Life Ain't fair

Chapter 20

[Edited]

Sophia's POV

I was f*****g pissed at myself. I liked Alex but how could I like Alex. I shouldn't like him. I shouldn't like anyone. Can I even love anyone after Eddie. He ruined me for any other person. No one will ever love me. Nor do I think I can love anyone.

Not even Alex. That realisation hit hard. It hurt. Even if it wasn't he who told that. I could feel it. That he would never like me the same way I like him. He can have any girl he wants. A slim beautiful girl. He would never want me a girl who is just thrown away. A girl who is worthless. A girl who is a sl*t. A girl who is tainted by her past.

He wouldn't want someone like me. He definitely wouldn't and I don't deserve him either.

All these even though I already knew them, they Hurt. When I said them in my head. Hurt like they have never before. It never did when I referred it to Eddie but when I imagine it being Alex. It hurts a hell of a lot more. I don't want him to hate me. I don't want him to see me like that broken girl. Or that tainted girl.

So I decided to keep my feelings to myself and in check. He could just be playing me too. He is a player after all. But I know he values our friendship so I don't know what to do anymore.

Well it is Monday today. And I really gotta face school. Well let's face it school sucks. Anybody would say that. Like it's okay and fun sometimes but it majorly sucks big time.

I decided to get ready for school. I wore a black jeans with a black and white horizontally striped shirt along with a denim jacket

Austin picked me up and as soon as we entered the school people started whispering again.

I rolled my eyes nothing new in that. Austin ditched me for Bianka who definitely had a bruise. But it was covered by make up. I just wish I was the one aiming the ball though. But whatever the aim has been achieved. Amelia wasn't here yet. She was going to come along with Peter. Their relationship seems to be going on awesome. They are actually enjoying it.

As I walked further towards my locker. What I saw made my jaw drop.  You seem to be doing that a lot these days. It was Alex and a girl kissing. As I came over my initial shock I was a little hurt. No a lot more that a little actually. I was really hurt. The pain through my chest spread. But I tried to conceal it. This wasn't new for him. He is Alexander James after all. The man w***e of the school. I felt bad for calling him that but I didn't bother about it anymore.

I walked towards them and cleared my throat as they were making out on MY LOCKER. God I wish there are no STD's or herps spreading here.

They looked over at me. Alex expression showed surprised first. Like he hadn't expected to see me. But he masked his expression as soon as I saw it. It was emotionless again.

"Ohh umm sorry we were a little busy" the girl blushed. She wasn't a Victoria but definitely a cheerleader.

"Yeah I could see that" I mumbled and took my books.

Alex said bye to her and slung an arm around my shoulders. Normally it would make me feel nice but now after seeing him with her I didn't like it. It felt uncomfortable. So I slowly pried his arm away from mine. And turned to look at him.

His face had confusion written all over it. I shrugged my shoulders and began walking away. But before I get any further he stopped me.

"Well what happened" he asked seriousness clear in his voice.

"Nothing" I replied trying to act nonchalant.

"Well something is definitely wrong with you ignoring me" he says.

"It's nothing you can go back to what you were doing before sucking faces" I said.

"What. Were you really bothered by that" he asked.

I was worried as there was no exact emotion in that voice. he didn't care. But then I remembered that I was only a friend to him and always will be a friend to him.

"Well you weren't sucking faces away from my locker were you" I rolled my eyes.

"Why do you care anyway" he asked.

"I have to go to class" I mumbled.

Well why did I actually care. Ohh well you did admit to having feelings for him. So... I guess thats why you do. I hated the fact that I cared. I wanted to rip that girls head off. If you call this jealousy then it was definitely jealousy. God it really was a scary emotion isn't it. Definitely.

I had literature for the first period. The teacher was doing pride and prejudice today. Well I had already read that book so it was fine.

I didn't pay attention for the first half of the class. Me and Austin just kept cracking jokes and throwing papers on the first benchers. Suddenly our laughter was cut short by the teachers voice.

"Ms Smith can I know what's so funny over there that you are unable to answer the question" she asked.

That shut me up.

"Sorry ma'am. Can you please repeat the question" I asked.

She sighed and mumbled a "kids these days" and repeated the question.

"What kind of person do you think Darcy was" she asked

"I believe that Darcy was indeed an arrogant person like Elizabeth first perceived . But I believe that he did try to change himself. He loved and I believe that love changes all." I said.

She dismissed me. And Austin joked about the number of times I have fallen in love to say those things. Well I am a romance fan aren't I. I have read almost all the books and seen almost all the movies on romance. I am such a girl sometimes.

After that I had calculus and I definitely wanted to avoid that class. Austin had made me forget about the mornings events for a while but reality always comes back crushing us doesn't it. I walked towards my calculus class and looked over at my seat it was empty. I was dreading this class because we both sit together so it's going to be more horrible. I shouldn't feel this way though. He is supposed to stay my friend. I just wish I don't f**k it up. But acting like that didn't hurt me also sucks okay?.

