Unrealistic

5. We Still Have Time

“How was your study da-” 

“Mom!”

“Oh come on Sylvia,” Mom says as she pulls out of the Bishop’s driveway. “What’s with all the defensiveness?”

“I’m not being defensive,” I say… defensively. “Anyways, it was fine. We got a lot of work done.”

“That’s good, sweetie. When is the report due?”

“In a couple of weeks,” I answer.

“When’s the next study sesh?” Mom says with a grin.

“Really mom? No one says ‘sesh’ anymore.” I say laughing.

“I hear youngsters say it all the time on those teen dramas you and Mallory are always watching.”

“Hardly! And mom, you’re right there in the living room watching with us.”

“That’s because you girls hog the TV,” she puts on a front.

“Uh-huh. You know you like the shows! Especially Gilmore Girls!”

“Well I’ll give you Gilmore Girls, but that’s because I can relate to Lorelai. You two are my entire world.”

“Aww mom,” I say, because she’s our entire world too. “I love you too.”

“Oh don’t you get me sappy now, I have to drive,” she says fanning her eyes. “I won’t be able to see if you make me all teary-eyed.”

I laugh as she dramatically wipes the little tears from the corner of her eyes. There’s not a single time my mom hasn’t been there for me. I count myself truly lucky.

“Hey sweetie, isn’t that Patrick’s car?” Mom points out the forest green Nissan Xterra parked on the side street, leading to our driveway.

“Oh,” is all I can say.

I haven’t had the chance to sit down and talk to mom about the fight with Patrick earlier.

“I thought you two weren’t hanging out until tomorrow?” she asks as she pulls up.

“About that mom, Patrick and I are kind of arguing right now.”

“Is everything okay? You didn’t seem upset. Do we need to talk?” she asks, concerned.

“I should probably talk to him first,” I say as I spot Patrick getting out of his car. “But we’ll talk when I get back inside. Is that okay?”

“Yes, of course sweetheart,” she says. “But if you need space, I can tell him to leave?”

“Thanks mom, but no it’s fine,” I reassure her. “We probably should just go ahead and talk it out.” 

“That’s very mature of you Sylvia,” mom says in a proud-mother moment. 

“I learn from the best,” I say, as I give her a kiss on the cheek before exiting the car. 

I take a deep breath as Patrick walks up the driveway. He naturally has long strides because he’s tall, but it feels like it’s a while before he’s within a few feet from where I’m standing

“Hi,” he says. 

He has his hands in the pockets of his gray cargo shorts, and he’s nervously digging the toe of his loafer into the ground. 

“Hi,” I say back, looking into his hazel eyes. 

His chestnut-colored hair is combed back neatly and his bronze skin is illuminated by the streetlamps above.

“Hello Patrick,” my mom greets him as she climbs out of the car.

“Oh! Hello Ms. Booker,” he says politely, “How are you this evening?”

“Well, thank you,” mom says as she looks between the two of us. “It’s a weekend night so if you need to take a drive, be back by 11, yes?”

“Yes, of course ma’am,” he promises.

“Okay then,” mom says. “Good night, Patrick, give my best to your parents, will you?”

“Yes, ma’am, I certainly will,” 

“Thanks mom,” I say. “See you in a bit!”

“Not a minute late,” she reminds me.

“Sure thing.” I say as she waves and heads into the house.

“Shall we?” I ask him.

“Yeah, we really need to talk in private,” he says as he waits for me to head to his car. 

I walk past him and down the steep driveway. Mentally I’m trying to prepare myself for “the talk” but my heart feels strained at the thought of what that would mean. Patrick is… was?... my first boyfriend. All the shows I watched with breakups always portrays the girl as a complete wasteland in the aftermath, whether the guy was a jerk or not. 

Should I text mom to get the ice cream ready?

It’s such a strange thought to have as I climb into the passenger side of Patrick’s car. I glance up and catch his eye as he’s holding the door open for me. Not until today, Patrick has always been sweet. Maybe I am in the wrong. I haven’t been completely honest with how I’ve been feeling since a few days ago. 

