Chocolates and Beer

VI

After that encounter, Jacob and I always “coincidentally” see each other. In a coffee shop, convenience store, or parking lot. Anywhere. Until it becomes something normal, and we naturally develop friendships between us. Jacob started inviting me for dinner or lunch on weekdays. And we sometimes try out a newly opened café somewhere in the area on weekends.

Honestly, I like going out with Jacob. It'd been so long since I had a friend who invited me anywhere. When my mother passed away, I stopped communicating with my friends from high school and my part-time job. As time went by, we gradually lost touch until the last spark of our friendship died. I disconnected myself from the outside world, but nobody reached out. Maybe that's how life goes. It's not like I'm a good friend anyway. I only have Dan. But an opportunity came where Dan could finally fulfill his dream of becoming a prosecutor. I will be left alone, but getting the good news was also like getting a slap from reality. We can't stay together forever. He has a dream to fulfill and his own life to live. He can't be the man who would always look after me, and I'm not the girl who should continuously rely on him. I should grow up. It was lonely, but it sure made me tougher and stronger. And I'm a little proud of myself. I never thought I could walk this life by myself. Slowly growing up. Slowly becoming a self-sufficient human.

However, a little company is not bad. I'm starting to enjoy going out again. And it all thanks to Jacob. I know very well that what we have is not something romantic, but I'm sure that I really like him. Not in a romantic way, but as a very good friend.

‘Why flowers?’ he asked out of the blue while we were lying in his car. It's always like this. We would have our little conversation in a parked car on a beach. Open his roof and admire the night sky view.

‘Why are you asking?’

‘I’m just curious. I mean, flowers and you. It doesn’t match.’

‘So, what are you trying to say? Well, I just want something to drown myself into. Hmm, something that will occupy my mind. And plants are stress relievers. You should take care of some, so you’ll know what I mean. Take care of something, but you won’t feel sad when it dies,’ I casually said with a serious tone. That's how I always see it.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, I never saw anyone cry because their little bonsai died. Or some of their flowers dried up. Something like that. It’s nothing like when it’s a pet. If it’s a plant, you just grow a new one and throw away the old ones, right? You won't even remember them.’

‘I’m really surprised by the way you think,’

‘In what way? Did I scare you?’ Eyes to the sky, but I'm all ears to him. I just love hearing his voice.

‘No, that’s something I love about you. And I get your point.’

‘Wow, is this what they call “connection”?’

‘Yes, it is. We surely have a connection,’ Jacob responded and laughed out loud. I surely enjoy these moments with him. And how he turns serious moments to lovely ones.

'Well, I love you too. I love these little things we do. It makes me feel good.

"Wow, you're in love with me?"

"That's not what I mean."

"It's okay. I love you, too. I think it's better if we end up together. What do you think?"

"No. Haha. "You're crazy." Yeah, that's crazy. But what if? I wonder.

***

‘Dan!’ Jean jumped on me for a hug. I've come back to the city after being assigned to the province for 3 years. Seeing her is like seeing a daughter that I haven't seen for a long time. The longing and yearning were all vanished by this warm hug and acceptance.

After her mother died, it was only me and my mother who took care of her. We never forced her to live with her father. We kept her and never made her feel that she was alone. And when my mother died untimely, we were left with each other. I've always felt guilty leaving her alone. I even asked her to come with me, but she refused. She said that she didn't want to be a hindrance to what I wanted to do. And she has this talk of wanting to be independent. I felt proud of it. I'm happy that Jean is getting tougher each day, and she has the eagerness to do things on her own. But it also makes me feel sad because I felt like I was losing my value in her life. But nonetheless, I'm happy that she's still the little girl who’s this excited about seeing me.

‘How’s my little girl?’

I’m doing well. And you?’ she asked back.

‘Me? So lonely, so I came here, because I’ve missed you so much!’ I lifted her again and hugged her tightly. Jean giggled and laughed while I twirled her like a kid. We got inside her shop to catch up. Closing it for today so we can have all the time to exchange stories and enjoy the moment of getting back together.

