Chocolates and Beer

XV

"Congratulations, Dan." Finally, the day has come when my dear cousin gets married. He's lucky. His bride is a work of art. A beauty with angst, I bet even ladies would drool for her.

"Thanks Jean." The newlyweds replied and hugged me tightly.

"Welcome to the family. My brother is in your hands now. Don't hesitate to punish him if he ever gives you any trouble."

"Don't worry. I'll whip him if he misbehaves.'

"Congratulations," Jacob added.

"Oh, who's this guy?" the bride asked, smiling.

"Hi, I'm Jacob. Jeans' boyfriend," Jacob proudly said.

"Boyfriend? Why didn't you tell me?" Dan complained.

"He's telling you now. Don't exaggerate."

"Seriously. Are you even planning to tell me?"

"Haha. Of course, I'll tell you. I'll always tell you everything, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah whatever." Dan dismissed the conversation like a little kid. Acting hurt that he heard the news late.

It was a night of love and happiness. The place was covered in flowers. And the golden lights add more beauty to this unforgettable moment. I was so happy watching the bride and groom have their first dance as husband and wife. I look at my cousin, reminiscing the old times. When we were younger, it was just the two of us. We only have each other. Through thick and thin, we're always together. But now, my confidant is in the arms of the lovely woman who he'll spend the rest of his life with.

***

"Jacob?" Dan called to me.

"Dan. Hi. Again, congratulations. Where's the bride?"

"Ah, she's busy chatting to her sister-in-law, she has already forgotten about her husband."

"Haha, well, Jean is truly likable."

"Hmmm, I can't deny that." Dan agreed. "Yeah, can I talk to you about something?"

"You sound serious. What is it?"

"Well, it's serious. It's about Jean."

"What about her?"

"Let's talk over there."

"Okay."

"What's your intention?" Dan asked as we talked away from the people.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you really love my cousin? Or is it just..."

"Of course, I love her, Dan. What are you saying?"

"Why did you approach her? I told you, I know you." I'm lost for words. Does he know?

"I'm actually not sure at first, but Jean suddenly asked me a favor, and then, while investigating, that is when I confirmed."

"Dan, let me explain." I am panicking. Is he going to tell her? I'm not ready yet to let her know.

"Look Jacob, Jean is the only family I have. And I won't let it slip if she gets hurt. I honestly don't feel that you meeting her was just some coincidence."

"It was Dan. It really was. I don't intend to see her that day after all these years."

"Let's say you just accidentally met her. If that's what you're saying. But why do you stay in her life? You even make her your girlfriend? What do you want?"

I'm guilty about it. I intentionally checked on Jean. I was curious about how she'd be doing after the last time I saw her 7 years ago. I've never had the courage and I just go by each day with aa heavy heart, but I woke up one night from a dream. She's been crying, shouting, and begging for her mother to come back. It was just grief, but her grieving face was so clear that it made my heart wrenched, and I felt my guilt and sorrow slowing eating me.

"Jacob, Jean's mother..."

"It was an accident, Dan."

"I know. But do you really think that's how she sees it? For her, it's someone's fault. She lost her mother because of someone's irresponsibility. Is this your way of making up to her? Or is it because you're guilty? You think that she'll forgive you and your family because she loves you now?"

"No, no. It's not like that."

"She has gone through many things. She overcame many obstacles and heartaches. Sometimes I don't even feel that I'm needed anymore. She became stronger in those years when she was alone. I think that she's better off alone than being with you. If she knew about this, she would collapse, and I don't want to see her drown in sorrow again. Jacob, don't make her fragile again, please. Don't break her twice. I'm afraid that this time, you will not just break her, you will crush her. Please, just leave her. Don't get involved with her anymore."

"I can't do that." No, I can't. I can't let her go.

"Jacob, please."

"Please trust me, Dan. I promise I will never hurt her again. I will protect her. I truly love her, Dan. I don't think I'm capable of living another day without her. She's my life now. So please, Dan... Please trust me on this. I'm just looking for the right timing. I'm begging you." I kneeled down and begged Dan. I really can't.

"I'm not sure, Jacob. You know us, Jacob. I never keep any secrets from her. She's my number one priority in life. I actually prefer to keep this secret forever than tell her. But..."

"What do you mean?"

"Sigh! Jean harmed herself before. That time when she was so helpless, she was truly devastated, Jacob. She was still a kid back then. If I'm a minute late at that time, I don't know... I don't know..." Dan's tears flowed in his eyes, remembering the unconscious Jean in his arms. He said that after coming back from Canada, Jean would go to the police station every day, begging the authorities to reopen the case. She refused to believe that her mother died because of cancer. Jean sneaked into the hospital in the hope of finding any information about the people who were in that accident. Her fragile little body was exhausted and her mind and heart were drowning in pain and agony. She just wants to end it all. I am in shock; I don't know how to react. What was going to happen if she knew? The thought of losing her is driving me crazy and helpless. Should I just keep it a secret, just like what Dan said? Or be honest with her and tell her the truth. What if I lose her? Can we just forget that it happened? Are the scars all healed now? Will she forgive me? Or is the truth just going to pierce into her again, so deep that the wound will never heal?