Plan B(aby)

2.5

"Mama." He says, reaching for the picture. Obviously he recognized his mother, but it still shocked me — although he's been talking all night — that he's said something. 

"Holy s**t. Good job. Mama." I smile, reaching for the frame. We both observe it, Sebastian reaching for it. 

"Look, you gotta go to sleep because Daddy has to go now. Can you please go to sleep?" I plead, allowing him to grab the frame. Immediately he throws it, making me panic and reach for it so it didn't make noise. Mumbling a curse beneath my breath, I place the frame back onto the stack of books. 

About twenty minutes later, Sebastian finally begins to rub his eyes and alerts me he's sleepy. I rock him, offering him the bottle again. He takes it this time, sucking on it and letting his eyes flutter open and closed. "You can go to sleep. I'll be back tomorrow." I mumble, noticing him trying to fight his sleep. He thrashes around for a second, attempting to turn in my arms before I set him down in his crib and prop his bottle up.

He doesn't resist while I go back to where we were sitting and grab his teddy bear, tucking it on the side of him. Sebastian's breathing get heavier, a sign I took to realize he was basically asleep. 

"Almost forgot," I whisper, pulling out the gift I got him. It was a small gold chain. A bracelet, I didn't know whether that was classified as feminine or not but I figured he can't choke himself with it, right?

I clasp it around his chubby wrist, pressing a kiss to his dark curls. 

"I love you," I mumble, turning to the baby monitor and switching the button from 'off' to 'on'. Holding my breath, I quietly step to the window, opening it slowly so it doesn't make any noise. From the corner of my eye, I see Sebastian lift his head with eyes partially opened. I wave before securing my foot onto the branch I used to come up, closing the window as best I could before making my way to the middle of the tree before jumping down. I land with a thud, brushing myself off. 

"Whew," I let out, turning my phone back on while jogging to the sidewalk. I had parked a couple houses down so Briella didn't question the unknown car in her driveway. 

Kind of ironic. I was worried about her seeing my car but not as worried about her catching me in her sons bedroom at two in the mornings 

I needed to make my presence known soon. I didn't want this to be an every day thing where Sebastian was staying up and Briella was wondering why he was sleeping through the day. 

Maybe I needed to stop. 

But that just made me feel like a disappointment, like I was disappointing Bash. 

I never meant to get close to him. I just wanted to see him. 

This is probably selfish. No, this is selfish.

That night when she asked me 'Are you going to want to be in the baby's life?' I had purposely ignored the question. I knew it was too early for me to decide whether or not I wanted a child and when she wanted a baby so bad. I couldn't deny her the pleasure of that. I never thought I'd be able to be a father. I wasn't even a good man, my father wasn't a good man, so how exactly did I expect to be a good father? So, when she asked, I couldn't answer. I needed time to, I don't know... find myself? That sounds shitty but I didn't know what else to say. 

Fuck. 

I wanted Briella and I wanted to have all her children.

Give her all her children. 

What-f*****g-ever. 

She could lock me in her basement (does she even have a basement?) and tie me up, only using me when she wanted a baby or get her self off and I would be perfectly content with life. 

That sounds insane but it's true. 

After all these years, I finally agree with my mother. 

Love will make you do some crazy ass s**t. 

Honestly, I thought Briella was crazy for wanting a child. As young as she was, a baby wouldn't do anything but hold her back. But Sebastian didn't. She did everything she wanted to do and more. 

Sebastian was her motivation. 

Practically two years ago, I had absolutely no reason on this earth. I was just an asshole who worked twenty-four seven. I had no long term goals or dreams. 

I was just here working. 

Knowing that Sebastian and Briella were out there, made me work harder and walk with a pep in my step. I couldn't even put it into words. 

They inspired me to want to be a better person. I stopped smoking and drinking — for the most part. I was no longer sleeping around, not that I was before, but I only had eyes for my girl. 

Eventually I would make my presences known to her. I just didn't know how. 

I was a mess.

I hated when my mind got like this. It was just a jumble of all my thoughts and I had no idea how to actually decipher them. All I knew was what I wanted. 

Briella and Sebastian. 

I would do whatever was needed in order to establish a relationship with Briella.

It was currently a little after three in the morning, meaning it was a little after eight in the morning in London, which was where my mother currently was. 

I dial her number, pressing the phone to my ear while I entered my car. 

Last time I spoke to her, it was about three months ago and we were arguing over when she was coming back. I wanted her to come back now but she wanted to stay in London for at least a year. 

Like that'll happen. I'd do everything in my power for her to move back near me. 

"Noah, hi, lovey." She immediately says and I can just see the smile on her face. "Why are you still awake? It's only eight in the morning here. What's that, two or three for you?" 

"It's a little after three." I answer her second question. I already know if I answer the first, she'll lecture me about how unhealthy the amount of sleep I usually get is.

"What's wrong?" She says. I start my car, my eyes darting up to the house I had just came from. 

"Nothing is wrong, I just have to tell you something." I sigh while swiping a hand through my hair. How exactly was I going to do this?

Why did I even call her?

Oh yeah.

"Well, now you're making me anxious. Just say it." She says, her breathing beginning to go erratic. 

"You're going to be mad, I'm telling you now." I say, warning her. I knew how my mother was when it got to this type of stuff. If she wasn't there to witness the conception herself, she wouldn't believe it. 

"Noah Austin, if you don't tell me what is going on. You're going to make me buy the next ticket to the States." She scolds, making me shrink back. She would chuck the nearest thing at me, first chance she got. Don't ever doubt this woman. 

"Then, you can stay." I say, putting the idea out there while listening to her groan. 

