My Love Letters To Food

If At First, You Don't Succeed: You will Get What You Wish For

27/05/2021

DAY 4: Khao Rad Gaeng (ข้าวราดแกง) and Fruit

'Food

I heard you're not eating healthy so I made something a bit more nutritious. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your effort in answering me and getting to know me. 

Now to answer your question.

1. My father is from the south but he doesn't talk about it that much. Nor do my grandparents. They raised him here in Bangkok. My mother is from Changmai. I was born there too but I grew up in Bangkok with my father while she lived in London for the past eighteen years. A year ago she moved back.

2. I'm from the rich side of town so no I do not live anywhere near the central area. We used to live there when I was younger but after I turned five years old we moved. I only went to the same schools as you because I followed you. When you said you were going to the school down the street, I begged my parents to let me do the same. I went on a hunger strike for a whole day so I'm told. 

3. I'm actually not that big a fan of eating. I eat because I must but I don't enjoy food unless I'm at home. Maybe I need to build my own sense of home here with you so I can eat.

4. I had moved to London to be with my mother only for her to be transferred back here just before the pandemic hit. I took it as a chance to be away from them and frankly try to forget you. You were a major part of the reason as to why a left. I was devastated when you started dating Cream. She had actually confessed to you the same day I was finally going to confess. I wrote a letter and everything. I guess some things weren't meant to be because of timing. You were both so happy that I couldn't bring myself to hate any of you for my cowardliness. I couldn't move on as well and that was the worst part. So I left after our last day of school.

5. I'm a very simple person with two very simple styles. I wear a lot of sweatsuits and sneakers or I wear linen pants cotton shirts with Italian loafers. There has never been a desire to dress revealing everything or wear any make-up besides lip balm. If that even counts. I do take good care of my skin so I can be a little extra with that. 

6. I've had fifteen years to daydream about all kinds of things. Children are some of them. I'd always imagine three boys and a little girl chasing after them because they'd always leave her out. I know it's cheesy but I see so much more with you than just a college romance. I see life. No pressure though.

I'd buy you flowers every day. You deserve to feel special even if some people do not see the use of flowers for such a masculine man like you, I do. 

I know you can't cook but you have quite the green thumb. You actually taught me how to plant seeds. In fifth grade, my seeds wouldn't germinate so you showed me how to do it with a paper towel and a zip lock bag. I've had a garden at home ever since.

All my love,

The Boy Who Loves You'

Today I am writing the letter last as opposed to first before making the meal. Everything is packed and ready to deliver to him. I even cut out some of my sunflowers for him. He reminds me of sunflowers. They both love the warmth of the sun and towering over others. They stand out and are not shy about it.

I'm taking a risk on this delivery and putting it on P'Mait's car. I want to show him I'm closer than he thinks. It's a risk but I'm willing to take it. I want him to catch me. I want to be able to talk to him face to face and have the same energy as we do now. 

I am now waiting by their gate with the big warmer bag and his bouquet of sunflowers In a large white hoodie and a mask. Creepy right? Well, I do not care. I'm doing this all for love. 

"Food! If I'm in the car and I don't see you, I'm leaving and you can take the bus." P'Mait shouts from inside the gate and I quickly put everything on the hood of his car while making a dash for it to my gate across the street. From the fence, I can see the car clearly. P'Mait rounds the bonnet of the car and sees my handy work. "Foooood! Come here." He shouts at the top of his lungs and Food rounds the corner of the gate out of breath. "Huh? What now Hia? I'm here already." He huffs out with his head bent and his hands on his knees. "Your stalker knows where we live. Get that stuff off my car so we can go." P'Mait orders him and Food looks at the car to find a bouquet of sunflowers with his daily package. "Thank you!! I know you can hear me!" Food stands in front of the car and shouts his thanks facing down the street. "Let's go, Romeo," P'Mait tells his brother and he takes the flowers and warmer bag from the hood to go into the car. As the car drives down the street and passes gates, he honks his brother's horn.

I have butterflies! I know it's cliche but I have butterflies in my everywhere. Who knew a car horn could be this sweet? Like angels singing just for one saved soul, his car honks were for me! I feel that special. I am that special. However, I am tired and beyond sleep-deprived. I now understand why he's always asleep in the morning. Turning around to go back to my room, I give the direction the car went, one final glance. The butterflies start all over again. 

The walk back to my apartment goes past the front desk and security room. Most of which are half asleep. Air conditioning could really be the only reason we pay so much here. It is so cold I can see my breath in front of my face. Scurrying to my room, I take a few minutes to go up with the elevator until the last stop which is my apartment. "He should be halfway to school by now," I speak to myself as I crawl into bed. Closing my eyes is an involuntary action as I succumb to slumber. 

