Minder

Chapter 16

OLALLIE

“Tell me why we are out here in the middle of nowhere, Vayden? No offense, but I don’t entirely trust you yet?” It is nice to be included in high school adventures. I never realized missing out on normal things would cause me such grief.

“Worried I brought you out here to let the Sonny boys have their way with you?” Vayden nudges my shoulder, and I rub off the contact.

“It wouldn’t be the worst thing that has happened to me.” I look out into the fields, and I see an old broken barn in the distance.

“O?” Vayden calls to me, so gentle.

“Hmm?”

“I heard about your mom.” He reached over the cab of his truck and squeezed my hand. His hand covered the span of mine. I wasn’t used to sympathy. There wasn’t a time for accepting condolences back in Colorado or Texas. Rarely did anyone offer grievances to another.

“I was nine; we were outside; I was drawing with chalk on the sidewalk.” It is easier to get this part over with.

“Did you see the whole thing?” I am not upset with his question, so I nod as we pull next to other cars. Unbuckling the seatbelt as we meet in the front, ready to walk into this mistake.

“Olallie?”

“Vayden, please, let it go. It was a long time ago; no one could save her. Every day I must continue to save myself. Because she sacrificed enough for me.” I spot Kalonie’s car parked crooked, taking up more space than necessary. Calhoun’s is next to hers, the engine still on, fog painting the inside of the windows.

“Hey, I didn’t bring it up to make it harder. It just looks like you could use a hug; come here.” Before I can back away, his arms grab mine, lifting me high and squeezing tight.

“How long do these last?” Carefully putting my arms over his shoulders.

“Another thirty seconds, O.” His voice trembled, and I couldn’t help but feel responsible for making him sad.

“Vayden, put me down, please. We shouldn’t bring up topics only devils recount.” I smooth his black curls down underneath his hood.

He sets me on my feet and pulls down my skirt that hikes up my thighs. Vayden wipes his eyes with his worn sleeves, and I look toward the ground at the dust circling our feet.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to comfort your pain. The process isn’t simple, easing away the edges.” My butt leans against the grill on the truck. “Di—Did you lose someone?”

“My cousin died when we were boys; it was the summer we both turned twelve. He was in a wheelchair most of his life; his daddy was a drunk. One day I went over to his house because my aunt needed to run to the store. My dad wanted to walk with me; he didn’t trust my aunt’s husband. They were always at each other’s throats.” Vayden’s voice trembles with the details.

“Vay, you don’t have to share with me….”

“Olallie, please could you hear mine, and maybe once I can feel like someone understands that I’m not alone?”

The problem was, he could spill, and I could nod, then I could take a turn. But suffering was a solitary sport. One, I was winning medals for long before it was my turn to pass the torch.

“Okay.” Because maybe being here will lift the weight from him.

“I tried to convince him I could go alone; I’d done it before. The more I reassured him, he got edgier and practically dragged me down the street to where they lived.” He chokes and spits on the ground, his palms gripping at his jeans.

Screeches of high-pitched noise vibrate the hearing aid, and I bring one hand to cover it from continuing throughout my body. Music echoes and I squint to make it silent.

“We didn’t get there in time; his dad was stumbling to get him into the bath. He forgot about him, and I obsess about those seconds I wasted arguing with my dad. My dad kicked open the door; he started shouting at my uncle. I can still hear the water running in the background, it lapping on top of itself.”

The air is thin, and I clench my fists to my chest, knowing the end of the story is one I won’t forget.

“When I get to the bathroom, it’s too late, too quiet. My dad comes up behind me and holds me back. But I try with all my might to push past him, to grab my cousin. He must have slipped, trying to get out. There was a cut on the back of his head. He could only use his arms. But there, his face floated under the faucet. Dripping onto his forehead.”

Vayden is on the ground, and I make my way to sit next to him on the muddy earth. My skirt is rotten with wrinkles and dirt.

“It’s like I’m stuck in this time loop of watching him. Knowing I can never free him of that cycle. If I would have just gone sooner if I would have agreed with him.” Take a deep breath before continuing.

