Mystery's Alpha

Mystery Prepares to Adult

Mystery stuttered through her day. Time seemed to move in fits and starts. To help the evening come quicker, she decided to keep herself occupied. The problem was that she couldn't concentrate on anything before her mind brought her back to the evening ahead. Her emotions were all over the place and at times adrenaline surges washed through her when she thought about all of the events the day before.

In a state of panic, after her breakfast meet-up, she texted her long-time counselor, begging for an appointment. She needed to get her thoughts into gear. Usually she would just use her 'what would Hilton say' voice in her head to get her brain back into a calm perspective but this was unknown territory and she had no idea what Hilton would say.

Whilst Mystery waited patiently - as patiently as she was able to - for Hilton to reply with a yes or no, she did a few chores. Firstly clothes washing, then shopping. She didn't need much but better to stock up whenever she could. As Mystery tried to come up with the normal necessary chores, and facing a total blank, Hilton replied to her text. He could see her, but not until 4pm.

"Okay, self," she muttered out loud, "what are we going to do in the meantime. Gotta get through the day somehow. It suddenly struck her that she had nothing nice to wear this evening and she didn't even know what kind of date it was. Panic hit her again. What was she going to do?

Breathe. That was her situation right now. Mystery was in a panic, breathing was needed. She was still at the service station where she'd done her washing, so she drove herself to a calm spot. Taking out a blanket, she wrapped it around her waist, knotted it and sat down in a lotus position. With her hands tucked into the knotted part of the blanket, she focused on a spot ahead of her. Her eyes were fixed on one of the mountain peaks that had mist hanging low over its peak. Breathing normally, she then opened her ears to sounds around her, careful to keep her hearing on a low setting and just let herself be, amongst the nature.

Calm was still alluding her. She kept being pulled out of her present state into the previous one of a fast moving mind. She didn't berate herself for this, but rather took herself back into the moment. Gradually she was focused enough that she could start a breathing routine. Closing her eyes she counted on an inhale and exhaled, she counted two, then exhaled. Her mind drifted back. Quickly she pulled back into her breathing and started from one again. It continued to be hard to change her state but she persisted.

Eventually, she realised that she was going to achieve no further, but her heart rate had slowed. Instead of fighting herself, she let herself open her eyes, focus on the mountain top and then listen to her surroundings. She breathed deeply in and out, consciously releasing the tension from her shoulders out through her arms to the tips of her fingers. She felt lighter and her mind was no longer racing.

What to do about the clothing situation? Of course! Mystery checked her account to reassure herself that there was plenty of money to spare. The only answer was to go shopping. She'd treat herself to a set of underwear too. It was something that she wore only for herself. She loved the feeling of being sexy underneath a scruffy outer and often treated herself. She loved, loved, loved M&S underwear. Now, all she had to do was find a*****e around here.

Asking SatNav, she found one just ten miles away. She managed to slow her pace enough to cover two hours browsing and choosing in the shop, coming out with three different sorts of clothing: a beautiful day dress, a smart pair of jeans, a long sleeved white body and a cute, short-cut blazer and a vivid red hoodie that read, 'Inhale the good s**t, exhale the bad shit.' Now she was set to talk it all through with Hilton.

Mystery drove back to the lake, feeling that this would be the best setting to have her conversation with Hilton. She checked that her WiFi was fully operational, checked her laptop's battery and sat down with a cup of tea to wait for her session to start.

Hilton greeted her with his normal, and annoying question. "How are you Mystery?" She hated that. She still didn't know how she was supposed to answer that one.

"I think I am well, thank you." She replied in a calm voice.

"That's interesting. What has been happening that has you feeling good?" She'd got this right. Go her. She smiled. He was going to like this. She knew he would.

"I have a date this evening. With a man." She clarified and sat silent, waiting for his response.

"A date?" He raised his eyes. "Do you mean that you are going out in a romantic way with a man - a man that you like?" He waited expectantly, keeping his emotional response quiet.

"Yep. A romantic date with a man called Drew. He even seems really nice. He is soooo handsome. I mean, he's tall, handsome, really well built. You know, muscles in all the right places. Did I say that he is tall? I mean, taller than me? How perfect can you get?" She paused for breath.

"That is wonderful to hear. It does sound as if you are doing really well. So, what do you want to talk about today. Is it about your date?"

"Yes! Are you proud of me? This is a good thing isn't it?" She always sought his approval. She might pay him but she let herself believe that he cared. He was a really kind man.

"Don't you think that you should be proud of yourself?" he countered.

Mystery groaned. "Oh for God's sake. Why can't you just tell me well done!"

"Do you need my approval?" he raised his eyebrows questioningly. He was being challenging and she went straight to defensive mode.

"Seriously! Of course I do. You are the only person who understands that I am taking a mammoth risk here. I'm doing something that I would never do before. I am opening myself up to another person. This is a dangerous place. What do I do?"

"Firstly, I am exceptionally pleased to see you finally make this move. What we need to do at this point is to think about potential outcomes and consider how you might manage them." He cautioned her. He'd seen it so many times. She jumped in with both feet, all excited about a new thing, with no thought for the consequences. He didn't approve of this dangerous and self-destructive behaviour.

