Between The Lines and YOU

Thirty Seven

The next day, I woke up feeling unusually inspired. If you asked me why, I would not even know. I was simply inspired to go to school. It was still too early, yet I wanted to leave right away, and I could not wipe the smile off my lips like a fool. Especially when I remembered how Knox spoke to me yesterday. It seemed as if things between us were better now. Even if he looked at me blankly, that was still better than when his eyes used to say he wanted to strip me down to the bone.

The food Kael gave me, I had offered the cake to him even though it was my favorite. He also let me help clean his office. I was right, he was not just tired. He was sick. He did not even argue when I made him take the medicine. He was like a sick child who obediently ate and drank whatever was given to him. He had not gone to Wintersea last night, which made me feel a little sad, though it was nonsense to think that after just one day all my anger, frustration, and resentment toward him had vanished.

“Good morning, Mom! Good morning, Sis!” It felt like just yesterday that I struggled to call them that, but over time it became easier. It truly felt wonderful to have finally found my real family. I kissed them both on the cheek and sat down for breakfast.

“Morning, you look so happy. What’s going on?” Shane asked as she poured milk into my glass, which I drank immediately. “You even woke up early for school.”

“Does my baby need something?” My mom’s sudden words almost made me choke. That dangerous word baby triggered a memory. She quickly rushed to me, rubbing my back in worry, while Ate Shane handed me a glass of water. But I caught the teasing smile she threw at me, and it irritated me. A wave of nervousness washed over me. She knew something.

“Baby, baby, baby oh,” she even started singing.

“I am leaving now, bye!” I scrambled to grab my bag and fix my uniform before rushing out. I could still hear her laughing behind me.

I did not ask them to take me to school since I wanted to commute. It was still very early anyway. I simply missed riding the jeepney. Mom had given me a card to buy whatever I wanted, but I had not used it yet since I had not even finished the cash Shane gave me. On top of that, I still had my own money. I was glad they let me live the way I used to, never forcing me into things I was not ready for.

Looking up at the bright sky, I felt that my mood was just as beautiful as the day. Once again, I thought of the one person who was the reason I felt this way..Maybe I really was losing my mind. I had noticed that after classes at V.C.U., he usually headed straight to Wintersea. Perhaps he had dinner there before going home. So even though my job at Wintersea was now only on weekends, I still dropped by sometimes just to see him. Would he come today?

“You are going crazy again, Pria.” My smile disappeared instantly at the sound of Asher’s voice. He was always a mood wrecker.

“What if I kick that car of yours?” I shot back. His teasing grin vanished, replaced by sudden seriousness.

“Can’t you take a joke? I was only teasing you. Do not be mean to Dark or he might get upset.” He even blew a kiss in the air toward his car, which he had proudly named Dark. Completely insane.

“Why are you even here?”

“What do you think? Do I look like someone so thirsty for the City’s polluted air that I would stop here just to breathe it in?” he said sarcastically, making me roll my eyes.

“I came to pick you up of course. For once in your life, I want you to enter school looking fresh and not like a wreck. My baby Dark will make you shine.” Sometimes I really questioned myself about why I even befriended him. Too arrogant. And he was the one who looked wrecked.

“Really? Then why does your face look twice as wrecked today? Any more and it might deform. From Asher to Dark in an instant.” I tried hard not to laugh when his brows knitted together. I simply opened the backseat door and slid inside while he stood there, still processing what I had said.

“I do not know if that was an insult or a compliment. Either way, it would not matter if I exchanged faces with baby Dark. He is cool and handsome.” I stared at him strangely. Not only did his car have a name, it even had a gender identity. For all I knew, it might even have a birth certificate he was hiding. But when I imagined his face turning into a car, I couldn’t help but laugh. That would be epic, damn.

"Hey, don’t laugh at me, woman. Sit here beside me. I don’t want to look like your driver. Damn, I’ll lose my swagger if you do that."

"Just drive. If we end up late because of your endless chatter, I swear I’ll strangle you until you turn purple."

"Why are you even sitting there?!"

"Are you mad?" I squinted at him for raising his voice.

"No," he replied with a fake smile. He started the engine with a scowl and began driving.

