Death-Bound

Rage

Chapter Four

“It’s beautiful…” I said without knowing that I uttered such words, “er-I mean every woman would want to be dressed in such my lord.” He then just smiled as I hide my face from him…why am I like this?! Such childishness is impossible for me—a death-bound.

“I have one that’ll fit you perfectly…do you want to try it on?” now I know where all of these is heading…pain struck me as I once again looked at his deep blue eye…eye’s that could only belong to the emperor himself. I was amazed of how my emotions would stir every time that I would look at those eyes. It’s as if I am going to be lost in them that moment. How I would wish to go back to my past, to be a princess once again. But then, as you would want to live in your wildest dreams, reality would bite you with its cold icy fangs. As your dreams would fly with you, it will suddenly drop you in to the abyss of truth, truth that no matter where you run, it will haunt you. Being a death-bound is my reality, and that is what hindering me from my dreams…my freedom.

I shook my head, “No, my lord, that dress is only fit for your bride alone. And it will not want me to even dare wear it.” It hurts to say those words…but, isn’t that what I should always say? My duty is to bring death among those who my master wishes to be dead. I kill in the manner my master wants me to do it…and I feel in such ways that he wanted me to do so. He is toying with my feeling, or is it me who is always thinking of being a death-bound, of how I should act according to my class. What class am I in this society? “I am just your slave my lord…I am your death-bound.” I couldn’t look at him, because I know deep in my heart that I am being stubborn. I wouldn’t want him to pity me…I don’t want to see his eyes. The same eye which saw all the filth and shame which my captor gave me…eyes who bought a slave from the Gem of the Desert thinking that he had helped one of my people…eyes who never recognized me—the one person whom he had confessed his love to. He never saw the person I was after all the scars. He never recognized the pain that had permanently settled in my heart.

He walked passed me, “Come.” We left the closet. As we once again entered the king’s bedroom, I wanted to escape. To get out from all the memories that are flooding me. His boyish smiles that infinitely played in my memories, our memories that even I can not figure out how to forget.

Run away! It's what my gut was telling me. ”May I go now my lord?” I asked, he didn’t reply. I waited for a moment then hesitantly tried to turned away, but before I could move to step, he enveloped his arms around me to an embrace. Such embrace that gave me warmth, warmth that all of this years I finally found—in him. And as if time stood still, that I figured out that what we are doing is against the highest laws. The empire depends on him to act according to this duty. With the snap of reality, I wanted it to all stop and be over. “We shouldn’t do this,” I whispered burying my face to his chest inhaling his scent trying to engrave it in me. And hoping against all hopes that he didn’t hear those words.

But his embrace grew tighter, “Let me just hold you one last time.” He said, his words trembling as if he is caution not to break me. “Hyacinth, I love you. And there is no one else that could ever have my heart.” My heart skipped a beat. He knew me. All this time, I though he sees me as a shadow of the person I once was. But he knew who I am. He still knew my name all these years. He knew that I was still her a part of this person. All this time I though I trapped every bit of my person in the deepest part of my mind. But here I am, feeling every bit of love and rage towards him. I wanted to confess how hard it is for me even to pretend not to love him, to pretend that I am not the same person he'd lost. But then when I was about to do so, he uttered a sigh and loosen his grip. He looked at me with a searching gaze, “What have I made out of you, not to feel even the slightest of emotions? I must be a monster to you." Holding me by the shoulder at his arms length, he spoke again, "I know you will never forgive me” Then final with defeat he finally let go. Letting his arms fall on either side of him. “I know you are not the same Hyacinth whom I have given my love to, but I promise you this…I will forget.” He said choking on his last words. My heart wanted to take away his pain seeing him sobbing at the loss of the one he cherished the most. But all I could do was stare at him, so out of character…like a death-bound. I felt the curse circulating in my veins once again. The moment I wanted to act as a normal person in love it will stop me. Death-bounds can never love. Can never feel love. That is law. Bu how come I am feeling this emotion deep within my heart. I love him. But  I cannot love him.  How can I love such a person? He made me to become  what I am now. He gave this curse of immortality, to serve him…to be by his side. And to feel this way now is but a myth in my being. I am but a doll made to kill and obey her maker. He is not the monster, I am. “Go now, you shall be summoned if you are needed.” I bowed and went away as a marionette that I am obeying her maker. I lived because he ordered me to. That is what I am, his slave. 

