Vera Bianchi

Goodbyes are always hard

A couple of weeks passed before I received a call from Mathew ‘Matt' Charter. He and his wife had agreed to house me as long as I needed. He was a quiet sort of guy, he wasn't very outgoing, but he seemed pleasant and kind. Just the sort of person I'd imagine living in such a small town. Plus, something told me my ruse worked with the mayor, and he put Matt under duress to accept me into his home. I didn't want him to take me in if he didn't want to, but I decided it was ultimately Matt's choice. I was so excited I could barely contain it.

The next few months of parties went smoothly; Stefan took me to picnics like we used to do to try to convince me to stay. But it didn't work. No amount of nostalgia could deter me from what I knew was right, though if I was honest with myself, it almost got to me. This was something he sensed, and it gave him hope which was painful for me to see.

It was two weeks before my departure date when Stefan's mood shifted. I was in my bathroom getting ready for bed, as I religiously, did when I heard a knock on my door. I wasn't expecting anyone, so I was a little frazzled. I was in my pajamas which were silky and provocative like all my other clothes. They were black, short bootie shorts with lace on the bottom and a deep V spaghetti top.

"Just a minute," I said as I threw my robe on. My robe was also silky, black, lacy on the bottom, and came halfway down my thighs. My hair was still curly because I shower in the evening with a shower cap. I had just finished taking my makeup off, and brushing my teeth. I was surprised to see only Stefan at my door.

He took me in for a minute. "Wow, I forgot how beautiful you are without makeup." He stared at my face for another minute.

I looked down and smiled at his sincere compliment. "Thank you, Stefan."

"Can I come in? I need to talk to you."

‘Oh crap here it comes, the whole don't leave me speech.' "Can this wait till morning?"

"No."

"Okay, come on in." I gestured for him to come in. "Stefan, I don't want to hear about what a terrible decision I'm making moving away. Nothing you say will-"

"Shhh," he interrupted while putting his finger up to my lips. He took two large steps into the doorway. He grabbed my shoulders which I was not expecting. He stared into my eyes and said, "Vera…. I love you! I don't want you to leave for me, not because I think you're making a bad choice."

I was stunned; I didn't know what to say. "Stefan- I-"I couldn't tell him the truth of why I was leaving though I wished now more than ever that I could.

Before I could respond, he tugged me close and wrapped his arm around my waist, and he laid his other hand beside my face pushing my curls back, intertwining his fingers in my hair. He pulled me in to kiss me gently. I didn't resist; if there was anything I was good at, it was knowing what I wanted. I enjoyed exploring what exactly it was that brought me happiness. I kissed him back and crushed my body to his even tighter. The feeling was euphoric; there had been so much s****l tension built up to this point between him and I that it was not a moot point to try to pretend I didn't want this too.

He picked me up to his waist, and I wrapped my long legs around his torso. One of his hands explored the length and softness of my leg while the other supported my body weight. He pushed my body against the wall and kissed my neck. This gave me a minute to breathe, but not to think. He pulled me off the wall and onto the bed; this is where I knew I needed to draw the line.

"Stefan, Stefan, Stefan."

"Hmm?" He asked as he continued kissing my neck.

"We can't… Do this."

"Why not?" He wasn't angry or stopping.

"Because I'm leaving, and I don't want to give you any hope that I'm staying, or that I love you in the same way you love me." I was lying; I loved Stefan just as much as he loved me.

He stopped; finally, his eyes pleaded with mine. "Vera, please love me." What he said was simple and from the deepest part of his soul.

 "You could never love me more than you love my Papa, and what he wants. That's why we didn't stay together after the first time. I have to leave for myself, Stefan."

"I can't let you go!" He said this as he pushed my body onto the bed the rest of the way. He ripped off the covers and pulled us both under them. He wasn't trying to be intimate; he was almost child-like like he needed comforting from me and the sheets.

"You're going to have to Stefan, I'm sorry." I was facing him, I had one hand on his giant chest, our faces were inches apart.

He groaned in pain, "I'm never giving up on you Ver." He grabbed my waist again to emphasize his point.

"Shh," I said as I stroked his hair and temple, I could tell he was exhausted like he hadn't been sleeping in days. "Just go to sleep, it'll be better in the morning."

He couldn't resist the fatigue, his Mother used to stroke his hair before bed, so I knew this was something that would instantly calm him. When he was deeply asleep, I told him the truth, "Stefan I love you too. In the way you mean it, but I'm not safe here. I'm about to become a glorified p********e. And I don't want that."

The servants' door opened, Anna came with a glass of warm milk. She eyed the situation then said quietly, "The poor man has never taken on any other lover his whole life because of you."

"Really?" I asked, but I already knew that was true.