Patrick gets into the driver’s seat and starts up the car. He says nothing as he pulls away from the house and out of the neighborhood. I watch the familiar rows of trees go by, barely basking in the moon’s light. It’s a clear night and the stars seem to taunt me.

I feel the sudden vibration of my phone in my hands and look down.

>>

ANDY BISHOP: Up for another study sesh tomorrow? ;)

>>

I try to stifle my laugh as I realize Andy has a bit of an old soul. I try to discreetly text back.

>>

Sure, what time are you thinking? SEND.

>>

“Who’s that?” Patrick asks.

Crap.

“It’s not important,” I say. 

I don’t see the point of bringing up Andy again if we’re breaking up anyways. 

“Where are we going?” I ask, shutting off my phone.

“We’ll be there soon,” is all he says.

He has a serious face and I don’t feel the need to inquire further. We turned off the main road a while ago but I wasn’t paying attention to the several turns after that. It looks like we’re pulling up to a dirt parking area as the car slows. With no street lights, I can only make out the thickness of trees in the distance from the car’s headlights.

“Did you just take me to the woods?” I ask, my voice hitching, involuntarily.

“Relax Sylvia,” Patrick says. “It’s a park and there’s a trail over there to my favorite spot.”

His favorite spot?

I’m a bit confused but I let him take the lead as we get out of the car and walk towards a path in a clearing not far from us. I can tell he goes here often because he seems to navigate really well while my eyes work to make out all the shapes in the dark.

The path we take is a dirt trail that weaves between the trees. I’m grateful to be wearing jeans and my navy converses as we slowly make our way along the beaten path. It becomes a bit chilly. We must be getting close to the pond.

“Are you cold? Do you want my cardigan?” he asks me as he waits for me to catch up to his long strides.

“Umm.. Yes, please.” I say as I can feel the air move a little more as we approach another clearing.

He removes his tan cardigan and helps me pull it over my white-sleeveless blouse. 

“Thank you” I say as the cashmere instantly warms my skin.

“Watch your step, there’s some uneven gravel here,” he says offering his hand to help me.

I hold his hand as he leads me over the little bits of rock leading to the water’s edge. There by the water I see where we’re headed. A small wooden bridge has been constructed at the bank of the pond. It leads into a little wooden gazebo towards the middle of the water that is lit by solar lights at each corner. It’s beautiful.

“Patrick it’s stunning,” I say breathlessly.

“You like it?” He helps me over the little step to the bridge. 

He continues to hold my hand and leads me across the bridge to the shelter of the gazebo. I look as far as I can see from every opening. There’s only water and trees but I feel an immediate sense of peace despite the thought in the back of my mind.

“Patrick, I’m confused,” I finally say.

“What’s wrong?” he asks with concern.

“Why did you bring me here to break up with me?”

He laughs.

“What’s so funny?” I ask him even more confused.

He stops laughing and smiles at me.

“Here, come sit,” he directs me to a wooden bench that is built off the backside of the gazebo.

We both sit and he takes my hands into his.

“Sylvia, I’m sorry for being such an idiot.” 

I’m taken back a little.

“Patrick, I’m sorry-” I try to say.

“No, don’t be sorry,” he says. “Let me finish.”

I just nod. He begins again.

“I was jealous, but I should have trusted you...”

I feel a bit of guilt but I say nothing.

“Truth is, I’ve never met anyone like you.” He continues, “I… Sylvia… I can see a future with you.”

He pauses to see what I have to say, but I don’t know what to say at all.

“Sylvia?” he coaxes me to say something.

Moments ago, I was getting ready for the ending, but now? Now he’s telling me, he wants to stay together… forever? I don’t know what to think about this. Sure, I’ve had brief thoughts of what our future could be but it never ventured to a picket-fence and a family and… kids?

“Patrick I don’t know what to say,” is all I can manage.

“Sylvia I’m not proposing to you,” he says to my relief.

He must have noticed my expression change because he laughs again.

“It’s not that I may not want to later,” he adds. “But for now… I just mean that I want us to work. I think we’re good together. I really care about you.”

“I care about you, too,” I say back.

