Idols

Chapter 4

Jin noticed the situation followed me. She saw my tears when I stopped to talk to her. She reassured me, saying that my Adonis really had no interest in Hyun and that the alcohol had lowered his guard. I tried to explain I felt and that I didn't want to be there anymore. I felt uncomfortable and out of place. I asked her to help me leave, to get out of there. I’m not sure if she empathized with me or if we just had a strong connection, but she took me to the captain of the yacht and asked him to take me back to the city. In less than twenty minutes, I was on my way to Jeju’s airport to catch a flight to Seoul.

I arrived in Seoul at around midnight and immediately arranged my trip to Chile. Suddenly, I needed my family, my friends, my country. I called my company’s director and informed him that I was going to Chile for a month. I explained that I hadn’t been there for a long time as the contract required, and there was an emergency that required my presence there.

He didn’t object, quite the opposite. He offered all the necessary help and told me to take as much time as I needed. He assured me that I could work remotely since the Seoul office was functioning smoothly, and all the implementation and trial run issued had been resolved.

The next day, I took a flight to Chile. Before leaving. I sent a message to my Adonis, saying that I had an emergency at the office in Chile and that I was leaving indefinitely.

I didn’t want to specify it as a family emergency, as I imagine he would worry and contact me, which I didn’t want. I told him that I had enjoyed getting to know him but had realized that in real life we wouldn’t be compatible. The age difference was passing me the bill and the adventure had been exquisite lasting until that day.

I wished him the best in his life and asked him not to hate me or hold a grudge for leaving Jeju so suddenly. I told him I didn't know when I would return to Korea if I ever did.

I messaged Jin, begging her not to tell my Adonis what had happened. I said I had received an urgent call from my company and had to leave, not wanting to interrupt his fun with his friends. She promised me not to say anything, in exchange for staying in touch and not forgetting about her. I think the fact that she had lived abroad for so many years made her feel somewhat foreign in her own country and made her identify with me.

I informed my Chilean friends on the flight I was arriving, asking them to come pick me up. I turned off my phone and left it at the apartment in Korea.

At the Chilean airport, my best friends were waiting for me. They were the only ones I had talked about my arrival; I couldn’t face my family and having to explain everything. I went to the home of one of them who was single, and for a week all I did was sleep, cry, and pour my heart out to them. After a week, I realized I couldn’t keep crying. I had brought it upon myself, I knew this was going to happen, and that I needed to salvage the best from the experience. It would help me reevaluate my life.

At the end of that week, I went to my parents' house as a surprise. My family celebrated my arrival as if I were the prodigal daughter, despite our regular contact through messages, calls, and video calls. I asked them not to tell my Chilean boyfriend, Sebastian, that I had arrived. I wanted to spend time with them first. My parents organized winter vacations, and we all went to the Caribbean for a week. Spending time with them did me a world of good. We talked a lot, reminisced about the past, I enjoyed my nephews who had grown so much, and I shared my romantic adventure with my Adonis without revealing too much detail. After listening to their opinions and receiving plenty of advice, especially from my siblings, I decided that I was fortunate to have met someone from such a different culture, to have had a romance with a highly sought-after and esteemed Idol, an experience that only few people could live. When I’m old, I’ll tell my grandchildren about this and, most important, I vowed to cherish my boyfriend, who had been so patient and loyal to me.

Upon return to Chile, I called Sebastian, and told him I was back and that we should meet and talk.

That very afternoon, he came to my parents' house. It had been many months since I had seen him, and our conversations had been dwindling.

Anyway, before I left for to Korea, we had agreed that we would try to maintain the romance, but neither of us was tied to each other, and if either of us met someone else, we were free to do so.

Of course, I never mentioned my affair, but regardless, our relationship had cooled down, especially from my side. When I saw him, I got excited, and we hugged. I realized that the affection hadn’t disappeared, but the romantic love was no longer there. Although I needed his hug at that moment, as I always felt protected by him, his skin felt unfamiliar. It wasn’t the scent of my Adonis, nor were his arms. It wasn’t him, and I missed him so much. I felt a void and immense sadness. I cried a lot, and he just held me.

We talked about his current life, and he told me that there was no one else in his life. Despite the distance we had created between us, his heart still belonged to me.

I told him that I didn’t want to promise him anything, that I would be staying in Chile for an indefinite period, but my return to Korea was imminent, as my professional life was there now. If I decided to return to Chile, I would still need to go to Korea to settle matters. He said he would be patient, that I shouldn’t worry about him, and that at least now I would be closer, and he would do his best to make up for lost time. I didn't say anything, what could I say? I knew that, at least at that moment, it was impossible. How could I get my beloved Adonis out of my mind, my body, and my heart? I tried to reason and decipher the reason why I had fallen in love, despite not having many things in common, everything that separated us, and the lack of a future. But I knew that this would be a difficult battle to win.

On the other hand, I knew that forgetting was possible, and that distance and not knowing anything about him would help. I wanted to give myself a chance with Sebastian. If I had loved him once, I could love him again.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way, but my younger sister told me that I couldn’t settle and be with someone out of affection. She said I was young and should live, feel intensely, love passionately and when I was sixty or older, then maybe I could be with someone out of affection and complacency. She told me that if it wasn’t my Adonis, then it should be someone else, it didn’t have to be Sebastian. The right person would come into my life eventually. I agreed with her, but I couldn’t push Sebastian out of my life, because he was good for me, he did not demand anything from me. He was good for me. He didn’t demand anything, he didn’t suffocate me, and he gave me my space. I also couldn't be cruel to him and reject him. I felt guilty, and that stopped me from clipping his wings.

Jin and I spoke daily. We became very close friends, but she never mentioned my Adonis again, at my request, and I never asked about him.