Taming The Spy Alpha (18+)

Chapter 46—Regrets

(Sebastian's POV)

~Flashback~

I pushed her down too far in the table, and because our eyes met so suddenly and she was too close to me, I was so nervous at the time.In front of her, I always act stupid.I am not myself anymore when she is around, and I feel both irritated and nervous about it. I am aware of that.

She was looking at me with pain in her eyes, and I saw her hit herself hard from the table, so I saw her trying not to scream.I want to assist her, but my ego tells me no, so I don't know how to respond.

I made the decision to say that she is overreacting and talk nonsense in front of her, and I left.You're reacting too quickly!It's as if you're unfamiliar with it!"As she continued to lie on the ground, in pain and helpless, I said to her.After pushing her, I returned to my room.

I was sorry that I behaved late toward her, and I just want to take a break and relax for a while.I swear I was just startled and didn't mean to push her.I don't want to keep being mean to her like I always have, so I'm almost crying.

Because she is my wife, I wanted to demonstrate to her and learn how to love her.I love Elise more emotionally and romantically than I do for her toughness and strength.Every time I was by her, I felt guilty, and I don't know what I was thinking.

Therefore, I would rather emotionally harm her so that she will distance herself from me if necessary and absent her mother.Because I am her husband and should be taking care of her, I just felt responsible for everything when she was in my sight.However, I am aware that I am a coward and that she is not the woman I truly love, so I cannot bring myself to do that.I have regained my composure and am aware that I am the one overreacting.

As always, I'm mad at myself.Every time my blood boils because of my own stupidity, she was just caught up in it.

I ordered her to get up when I came back down the stairs.She has always followed me, but I don't think she will forgive me for everything I've done to her.I get the impression that she despises me, and she just prefers not to argue with me.She doesn't show much emotion, and I don't think she sees me as special because she's just rational and empty.Even though we shared a home as children, I don't really know her that well.

However, I have maintained my distance from her ever since because I do not want to become involved in her life.So that I can look her straight in the eyes, I grab her by the waist and force her to sit up on the table.I inquired about her and Calvin, my best friend's whereabouts.

They were talking, and it stuck in my head, and I'm very mad about it.She responded, "N-nothing?"I attempted to persuade her to speak after asking her once more.I don't know what to say to get her to talk to me in the way I wanted because she rarely does.

She just kept saying things without giving any context or making a good point, which makes me more curious and makes me hate it.She doesn't respond to me about it, as usual.Therefore, I advised her to remove her jacket.She doesn't wear a thick jacket when this happens, so I'm curious.She might be keeping something from me;My thoughts are all jumbled, and I'm thinking that Calvin and her might have been affected by the same thing.

Although I have no idea what's going on inside of me, I truly detest when I can't control things better.It makes things a lot worse than they were before.]I couldn't wait any longer because I could tell she was resisting and didn't want to take it off.

Probably because I scared her too much, I took it off of her.What took place to you?What is this?Where did you acquire this?I said this while my hands started to shake and my entire body seemed to be in a state of panic.I get the impression that I am the one who felt her suffering.Her body and arms are covered in bruises, as I can see.I can't comprehend why she didn't tell anyone in the household about these fresh bruises, which don't appear to be healing at all.I kept my composure and tried my best to cry in front of her.

However, I am speechless and have a metal-like stuck-up tongue.I blame myself because I'm the reason she might be receiving all of this, and I feel so broken and hurt.My tears kept falling like a waterfall as I turned away from her and took a step.It's good that she can't see me crying like a baby.I do not wish to demonstrate to her that she is a component of my weakness.I don't want to convince her that I care enough to do so.

I'm also a human, and hurting other people hurts me too, especially since we agreed that she would be my wife.I left the house right away to get my car and drive her to the village's closest hospital.I want to take her there for treatment, for her to recover and heal, or at least get better.I went outside to the comfort room and wept profusely as I looked at myself as a result of my own feelings of regret and madness.I cried so much that I could feel my eyes starting to burn seconds later.

"What am I doing?" I yelled to myself, "Snow, I'm so sorry baby, I swear I don't want to hurt you, I want to treat you well, but I'm an a**hole."

I took my time and vented my rage because there is no one around and I am the only one.When I punched the mirror, some of it broke off in pieces as I went along.As my hands begin to numb and fill with blood, I cannot express how much pain I am in; the pain my heart is experiencing is far worse than the mess in my hands.I want to hurt myself and feel bad for not protecting my woman.After a few seconds, I was able to stop myself from crying because my hands began to curl in relief from the pain.I made the decision to get ready and bring her to the hospital because I am content with how badly I hurt myself now.As the blood continued to flow, I washed the blood stains on my hands.After that, I wash my entire face while crying, and I look up at the broken mirror.

I told myself, "You are the worst person I have ever met," grinning out of rage.As I continued to wash my hands, I cried repeatedly while trying to remain still. "She must have been waiting for me right now. Sniff* *Sniff* *Sniff*I have to go get a blanket from the newly washed ones in the closet because she must be cold.I brought my blanket into the closet, which is meant only for me.

After that, I went straight to my car, put the blanket in the back seat, and got the car ready to be near the gate so I could take her to the hospital.Even though I was gone for a few minutes, I can still see her there because I ran back to where I left her.She really does always obey me, and whenever I criticized her, I felt guilty.With a pale and hazy look in her eyes, I murmured to myself, "How can a woman like you deserve someone as sh*t as me?"

Because I don't want her to be concerned, I didn't show her my hands.I just want to look after her right now.I carried her into my arms as I got closer to her.Her weight seems to be light, not particularly heavy or anything else.I wonder if she even consumes enough food.Mom must have seen us through the balcony as we near my car because she called out, but I don't have time to talk or respond because I'm in a hurry.

I brought Snow quickly to the backseat of my car and positioned the soft, freshly washed blanket I had purchased from the storage room in her direction.I wanted to take her to the hospital myself, so I hurriedly left the property in my car.I want to heal her and clear my conscience with that.If she is fully healed by then, I will no longer be responsible.

Since it is nearly nine o'clock at night, there are only a few cars and trucks driving on the highways.There was a full moon in the sky, and the stars sparkled with innocence. The sky is clear.