Depeche Mode

Introduction No. 1-1

17.06.93 (Thursday)

INTRODUCTION NO. 1

16.50

June 17, near five in the afternoon, Dogg Pavlov tries to enter the subway. He walks up to the revolving door, goes straight up to the woman in uniform, and pulls a veteran’s card out of his pocket. The woman in uniform looks at the card and reads “Pavlova, Vira Naumivna.” “So?” she asks.

“My grandmother,” says Dogg Pavlov.

“Where is your grandmother?”

“This,” says Dogg pointing at the card, “is my grandmother.”

“What of it?”

“She’s a veteran.”

“And you, what do you want?”

“She burned in a tank.”

The woman looks at the card again. Who knows, she thinks, maybe she did burn—you can’t tell from a photograph.

“Well, okay,” she says. “And what can I do for you?’”

“A pass,” says Dogg.

“You burned in a tank too?”

“Listen,” Dogg begins to bargain. “Maybe I’m bringing her something to eat.”

“What do you mean, to eat?”

“You know, to eat.” Dogg tries to remember what his grandmother eats when she is given food. “Dairy products—cheese, for example.”

“You’re a cheese yourself,” says the lady in uniform without animosity.

Dogg understands how all this looks from the side: he’s beating his head against an enormous endless wall that separates him from life, beating his head without any hope of success, and all life’s pleasures, including a ride on the subway, are just not in the cards right now, that’s the way it looks. He gathers all his willpower into his fist and says something like: Listen, lady—of course, he doesn’t say it in those words, but the content is approximately the same. So listen to me carefully— he says—okay? Listen, listen, I want to say something else, listen. Well, in spite of—let’s see, how can I say it— you, I don’t know, you can take this in your own way, I agree, maybe it means nothing to you but still you have to agree: my grandmother cannot be allowed to die of hunger just because I, her beloved grandson, if you allow me, was denied entry to the subway by some lousy rear guarder. You have to agree, no? (Well, at this point they just lay into one another verbally, but we’ll ignore that.) He concentrates all his willpower and suddenly dives under the woman’s arms, waving the veteran’s card in the air, and disappears into the subway’s cool intestines.

“What does he mean, lousy rear guarder who never saw the front lines?” thinks the woman. “I wasn’t born ’til 1949.”

17.10

At the stadium stop, Dogg gets off onto an empty platform; in about an hour Metalist is playing its last home game, everyone is getting together, you know how it is, the end of the season, the rainy summer above, the clouded sky and the dilapidated stadium that stands somewhere just above Dogg; in the last few years it’s started to come apart, grass springing up between the concrete slabs, especially after a rain, the stands covered in pigeon s**t, there’s s**t on the field too, especially when our team’s playing, the country’s in ruins, the phys ed movement is in ruins, the big chiefs have f*****g wasted the main thing—in my opinion, whatever you say—because under the Sovs there were two things that you could be proud of, the soccer championship and nuclear weapons, and the guys who took these pleasures away from the people will hardly live to a peaceful and carefree old age, for surely nothing undermines karma as much as screwed-up national politics. Dogg stands on the platform a bit longer, his friends are supposed to come from the other direction, so he just has to wait for them. Dogg is tired and worn out, he’s been drinking for three days, and the weather’s bad too, obviously the weather is affecting him, the pressure or whatever it’s called—what do you call the condition when you drink for three days and suddenly stop recognizing your friends and family? It’s the pressure, obviously.

He can’t even remember what happened—the summer had begun so well, the rains came, Dogg was successfully pissing away the best years of his life, when suddenly his advertising friends dragged the reliably unemployed Dogg into the bowels of the advertising industry: to put it more simply, they hired him as a courier in their newspaper’s advertising department. Dogg suffered badly, but he held up and kept going to work. He wasn’t much benefit to them, but at least someplace considered him human, although personally he has never been very concerned about this—well, what are friends for, if not to straighten out your social status through direct intervention. I said from the first that he wouldn’t last long but they weren’t listening, they said don’t worry, on the whole he’s a decent guy, a bit f****d up, but okay, okay, and I agreed, okay.

