Boss Ass b***h

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Cashmerres pov.

Either we smoke or we

drink or we break up

Either we smoke or we drink or we break up

____________

Todays my first day of Anger management and i'm not looking foward to it.

" Cash yo ass is the one that wanted to do this so don't bag out now. " varo said as we drove to this bullshit.

" Yea I know that varo."

" I'm just saying." He said laughing. We pulled up to the building and parked.

" Gone cash , i'll pick you up when your done." He said kissing me on the lips. I rolled my eyes and got out the car.

I think i made an mistake when i signed up for this. I can control my anger I just choose not to.

" Hello cashmerre , i'm clarie and i'm going to be the one that's helping you." She said with a smile.

" Hey." I mumbled as i followed her to this room. The room had a couch , a chair and a table in the middle. I made my way to the couch and got comfortable.

" I thought this would be a group session?"

" Oh your boyfriend informed me that you don't do well with other people." Varo ole ugly ass.

" Yea that's true."

" So lets get started." She said pulling out a notebook and pen.

" Cash tell me about yourself."

" What you mean?"

" Tell me everything about cash."

" Oh ok , well i'm 16 and i'm going to be turning 17 in two weeks , I like to drink and get high , My father ran in and out of my life at a young age when I was 12 he left and never came back , My attitude is real disrespectful , About 2 months ago I lost my moms and my uncle due to gang violence , When I get drunk I tend to turn into a hoe , that's how I almost lost my boyfriend varo , which is not really my boyfriend because we never made it official , I hate the word b***h and I will beat anybodys ass if it comes out there mouth directed towards me , That's about it." I said crossing my legs.

" Wow , All that for just a 16 year old."

" I'll be 17 in two weeks."

" Ok cash , how did you feel when your father left? , Do you think its what struck your anger problems?"

" Ummm , maybe I never really thought about it." I said with a shrug.

" Did you cry , When you found out he was never coming back?"

" Lady I don't cry unless I have to , and I don't think my father was worth my tears , Why are we talking about this anyway?" I said getting annoyed.

" Because I think your father is the cause of your anger."

" Well he's not , can we move on?"

" Yes we may , how about your mother , did you have a good childhood with just your mother?"

" She was cool , she never beat me or anything." I said with a shrug.

" Was she there for you when your father left?"

" I guess , she had to work alot tho."

" When your mother died did you cry? Was she worth your tears?"

" Yea , I cried a little."

" Cash , Its okay to cry."

" Not for me , I stopped crying when I was 11."

" And why is that?"

" Because crying is a sign of weakness and growing up in atlanta , being weak was not an option."

" So your from atlanta?"

" Yea."

" What did you mean , When you said showing weakness wasn't an option? , Did something happen to you in your childhood?"

" I saw one of my closest friends die at the age of 13 and I wasn't allowed to cry or I would have been next." I said.

" been next?"

" When I was 10 I started hanging out with people twice my age , I smoked my first blunt at that age. It was this little gang called Atlantas most wanted and I used to hang with them me and my bestfriend Sydney , I saw stuff a 10 year old shouldn't even know about. The gang treated us like we were there own so , just like the members , We weren't allowed to cry."

" Wow cash , I think I know the cause of your anger , Its not your father or your mother , It's your childhood , you still live by the way that gang taught you , Cash you have to let that go , you can't let that gang control your life."

" I don't know what , your talking about." I said with a shrug.

"Ok listen , you said the gang said that you weren't allowed to cry , and haven't you heard how crying and screaming is a good way to release anger , you were trained to keep all this stuff inside , And you still have it all inside , the death of your friend , your father leaving , the death of your mother , anything that you were told not to cry about , you still have it balled up inside and everytime you get mad , you choose to release some of that anger and pain on other people."

I was speechless , no wonder Varo hired this lady , she was good.

" Cash , you have to cry , every human was meant to cry , you may say you got over your father leaving but deep down you wanna cry about it , just like your mothers death."

" C-Can I go now?" I said fighting back tears , that i refuse to let escape.

" It's okay cash , let it go."

" SHUT UP , SHUT UP!!!!! You don't no me lady so shut the f**k up." I said as I got angry because the tears won the battle.

" See , Cash you just got angry because you know i'm right and you don't wanna face the truth , and that's the cause of your anger." I just shook my head as i mentally attacked my self for showing weakness.

" No no no no no , Don't cry cash , don't show weakness , dont let her see." I said to myself over and over. I started pulling at my hair as the ocean of tears escaped.

