Doctor's Orders

Epilogue

Chapter 9

Katy

Who would’ve thought it would ever come to this?

I just minded my own business about a month ago. Like any other woman in her late thirties, who’s divorced for about four years now, I was surfing Youtube when I happen to stumble upon a cute, quirky video about a five-year-old boy dressing up in a miniaturized version of my red Victorian dress that I wore in my first hit music video as he sang in glorious Karaoke to my song “I Kissed a Girl.”

The comments flooded the video with no less than about a hundred of them tagged me to watch the video, which is literally like the cutest thing ever!

People were asking me to meet with my young fan, make a promotion out of it, which made me say no to it in the first place. I’d never dream of taking advantage of any of my fans like that, especially this little cutey.

But then in the video, I notice the strapping gorgeous young hunk of a man accompanying my little doppelganger, and something inside me just clicked. Is this the little guy’s father? It’s so brave of him to approve his son on dressing up as a girl and singing to one of my songs, I initially thought. I gotta meet this guy, he’s an inspiration to us all, and hopefully, he’ll inspire me in bed.

I mobilized my manager and all of my media team to track down the uploader of the video, which turns out to be the guy in the video. I call him, expecting him to be all grateful and crying that he’ll get to meet one of the world’s biggest popstars.

But he said no, to my complete astonishment. He told me that it wouldn’t be fair to the girl he was dating at that time. He was already planning to propose to her.

Lucky girl.

But before ending the conversation, an idea pops into his head. And lo and behold, that is how I, Katy Perry, sang on the street in front of some woman’s house, helping this guy I liked from the internet propose to her.

Brilliant.

And now, here I am, all dressed and glitz up, alone in a table near backstage, nursing my martini, as I get ready to sing for the reception of Mr. and Mrs. Mallory. f*****g amazing, Katy. You did it, motherfucking again!

Why do I always get myself worked up on men who don’t appreciate me? I think to myself before downing the nth shot of the night.

“Hey there, little lady, might wanna slow down there for a bit?” says this random dude in a tux as he passes by me, “The party hasn’t even––holy moley. You’re Katy Perry!”

I smile sarcastically at him, “In the flesh.”

“Hey, you think you might need any help getting home? My place isn’t too far from here if you need a place to crash down and––“

I hand him my empty shot glass, “Not interested.” I smile and leave the guy immediately for the buffet table. If I’m going to puke at how disgusting are the guys that are hitting on me, I should at least get some food in my tummy.

“Aunty Katy!” I hear Jake call as I gorge on the shrimp plate. I quickly turn around and find my little fan running towards me with a big smile on his face.

“Jake!” I shout back, “There’s my number fan in the whole wide world!"

He hugs my leg, “No! In the whole wide universes!” He is so adorable in his grammatically error-prone ways. I instantly hug him back.

“Jake, where did you––oh, Katy!” Melissa is in the most ridiculously beautiful white dress, waves at me, and walks briskly towards us, “Jake, what did I say about running off to somewhere like that?” She turns to me and smiles, “I hope he wasn’t bothering you or anything at all, Katy. You’ve done so much for Will and me already.”

“Jake is a delight, Melissa,” I happily reply, “You should pay me not to kidnap this little bundle of wonder.” I ogle at Melissa’s dress and feel a pain in my chest, Oh God, I used to have a sprawling wedding dress just like that, and got married in India, and––

Wake up, Katy! Be strong! I tell myself.

“Yey! Kidnap!” Jake celebrates, helping break the tension in my mind as I laugh.

“Well, you’d have to go through me first if you wanna take away my son,” says a familiar masculine voice from behind Melissa.

And there appears Will, still gorgeous and ripped as ever, dressed to the nines with his navy blue tux and a million-dollar smile.

“Will…hi,” I greet, trying to sound as healthy as possible. But my heart breaks as I see him hold Melissa’s hands and kiss her on the cheek. The couple thanks me for everything that I’ve done for them.

Oh, if you only knew. But now isn’t the time for this. Today, it’s about a celebration of love and marriage—some of the things that I’ll probably never have.

Melissa and Will apologize and leave as they’re about to start the program for the reception. Jake runs along back into the crowd, and once again, I’m all alone.

“Will…” I say exasperatedly as I watch the couple happily greet the guests from far away.

“Yes? Are you okay?” says a man from behind me.

I begin to nag as I turn to face the guy behind me, “Look––I told you I’m not interested––“

But to my surprise, it isn’t just some creepy guy trying to hit on me and take me home. It’s a beautiful, dashing, prince of a man that I always loved watching in the movies.

“Legolas?” I ask.

“I thought you called me Will?” he asks, “You know, like Will from my character in the Pirates of the Caribbean? But I guess you liked Lord of the Rings better?”

I nod as he takes my hand and kisses it gently, “Bloom. Orlando Bloom. But you can call me whatever you like, Katy. I’m just glad to know someone at this party finally. Man, that guy Will is such a d**k, he told me that I was going to be his best man. You’d think he’d be a bit more grateful since I came here to pay him back a favor for saving my dog.”

I love dogs, and I think I’m going to like where this is going.

“Hey, listen, I gotta do this song for the couple,” I inform Orlando, “But what do you say we go somewhere else after the song?”

“You know what, I think I’d like that, Katy,” Orlando eagerly replies, “Any place in mind?”

“Plenty. Wish me luck,” I kiss him on the cheek before heading up the stage where I meet with Will and Melissa.

“Hey, Will, thanks for inviting Orlando to the wedding,” I say.

“I didn’t invite him. I thought he was with you,” he states.

“But then who––“

Melissa places her hand on my shoulder and winks, “Thanks for everything, Katy. I hope you find the man of your teenage dreams, as well.” She waves as she drags Will out the curtains as the event finally begins.

That b***h, I whisper. I love her.

And as the emcee calls my name, I step out into the limelight, excited for the romance and adventure waiting for me after the performance.

“You know who I am. DJ, play my song,” I shout at the microphone as the guests cheer on for me. "This one's for you, baby," I point and wink at Orlando smiling at the bar.

Teenage Dream plays on the radio as we all sing the night away.