Dogg lasts ten days, after that he goes on a binge and doesn’t come to work anymore, and so as not to be found he drinks at the homes of acquaintances; at 19 he knows half the city, one night he even sleeps at the railway station— there he meets some mushroom-picking friends who are taking the early-morning commuter train to somewhere in the Donbas for raw material and spends the night with them under the columns on the street, where he is rousted three times by the patrols; he sticks it out until morning, listening to tales about mushrooms and other thermonuclear stuff, then he breaks down and takes off for home. Here he encounters a ringing telephone. Under different circumstances Dogg would never have picked it up, but cold silver trout are already swimming inside him after a three-day alcoholic binge and their tails are beating against his kidneys and liver so painfully that his world is getting hazy and so he automatically picks up the receiver. “Dogg?” they shout into the telephone. “Don’t you dare put down the phone!” His friends the advertisers Vova and Volodia, who fixed him up with the job in the advertising business to their own detriment, are sitting somewhere in their Komsomol office tearing the receiver from each other’s hands trying to convince Dogg to speak to them, occasionally drifting off into profanities. “Dogg!” they say, “the main thing—don’t you dare put down the phone. Hey asshole!” they say, reassured that he is listening. “If you put down the phone now, you’re dead. We’ll bury you, you hear?” “Hello,” says Dogg in reply. “What do you mean ‘hello’?” say Vova and Volodia losing their cool. “What do you mean ‘hello’? Can you hear us?” “Yes,” says the frightened Dogg. “Good,” Vova and Volodia answer, encouraged. “Okay, listen, it’s now ten in the morning.” “What?” Dogg is now finally terrified and lets the receiver drop. The telephone immediately crackles again. He picks up the receiver indecisively. “You!!!” roars the voice. “Asshole!!! Don’t you dare put down the phone!!!” Dogg swallows with difficulty. “Do you hear?” “Okay,” says Dogg uncertainly. “So it’s like this,” explode the advertisers. “It is now ten in the morning—don’t you dare put down the phone!!! You hear??? Don’t you dare put down the phone!!! It’s now ten. At half past five we’ll be waiting for you by the stadium. If you don’t come, we’ll rip your balls off. If you come, we’ll rip your balls off anyway. But it will be better for you if you come. Understand?” “Yes,” says Dogg. “Do you understand!?” the advertisers cannot calm down. “I understand,” says Dogg Pavlov, feeling the trout swimming cheerfully somewhere under his throat. “What’s with you?” the advertisers finally ask. “Are you feeling bad?” “Yes.” “Do you need anything?” “Some vodka.” “Asshole,” say Vova and Volodia and put down the receiver. Dogg takes a breath. Ten o’clock. He needs to change or have a drink, better a drink, of course. His granny comes out of the next room. This granny, he loves her and all that, even goes around with her veteran’s card, you could even say that he’s proud of her, not entirely, of course, but up to a certain point, he tells people that she burned in a tank, I have trouble imagining the little old lady in a tank wearing a helmet, although anything’s possible. “How are you Vitalik?” she says. “Work, granny, work,” says Dogg. “What kind of work is it?” worries the little old lady. “Yesterday, they telephoned all day, asking, ‘Where is that asshole?’ And I should know?”

17.22

Vova and Volodia jump out of the subway and meet up with Dogg, and they emerge onto the street. You alive? they ask. Dogg is completely pale, can’t get it together; they drag him into the grocery store on Plekhanov Street and buy two bottles of vodka, don’t worry, they tell Dogg, first we’re going to bring you back to life and then we’ll rip your balls off, there’s no fun in ripping something off in your state, look at yourself; they take him up to the store window, the grocery is dark and empty, like most of the country’s stores during this difficult time—they’ve brought the country to ruin, the bastards—look, they say to Dogg, look at yourself. Dogg is quite weak, he looks through the window and sees a waitress in a white coat who is also looking through the glass at a couple of jerks who look like dropouts standing on the street directly in front of her. They’re holding up a third guy just like them and are pointing at her. She looks at them with contempt; Dogg somehow focuses his eyes, recognizes his reflection and suddenly notices inside this reflection a strange creature in white clothing who is wearing a large amount of makeup on her face and moving with difficulty within the confines of his body, as though trying to break out from inside him, and he begins to feel nauseous. Of course, thinks Dogg, that’s my soul, but how come it’s got gold teeth?

17.35–18.15

They spend forty minutes reviving Dogg. They pour vodka into him and in accordance with some law of physics as Dogg fills up with it he floats to the surface, greets everybody, all present also greet him—welcome back pioneer and hero Dogg Pavlov, great to have you back with us, we missed you, and Oh, says everyone, meaning Vova and Volodia, we simply needed to revive you so we could look once more into your honest if drunken eyes, so that you could tell us why you hate the advertising business in general and us, Volodia and me—says Vova—in particular; what did we do to make you take off without a word, with, by the way, a very important piece of correspondence, on account of which we would, if we could, rip your balls off twice. In this way a kind of friendly conversation takes place between them, you know how it is, and Dogg fully returns to the world, after his own soul had almost pushed him out of it, look around and listens: the trout are lying somewhere on the bottom, the angry gold-toothed angel in the white coat and nylon stockings has also flown off, the advertisers Vova and Volodia have dragged him somewhere into the bushes behind some white metal kiosks and are giving him generous helpings of vodka. Compromises are required in the social mode of existence.

18.15

Why do they never make it to the stadium on time for the pre-game inspirational music and opening speeches by municipal clerks? First of all, as a rule they arrive less than completely sober and therefore lack a clear idea of the time; sometimes they lack any clear idea whatsoever, not just about the time of day but even the season of the year, they’re invariably in warm sweaters under the hot sun or in wet T-shirts during the first snow. Second, there’s always some kind of lottery draw before the game and they categorically do not believe in lotteries. Third, as, you can understand, when you’re 19 and you crawl into your section of the stadium and everyone—including the police—can see your wonderful, elated condition, what can be more uplifting? Later, when you grow up and start working in a bank or the offices of the gas utility, when you interact with reality through television, and with your friends by fax—if you have any friends, that is, and provided they, too, have a fax machine—then, naturally, you won’t give a good God-damn about crazy drunk teenage hijinks that empty out your wallet and throw you into every plate-glass window in the world, a time when excitement moistens your eyes and the blood stops flowing under your fingernails because several hundred people are watching them entering their section, searching for their places, and carrying someone on their shoulders, calling him a dog for some reason, losing him from time to time among the benches, but then stubbornly and energetically picking him up and dragging him to their assigned places, away from the guards, away from the women selling ice cream, and in general away from the soccer, as they themselves conceive it.