Their Loving Solitude

Chapter 17 Shut Down

Mia's POV

I walk with Naomi back into our apartment. She practically swings me into the apartment from the momentum of her pulling me away from Caleb.. But I don't mind because I still had a good morning with him, and no matter how much she doesn't like him, she can't take that good feeling away from me.

She quickly slams the door behind us, making me jump because I wasn't expecting that. She keeps hold of my hand and brings me over to the couch to have a seat. Once we sit, she grabs my other hand and puts them in her lap to hold them closer to her.

She lets out a deep breath as she looks me in the eyes to say. "I'm sorry about that.. I wasn't trying to scare you.. I just needed to see you.. and talk to you.. I'm so sorry I wasn't there when you tried talking to me last night.. my phone was on silent." I know she means well, so I squeeze her hand for reassurance as I shake my head. "It's not a big deal, Nay.. it's ok.. I swear.. There is nothing to be upset about." I try to make her feel better, but her head shakes more than I expected.

"I haven't been able to sleep.. I'm stressed about everything that happened to you.. you're the best person I know, and to know that this horrible thing happened to you of all people just tears my heart apart.. I feel responsible for leaving you in the parking lot to be harassed.. I should have stayed. I should have helped, and knowing I wasn't there when you needed the help breaks my heart.. then you tried again to get more help from me with your texts, and I failed at that, too. It has broken my heart more than I ever thought this situation would.. All I want is to see you happy and be the one helping to make you happy, but I feel like I'm failing at that." She declares all of this to me as my head automatically objects by shaking vigorously.

"Nay.. You're the one person who has been there for me when I needed you the most.. which had helped make me into the woman I am today, with a smile and all." She smiles at me as I continue on. "But you can't beat yourself up about what happened to me.. I won't let you.. There is no way you could have known about the attacker. That's how he has gotten away with this so many times because he knows what he is doing, so you can't blame yourself." She had tears in her eyes as she shook her head, still beating herself up, but I could see why.

I squeeze her hands, getting her attention as I declare. "But also.. things worked out in a positive way after all that last night.. I did finally feel better after I went over to Caleb's.. I know you don't like him, but he has been putting me first and making me feel safe since the moment I met him, and I love that.. Plus, I was finally able to get some sleep, and believe me, I needed that." I try to explain as she shakes her head.

"I just want to be the one making you happy." She states with so much frustration in her words that it almost makes me feel bad that she is having this hard of a time with this.. Maybe I didn't relay my appreciation for what she does to make me happy enough. I nod my head as I lean in. "Nay, you make me smile every day.. You're the best friend I could have ever asked for.. yeah, we have hard times like any other friends, but I know most of the time your actions are coming from a caring place, and that's what matters to me." I say to her so confidently, but in that moment, she leans in and kisses me.

I try to pull away, but her hands wrap over my cheeks and pull me in, making this the most hungry kiss I have experienced ever. The passion felt in this kiss is something else.. She pulls her lips away, and she stares deep into my eyes. "I can be dependable and make you happy forever.. I love you and not just as friends.. but as more.. I want to be with you every day until my last Mia." My mouth drops open, not knowing how to deal with this. I thought maybe she had a crush from the multiple times she attempted friends with benefits, but that would be just a crush.. Not love like this.

"I love you too." I say as she leans in to kiss me again, but I stop her as I retort. "But I'm sorry, Nay.. I don't love you like that.. You're my sister.. we have been through so much together.. I can't think of anyone else I want to have in my life forever.. but not in that way.. you're my best friend and sister.. that's all.. I know we have had some fun drunken nights together, and they were fun for the most part.. But they taught me a lot about what I like and who I want for me to be my forever partner.. and that's not you.. I'm so sorry.. I love you, but I don't love you the way you love me." The pain in her eyes breaks my heart. I never wanted to hurt her ever and definently not like this.

Naomi starts to cry as I do, too, knowing how much those words have hurt my favorite person and most trusted friend. "Please, don't hate me, please." I beg of her to try to understand my feelings. The pain is evident on her features as her lips quiver before her eyes water. She shakes her head at that comment as if she doesn't believe the words that come out of my mouth.

"So the years we had together meant nothing to you?" I shake my head vigorously. "They meant everything to me.. they made me who I am and showed me what I want in life.. What I like and don't like.. You're amazing, but it's just not the right fit for me in that way." I try to explain this as best as I can to spare her feelings in the process.

"Alright, I get it." she spats at me through clenched teeth. "Please don't hate me." I beg of her not wanting to lose her.. she means so much to me. "I couldn't ever hate you." she snaps as she turns away, getting up and going to her room before slamming the door behind her. I run up to her door, banging on it, feeling so awful for my words no matter how true they are.