‘So how are you doing, really?’ Everything’s good? How’s your business? Your finances? Do you eat well? How ‘bout your house? Were your neighbors kind? The neighborhood? Is it safe?

‘Oh, one at a time, bro. I’m doing great, I’m in a good and safe neighborhood. I like it here, it’s quiet and people mind their own business. I mean they are not like our old neighborhood. You know what I mean. And my business is doing fine, I think. My finances are good. I think it can cover my living expenses until 35.'

‘Just until 35?’

‘Well, I don’t plan to live long.’ That again. She always says when we're younger that she doesn't want to grow old. I thought before that she'd just have the "Peter-pan syndrome", but hearing it again now somehow made me feel uncomfortable and nervous. I stared at her in silence. I'm not sure what to say. Does she still have that thought in mind? I'm scared.

'It’s not what you think, my gosh. I mean we don’t know life; you’ll never know when you’ll die.' She defended herself like I caught her off guard. But what she said doesn't even give me the slightest assurance that everything is okay.

‘Yeah, whatever. But are you really doing fine? How much do you earn from this business? I don’t see a lot of people in the area. I don’t think people buy flowers the way they buy snacks.’ I just changed the topic. We haven't seen each other for a long time and I don't want to ruin the mood. Maybe I'll tell her about moving in with me next time so I can guard her 24/7.

‘Hey, hey, hey. Don’t underestimate my popularity. Many people order online these days, rather than dropping by. You uncivilized human? What kind of phone do you have? Do you even know about the internet?’

‘This brat, look!’ I frantically said and shoved my phone in her face, ‘It’s the latest model. I even have Instagram.’

‘Oh, welcome to the modern world.’ She clapped her hands to make fun of me.

‘Tsk. How could you say that you don’t even have any social media accounts!’

‘I do,’

‘What? Your flower shops’?

‘And so?’

‘Hmmm. At least have one, so you can meet new people.’

‘I’m meeting new people.’ Really?

‘Aside from customers, Jean. Look at me,’ I paused, ‘I’m getting married.’

‘Oh no, who’s the cursed lady?’

‘Hey!’

‘Hahaha, but seriously? Who? When? Where?’

‘What? Why?’

‘Why are you just telling me this now?’ Her face looks like I betrayed her, but I’m just shy to talk about it.

‘It’s not really like I met her on social media. I meet her in person every day. She is my comrade.’ She got silent, but her face tells me that she wanted to know more. ‘It was this one time when the team went to our head’s house for his birthday celebration. We had fun, we drank, and ate. You know my tolerance for alcohol, right? I literally passed out after a bottle or two. And she took care of me.’ I stopped for a moment to flick her nose. Her mocking face is now showing. I remembered the time when we would go to the seaside just to drink. We would buy a dozen beers and I would be down without even finishing one bottle. She would finish all that’s left. And when I fell asleep, she would just cover me with a tiny blanket at the back of my truck, and she would go inside to sleep. I would then wake up in the morning with lots of insect bites and would yell at her like an old lady. She would just say, “You won’t get up and I can’t carry you. It’s your fault”, then go back to sleep.

That’s when we learned the taste of beer and in no time, it replaced chocolate as her comfort food. That’s when we both realized beer really is bitter and makes you drowsy. It won’t take away your problems, but it will at least give you a good night’s sleep. After that, she would always buy a good number of beers and stock them in her fridge. But lately, she said, the drinks haven’t been touched.

That was the past. Right now, we're just happy seeing each other. Telling stories about the love I found. I told her how we met, how we got together. What was our first date like? How my heart burst with happiness when she said YES. Everything. It was only me and her. We became sentimental at some point, and she said that she was happy that the man who acted like his father, mother, brother, and best friend in these past years will now have his own family. And she’s excited about meeting the woman who puts this glow on the man he loves the most.