" Don't fight it cash."

" Shut the f**k up!!!!" I screamed as memorys of childhood flashed through my head. "never show weakness cash , that's what they want don't let them see you cry."

"Cash , what's wrong with you?" I heard Varos voice as the flashbacks keep coming.

" Cash , daddys going to miss you okay i'll be back in a couple of years."

" Don't you f*****g cry cash or your be just like your little friend!!!"

" Come on cash , your better then this." I said as arms wrapped around me. I looked up and saw varo looking at me like i was crazy.

" Don't touch me!!!" I yelled as I looked at claire.

" You did this to me , I was fine before I came here." I said making my way towards her , I was close enough to grab her but I was lifted off the ground and put over his shoulder.

" Let me go varo." I said hitting his back. The tears keep flowing and eventually I just gave up and let them win.

______________________

I held the bottle of vodka in one hand and the letter in the other. I've been sitting like this for about an hour now and still haven't worked up the courage to open it.

Varo went somewhere , and hasn't been back for what seemed like hours. All I wanted to do was cuddle with him and sleep away the pain but no this nigga had to leave talking bout he had some business to handle.

I gently unfolded the paper and took a deep breath before I started reading.

" Cashmerre if your reading this , i'm either dead or nearly dead. I never meant to hurt you or your mother. When I left i was doing it to protect you. I didn't tell you because you was young and you probably wouldn't have understood. I know your mother put into yo head that I left because i didnt care or love you but the truth is i left because I cared to much. When deshawn told me my babygirl was involved in this gang life , I was devastated I wanted you to do something better then this s**t. I hope that varo nigga treating you right, don't try to find me cash , because whats going on is way bigger then what you and varo can handle. I know you want listen to me because your hard headed like your mother so just know i'm in atlanta , you remeber Diablo , the man that swore we was bestfriends, he did this , he killed marcus and he's the reason your mother was killed , it never was about that little nigga deshawn , he aint s**t compared to diablo , he's the reason i'm writing this letter instead of saying this in person. I love you so much babygirl.

Sincerely, micheal.

I swallowed the tears as I chugged the bottle of vodka. So both of my parents are dead. That's nice. I thought as I finished the bottle of vodka. I felt better after drinking that and needed more to take away the rest of the pain.

I got up and started looking threw cabinets for more drinks.

" What are you doing?" I heard varo say.

" f**k you varo." I said not even turning around.

" So your drunk again , forreal cash we going back to this."

I ignored him and continued looking for the bottle of vodka.

" I know you here me talking to you......... ANSWER ME!!!!!" he yelled.

"Yes i'm drinking varo , I just found out that both of my parents are dead so leave me the hell alone." I said pushing past him with the bottle of unopened vodka in hand. He snatched it out of my hand and threw it on the floor.

" What the hell varo." I said getting on my knees and picking up the glass.

" I can't believe your really doing this shit." He said shaking his head.

" Well start believing." i said as I continued to try to save what was left of the vodka.

I felt my body being snatched up off the ground. Varo pinned me against the wall.

" Why you keep doing this s**t to me , Why you so damn selfish drinking this s**t is not gone help you." He said pushing me.

" I don't care anymore Varo!!!!" I screamed as I pushed him back.

" Stop it cash." He said grabbing my arms. I shook my head as tears slid down my cheeks.

" Their both gone varo , both of my parents." I said crying my eyes out. I hate that i became this person. I hate that drinking is the only solution I see for my problems.

" It's gone be okay cash , I got you." He said kissing my forehead and pulling me closer.

" Im sorry varo , I know you tired of me."

" Im not tired of you , i'm tired of you running back to drinking every time you have a problem."

" I know and i'm going to get help for that too." I said pulling away from him and sitting on the couch.

Varo picked up the letter and set next to me. I hate that i'm putting varo threw all this drama. Now the therapist lady probably don't even wanna see me.

" Damn." Varo said folding the letter and putting it on the table. " I'm sorry you lost yo pops cash."

" I want revenge." I said looking at him.

" On who , This Diablo guy?"

I nodded my head.

" We got to go to Atlanta." I said.

" What about school?"

" Idk , ." I said with a shrug.

" We'll figure something out." He said kissing my cheek.

" I love you varo." I said hugging him.

" I love you too , crazy ass."

___________________________________________

I cried on this chapter.

Pray for cash y'all ...............

Do y'all think her dad is dead?

Until next time thugs and thuggettes

~Laquaisha~

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