"I'm sorry Nay, please believe me.. know that I love you." I beg of her as I press my ear to the door, hoping for a response, but all I receive is silence. "Please let me in Nay.. let's talk about this.. together." I beg as she yells back. "I need time to think Mia.. give me some time.. I deserve that." She demands as I nod as my heart beats out of my chest.

"You do deserve that, and I will, but know that when you're ready.. I'm here." I say as I turn away from the door hating myself so much right now. I just didn't want to lead her on and be honest with her.. does that somehow make me a bad person? Because I feel like a bad person.

Naomi's POV

I slam the door behind me as I start pacing around the room, feeling more pain in my chest than I ever thought I could. I throw my lamp onto the ground and my pillow across the room.. I'm livid beyond belief. "I can't believe her.. Not picking me and wanting to be with who? Caleb? Disgusting!" I snap out as I think about how I need to talk to Deema about this because this was her idea. "I did what you told me too, Deema.. I expressed my true feelings, and she shut me down.. Me! The person who has always put her first!" I spat out feeling so much hurt in my chest as if I'm being run over by a roadroller.

Before I can rip my heart out of my chest to try to rid myself of this pain, I can hear Deema responding. "Oh, I'm sorry.. But at least you tried, and that's probably the best you could do.. You can at least say that you tried." her strong southern accent rings in my ears as I nod, but that doesn't help ease the heartbreak like I was looking for.

"No.. this is not what I wanted.. I was hoping for a better reaction than just to be let down instantly.. she came to me first, she told me she loved me first.. she just kissed me back.. how can she do these types of things and not love me they way I want her to?" I squeak out as Deema corrects me.

"She does love you, Mimi.. that's why she said this.. it's because she loves you so much that she knows you deserve the truth.. to hopefully not break your heart worse than it could be if she led you on.. you can't hate her for knowing what or who she wants.. that's not her fault that stuff is natural.. she has told you multiple times that she is not interested in something with you, but you kept pushing it over the years.. how many times have you tried having s****l fun with her, and she told you no?" She asks this now, making me feel bad.

"I don't know.. a couple of times.. maybe you're right. she did this because she loves me.. I just thought after 6 years of being together that we could finally be together, creating a family." I declare as she responds without hesitation. "You've been together as a family, .. everything you have done together is what families do.. you pick each other up when you're down.. when you can't take care of things, she helps and picks up the slack.. when you are sick, she takes care of you and even goes out of her way to be protective of your feelings.. she cares for you like no other has, and that's why you fell so hard." I can't help but agree with this because I know everything she is saying is one hundred percent true.

"Yeah.. You're right, Deema.. I'm just hurt, so I'm lashing out.. it just hurts.. hurts so much more than I thought it would. It feels like my heart was broken in my chest." I try to explain as she hums out. "This isn't a bad thing to love someone.. And it's also ok to be shut down.. It helps thicken your skin.. but this doesn't mean she is your only shot at happiness.. you could find something else." Deema explains as I nod at that thought but hating the idea of anyone else in Mia's place for the future I held onto in my heart.

"I just wish there was a way I could win her over." I declare expecting Deema to respond once again, but this time, a different voice than I expected hops in the gives advice. "She only shut you down because you did it at the wrong time.. she just got done making out and doing who knows what with wonder boy next door.. if she wasn't thinking about him, then she would have seen the treasure she had in front of her.. she knows you're special she said that.. But her mind was just elsewhere, and that has happened to the best of us.. So let's just take the obstacle out of the way, and things will be great." Ebony explains, sounding calm and collected when she is normally an irrational kind of reacter to situations.

"You're probably right.. she kissed me back, and she knows how well I take care of her in every aspect. She talked about how amazing I am to her and how much she vherishes me. But she still said no to me.. and for what that guy? I bet that's the only reason why she is saying no to me.. if she didn't have him around than I bet she would be running into my arms because I'm the only one who takes care of her in every way she needs, emotionally, mentally, and especially physically." I spat out agreeing with Ebony.. I don't know where Deema went, but Ebony is the one that has my side on this.

"I vote that you just let me and Richard and Davidson take care of this guy.. we could help get him out of the picture.. and maybe if there is time, we can try to find the assh*le who violated our Mia and vindicate this for her.. if we do that, I bet she would be running into your arms after everything is said and done." she declares a plan, and to say I love the estimated result is an understatement.

"Ok, let's do it." I suggest as she instantly objects. "No, you can't be involved, or she won't ever give you a chance, but we can take care of this for you, and you won't have anything on your hands.. we got you." She declares to me as I nod and reply. "Ok.. so is there anything I can do to help?" I ask her as she quickly replies. "Just get her and her boy toy out of their places.. that's it and nothing else." She asks of me, and I nod.. That's easy enough.