"Yes, humph, 20 and single, for a man like that it should be a sin." She set the milk on the nightstand.

"Thanks, Anna, but I already brushed my teeth; will you switch it out for a cup of water instead?"

"Absolutely miss. I hope he isn't changing your mind." She looked at me with her maternal look.

"No, no. Though, I will miss him a lot!" I said this looking into his beautiful face which was now resting peacefully.

"Good, you have 13 more days to survive, and then you're as free as a bird!" She said this with hope and enthusiasm; she loved me like my own Mother. Anna virtually became my surrogate after Mother passed away when I was 12. I would miss Anna too. "Good night miss."

"Goodnight, Anna."

I closed my eyes and tried to relax, but having Stefan in my bed with me made it really hard to concentrate on going to sleep. Even though I knew I loved him, I couldn't justify that love with a ball and chain from Papa for the rest of my life. I drifted off to sleep with these thoughts.

5:00 am came early, and Stefan pulled me back when I turned off the alarm. "You're not going anywhere," he said half dazed.

"Ugh, why are you so tempting?!"

"Because I'm sexy," he said matter of factly but jokingly.

"Yes you are," I said under my breath, he heard it and smiled. He leaned over and kissed me. It was like the walls had come down between us, he was going to give this his all.

I stayed in bed since I had no choice, his grip was like an anaconda, I wouldn't be able to escape if I tried. We were both back to sleep in seconds.

It was 8:00 am when I finally woke up. He was already awake and staring at me, like this picture and moment was something he was engraining into his brain so he'd never forget.

"Morning, beautiful," he said smiling. "I don't care what you're going to say. We're staying in bed all day. We'll watch movies or something."

"Stefan-" I started saying a protest, but I knew he wouldn't hear it.

"I'm picking the first movie." He got up from the bed still in his black designer suit. He stretched and started taking it off, beginning with his dress shoes. "Ugh, my feet are so sore!" He was down to his boxers when he reached my TV that was hidden in a beautiful armoire. I don't think he even paid attention to what he selected, just whatever he saw first and popped it into the DVD player.

"I'll call up some breakfast," I said. I knew this was a losing battle, so I might as well make the most of it. Besides, a day in with Stefan wasn't the worst torture in the world.

"That's the spirit!" He said with so much happiness that I couldn’t help but smile ear to ear.

"You do realize that I have to take bathroom breaks and I will get up to brush my teeth no matter what you say, right?" I was enjoying myself a little too much.

He laughed, "I guess you'll have to twist my arm." He walked up to the bed holding out his arm. He was so serious when he said this that I wasn't sure it was a jest.

"You're joking right?"

He simply looked at his arm. I started getting up to test him. He swooped me back into bed in a single movement. I looked at him playfully, he knew me too well, I was always up for a challenge. I was way too competitive, I knew I'd never win, but I couldn't help myself. I grabbed his arm and tried twisting with all my might, I stopped after a minute and looked determined. I took off my robe and tried again grunting with the force I was trying to use on him. He chuckled and spun me around on my back and pinned my body against his body and the bed. His face gloated the victory.

"Stefan!"

"Don't be a sore loser," he said laughing, "You get points for trying."

"Oh good, because I really do need to go to the bathroom- and you're squishing my bladder."

"I didn't say I was letting you go right this very second. I have you where I want you." His eyes danced sprightly. I hadn't seen this side of him in a long time, and he started kissing my neck again. It felt so good to lose. He got up and gestured for me to get up and go to the bathroom in peace. When I got up, I heard a wolf whistle in the background.

"And I'm changing my clothes," I said without looking at him heading straight to the bathroom.

He laughed.

I'd never had a more perfect day in my life. We slept together again that night; while I was extremely attracted to him, I couldn't bring myself to let my guard down. I knew what was best, even though it was the hardest thing I'd ever done in my whole life.

The next 12 days went by slower than molasses. I was near breaking point the night before I was due to go, how could I leave Stefan?! Luckily Anna came to my rescue. She brought a cup of warm milk, and when she saw my distress, she started instantly.

"Now Vera, you know as well as I do what's on the line here. Please be strong and don't back down."

"I know, I know, I know." I knew she was right. I tucked my head into my folded legs.

"Once you're gone it'll be much easier. I—" Anna looked down and shuffled her feet, "I love you, little miss. And I can't let anything bad happen to you, as it has with Baye." She had tears in her eyes; you could tell she held a great weight of guilt on her shoulders.

"It's not your fault, Anna. I tried to get her to leave with me, but she has made her own choices."

"I know you speak truth. Baye doesn't understand what les consequences are." Whenever Anna was emotional, her English tended to get choppier.

"Yeah," I was put back in the right mind. I was ready to leave, ready at last.