My day felt smooth. There was no traffic, and my heart was light. Except for Asher’s sour face, which I kept seeing through the rearview mirror. When we reached V.C.U., I handed Asher a sandwich with peanut butter filling. It was obvious he had skipped breakfast again. His frown melted into a wide grin. After parking Dark, his beloved car, we stepped out together. Ivy had just arrived and was parking her own car, while Lyra was already waiting for us and came to meet us. My eyes searched for Kael and quickly found him leaning against his car, watching everything with quiet ease. The moment Ivy and Asher came close, they glared at each other at the same time. Kael smiled at me, while Lyra, standing beside him, looked annoyed as she stared at Ivy and Asher. I had to smile. She looked completely fed up with their drama.

"You know, with the way you two act, I could almost think you actually like each other." Because of what I said, Ivy and Asher turned to look at each other again. Both froze for a moment before quickly averting their eyes. Their faces flushed red. I could not stop myself from laughing, and soon Lyra joined in, shaking her head. Kael, on the other hand, remained utterly nonchalant.

We eventually went our separate ways to our classrooms. Freya was quick to greet me, looping her arm around my shoulder.

"I miss you, Pria." The tenderness in her voice sent shivers down my spine.

"Ouch! Why are you pushing me away like that?" she complained when I shoved her face off me.

"You’re giving me chills. Stay away from me," I said, pretending to be creeped out before heading to my seat.

"Why? I saw you last week in the parking lot, and your friend hugged you. You didn’t act like you were creeped out then. Oh! My! Gosh!" She exaggeratedly covered her mouth, as though she had just uncovered something shocking about me. From behind her hand, she winked and smiled flirtatiously before sitting down beside me.

"Don’t tell me… you have a crush on me? Well, I can’t blame you. With my beauty, even—" She never got to finish her sentence. The door opened, and in walked not Zeus, just kidding. Professor Sandoval.

Why did he look like he was glowing in my eyes? Every day we ended up staring in awe at him. It was like every day was his own fashion day. Maybe that was one of the reasons he always silenced us whenever he entered. We were always struck speechless by his presence. He was no longer pale. I could not say if he was in a good mood or a bad one, but his face carried the same expression he always wore, plain and unbothered. I secretly smiled in relief because at least he seemed fine.

Some of us greeted him good morning. Others, like me, still seemed caught in a stage of quiet admiration. He only nodded his head. That was his own way of saying good morning too, regardless of how good or bad his day was.

"I feel you," Freya whispered to me.

"What do you mean by I feel you?" I asked back just as softly, even though I knew Professor Sandoval would not hear us. He had already started his lecture, and we were seated in the sixth row.

"That he is so handsome it makes you stare at him longer than you should." Her words made me glance toward the front again. She was absolutely right. He was so handsome it made you stare at him longer than you should.

My mind repeated Freya’s words. Then yesterday’s memory came back to me, the image of him peacefully asleep with his head resting on my lap, looking almost adorable as he lay on his side. The floor had been cold, and so was the air around us from the air-conditioning. Yet I did not feel cold at all. Instead, sweat had gathered in my palms and across my forehead. My heart had pounded violently in that moment as I stared at him.

"Hello… earth to Pria." Freya snapped her fingers in front of me. Only then did I realize I had been zoning out. Not only that, but I had been staring at Professor Sandoval the entire time..Some of my classmates were already looking at me, curiosity written across their faces. I turned back to Freya.

"W-what?"

"I know you are thinking about me, but that kind of spacing out is too much. Sir has been calling you for a while." I rolled my eyes at her first remark. Honestly, I wanted to punch her for that. She was way too full of herself.

"I noticed you stared at me for quite a while now, Ms. Filmore. Is there something you want to tell me?" Nervously, I lifted my gaze to the front. One of his brows was raised. I nearly swallowed my own tongue, unable to speak, so I only shook my head.

"Are you even listening to my discussion?"

"Y-yes, Sir." My voice stumbled out. It felt like I had just found the sound I had lost.

"Then you might as well know the answer to question number two." My eyes moved toward the whiteboard where the question was written. It felt as if I were being roasted alive. There was no time to glance at my textbook. All eyes were on me, and I felt like prey. With what courage and knowledge I could gather, I stood and began walking toward the front.

Professor Sandoval’s brows furrowed. Damn. I was full of stupidity. I wanted to take back what I had said earlier about this being a smooth day. Why did I even stand up? It was not as if this was a math class where I had to solve something in front of everyone. He had only asked for the answer, not for me to walk to the whiteboard. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole as laughter broke out from one of my classmates, then another, until nearly everyone was laughing. Humiliation burned so deep I thought I might cry.

