Something so simple as desire came to other women as easily as breathing, but it was a first for me. I used men. I enjoyed the pleasure they brought me, took advantage of whatever they might have to offer, and sent them on their way without a second glance. I’d never wanted a man before. Never experienced a soul-deep yearning. It was unsettling and comforting at the same time. It made me think that maybe, just maybe, I could be normal. I could have a quasi-normal relationship—as normal as two killers in an arranged marriage could expect to have. I was willing to give it a try, but how would Matteo feel? I’d never had to worry about what someone else might think, except when assessing scenarios in a strategic business situation. That was different. Predicting someone’s actions wasn’t the sa