“If I wasn’t playing on the sidewalk if I wasn’t born with a sixty-percent hearing loss. If my grandparents didn’t die, Knox didn’t get my mother pregnant. We could play what if until the moon bleeds, but it will never make a difference. The moments we were too young to understand but now want to change.” My words fall against his pain. Vayden is lost in a world, so I tell him the one thing he wants to hear. “It’s not your fault.” Because blame is a game, I’ve witnessed and known how tough the opposition is at winning. At any cost, they take measures to provide us with losing hands.

Vayden head flicks up, our emotions meet, and it’s hard to look beyond the grief that binds us. Vayden’s tears flow, and the panic sets in; he’s breaking, and I cut open the wound.

I start shaking as I grab for him, hoping I can calm the storm, but it rages wild, without barriers. And the storm continues to rain down upon us.

“Baby brother, where are you?” Verse is calling out to us, which means Lawson won’t be far behind. We remain to cough out sobs and swallow the next to stop the curse of feeling. “Aye, there you guys are. Lawson was worried you two were in the back banging out introductions.” Verse slides up next to his brother.

I’ve mastered the art of covering up reactions. How to mute my emotions, making others feel comfortable around me.

“Verse, I think Vayden could use a drink or smoke.” My voice is so routine I don’t even have to blink to get through the sentence.

“Vay? You good, man?” He squats down to inspect us further. “Vayden? Haiku, what’s going on?” Vayden’s head remains between his knees, hiding his face, while Verse shakes him.

Footsteps approach, and I should try to save him the embarrassment. When he doesn’t rise, Verse looks to my face for help. I bite down on my lip and lean my head on Vayden’s shoulder.

“Vayden, we all survive for a reason. You overcame a lot; you’ll overcome more. One thing that you can focus on that keeps you going. Make them proud, your cousin, my mother. If we succeed at what they couldn’t, then they aren’t forgotten; they continue.” My lips tingle against the lobe of his ear. He shudders a moment, then nods.

“Olallie.” Lawson stands above me, and I reach over and place my hand over Vayden’s heart. “Verse, what the f**k is this?” His voice rages with jealous tones.

“We’re going to be okay.” I tap my fingers twice, and he finally lifts his head.

His eyes were no longer swollen with remorse. The fear goes quickly, and the wind wipes away the redness. I give him a small smile, and he gives me a shy one back.

“Let’s go, Olallie.”

The outer layers of my dress are a mess with mud. I have my slip to wear, at least. The silk fabric pets my skin. Lawson reaches for me, following his command.

“My dress, I should take it off; give me a minute.” I start to unbutton the plaid dress but am stopped by a few whistles and Lawson’s hands clenching the fabric.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Lawson acts enraged about the skin shown on my body; he didn’t complain the few times there weren’t any clothes covering it.

“Let go, or I will strip down bare. Show all your friends what gets you all testy when I come into the conversation. Wouldn’t you love that, Lawson? A little competition to make the ride worthwhile.” The cloth loosens from my hold, and I smooth my palms against his beating chest.

“We’re going inside, guys.” Lawson’s eyes are hot with excitement.

“Vayden, do you need anything?” I ask once more before being pulled away.

“He’s fine.” Lawson rolls his eyes at me.

“I’m a good sweetheart. I’ll be in a minute; my brother went to get me a drink.” Vayden doesn’t look at my face; instead, he pulls a drag from the lit joint and exhales smoothly.

We make our way through the crowds; the place is packed with bodies I don’t recognize. The fact makes my face flash a wide grin.

“This way!” Lawson’s fingers still interlocked with mine, leading the way.

Music bounces with the beat of the dancers on the open floor. We enter a back room beyond the stage. He leans back on the door, closing it tight. I look around once and finish unbuttoning the dress. I pull it over my head and lay it over a chair nearby.

“What is this place?” I make my way to a window.

“It’s our escape.” The place is a massive warehouse. Colorful lights litter the floor; a food buffet is the center of attention.