"No, no! I've thought it all through. I am going to take this as it comes. If it goes nowhere then I have had a nice time - I hope - and maybe a friend. I'm not going to let myself obsess. I have also decided to let myself experience all of it. If it goes well and I get feelings then I must accept that I could be infected by other feelings and get hurt. Getting hurt feelings could be very bad but that's okay. I can get through that." She explained in as logical a way as she could. She felt proud of herself again.

"That is so impressive. You're doing an amazing thing. To let yourself feel hurt - and remember that feelings are good, not an infection - is natural. Keeping yourself safe from feelings means never feeling love, happiness, joy." He reassured her, nodding and smiling. She felt like cheering at his approval. "What kind of man is he?"

Now this was a proper challenge. She knew that he was after something important here. She just had to work out what it was. "Ummm, he's a man. He is insanely handsome. He has a really nice brother and sister. Ummm. I think that's it."

"Hilton re-directed her. "What sort of a brother is he? Kind, loving, caring?"

"Oh, yes. All of that."

"Tell me." He responded to this step in the right direction.

"He's obviously been like a parent to them for a while. They are really lovely and loving so I guess he must have done a good job. They are protective of him and he is super proud of them." Now Mystery was getting into picking out his good points.

"Do you think that he is a good man?" He pushed her further.

"Yeah. He's totally hot. Oh, you mean like is he a decent person? Because I think he is. It's funny but I feel like I can trust him and I believe that my instincts are right. I feel comfortable with him and I have normal chats and everything. He seems to like me." She felt a sense of calm in considering how he seemed to her.

"Well, it seems to me that you have chosen well. Congratulations. This is very mature behaviour isn't it?" He questioned her.

"Yep. I think it is too." Mystery pronounced her conclusion, also realising that Hilton had yet again made her praise herself. He never criticised her or laughed at her when she said something positive about herself out loud. Smiling, she let her have this one.

Mystery continued the rest of her hour asking questions about how to behave, what to talk about and the most important thing - what to wear. As usual, Hilton made her choose. Making her own choices, learning to have her own opinion and own it was something that they had worked on for a long time.

"And if he wants you to do something that you don't want to do... do we need to practice some responses?" He asked, checking that she was able to say no and that if she couldn't, that she had some phrases ready to pause things until she could make the decision to say what she didn't want.

"In my head I've already rehearsed a little 'moment', but it went wrong and I panicked. I didn't say no but I did back away. I didn't run away, but the Drew in my head was adamant that he had liked what we were doing and that it was totally okay to say no. I was kind of disappointed with my reaction but I seem to trust my instincts about him. In my imagined scenario, he was awesome about it."

"That is a new one for you! I'm sorry that you imagined that you panicked when you became intimate, but you stayed strong and didn't run away. This does suggest that you are indeed prepared to give this a go. Can you tell him that you want to go slowly?" He asked her.

Mystery laughed at this sweet question. I'm not sure that I'm the one needing things to go slower! He is seriously attractive. You'd be jealous if you saw him." Again she laughed.

"Thank you so much for this. I don't understand all of this stuff yet. I've always taken what I've wanted in the past and then run away. You are going to need to help me with all these feelings because I think I'm going to catch a lot. I like his brother and sister. It's not just Drew that I have to consider."

"I know and you can contact me whenever you want. That's what I am here for. You've never encountered these feelings and situations before. You've never let yourself. It'll be pretty intense. For what it's worth, I think that you are already being very adult in your behaviour and choices. Go for it. Indulge in this. Keep adulting. I'm so very impressed with what you are doing."

Having listened to Hilton, she decided exactly what she was wearing. Her mood had lifted, leaving herself calm and happy. She chose a white, lacy matching bra and knickers, aware of what this choice symbolised. It was clean, innocent and natural - what she was starting with Drew - and this underwear would help her to remember that. The jeans, white body and blazer followed, with a pair of flats that she hadn't worn for ages. Even the way that she had chosen to dress was mature.

"Grown up me, here I come." She told herself." I am ready. Bring it on.

-

Drew's car pulled up, next to her van. "Hop in sweetheart." He called. Looking her over he whistled. "Nice outfit. You look gorgeous."

Mystery blushed and lowered her eyes. She knew what she was supposed to do but she still found it so hard to accept nice comments. "Thank you, that's lovely of you to say." Quickly she moved to the passenger side and slid in with a sigh of complete pleasure. She couldn't believe that she was going to ride in this beautiful machine. She leaned forward and stroked the dashboard.

"I can't believe this! I am feeling jealous of my dashboard. I do love this car, but it's me you should touch, not her." He chuckled but she could tell that there was seriousness in his voice. That pleased her.

Instead of putting her head down at this comment, she raised her eyes and looked into Drew's. "We'll see. This car is pretty sexy and knows all the right moves." She smiled brightly at him. This flirting and dating thing was exhilerating. She turned her head to face the front and ordered, "Drive Drew. Just drive. Let me feel her purr."

Drew groaned at her provocative words and floored the pedal. He saw her expression of joy crease her mouth into a totally unabashed child-like glee. He wanted her to feel like this all night.

Tonight, he was in charge. He needed to give her the best time ever. He would do anything to have her smiling like that at him. He needed her to treat him the way that she did his car.