Learning how to live again

Chapter 3 - visit in the night

I woke up with a sharp pain in my ribs. “Get up,” said Jake. Apparently, he had poked me in the ribs with his bionic hand. “What’s wrong? Is it Aunt Mary” My door was open and the light in the bathroom was on. “You never use to complain when I wanted to talk to you in the middle of the night,” Jake explained. I sat up and turned on the bedside touch lamp. “What do you want to talk about?” I asked. “I f****d up,” he declared. I motioned for him to continue. He climbed into bed next to me like we did when we were little kids. He was wearing gray sweatpants and plain white t-shirt. “I was scared to tell you that my drug induced mother spent the money grandpa had set aside for college, for God knows what. There was no way for me to go to college. The plans we made were shot.”

“Jake, you could have talked to me. We could have made other plans. Both of us could have gone to community college or you could have talked to me about going into the Army. Plans change. You broke us. You promised me you would always be my friend and you left me for 10 years. Now you are acting like we haven’t been apart. I am not the same person anymore,” I raged rubbing my forehead. “Hello. I am not the same person either. I’ve seen real horror. War is anything but pretty. Oh and I lost my leg and hand. I have PTSD too.” I leaned against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. “Your heart still sounds the same.” He laughed at me, “Yeah that hasn’t changed.” We both were quiet for awhile. “Will you be my best friend again?” He asks. “I am not sure I ever really stopped. We just haven’t talked in a very long time.” Jake sighs “I wrote to you all the time. I just never sent them. I didn’t want to screw up your life. I was afraid I’d bring you down. Jake said with tears in his eyes. “You were my sunshine, and I didn’t want to take your shine away.” I put my forehead against his. “When you left, I lost my shine.”

We both started to talk at the same time. Then we both laughed. “I was hurt about six months ago. I lost my hand and part of my leg. I’ve been getting physical therapy at the VA hospital down the road. Plus, counseling.” Jake stated like it was an everyday occurrence. I placed my hand over his right hand. His left is the bionic one. “I’m so sorry you were hurt.” I apologized with tears running down my cheeks. He wipes my tears away with his thumb. “I hate when you cry.” Jake whispers. I grimaced, “I know. But I can’t help it.” I put my head on his chest again.

“So, what are your plans?” Jake asked. “I am not sure. I gave up my job. My car is paid for. I don’t have a plan except to be here to help and spend time with my aunt”.

“Family first,” Jake states. “She always has put me first. She has been my world. I don’t know what I’ll do when she’s gone,” I admit. “You have the family you and your aunt chose. Winnie and I plus other friends and neighbors. You forget what it is to live in a small town,” Jake reminds me. “I am going to bed. I have to take my hand off and my leg.” I raise my head from his chest. “Need help?” I ask. “Got it. Mary came to see at me at Bethesda when she heard I was hurt. Once I was well enough to leave, she invited me to stay with her. I helped her get to her appointments and helped around the house.” Jake told me as he got up from the bed. He tucked the covers back around me then kissed me on the forehead. “Go back to sleep. I’ll be here for awhile in the morning then it is off to PT and counseling.” I think I was back to sleep before he left the room.