Not My Alpha.

The Truth/Chapter 7.

“Now what do we need to talk about, love?” 

I let myself relax into the slow swinging wondering how I should start this conversation. I know he is going to get angry or try to blow it off. So, how do I approach this without him turning and running from me again? 

“Tora, do you remember how I have those five free passes?” I asked him slowly. Almost lazily like it wasn’t a big deal if he did or didn’t remember. 

“Yeah.” He was quiet for a second. “Why are you bringing that up now?” He slowed the swing down once more. Not that it was stopped but to the point that it was barley moving. 

“Would it be alright if I use them now?” My hands tightened around the ropes on the swing. I was holding on so tight my fingers were turning white. This is it. This is the moment where he either says yes and I can learn more about myself and my family. Or this is the moment when he turns and walks away knowing where my questions might lead. 

He was quiet for a few moments before he finally answered me. “I suppose I did tell you I would answer. What do you want to know?” HIs voice was calm but I could hear the underlining feelings. He was afraid and angry at the same time. 

“First question. Why did you come after my family, and why didn’t you kill me?” 

“Thats a two-part question.”  

“Fine then that can be two of my five I guess.” He stopped the swing altogether this time. Instead of turning me to face him he came and sat down right in front of me. He looked at me and let out a long sigh.  

“This is a long story, are you sure you want to know all of this? It isn't just a one-part thing. There is so much to tell you and to be honest I don’t know if you are going to hate me more afterwards. Or if you are going to believe a word I have to say. This goes back years before you were even born or thought of.” He stopped to look into my eyes assessing if this was the right thing to do or not. 

“I understand, but Tora I need to know. I need to know who I am. I need to know who my parents were before they moved us away. I need to know it all.” I don’t know what I was thinking but I crawled off the swing and sat right in front of Tora on the ground. I reached out and grabbed both of his hands pulling them to my chest and holding tight. “Please. I need this Tora.” I dropped his hands so they were resting in my lap still holding onto them. 

“Okay.” He sighed once more pulling his hand away to run it through his hair. He then reached back and laced his hand back through mine. “Like I said this is going to be a long story and also a history lesson. Try not to interrupt unless it is really important. Make sure you listen to every detail.” I nodded my head leaning closer to him as if I couldn’t get close enough. 

“It all started about five hundred years ago. Your mother's family were the first to inhabit this area. Back then this was all just a forest and it was one of the largest in this part of America. Lots of other people wanted this land and would try to take it from us. The thing they didn’t understand was that we were and are half beast half human. When others would come in and try to attack the little village the few survivors would leave speaking of the beasts who were human. More people came to the village just to see these half beasts not many were able to leave. Others stayed to be with the beasts. As time went on other beasts would come and fight wanting what we have, wanting what everyone has wanted since the beginning. Things started to change as time changed, it was no longer just about the land but the money, the women, the children. Anything that these people could get their hands on they wanted. So, we continued to fight. We continued to allow those who wanted to stay to stay. We fought to the death over our families and things. This continued up until your mother's reign. She was our queen since she was sixteen years old. She was one of the best, one of the strongest and one of the fiercest leaders we have ever had in our history. She won wars that none other could have.” He paused in his story to look at me. My eyes were wide and I was seriously shocked.  

“What do you mean by half beast half human? What do you mean Queen? Are you saying that everything around here is mine?” 

“I told you to hold off on questions, but I can tell you I suppose. We are werewolves, every single one of us in the mansion and in the smaller houses you have yet to see. We normally refer to the leader as an Alpha and their mate is the Luna in our pack it is a little different. Things have changed since your mother is no longer around. Now my family runs things, or we did until we found you. Everything around here is technically still yours, but again my family is in charge still. Do you have any other questions before I continue?” 

“What do you mean werewolves? Like the kind that shift on a full moon? Where are these other houses that I haven't seen? What does this mean now that I am back? Am I like a princess?”

He let out a small chuckle before pulling one of his hands free to rub it against my face. He once again entwined our fingers before continuing the story. “Yes, we do change on a full moon but only if we want to. We have had that power which most others don’t. We can control the shift, unless we are extremely emotional then sometimes it's hard to control or we spin completely out of control. Didn’t you question the fact that there were wolves everywhere only a few nights ago? Didn’t you question the fact that one saved you? We have small towns all around this area. The land we own stretches for about a hundred miles in all directions. In most of these towns humans and our kind coexist. Of course, the humans don’t know what we are but it works for us. That way it's easier to find some of our mates. Before you ask a mate is someone who is made completely for you. They are everything you are not. They are there to make you a better person. They are your sun and they are your moon. We don’t do dating; I mean we do but only until we find that one who is made just for us. We don’t get a choice on who are mates are either they are chosen for us from birth by the creator themself. As for your being back, you will have to let me finish the story. Yes, you would be a princess to us. No one has said anything because you didn’t 

