Taming The Spy Alpha (18+)

Chapter 42—Sweet Boy

Together with my sons, I made it home.Concern is the only thing that occupies my thoughts.I'm a little bit stressed out because what I've done recently has caught up with me.I know I shouldn't be doing it, and I hope to spend the rest of the night reflecting on what I have done to myself and my being. I wanted to feel strong.

"My dear sons, take your towels to your room, you'll need to take a half-bath right now. Go to your room,"I said.

"Your body is sweaty."

Kayl responded, "But mommy, we are very hungry."

He is a tiny dummy who enjoys eating, and I know he is already starving because the three of them appear to be starving.I know that they wanted to find a new way to play, so maybe I just need to convince them that everything will be okay and that they don't need to be put under so much pressure right now.

"No, Kayl, you must first take a half-bath before entering the kitchen, OK?Even though mommy still needs to cook, I know that the three of you are already hungry.You must take a bath before I take you to the comfort room, okay?"I added, I wanted them to be disciplined and behave in a manner that was appropriate for them.

It is not really a case for me that my sons have always been punctual with everything because I know they will one day be more successful in life.I wanted them to develop into gentlemanly men.

As their mother, I must therefore perform it immediately to inform them of their future.Because I am aware that they are always hands-on with everything, I wanted to teach them about that.They are always available to listen to me, and I must continue to demonstrate to them that they are deserving of respect from me..

Kayn said, "Okay, mommy, we got it."

"Let's go to our room and get ready. Let's just listen to mommy because she is the only one trying to take care of us and because we are three. We have to listen to her."

"She will prepare a satisfying dinner for us," Kayn continued.

I was overjoyed to have Kayn as my one-of-a-kind, understanding child, and I smiled as I did so.He will always ensure that I do not become enraged as well; he is always available to reassure me that I merit to be heard.

"Thank you, baby. Now go, and mommy will make dinner, okay?"I'm sorry that I'm so busy right now, but I know you've always been patient with mommy.However, please, I hope you continue doing that because I wanted the three of you to improve as well," I said.

"I also wanted the three of you to make a good impression on me."

Kayn continued, "Don't worry mommy, we will always be a good son towards you, and we will not let you down." She added, "I know that it is very difficult for you to make a lot of decisions that you need to face, but mommy, I swear that you are the best mom that we have."

After saying, "Thank you for being appreciable Kayn, I love the three of you," I moved closer to them and gave them each a hug.

"My little chipmunks," I jokingly declared.

They are the ones who make me feel that I deserve to be a mother, even though I am the only one raising them, and they have never questioned me about my strength in taking care of them. Having a good family is the only thing I want for my life.

When the time comes for them to realize that they do not have a complete family, I will always feel bad because I am aware that it is difficult to make a decision in that case.I wanted them to feel as though they were my only treasure and that my life was just for them, and I wanted them to have enough passion for what they were doing.

I complained, "This is such a difficult day," and sat on the kitchen chair.I was still unable to shake the memory of what had transpired recently this day.I wanted to get rid of the idea because it is severely bothering me.

"I wanted to make myself feel that I am here to make a move, I wanted to make myself feel that I need to be aware of what I am having," says "No matter what I tried to convince myself that I shouldn't be taking risk with what I have just seen."

My tears began to fall out of nowhere as we stand in silence.I haven't cried about it in years; after living with my son, I never cried anymore because seeing their faces makes me happy and delighted.I wanted to sincerely assure them that as their mother, I would do my best to keep up with my activities since then.

Right now, I feel weak due to my fears.However, I am forced to relocate because I am the only one who will be able to take care of my children, cook for them, and work at the same time.

I followed the instructions and tried to chop the onion, but it just got worse. The onion's liquid was blowing my eyes away, making me look even more like a crying baby.Considering the amount of time I need to get used to everything, I don't think this will work.

"Why am I currently in this situation?"I groaned.I was irritated and considered whether it would be better for me to not be able to see Leo.I'm so sorry about it because there was no other reason for me to see him other than my curiosity.I want to make sure that I will be able to keep up with everything else in life, which is really frustrating, and I wanted to make another way to make myself feel that I need to keep up with my life because I need to take care of my son in a good and rightful way. Now I am back to what I was being cowardly about. I hate to make another assumption about myself in that way.

It's hard to be a mom to three kids, and I wanted to blame myself, telling myself that I shouldn't just make more assumptions to make myself feel like I have to do this or that.

I don't want to tell Leo anymore that I'm back in the Philippines, despite my desire to do so at the time. It makes me feel like I'm not making the right choice in the end.

I wanted to move quickly and do what I could to have a conversation with him without telling him my true intentions. Instead, I will only tell him what I really wanted to say to him, which is about the topic I have already moved on from.

We had a one-night stand, and I know that it is unacceptable, so I left the country to avoid telling him that I am pregnant that night.Although he is certain that I never had anything in me or was taking pills, he is aware that there was something going on between us.I persuaded him that because of the temptations that have been presented to us both, you will never have time to control yourself.

Because it is already taking place, I am unable to make a decision about it any longer.We are both intoxicated, and I have no idea when it will occur.

Even though I don't have a relationship with him, we make love despite the fact that he is just my crush. I don't know how it ended up that way.I tried to pretend I shouldn't have done it at the time, but my body is telling me to. I didn't mean to make that time visible.I wanted to go back to that moment and let it pass. It was an unfathomable experience.

After all, when my sons were born, I did not regret anything.I didn't even feel sad when they were born because they brought light into my life and made me extremely happy.

I was depressed and it wasn't easy, but that moment when they were still in my womb is still fresh in my mind.It was very hard because I can't stop myself from getting carried away, and it was a significant moment in my life that can't be ignored.

Even though I fled, I am aware that I will no longer have the freedom to choose what is best for my sons, and this causes me to constantly overthink the future of my children.It was a difficult moment of truth that I needed to face, and it was not really easy for me to take responsibility upon that moment because I am scared of everything. I am feeling down because I know that they will no longer have a chance to have a father.

It's very disheartening to think that I could have fled with my children after they were born.I am aware that I have reached the point where I believe I should end my pursuit of my children, but it is not making me feel this way or making me feel at ease about what I should be doing.

My friends are always there for me, and they cheer me up when I'm having children.They were the ones who encouraged me to persevere because leaving them would not reflect well on me, and I am unable to alter the fact that they were born and are currently residing in this world.I know that I have a lot of courage to take on life, and I should focus on it because it is not what I intend to have, even if the world is pretty unfair to me. I also know that it will not be me down to the tiniest bit.

Leo is a well-known student at my college. He was my ultimate crush, and I'm sure I'll be able to make myself feel warm around him. I wanted to convince myself that I shouldn't have a chance with him...

He was a cold man; he had never shown any interest in the women on my campus before, and I don't even think we would ever have a relationship.Everyone is aware that we will never be friends like that, but little did they know that I already knew Leo a little bit. We do have something that is going on between us when we are just the two of us. We do have a mutual understanding.I need to keep up with myself and be a good woman to the people around me, especially the man I liked, and I know him in a way that I cannot stop. It is something that is written in me.He never expressed an interest in me, but he was nice to me, which is why I liked him in a way I couldn't even begin to comprehend.

I still feel bad because I can't stop myself from doing it. I wanted to make more progress in life and have a chance to have a good life for the moments I wanted to share with my son. I wanted them to experience the abundant life they deserved as children.