It’s true. Despite our argument, there is something about Patrick that I’m drawn to. He is genuinely so good. And his jealousy? In light of everything, it’s a bit enduring, really. 

“So? Do you forgive me?” he asks.

“Of course,” I say. “But I need you to forgive me too.”

“Why’s that?” He looks a bit weary.

“Nothing happened, I swear,” I reassure him. “I just should have been more understanding. And I promise, there’s nothing between Andy and me.”

“I said I trust you Syl, and I mean it,” he says as he gently places his hand on my cheek.

We stare into each other’s eyes and I feel the same nervous tingling I felt the first time we kissed. He leans in and our lips meet. The heat from his lips fills me and this kiss is unlike any of the ones we shared before.

He pulls me closer and I can feel the heat radiating off of his body. My hands land on his hard chest and I can feel the shape of his muscles under his polo shirt. His hand moves behind my neck and his fingers tangle into my hair while his other hand moves up my back under his cardigan, grasping at my shirt.

His lips pull at mine as I feel his hand move under my shirt to the small of my back. I mimic his movement and find one of my hands now moving under his shirt tracing the lines of his abs. I can feel the warmth from his skin and I feel this strong desire in the pit of my stomach I’ve never felt before. I want more of whatever this is and I grasp at the hem of his shirt when I feel his hand leave my back and grab my hand to stop.

“Sylvia hold on,” his voice is raspy.

We are panting and my thoughts are in a haze. 

“Did I do something wrong?” I ask breathless, wondering why we stopped so soon.

“No,” he exhales, his forehead leaning against mine. “It’s just that, we need to make sure we aren’t going to do something we’ll regret.”

“I don’t understand,” I say, almost pouting. I liked what we were doing. I don’t see how I would regret it.

He chuckles a bit.

“Sylvia, if we keep doing this, we might break our vow to God,” he says. 

I sigh, realizing what he means. 

“I guess I just got lost in the moment,” I say shyly.

“I did too,” he says as he looks into my eyes before kissing my forehead. “Maybe one day… if we get married… but right now… Sylvia, we need to just know when we’re crossing a line.”

I can’t help but wonder where that line actually is. I nervously shift away trying to steady my heart that has been trying to keep up in the last moments.

“I guess we should get going,” I say getting up.

“Hey,” he grabs my hand and pulls me around, onto his lap. “We still have time.”

The next I know we’re back in a haze with our lips clumsily moving against the other. This time, our new position sends a thrill through my body like electricity. I can feel the friction of his body between my legs and I can’t deny the desire I feel to move up and down against him as I try to steady myself. My legs are wrapped around his torso and my arms around his neck. My fingers run through his silky hair and I can feel the heat radiating off the back of his neck. His arms are holding me firmly as his hands grasps at every part of my body they touch.

“Sylvia,” he says in between kisses. “Watch what you’re doing to me.”

I stop abruptly against my body’s plea not to. I look into his eyes wondering if I’ve done something wrong again.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He smiles at me as he cusps my behind in his hands and pulls me closer, rubbing me up against…

“What is that?” I ask as it sends a tingle through my core.

“Sylvia…” he leans his head into my chest. “That’s my…”

He hesitates as he finds the words. He looks into my eyes as he lifts me off his lap and sets me next to him. He adjusts his shorts and I see the bulge I was rubbing against.

“Oh,” I say. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

He laughs as he shakes his head.

“No but we probably should really go now.”

I resist the need to object but I know he’s right. It’s getting close to curfew and we still have to drive back. We get up and he holds my hand as he leads me back down the bridge and back towards the car. We don’t say anything but my mind is too elated to form words. 

When we get back to his car I notice his mood change. He says nothing as he opens up the passenger side for me to get in. I watch him come around to the other side and hesitate before getting in. As he does, he sighs heavily before he starts the car and drives back to my place. 

“You’re quiet,” I say, breaking the silence.

“Huh? Oh. I’m just thinking, really,” he says, his eyebrows furrowed. 

“Want to tell me what’s on your mind?”

“It’s just… Sylvia, we probably need to avoid doing that again.”

*          *          *