“As I was saying your mother was a legend. She won wars with brains as much as brawn. She was a natural in her role. Then she ended up getting pregnant with you. She continued her duties as per usual. Things were going great, she had you and became even more fierce. No one was allowed near you except my family. That’s why we have the photo albums. Then one night we were attacked by one of the worst packs in the country. Their Alpha broke into the house while using his men to distract our fighters. He took out your guards and waited for someone anyone to find him. He wanted your mother to die that night or he was going to kill you. Your mother was able to get you away from him but at a cost. She was badly injured and made a deal with the Alpha. She would leave and never come back. She wouldn’t let you be a part of this world. She swore to seal her wolf and your father agreed also. After the sealing was done your mother asked my father to take over since they were friends since childhood. That night you and your family left and no one knew where you went. That was the last thing your mother asked of my father, to never give away your location.” 

“That still doesn’t make sense on why you killed them? Or why your men r***d my mother? Or why you left me alive?”  

“Your mother asked that if their location was ever found out by anyone outside of this pack to kill her and your father. They knew too much about the pack and the secrets we have. So, when we found out that the same Alpha that tried to kill you once had found you all my father assembled a strike team. We had everything planned out. You were supposed to stay gone while we killed them. Your mother wanted it to be gruesome so nobody would suspect anything out of the ordinary. My men weren't supposed to r**e her and I had no idea of that which you should know. As for you being attacked, we had to make it seem as normal as possible. Who would attack a family and let the teenage daughter who seen the whole thing live? But I couldn’t let them kill you.” Once more he reached out and touched the side of my face. This time though I pulled away.  

I got up off the ground and moved back to my spot on the swing. “Why couldn’t you let them kill me?” My voice came out so soft I didn’t think he had heard me. That is until he stood up and grabbed the rope so he was standing directly in front of me. 

“Because you’re my mate.” He said the words slowly, letting them sink in completely. He once again reached out for me, and having nowhere to go I fell of the swing backwards. I wanted away from him. I wanted time to think about what he was telling me. I wanted time to process the fact that he was made just for me. 

“You have Lena, you don’t need me.” I said before turning away from him. The tears were about to start and right now Tora was the last person I wanted to see me cry. No matter how much I have hurt it seems like the pain gets worse. Not only physically but mentally. My brain felt like it was about to c***k open from all the pressure while my body felt heavy and exhausted. Not to mention I'm still wounded. Before I could make it into the back door a hand grabbed my shoulder spinning me around. Tora stood there just assessing me he was treating me like a wounded animal which almost made me laugh since I guess I am. 

“Are you okay?” That was when I lost it. My eyes betrayed me and the tears flowed. My eyes were so tearful I couldn’t even see the man standing in front of me. I wanted to scream. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to hit him. All I could do was sob. 

“No.” I managed to get out before more sobs took over. Tora reached out for me and I threw myself down on the ground. I needed to be on the ground. I was about to lose it completely. I could feel the mental breakdown coming and I just wanted to be in my room. To have my medicine. My body shook so hard I'm surprised I didn’t fall off the porch. My breathing was so erratic no matter what I did I couldn’t fix it. I tried to ground myself. I tried to find something to make It better but nothing I did was working. The closer to the edge I got the more I worried. I have never hurt myself but in this instant that was exactly what I wanted. Maybe if I could feel some kind of pain that I could control this wouldn’t be so bad.  

I didn’t care if Tora followed me or not as I slowly climbed up the side of the building. I was going to make it inside and I was going to make it stop. I was going to stop the hurt myself. So that’s exactly what I did. I somehow was able to make it into my room, the one in Toras room and grabbed one of the pieces of glass I had saved. I didn’t think, I couldn’t hear, and I damn well didn’t care at this point. I slid the glass across my arm one twice then five times. I don’t know how many I actually did but all of a sudden, I felt more in control. I felt empowered like I had the key to my own pain and I would use it and I had.  

I dropped the glass to the floor and made my way to the bed. I just sat there watching the blood drip from my arm. I don’t know how long I sat there, it couldn’t have been too long since the blood was still flowing, when Tora appeared in my doorway. He didn’t even react as he grabbed a random shirt and ran over to me. He wrapped the shirt around the cuts making sure to apply pressure to get the bleeding to stop. He was cursing under his breath while I just let myself go numb. At this point I was so exhausted from everything and the blood loss I didn’t care. I didn’t want to feel and I sure as hell didn’t want to be around Tora. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem like it was going to be an option. 

