The Hitman and His Consort

LII - Discourse

First Person P.O.V: VALENTIN HACKSAW

‘He seriously wants to tackle this over under the current circumstances?’

“Can I talk as I clean, at least?” I asked, and he nodded, sh*t. I clicked my tongue as I started unwrapping the tapes off of Julian’s arms, “I told Arthur about my feelings,” I began,

“How?” he asked immediately after my statement, is the procedure important? He sighed as he rolled his eyes at me as if reading my mind, “You’re not exactly a good communicator so I want to know what kind of s**t you pulled to make her aware of how you felt,” he explained and I scoffed.

‘So rude,’

I inhaled before answering, “Then you’d be surprised that I took a direct approach, told her I was obsessed with her,” I replied, and even if I wasn’t looking at him, I heard the sound of a facepalm. Now what? He’d hate if I was roundabout with it, but now that I took a direct approach, he’s still disappointed. What's with the insurmountable expectation of people these days. No sense of satisfaction whatsoever.

“You told her those words exactly?”

“That’s what I said,”

“You i***t, you’d scare her obviously!” He scolded, and I exhaled through my nose as I shook my head.

“Damn right, I was chewed out, yelling and punching included,” I agreed, and he groaned.

“It got to the point of punching?” he repeated, and I gave him a deadpan look. Is he really listening? It just sounds like he’s repeating my words.

I nodded, “Yes, that’s what I just said, focus Rod, this talking thing was your suggestion, to begin with,” I replied, making him glare daggers at me as he shoved his fingers into his pockets.

He started pacing around the room muttering under his breath before facing me again, “And what did she say?” he asked. The thought of reminiscing about all of that leaves a bitter taste in my mouth and it made my hands itch. There was this faint urge to strangle something or someone, but not too intense that it made me want to choke Rod at least.

“She said she’s done being easy access to sh*t like these, and by that, I think she meant men like me,” I explained and he hummed,

“Okay, and what did you say?” he asked, inhaling another cloud of smoke from his cig as it started to build up in the room.

At this moment, I realized that maybe I did say something wrong. It made me somewhat wary about just what sort of reaction Rodrigo would have if I told him that I edged her to the point of anger.

He raised a brow as he glared, “Well?...I’m waiting,” he pressed,

I looked away and started removing the strapped tape around Julian’s other arm, “I told her that she’s gone for terrible men all these time and she coincidentally has to stop at me, when I’m probably the only one who receives therapy—“

“F*cking hell, Valya! What was going through your head? Why’d you go and say something like that?!” he yelled, waving his arms around so much that the smoke from his cigarette formed figures,

“I don’t take rejection well Rod,” I replied, making him roll his eyes before cupping his face in his hands, rubbing his temples right after. He didn’t have to react so violently it wasn’t him I told that too.

“I could tell…why did you say that, you don’t even take our sessions seriously, were you simply trying to anger her more?” he asked, and I shrugged. I was. I was pretty hurt by what she said. It was a first for me to feel like that for anyone and I was hoping she’d humor me.

Even if our relationship was doomed from the start, I wouldn’t do anything remotely offensive to her. My goal was to stay close to her in the first place, but I realize now that maybe I sabotaged myself.

“I was just mildly pissed is all, I’m annoyed at her of course, it just seemed unreasonable to me,” I said and he frowned at me with a confused grimacing expression, since when was he this comically expressive?

“How…what do you mean?” he asked, placing his cig on his lips and crossing his arms stiffly,

“Well…she’s dated men like me before, what’s another one? I’m not going to act like those other men, I’m not that stupid,” I explained,

“Hmm, but you just did,” he corrected.

‘…well that’s different,’

“You’re expecting her to treat you differently because you have feelings for her? It’s like you’re forcing her to swallow medicine when you’re the one who got sick,” he exampled and I paused. Is that how it looked like? He sighed as he took a few steps closer to me,

“Valya, why are you making her responsible for your actions?” he asked,

I frowned and stood straight, pausing my work as I faced him completely, “The sickness I got that you speak of is because of her, to begin with, this wouldn’t have happened if I haven’t met her,” I argued.

I have no idea things or feeling like these existed until I felt them on my own, why do they expect me of all people to react any better, if normal people fail at relationships, what chance do I have?