I saw Professor Sandoval shut his eyes tightly. Clearly, he was displeased with what was happening. Maybe it was because of my stupidity. Or maybe it was because my classmates would not stop laughing. I turned to Freya. Her expression was serious, her face red with something I could not explain. Then suddenly, she…

"Shut the fvck up! You bloody shitheads!" Everyone was stunned by the sharpness of Freya’s curse. She sounded furious, especially when she slammed her hand against the desk with such force that the whole room fell silent.

"Perfect, are you?! Ha?! You, Brix, laughing like that when you only got ten out of fifty on the quiz!" she continued, and Brix immediately lowered his head in shame.

"Freya…" I whispered, trying to stop her. If she was doing this because of me, it was not helping. All she was doing was giving them another reason to be angry with me. She ignored me and went so far as to call out more names of those who had laughed earlier. She was literally insulting them one by one.

"Enough, Gonzalez." I heard Professor Sandoval’s sharp voice directed at Freya, but she acted as if she didn’t hear him.

"Gonzalez! I said enough!" His voice rose, making me flinch. Freya finally stopped and seemed to snap back to her senses before storming out of the classroom.

"Filmore, go back to your seat, and don’t just sit here in my class acting like a dumb student who can’t even focus on the discussion."

The last words were almost whispered, but I still heard them. They stung so much I wanted to cry. I admit I’d been distracted, but I’ve always been attentive and productive in his class. This was the first time, and yet he called me dumb, as if losing focus was something I always did. I didn’t even mean to. Before I returned to my seat, I turned to face him again. I took a deep breath, trying to stop myself from breaking down.

"The choice between SSRIs and SNRIs can depend on the patient’s specific symptoms, side effect tolerance, and response to treatment." He looked at me again, wearing that same unreadable expression he’d shown me these past few days. Was he angry with me again?

"What?"

"That’s my answer to your question, Sir." I replied with confidence before walking back to my seat. I wouldn’t spend all that time in the library if I couldn’t even answer a simple question on the whiteboard.

For the rest of his class, I stayed silent. He didn’t even glance my way, which should have been fine. Still, why couldn’t he just treat me the way he treated my other classmates? Why was he always angry when it came to me? I never disrespected him, yet this was how he treated me. I know I don’t deserve special treatment, but at the very least, he could treat me fairly. His attitude was infuriating. Besides, it wasn’t like we had any personal history.

When class ended, I let everyone else leave first. Usually, he was the first one to step out after dismissal, but this time he lingered. I wasn’t sure if I should thank the universe or not, but at least this gave me a chance to talk to him. The heaviness inside me hadn’t gone away. I didn’t want to cry, not after humiliating myself earlier. I gathered my courage and approached him. Our eyes met, but before he could see the tears threatening to fall, I quickly looked away.

"Pria—"

"What did I do wrong, Sir?" We spoke almost at the same time, but I managed to finish first. Not giving him the chance to reply, I continued. My voice shook, but the weight inside me demanded release.

"Why are you always angry at me? Since the first day of school, not a single day has passed without you snapping at me. I’m not saying you’re obligated to treat me kindly, but at least treat me the way you treat my other classmates. If you don’t like me, you could just pretend I’m invisible, like dust in the air, and let me exist. Don’t look at me as if I’ve committed some huge sin against you. I don’t understand where your anger is coming from, but why am I the one taking the blame? Whoever it is that frustrates you, why do I have to absorb that anger? Why does it feel like every time you’re upset, I’m the reason? Do you really hate me that much?" The words came out in a rush, leaving me breathless. The pain in my chest was unbearable. I wanted to cry uncontrollably. He just stood there, staring at me. To my surprise, his expression softened. It was the opposite of what I expected. I thought he would get even angrier, because wasn’t that always the case?

Minutes passed, and he was still looking at me. The longer it went on, the more my strength crumbled. He took a step toward me, but before my tears could finally fall, I rushed out of the classroom. My chest tightened from holding back the sobs I refused to let him see. I was heading toward a quiet corner where I could break down when I ran into Ivy.

"Ivy," I said bitterly as I reached her. Her smile quickly faded, replaced with concern when tears streamed down my face. I broke down, sobbing, as I threw my arms around her.