Love By Chance By Mame

Pete2

Pete:

I’m Gay, at the age where I should fantasize about females, I’m already aware of my sexuality, I like looking at guys, at first I thought it was purely an appreciation, the feeling wouldn’t last until the end, however, wait until I’m old enough to realize that there’s no way in hell I’m going to like girls in this life. At first, I hid my aptitudes and told no one, then tried to make myself look like a guy with a normal personality, however that wasn’t me. Later, I met a senior through my high school classmates, he always liked to talk to me, teach me homework, like to be close to me, at the time I thought I probably liked him, until one day he asked me to go with him, I immediately agreed to him, I thought that day was my happiest moment, but I never thought it was my most painful moment. We kissed, a crazy kiss that at one point made me think something crazier was going to happen next, but after the kiss, he pushed me away, when he looked at me like I was an earthworm crawling out of the sludge, and at the same time my high school classmates came out of the corner with a cell phone that took a video of us kissing. They told me to trade money if I didn’t want my mother to know her only son was gay, and the other day I asked the senior in disbelief if he hadn’t had a crush on me from the start. “Are you stupid? Do you think I'm in love with you? Just holding you makes me sick!” That day, I stood there like a silly dog watching the man I thought liked me and the man who thought he was a good friend laughing freely, he said at first he suspected I didn’t like girls and just wanted to verify, not expecting to end up extorting money from me, how long did I give them money continuously? It’s been three months. I also often wonder why I don’t like girls. Why should I like boys? That day, crossing the road ready to go home I almost got hit by a car. He called me again and said to come to me for money, I don’t know what madness I had to say back to him, I said I would never give them money again. Maybe it was the face of the man who saved my life that popped into my head, and I finally managed to muster up the courage to come out with my mom, telling her I was gay. I thought my mother would be angry and would stink and scold me for being her only son, that I let her down, however, she just cuddled with me and cried with headache and then apologized to me, “You’re right, my son is not at fault, to sat who is at fault, I didn’t find out in time, I’m sorry… sorry!” My mom held me and cried like the day she decided to divorce my dad when she said she felt guilty for leaving me without a father. But I know that it was my dad who cheated and that mom's decision was not wrong. In the same way, Mom said I was not wrong and would always be her son no matter what I became. From that point on, I decided that no matter what happened, I would never let myself be threatened with being Gay, and I also decided not to tell my mother about being blackmailed, I didn’t want to upset her anymore, and I was happy enough that she accepted my sexuality. I don’t know why I told Ae all of this, but I told him all of it anyway, and I confide it in him like a brain in desperate need of an outlet. And Ae just listened quietly, not interrupting, not interjecting, not speaking, and for a moment I thought he might be as disgusted with me as others. After I finished my story, I didn’t dare turn my head to see how Ae looked, by this time people were already picking up their cars in the parking lot, but I didn’t bother to care how others would look at me. By this time the sky began to change color, the sun was not so toxic, the sun at three in the afternoon became soft, at this moment Ae was silent, I was also silent, I buried my head and stared at the tip of my shoes to see, perhaps, to lose a friend again.

Suddenly.

“You’re not going to cry anymore, are you trying to drown someone with your tears?” I was startled when Ae pressed hard on my head, feeling the other person stand up in the sight and involuntarily look up. “If he comes after you again, you tell me, I'm in Engineering College but headed to the football field.” Ae finished and looked back at me with a dumbfounded look. His laughter sounded loudly in the parking lot. The laugh made me think that even though he wasn't as handsome as the schoolboy, as soon as he smiled, it easily made my heart skip a beat. “Crying like a flowery cat, don’t look at me with suck eyes, I’m not disgusted with you, isn’t being gay just like other humans? You can get up now, I have to go to training later.” Ae smiled and held out his hand to me, and I hesitated, finally mustering up the courage to put it in his palm, and just as he said, I felt his great strength and pulled me up in just a moment. “Can you go home alone?” “Yes, my car… this is it.” I pointed to the Mercedes he was leaning on and said, Ae looked at me with amazing eyes, then muttered to himself about the Khun-chai or something, I didn’t feel angry after hearing it because Ae's tone didn’t mean to look down on people, it just had a kind of self-loathing meaning in itself. “Well, then be safe when you get home and talk to your mom properly, or that bastard will make your life in trouble if he sends her a video before you confess to your mom, and this face of yours with the corners of your mouth bruised like that,” take you to Engineering College?” Ae looked back at me as well, then shrugged, “No, I came by bike.” He pointed to the bicycle in the distance. A boy a few centimeters shorter than me was ready to walk toward his bike, but I felt that he was much stronger than me. I sat dumbfounded with my school bag.

“Eh…”

“You hurry up too, don’t anything happen to you here alone again, hurry up or I’ll be late for training.” The tone sounded unconcerned, but Ae stood still and didn’t leave, having to watch me get into the car, wanting to say something, but not knowing what to say, all he could do was start the car and leave the parking lot, only to see him walk to his bike and ride off in the opposite direction. As bad as today’s experience made me feel, I covered my hand over my chest and felt it beating powerfully as if it was going to jump out of my chest in the next second. I tried to restrain myself from liking boys, but I…still…fell in love with a boy again, and this time it felt completely different than the last time. I think I’m in love with Ae. The boy was thin and small, but broad-minded. Would he hate me if I told him I liked him? “Might as well try to make an effort.” And my story with him…From that day on, began…