest for some of my heavier emotions.

It was odd how I had become accustomed to being able to touch her mind and be a spectator of her every thought and emotion. Perhaps I became too reliant on it? “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”

She licked her lips nervously, her gaze still downcast. “I want to apologize,” she started, her gaze finally lifting to meet mine. “For not supporting you earlier when you made the decision to become a wolf.”

I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. “Y-You hurt me,” I started slowly, almost thoughtfully. “W-When y-you disagreed with m-my decision. Mostly d-due to m-my past history.” When Leila controlled me and abused me emotionally and physically.

She nodded, her gaze falling away from mine. Maybe there was something in the air? Perhaps we weren’t as disconnected as I initially thought we were. All I knew was that there was something else on Jadea’s mind.

“W-Why don’t you w-want me to turn tomorrow?” I asked curiously, albeit a bit guardedly.

As she shifted, I knew I had asked the right question. She took a deep, steadying breath before saying, “It all comes back down to me, and my insecurities Adam. I thought I was hesitant because of what happened last year, when you were constantly on and off with our relationship. However, it isn’t that at all.”

She paused. Even though the lighting wasn’t the best, I could see her shudder in the darkness. Reaching out, I curled a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to mine. “Tell me,” I commanded gently.

“I think my past is colliding with the present and threatening the future. It has awakened past traumas and feelings. It has aggravated me in ways I have not been in a very long time. I-I am having a hard time accepting your choice because I,” her voice hitched as tears bled into her tone. “I don’t feel like I deserve you, Adam. You deserve so much more than what I can give to you and your children. And I know we already talked about this,” she whispered, “but with everything that has happened in the last twenty four hours… plus, Im still struggling with my past—especially the parts that are shaking loose from my memories now—I’m fighting a loosing battle right now. I’m spiraling back into the broken wolf I was years ago and I don’t want to drag you down with me, if that makes sense.”

I completely understood. I had been there not that long ago. I pulled her into my arms and felt her fall apart. “I’m not afraid of your demons, Jadea. I’ve already made it clear that I want to be here for you. I know they are scary, especially since you don’t remember everything that happened back then because you repressed those memories as a survival mechanism. Let me help you, Jadea. Let me be here for you. You don’t have to do this on your own anymore.

“I think that is part of the problem, that you are so self reliant, and you don’t want to burden others because you feel they have enough to carry. However, you take on their demons. You help them carry their burdens. Haven’t you ever thought that perhaps they want to help you too? That relationships, in any form, require a two way street?”

“I think I understand what you are saying,” she breathed, pulling just far enough away to look up at me. “You are saying I am denying those I have helped the opportunity to help me? I am denying them a chance to feel helpful instead of constantly being a burden?”

“To put it bluntly, yes. That’s what I’m getting at. Perhaps if I put it a little differently it will make sense. When you have taken on Garret’s or Briar’s, Blade’s or Derrick’s past traumas and demons, did you do it out of obligation or because you genuinely wanted to help them?”

“I genuinely wanted to help them.”

“Did it make you feel good when you helped them overcome those burdens?”

She nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, it did.”

“Now, I may not be connected with them or know them as well as you do, but I can tell you that they want you to be able to lean on them and rely on them and ask for help when you need it. They want to be there for you because they love you. Your demons aren’t a burden to them, Jadea. They aren’t a burden to me. I love you. I want to help you. I want to be there for you, like you have always been there for me.

“I know it’s scary to put yourself out there like that, to be vulnerable, but it’s going to be okay. We aren’t going to judge you. We aren’t going to shun you. We aren’t going to view you as weak. Because that is the issue, isn’t it? This fear stems back to Hans and your time with your blood family, doesn’t it?”

Slowly, she nodded, her gaze moving to the ground once again. “I just,” she started and huffed. “I thought I had it all under control. I thought I had been able to overcome all of this.”

“You addressed what the issues were back then,” I corrected. “These memories and emotions you are dealing with now are new.”

“I guess what I was trying to say is that, I feel like I should be better equipped at dealing with these past traumas because I have already faced similar ones,” she murmured, almost sounding ashamed.

“That’s not how it works, though baby girl.” I responded gently. “Because of your previous experience, you at least know what helps you to work through this. However, it doesn’t mean that you should be able to work through your emotions and traumas on your own or that you won’t relapse.”

“I guess I was just being optimistic,” she whispered, the tears back in her voice.

As much as I didn’t want to ask this next question, it was important to know. “Jadea. I have a serious question for you,” I started. Her gaze moved up to meet mine. “Do you believe it would be more beneficial to you at this time if I remained a mortal instead of turning into a wolf? I’m sure there is a lot I have to learn once I am turned and, I don’t want to place more responsibilities on your plate if you need to focus on yourself.”

Her eyes went distant for a moment as she contemplated my question. “I think that the pros outweigh the cons at this point in time,” she admitted. “Like I said earlier, I was acting out of weakness and selfishness. I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I,” she paused, taking a deep breath to quell the irrational fear that was trying to claw its way out. “I think it is time you joined us, Adam. No matter how nervous I am.”

I was amused by her words. “I think you’re more nervous than I am,” I admitted. “And I’m the one who’s going to be turned tomorrow.”

That brought a smile to her face. “I think you might be right.”

I pulled her closer and held her a little tighter. She rested her head in the slope of my shoulder and clung onto me, even as a contented sigh escaped her. “I forgive you, Jadea. I love you, baby girl. And that isn’t going to change, no matter the circumstances, no matter the demons haunting us. So long as we have trust, faith and love in one another, that is all we need.”

We stayed in each other’s embrace for many minutes until she pulled away. “Do you want to head back?” She asked softly, her gaze not quite meeting mine.

I shook my head. “No.” I wasn’t quite done with her yet. Out here, we were alone. I didn’t want to give that up just yet. I saw her visibly relax and knew I had made the right call. We weren’t ready to go back just yet. “There are a few more things I would like to discuss with you, baby girl.”

I had been doing some research of my own about a dominant and submissive relationship. I had done some research into b**m as well. I knew what I would be okay with as being in either role: dominant or submissive. I was confident I had a relatively good grasp on the subject, or at least enough that I could have a conversation about it.

“But first, can we reinitiate our bond?”