I was walking fast until I found myself running. All I wanted was to run away from all of this. It was raining but I couldn’t feel even the slightest cold that it brought to me. All I could feel was sadness. I felt how my heart was as if ripped out from me…I wanted to cry. However, tears won’t even flow. Rain was piercing my skin but I continued running until I reached the cliff where a lowly oak tree stood. I rested my hand on its branch, breathing heavily from all the running. Then I realized it, after all these years, I was finally  crying. Then Darkness.

I woke up due to the sunshine grinning and glaring on my face. I tried to cover my eyes with my right hand, to lock away the day light. But I realized what happened. I grasped up right with the thought! I was so careless. Then I heard someone speak, “You know death-bounds aren’t supposed to wonder far from their Master’s keep.” It was a lie, unlike an ordinary slave a death bound can go any place he or she wanted to with an oath to return within that day. I looked around trying to find the one who spoke. No one was there, I only noticed a coat covering me—at least it was up to the time I sat up. I was still looking for any signs of the man who spoke and grabbed a stone, In any case that I accidentally stumbled into trouble. “There’s no need of that,” he spoke again now appearing in front of me. He came from one of the branches. “I was here earlier, when it was still raining. You lost your consciousness after you wailed like you died.”

I was now standing up handing him the coat he covered me. “Thank you, you shouldn’t have.” Then I saw it. His bell, the thing that kept him bound—a death-bound. It was placed on his left ear. Like an earring that was worn by a woman. In awe I gazed towards him, he was damn founded as well. He eyed my bell as if he despises the man who placed it there. Unlike my enslavement, this man is only bound for several years. Unlike me who would have to serve my master until his last breath. He wasn’t taking his coat from me. “Your coat.” I said for him to take notice.

He looked away being embarrassed with the sight. I was still wearing the cream nightdress Margaritta dressed me into. The same dress that was stained with blood. The one that I ran with under the rain. The one that is still soaked and is now showing my under garments. I was ashamed of myself. “It is best if you wear it. Let us go to town and get you new garments. You’ll be ill if you stay in those.” I just did what he said me to do. Admitting defeat is not one of my strength, but there was something in his voice that made me want to do his bidding.

We walked to town. I just realized it now that I was also bare-footed. The town wasn’t that far to walk to. I had better send words to Margaritta to fetch me. We stopped at the nearest garment shop that we passed. As for the bills, my bell is enough for the credit. Death-bounds are regarded as the highest of all servants to the Emperor. Having the crest of the Emperor embedded on my bell meant I am his, and that I am to treated with the highest respect of all individual in the commoners’ realm. Nothing fitted me except for a kimono, which is also lacking in length. It’s about a quarter of a foot higher from my ankles. After going out of that shop, I got a civil guard to take a message to Margaritta. But I told her not to fetch me until it was almost dusk. I wanted to stay away from my master’s keep—away from my pain.

We walked further into the center of trade. At this time of year traders held their annual feast. It’s that time of their gathering to show off what their land had learned in the arts of trading. The market place was filled with all of the things that could only be seen once every year. I looked around, wanting to find some traders from my land. And there, in the corner of the next shop. The one with the most colorful tent held my endeared people. I went there not even telling my companion, nor asking him if he wanted to come. Nevertheless he followed me. It was exciting to feel this way once again, to be contented to see the growing progress of even one of the smallest trader and somehow be happy to be in the presence of one of my people.

“Can I help you—!” his words never came out when he saw my bell. The king of his kingdom never had himself a death-bound. It was for the reason that the king himself is capable of killing like one. My father told me that it is never a good justice to bring enslavement to one of our people even if it meant to secure the royals in our land. “Please, take all you want and leave.” He then turned his back and went to the back of the tent. He was talking to someone in our dialect, things that I understood in an instant. “two death-bounds are here. Hide now my child, we wouldn’t let you to be taken as well. The Emperor has a liking of our people that he even took our beloved Princess from our land.”