“It’s amazing.” One missed note from the speakers has me tugging at my ears.

Lawson comes up behind me, his chest heaving to touch me. His hand comes up, lingers through the fabric as he brings it up high on my thigh.

“You shake every fiber that belongs to me. Somehow reacting like you hold ownership. Do you know that, Olallie? Only you, the ghost that haunts my heart. Free me, baby, set us both free.” A wet tongue circles behind my ear; a gentle kiss stops slow on my cochlear.

Lawson whispers forever.

An arm wraps itself around my ribcage, holding me so close I don’t dare take a full breath. I shiver as the tips of Lawson’s fingers reach the outline of my center.

“f**k me for admitting I need you, O.” It’s an exhausted breath that kisses my cheek.

When I turn to face him, his hands stay encircled; one shapes the rump of my cheek.

“What are you?”

“The anomaly.” Air is sucked and rationed to the partygoers below us; I tip my head up, meeting his glossy expression. In his arms, I am an electric current ready to come ablaze.

Our lips match their opponent in a slow burn. I reach higher up on my tippy toes as he lifts me to meet his height. My slip rises up, and I’m wondering if anything is a secret anymore.

“Lawson? Is Olallie in here with you?” Verse comes through and sees us intertwined in a marvel of friction.

“Yes, she’s right here.”

“Ready to start the movie?”

“Yeah, right behind you.”

He doesn’t say anything as he places me back on the ground and leads us to the hallway.

“Movie?”

“You’ll see.”

When we enter another backroom, a projector is set up, and previews begin to roll for a movie filled with bloody parts and screams.

“Olallie! O, my blue bonnet baby!” Vayden clearly found his better mood since we parted ways. He jumps down from a bunk bed. “I missed you; you’ve been gone for so long. Promise me you’ll never leave me again? Promise me? Wait for a second, are you wearing lingerie for me? Good f**k, you are so damn sexy.”

“Chill it; Vay or Lawson will c***k your skull.” Verse comes up behind him, ruffling his hair with a teasing wink.

I don’t ask; I just swoop under his arms and squeeze. He laughs into my hair, and I’m so glad he is alive. Looking up into my friend’s face, he’s okay, and that is all I can ask.

“Come sit by me; I need someone to cuddle with.”

“Dude, you’ve got Brooke and Kelsey on the bed waiting for you to keep them warm.” Verse turns his brother around as Vayden throws me his jacket.

“For your n*****s, sweetie!”

I blush, not from my exposed breasts, but from the friendships, I didn’t know I was allowed to savor. A thought that makes me think of Harper and Zailey, and I wonder if their own struggles have ceased.

“What the f**k did he say about your n*****s?” There’s the rage-induced man who never goes down without a fight.

“Look, we have a jacket to keep us warm.”

“I brought us a blanket, baby. You know I’ve got you, don’t you?”

“Where should we sit?” There is a plethora of beanbag seats and giant pillows throughout the ground.

“Here.” He plops down and brings me down on top of his lap. Lawson spreads out the blanket over us.

“You do know that I’ve got you, right?” Again, the touch of his tone makes me shiver closer into him.

“Lawson, I don’t know what that means. That you’ve got me physically, sure. You want my body, I get it; you don’t have to try so hard to force everyone else away.”

“No finger f*****g!” Vayden yells at the top of his lungs.

“O, you think if I just wanted to spread you and take you that I would have wasted the energy with talking?”

“Whatever you want, Lawson, you keep it to yourself until you decide to act.”

“Day or night, I want every tonic tear. I don’t know what exactly happened in the parking lot earlier with Verse’s little brother.”

“Vayden, his name is Vayden.”

“Damnit, fine, whatever happened with Vayden. I don’t need to know. But, I’m here waiting for a chance for you to choose to trust me.”

“Why would I do that? You don’t want me, Law; you just want something to suppress the void.” The movie starts, and I try to pay attention to the lips as they open and shut. It’s too loud to head, and my body is too aware of Lawson’s against it.