“Okay Valya, let’s follow through with this analogy, if you got sick because of something, shouldn’t your next step be to deal with your health, make yourself better…avoid the sickness so it won’t happen again,” he explained, tapping the ash off of his quickly dying cigarette, and I sighed as I returned to cleaning up,

“I tried to avoid her, she even shut me out, but way before then the ‘infection’ already spread too quickly to recover from,” I reasoned,

“Well, still your fault for having a weak immune system, true, this wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t met her, but like how people don’t get sick even with flu season, you falling for Arthur with such intensity is something specific only to you and not everyone else,” he ranted, pointing a finger at Julian’s corpse,

“While some dealt with it successfully or didn’t get sick at all, there are some who might share your symptoms, you didn’t even check what their outcome was which could’ve been vital to your survival, do you see what I’m getting at Valya?” he snapped, raising his voice as he went on.

“This analogy is being too detailed,” I quipped as I made the wrong choice of pulling Julian up by the arms, then did I know that I didn’t make the stitches sturdy enough to keep the biceps and the forearm together that his arms completely detached at the joint once I tried to lift the body up.

The flesh made a nasty sound as they tore apart, followed by the thud of the body falling back to the chair, “But yes…I understand,” I followed as I face him, tucking the severed arms under my armpit.

“But my question is, she’s already dated men like me, what’s another one? By now she probably knows what to do, right? She already has the experience, and maybe we can change and alter things as we go,” I reasoned again, another main point that I want to make,

Rodrigo looked at me under his brows, “Valya, what’s your favorite beverage?” he asked, finally putting out the dying cig on the floor.

I tilted my head at the sudden change of the topic, “…I like, coffee, not too sweet though,” I noted, maybe he’s asking because he’ll make me one, I’ve seen people talk over serious things over drinks.

He frowned, “I’m not asking because I’ll make you a cup you i***t, but okay… let’s say you get to drink your favorite drink, but it’s laced with poison. Would you still drink it?” he asked,

Great, another analogy.

I sighed as I looked for a sack to dump Julian’s body in, “I won’t obviously, I’m not stupid, I’ll just find another drink,” I replied,

“Yeah, but every drink you’ll end up liking ends up being laced with poison,” he snapped.

“Impossible, what kind of sh*tty luck would I have?”

“A luck like Arthur’s,” he remarked. He walked to one corner of the garage and got back to me with a body bag in his hand. I knew he’s got stuff like this lying around.

“Arthur, probably like any other person, wants to be in a happy and healthy relationship, but every man she finds tends to be 'a drink laced with poison', see?” he began, gesturing once again at Julian,

“And in her search for the non-poisoned ones she’s come across so many that are so toxic that it ruined her health, which is why I feel glad for her that she’s taking time to recuperate after all this sh*t,” he finished.

I frowned at him for the nth time, “Are you happy I got rejected?” I asked,

“Yes, I’m happy she’s prioritizing herself, aren’t you happy that Arthur finally gets to be happy?” he asked back.

I put the rest of Julian’s body in the body bag, before looking at him again, “I could make her happy,” I said, he shook his head with a disappointed look,

“Cleary not… at this state? You’re just another poison to her, and if she takes you in, she might just die,” he replied.

‘…I… I’m not that reckless and heartless to the point I’d be the cause of her death… am I?’

“Then what should I do?”

“…As of now, detoxify yourself,”

“Yeah, I could totally do that, 100%”

“Yeah, yeah, smartass I didn’t say instantly,” he retorted as he rubbed his neck, “If anything, it’ll take time… a lot of time, and you need to work hard for it, by yourself, you’re the toxic one here, so it’s up to you to resolve whatever sh*t you got going on in there,” he explained.

I nodded as I zipped up the body bag and opened my hand to him, “Do you still have cigs?” I asked, he sighed as he gave me one and lent me the lighter, “Also…how am I going to do that, the detoxify bullsh*t,” I asked as I inhaled enough smoke to fill my lungs, blowing it back out along with the stiffness I’ve been trying to get rid off since way earlier.

Rodrigo clicked his tongue, placing his hands back in his pockets again, “I don’t know…that’s up to you, take some time off, climb a mountain for some soul searching, reflect on the stuff where you could’ve done better, change of environment and perspective, try new things, meet new people and gather new experiences…” he trailed off,

“There are a million different ways of coping, I’ll be dead before I could tell them all, it’s up to you on what works best because clearly, I’m terrible at my job, I’m not the right man to help,” he said with a bitter smile. The face of regret. I really, really hate that look.

I wiped my hand with the rag I found earlier and sighed as I faced him, “I’ll take your advice… seriously, this time, I just need two things,” I told him.

I know I’m impulsive, but I think I really need to do this, get this whole detoxify thing over with as quickly as I could, and tackling the matter head-on seemed like a good approach.

He raised a curious brow at me before, humming, “Alright, let’s hear it,” he replied, not particularly eager or amused with me as I walked over to fetch my trench coat, scarf, and hat.

“I need a f*ck ton of money and for you to pass a message for me,” I listed,