Brothers to love me

chapter 12: Progress

Jakes p.o.v

When my father called me into his office I was not expecting to be asked that, but I am more than happy to be Bea’s therapist especially as she chose me to do so. Today is our first session and I know just were to start on this wild ride of understanding what’s going on inside that beautiful yet complicated mine of hers that so called boyfriend of hers! She needs to realise what she’s been doing isn’t good for her. We enter the pool house as soon as the rest of the household have left for work it’s a great place for a talk, it’s cool, comfortable, open enough to feel spacious yet cosy enough to be comfortable in. I can tell she is nervous about how things are going to go but i’m doing my job and I like to think i’m dam good at it so I will start by putting her at ease a little “come in Bea and have a seat I promise everything we talk about in our sessions will stay between us unless you decide to talk with others about them yourself” she nods in response and sits on the large cream sofa opposite me. It’s a good thing iv prepared with questions as I doubt she will be opening up easily at first. “Bea I am going to jump right in and ask you some questions id like you to be honest and open with me, I won’t judge or scold you for anything you have to say alright?” “So no spanking then?” I couldn’t help but chuckle “no, no spanking in these sessions” “I would like you to tell me about what caused the fight please” “it doesn’t matter now, I’m doing my time for the crime let’s just forget about it” “that’s not how this works Bea, you can’t just sweep something out of the way and forget about it. I told you on the drive home yesterday you would get your chance to explain and hear it is, use it” she exhales loudly contemplating her words “fine, iv been getting snide comments since day one nothing I can’t handle just little digs at me under peoples breath, usually I can ignore them but I couldn’t this time” “why not, what made this time different?” “I don’t know, probably because it was loud enough for me to here and I didn’t like it” “what was it the girl said to provoke you exactly?” she began to get fidgety and uncomfortable “Bea… its ok you can tell me” “something about being a w***e and nobody wants me” “Bea you know that neither of those statements are correct right?” she nods her head in response “the guy that done that to your neck obviously wants you very much, why don’t you tell me how this relationship started?” “it’s not a relationship!” “well he seems to think it is and he’s defiantly leaving his mark on you to ward off other guys” she tugs at her high collar covering most of the hicky “you make it sound like he peed on me to mark his territory” “in a way he kind of did” “it’s not like that between us” “then tell me what it is between you…” “it’s just a bit of fun” “fun… you mean casual s*x?” “Not s*x but… casual” “and why is that he’s obviously interested in more?” “why do you suddenly care about what Jarred wants? It wasn’t long ago you told me to stay away from him.” “I don’t care about him; I am however trying to help you realise that you are very wanted by some people even if you do not feel the same in return” “you don’t do you… Want him? Not for a relationship that is” “no” “then its merely physical actions instead of emotional connection, if you have not had s*x with him what have you been doing?” “that’s none of your business” “it became my business when I had to hear about it from your principal. I want you to tell me what you to did in that cupboard and Anywhere else you were alone with him Bea” “I was giving him a hand job before we got caught” “and what else… oral s*x?” “once… but it’s mostly just kissing and hand stuff” “so he returns the favour then?” “no, we haven’t got that far it’s only been a few time we have met up” “yet you please him, i’m wondering Bea if he is not physically satisfying you what do you get out of this casual none emotional hook up?” I know exactly what she gets but I want her to admit it out loud herself. “I don’t know” “yes you do Bea don’t play dumb it doesn’t suit you” “I get… to escape. I like to feel wanted and be consumed by the void even if its just for a little while.” I knew it! “do you think that it is a healthy way to escape your realty, by being physical with someone you don’t have an emotional connection with?” “no of course not” “is it fair to lead him on knowing you cant give him

that?” “no” she is doing so well and she doesn’t even know it yet. “Bea why did you start seeing Jarred? Go back to the day it started and tell me what you were feeling” “the same things I always feel, sad, unwanted and angry” “what made you unwanted and angry that day” “more name calling and class projects to catch up on” “ok and what made you sad that day?” a long pause before she spoke again “ I heard a song that made me sad that’s all” “a song? Why would a song make you feel sad?” “it just did” “ok what song was it?” “snow patrol chasing cars” I know it, i’m digging my phone out to find it and press play “this it?” we sit a moment or two listening to the first few lyrics until she burst into tears, I hit pause. “Bea why is that song so sad to you?” through the tears

and blubbering she mutters “my mom and I used to sing it together” “Bea you are going to go the rest of your life hearing, seeing and doing things that remind you of your mother. I’m going to help you manage your grief and make you understand that letting someone care about you, and you for others again is possible. Its ok to feel sad but it’s also ok to feel joy and one day even love for others.” She stops crying but stays quiet. “I think that’s enough for today you have done really well for our first time Bea I think we are actually getting somewhere”.