"You're avoiding the question and you know better than that." The glare on her face was practically radiating through the phone.

"I'm not avoiding it, I just asked another question." I point out, obviously not ready to tell her. 

"Don't make me call your brother." She threatens. I smile since for once, I hadn't told him.

"He doesn't know either." I say, triumphantly. This only intrigued my mother. 

"So, who does know?" 

"Just.. me?" f**k. I hesitated. 

"You're lying. Spill." She demands. 

"I have a son." I say, holding the phone away from my ear so I didn't have to hear her yelling. My eyes dart to the phone, hearing nothing. 

Did she hang up?

Her name is still written across the screen, the picture of her in the middle. 

"Mom?" 

"I told you I hate it when you lie to me, Noah." She groans and I can just imagine her wiping her silky hair out her face with a frown. I knew she wouldn't believe me. 

I laugh, which sounds way faker than I intended, before starting the car. "I'm not lying." This helped my case by literally nothing. 

"Are you high? Drunk? Is this why you're calling me at three in the f*****g morning? Noah." She says and I could tell she was officially done with my s**t. My mother continues talking while I scroll through my phone to the messages between her and I. I quickly send her the three pictures I took of Sebastian earlier: one of us both sitting together in his rocking chair, one of him with his tongue out, and another with him laying in his crib. Since the room was semi-dark, you could barely see us but you could see his cheeks and just barely make out our skin. You couldn't exactly use this for a missing poster, but you knew there was a baby and I in the picture. 

With the phone back to my ear, I hear her still talking and she was now mumbling 'who is texting me this early'. I give her a few seconds and allow it to process in her mind. 

"Noah Austin Hart. Whose baby do you have?" This just sounded like her eyes were rolled. 

"That's mine. Well, it's a long story." I groan. 

"He is so cute. Look at his chubby wubby cheeks. Explain." She snaps, making me smile. "Who is the girl?" 

"That's not important right this second. Here's the thing though, we aren't together. It was more of a in the moment thing. She wanted a baby and I don't know I just... love her?"

"Continue." She probes. 

"So.. yeah. She was pregnant and then I left her alone to raise her baby. She doesn't know that I know he exists or that I've seen him before." I whisper, scared of her reaction.

"Then how are you—?"

"I snuck into her house." I spit out. 

"Jesus Christ, baby, you can't do that. You're not an eleven year old, you're a grown man that can get arrested." She scolds, the frown evident in her voice. 

"I don't know how to insert myself into her life." I whine. Whenever I talked to my mother, I always seemed to turn into a baby. Maybe because I just liked her as a mother — in a completely non-incestous (?) way.  

"Why aren't you already in her life?" She questions.  

"Mom."

"Sorry, Noah, I don't understand." She mocks me in the same tone, putting emphasize on my name. 

"Basically, I liked her, love her, and I went up to her at the bar and told her to tell me about herself. All she could say was she wanted a baby but didn't trust anybody enough so I helped her out. I'm like.. the sperm donor in this situation. We parted and went our separate ways. Nineteen months later, here we are." I sigh. I hear her mumbling to herself as if she was putting puzzle pieces together. 

"So, you want to be back in their lives." She points out. I nod although she cannot see me. 

"I love her." I strain, hoping she got and felt exactly what I meant. 

"You love her." She says, a suggestive tone to her voice. Mom knew exactly what I meant. 

"Yes, Mom. I love her. I haven't even looked at another girl since I've met her." I say and instantly hear her shock gasp. 

Yeah, I know. 

"Why don't you just... talk to her?" 

"That's weird. Then she'll be weirded out that I know her address and that I've been in and out her house before." I roll my eyes, not realizing where my mother didn't understand what my dilemma was.

"Well, don't talk to her at her house. Why don't you just bump into her at the store or something? Gradually make your move and hopefully she'll take you." She suggests and I can just imagine her filing her nails while the phone was pressed between her ear and shoulder. 

"She's doing so good without me plus I —," I start before hearing her sharp gasp. 

"Wait a minute, you've been sneaking in and out of her house to talk to the baby?" She cuts me off, confusion laced throughout her voice. Yikes. If she was here, she'd definitely give me a big scolding. 

"Yeah." 

"How the hell... he doesn't cry or call for his mother?" She wonders, the slight evidence that she had been in London for a while showing in her voice. 

"No. He's a really quiet baby." I shrug, turning a corner .

"Hm." She offers. 

"Guess what," I say, a goofy smile immediately spreading across his face. "He said daddy today. He called me daddy." The way I look to others around me currently probably resembled a dentist advertisement. I could basically see  the balls of my cheeks in front of my eyes while I thought about Bashy saying 'daddy' earlier.  

"Were those his first words?" She says and I can just see her Cheesecake Factory smile. 

"I don't know. He had never spoken around me." 

"So.. how long has this been going on?" My mom interrogates me. 

"A couple of months?" I question, trying to remember the exact date I went in. It was marked on the notes in my laptop. 

"You must be a ninja. This is her first born?" My mom continues her interrogation. I say this conversation went way better than planned. I honestly expected her to be boarding a plane as we spoke to come beat my ass. 

"Yes." I nod as well, slowing my car at a red light. I was going to Kaden's place, he was most likely still awake. 

"When you were a infant, I woke up every time you wiggled a toe. It's like my senses were in overdrive." She breathes. I missed her. Times like this I wished I could go to her house, not have to internationally call her. 

"I feel like she's like that; we've just never got caught. He's usually sleep and his window is always open." I say, smiling as I think back to how he was awake and waiting for me tonight. 

"So weirdos like you can come in." My mother jokes, laughing. I smile and nod. 

"Yeah, so weirdos like me can come in."

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