“Why do you keep doing these things to yourself?” Tora was obviously angry as I sat there bleeding into the shirt. 

“Why not?” Was all I said back. MY voice was void of any emotion and I’m pretty sure if you looked into my eyes, you would see a shell of a human. 

“You really think that this helps?” He yelled before grabbing my face with one hand. His blue eyes searched mine looking for something I didn’t know. He must not have liked what he seen there as he sighed and let go of my face once more. HIs hands worked gently as they moved the shirt to check on the bleeding. It must have been done since he left the room muttering something about being right back. I closed my eyes and just let it all go once more. I let the tears flow, I let the feelings I hated come out. I was a shaking mess by the time Tora came back into my room.  

“I’m just going to clean these and wrap them. After that we will figure out what to do with you.” I don’t know what he meant by that. Once I got all of this out, I would be fine once more. Everyone has a breaking point and tonight was mine. I learned the one person who was supposed to love me despite all of my flaws knew and was still with someone else. I learned my mother was a werewolf Alpha who killed herself technically to save me. I learned that every part of this land was mine and it was all I had left of my family.  

“You should have just killed me that night.” MY statement must have caught him by surprise as his hands stopped moving and his face flew right into mine. Our noses were so close that they were touching. His eyes were once again that black color and now I know that means he is not in control. 

“I would never hurt you. I won't continue to hurt you. What I did back then was necessary. This.” He stopped and pointed at my wrists. “Was not. You don’t know why I have done the things I have done and until you do you have no right to be judgmental.” He then turned away from me and continued to wrap my wrists. 

“You knew this whole time. You knew you were made for me, yet you still slept with Lena. You constantly pushed me away. Were you ever going to tell me any of this? Not just about us but about my past?” My breathing had finally evened out and the tears dried up in my eyes. I was angry now. 

“No. I wasn’t going to tell you any of this because you don’t understand it. You being here puts not only you but all of us here at risk. Me pushing you away was my way of trying to let you live a good life, because that isn't something you will get with me. Lena knows this, she knows she is disposable. Yes, we have s*x, what do you expect of me I'm a man. I need it sometimes and I find it. Lena has just become more. I didn’t think I would ever find you again, but I'm not just going to give up on what we had. You being here doesn’t change that. I can control my wolf enough not to want you Ive done it this long.” There he was. This was the Tora I knew. He wasn’t going to come to my rescue and be my knight in shining armor. The fact that I even gave it any thought was ridiculous really.  

“If I'm so bad to be around then why keep me here?” MY voice was raised not quiet yelling but definitely not normal toned either. My voice was still void of emotions except the anger that I let leak out. 

“You don’t understand. Now that we have found you it won't take long until Alpha Alvin finds you. Hes the one that tried to kill you before. If you are gone then that means they have a chance at taking everything we own. You are the last descendent of this pack. The last true one. We were attacked once and whoever or whatever pack that was could have already reported you. You can't just leave. You aren't only putting your life in danger but all of ours. Your mother would know what to do, now it's your time to figure out who you are going to be.” With that he released my wrists and stood up. He just looked at me, waiting and watching. I guess he expected me to go insane again. 

“If you're done you can leave. I’ll be a good prisoner up here in my tower. I guess it is kind of true that princesses get locked in towers a lot.” Neither of us laughed at my lame joke. If anything, Tora seemed to be even more angry now. 

“Why do you do that?” Toras voice was soft. I looked up to see him looking at me once more. His eyes had gone soft and mine were starting to droop. I was exhausted in all terms of the word. My eyes hurt and my arm was starting to finally hurt as well. My whole body seemed to be a punching bag for everyone lately including myself. My eyes began to water once more as I realized what had just happened. I really had gone crazy for a second there. I looked down and seen the blood that was covering my body.  

“Do what?” I asked as I climbed off my bed heading over to the closet that had very little clothing in it. I pulled out the first pair of pants and shirt I could find. 

“Make yourself out to be something...” His question stopped. I had my old bloody shirt over my head and tossed it onto the ground before pulling the clean one on. I turned to look at Tora once more and what I saw was kind of surprising. He was in a state of complete shock. 

“What?” I asked as I pulled my pants off. 

“Why are you stripping in front of me?” I couldn’t help but laugh. As I pulled the new pants on. 

“Why should it matter? Youre my mate. Also, I was covered in blood. I don’t know about you but that isn't my favorite thing. Brings back too many memories.” I looked at him once more and wasn’t shocked at all by the black eyes I was met with. 

“You are insane.”  

“You think?” I laughed once more as I lifted my wrapped arm. I also pointed to the side of my head as if to say I wasn’t all there either. 