I sat down in my seat and well guess who was late to class again. None other that our great Alex. I rolled my eyes mentally and ignored him and concentrated on the class. Even though I hate it. But right now this was the best resort.

Well Alex did come inside the class with a little lipstick smudged on his lips. I felt that familiar pang of pain and jealousy through me. I tried to control myself and not snap but it was becoming damn hard with him sitting right beside me and poking fingers at me and trying to make me talk to him. I did ignore him half the time but I had enough of it.

"What do you want" I hissed.

"Why are you angry" he asked. A hint of anger in his voice.

"It doesn't matter just enjoy w*****g around" I said and walked away.

I walked out of the class and began going outside the school grounds. I did not want to cry but I couldn't help it. But I controlled it. I walked towards the building that Austin took me to the first day of school as soon as I entered I began to sob. I don't know why well you actually do. You like Alex but he's a player. Even though you did stop last night. Yeah that's the thing I forgot to say . Last night after the whole movie marathon thing. We both had a moment again but this time we both actually leaned in but my eyes showed hesitation. And I moved away from. I felt like I saw a hint of hurt in his eyes but he masked it pretty well. I thought things would be awkward today but he wasn't but I made it. I rejected him yesterday but I am jealous today. Well I am sure he was just trying to use his stupid ways on me. I just did not want to be a victim of his hump and dump.

As I was thinking a voice broke me out of my inner thoughts. Amelia..

"Sophie" she murmured and came closer to me.

I saw Austin advancing towards me after her. I don't know what they were doing in there but it was definitely something. But I did not have time to ponder over it as I began to sob again the pain in my chest increasing momentarily.

Amelia came closer to me and hugged me. And hugged me hard. Until I stopped crying. She held me and after I stopped she offered to drop me off. I did notice her eyes being a little red but I did not pay much attention to it and went on.

After she dropped me home. I first cleaned myself off and then I curled up in bed and began to watch chick flicks. But then I was distracted by the knock on my balcony door.

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Alexander's POV

After last night I thought I needed a distraction. So I found just that. Today in school I found a girl ready to throw her self at me and began making out with her. I never realised where we were but I did when I heard someone clear their voice. It was Sophia's locker.

I sent the girl away and began to talk to her but she pushed me away. She was angry because I kissed the girl. Why? I wondered. And she was angry again when I came to class with lipstick smudged all over my lips. I thought maybe after what happened yesterday. After she rejected me it would be nice to have a distraction and I thought I would feel better. But the only thing I did was be an asshole and I felt even worse than before.

I was Just angry and hurt at her. I felt like she had no right to be angry but she actually does because she would think that she is just one of those girls but she will never know will she.

She barged out of the class in anger. I soon followed but I didn't see where she went so I went to the gym. I really needed to punch something. I was angry. At the girl. At Sophia but mostly myself. I was so pissed at myself. That I had done that. I shouldn't have done it I realised.

I got a call from Austin after that saying he and Amelia found Sophia sobbing. I still don't understand why she is crying. Is she jealous?. I wish she was though. I felt like s**t after finding out that she had been crying especially because of me. He also told me that Amelia had taken her home.

So I went to the grocery store and bought ice cream and a few chocolates. They always make girls melt I thought and drove home. I wanted to come through the balcony so I went to my room and opened my balcony door and jumped into hers. I knocked on her balcony and waited patiently.

When she opened the door the look of surprise and confusion were clear on her face. "Peace offering" I asked silently wishing her to not kick me out.

She mumbled a come in. And went and sat on the bed. She took the bag and opened the ice cream and began to eat but when I tried to put my hand she swatted it away with a stern look that always made me laugh. God this girl was definitely adorable.

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Sophia's POV

The initial shock I had on my face when I saw Alex with ice cream slowly faded away. We both sat together on my bed. A little closer than usual. my head leaning against his shoulder. His arm around my shoulder.

We sat in a comfortable silence. I ate all my ice cream and chocolates. He definitely knew how to woo a girl I thought. Thinking about other girls made me jealous. But who was I to be jealous right. I would have been just one of those girls of his or maybe more . But I never will know that will I. I don't know if I can risk that. The fact that he may want me or not.

I slowly drifted off to slumber but just before I did . I heard whispering I just don't know if it was real or a dream.

"Good night Sophie. I am so sorry for today. I know I hurt you. And I am sorry. I thought that hurting you may help ease the pain in my heart because you rejected me but it just became worse. I am sorry. And I will do anything to make it up to you. Goodnight ". He said.

Wait did he say he was hurt by my rejection. I don't think that Alex could ever be hurt by me trying to reject him. That was definitely a dream. I thought and drifted off into a deep slumber.

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Authors Note