“That’s not what I meant.” He slowly walked towards me. 

“Then what did you mean. Tora I'm done with these games. If you have something to say then say it, please.” 

“Just because I said I had control doesn’t mean you should push it.” I gulped when he stood Infront of me. 

“I really don’t know what you mean. All I did was change. I didn’t realize it would affect you like this. To be honest I don’t know why you are reacting like this at all.” I looked into those black eyes again. For some reason they intrigued me. Maybe because I could see some of Tora’s underlining feelings in them? I don’t know but I did know I liked them. 

“Changing yes. That was a very good way to push me and my self-control. But saying you were my mate, that I think is what pushed me over the edge. I never was going to tell you so hearing those words come out of that pretty mouth of yours, I guess I just lost it now. Maybe we both are insane.” He reached out and put his hand on the side of my neck surprising the s**t out of me. His hand was so large it covered the whole side of neck from my jaw to my shoulder. It was warm and I swear I could feel electricity under his touch right now. My skin was dancing under his touch. My body was reacting to him in a way that no other guy had made it. 

“Well, it's true. I am your mate weather you choose to believe it or not.” MY voice came out a lot softer than I meant for it too. I guess having Tora this close and touching me was enough to make my brain stop functioning. Now that I know we are made for one another it's impossible for me to forget. It's like everything makes since know. Why I have feelings for him that I didn’t understand. Why we treated each other the way we have. 

“Oh, I know. How could I not.” His other hand came to rest on my cheek. I don’t know what has gotten into him and I'm not sure if I like it or not. 

“what is that supposed to mean?” I asked softly. 

He let out a small chuckle before responding. “It means I'm aware of everything you do. I know that when you are feeling uncomfortable you scratch the side of your nose. When you are happy you tend make sure everyone else is happy also. You scrunch your nose up when you are confused and also get a frustrated line right here.” He poked a spot on my forehead before moving his hand to my face once more. “You tend to play with your hands when you get nervous. You really don’t like big crowds and I'm assuming parties. You like to read mostly old historical books. You like to admire the old architectural books we have. You also really like to study maps from all eras. You really don’t care much about the people who betrayed your trust. By that I mean you are willing to give them a second chance. I could keep going If you would like.” He was so close I could feel his breath fanning my face. 

“You sound like a stalker; you know that right?” I was trying to make a joke. Maybe then I could break this tension. 

“Maybe I am. Who knows? What I do know is that you have caused me to rethink a lot of things.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like if I am losing my sanity. I know what I want but you have changed that way of thinking. Right now, all I want is you. I don’t mean that sexually either. I mean I want to see that smile that you never give to me. I want to see your eyes filled with happiness. I want to see you belong here. I want to see you reading those books with that twinkle in your eye. I want you. I want every little thing about you including those two small dimples you have. I want the attitude and the multiple versions of you. I want to see the brave and strong girl who was willing to throw herself in the middle of a fight between werewolves to save a little girl she didn’t know. Most of all I want to get to know more about the girl that standing in front of me right now.” His eyes had shifted back to their normal blue. All I could see in them was honesty. Everything he had said was true.  

“What about Lena?”  

“What about her?” 

“If you really want to know more about me, you can't be with her. I won't do that to someone. I understand that she knows what your relationship is but I won't get in the way of that. You said yourself that you didn’t want to lose what the two of you have and I understand that. If you want to get to know me while you are with her then I guess we should do it the right way. As friends.” It took every ounce of willpower to back out of his touch. I wouldn’t be that kind of girl. Even if we are mates, he is with someone else and I won't get in the way of that. What I wasn’t expecting was the look of hurt that flashed through his eyes. 

“Can I ask one thing of you?” He wouldn’t look at me as if he was embarrassed of what he was about to say. 

“Yes.” I said after a moment. 

“Would you at least sleep in my room tonight? You don’t have to lay with me or anything like that. I would just feel better after what happened today if you were close by.” 

It took me a few moments to answer since I wasn’t expecting that. “I suppose I could stay for one night.” The pure excitement on Tora’s face made me smile. He was actually happy. 

“Come here.” Tora had sat up on the couch making room for me to sit next to him. “We will just watch the movie together and then I will take the bed. How does that sound?” 

“I guess that would be alright.” I walked over to the couch and sat as far from Tora as I could. He pressed play on the movie and we sat in silence watching it. About a half hour in he reached over to cover me with the blanket and all I could think about was how soft it was. How fluffy it was and how warm. It also smelled just like him and I couldn’t get enough of his sent. I don’t know when it happened but it wasn’t much longer and I passed out right there covered in that blanket in Tora’s room on his couch.