I'm late for class. Well, I'm not technically late but I had work last-minute stuff. I had an interview with a popular radio station and it got very interesting.

'Good morning Bangkok!! Today our guest, as mentioned before, is a young man who is taking Thai Asian cuisine to the shores of South Africa and the world with his unique take on traditional dishes with flavors from the motherland. I am absolutely honored to have you here Nong'Nam. Your father was in that same seat some thirteen years ago and now here you are. How does that feel?" P'Ming, the radio presenter, asks me and I huff out a breath of nervousness before answering. "Hahhaha. If I remember correctly he had an interview here on my first day of first grade and you guys announced on air that I should be excused by shouting out my school and teacher." I remind her and she laughs at the memory. "Oh My Gosh! Yess!! I remember now! You had on your blue. It was the tiniest uniform I'd ever seen. I cannot believe you remember that! Anyway, how is it being a superstar chef? Is it anything like what you grew up with or is this a new experience in of itself?" Her questions are so deep. What is this even supposed to mean?

"When my father was in the spotlight, I was just his biggest fan but now that it's me in the spotlight, he's opted to be my biggest fan. He doesn't even feature for me as I did for him. My mother is the brightest of us all in terms of the spotlight and reaches so having her has made it easier to transition from a feature to a forefront public figure." She nods at each answer I give and looks at her script for her next question. 

"Speaking of your mother. How is it being the son of Jiew and Tho from a professional standpoint? The magnitude of them is so great that you have people from all sectors your parents reach looking at you. Your first endorsement was from Canon, a former employer of your mother. Your first major food endorsement deal was your own fifteen-minute show called 'The Lazy Food Guide' on the Food Network at just the age of nineteen!" I laugh into the microphone as she lists my accomplishments and looks towards P'Anda who smiles. "Being my parent's son is easy actually. They are very relaxed and calm people when the kitchen stove is off and eating for the day is done. They just fight about what's for dinner. From a professional standpoint, I have no words other than greatness. My father has done what most chefs spend their lives trying to do. He took me along for the ride and I cannot say one bad thing about it because its been amazing. My mother did everything she could to be there as much as she could and her career catapulted her to places my father could have never taken her so her years in London were for a good cause. The fact that I got to live in London almost every school break was a chance many will never get. I just think her career is what she needed to focus on more than me and I love that about her. Mothers rarely get that luxury. 

As for the show and the deals. It's all thanks to my lovely agent P'Anda. She is the MVP of the year for me because she took me from a viral sensation to a household name in a year. Who can say that? I can because of her." I answer with a smile and she blows me a kiss. P'Ming looks at us and smiles. "Everyone at home, please know that Chef Sexy isn't just sexy, he's also extremely sweet. 

Speaking of sweet. Is there anyone you are sweet with at the moment? The media is abuzz with you and a few chefs having lunch a few weeks ago at your father's restaurant and featuring a few on your page. One in particular that everyone is curious about is the sassy chef Yim. So, is it true?" I look at her and laugh. I cannot even hold it back and P'Anda tried to stop me. "Oh I'm sorry but no there is no one sweet around me or that is sweet with me. Yet. But maybe soon you'll hear something. As for the answer of who? It is not P'Yim or any other chef. The person I like is far from this spotlight. I want to keep it that way." I divulge and P'Ming smiles from ear to ear at the exclusive. "You heard it here first everyone!! The young Chef Sexy is in pursuit of someone but they aren't in any spotlight. If it's you please comment on our f*******: wall now. Let us see you!" 

"Oh, I doubt they even know I exist but I'm trying." Everyone in the studio looks at me shocked. "You're Nam. Chef Sexy generation two. This person has to know you're going after them. Who doesn't know your face? It's everywhere these days in multiple countries." She reminds me and I smile at her again as I think of Food and how I have never been on his radar. "The good thing about masks is that nobody sees me. I'm always in a hoodie and a mask during classes. Nobody at the university knows it's me." We all laugh and she shows genuine shock. Looking at my university hoodie, she looks at me and points at my logo. P' Anda gives her a thumbs up. "So The entire university of Bangkok in the Sciences has not figured you out yet? Care to give us a clue as to what faculty you are in?" Taking a deep breath, I look into her eyes and smile, "I'll give you all a clue. I am in the faculty of science that deals with the future and its machines. Understanding them can make me a variety of things in Tech. The first person to find me can cook with me live on my Sunday IG stream that same week. You will also get a few other goodies but that's all I can say for now."

"So you heard it first here ladies and gentlemen! University of Bangkok, Science faculty, find him first and win yourself a one on one cooking lesson on IG so we can all be jealous of you!

I heard that you still have to get to class so let's not hold you back any longer. Thank you for joining us today Chef Nam."

I smile and wai at her, "Thank you very much P'Ming. I hope you see me on Sunday with someone who finds me. And because you already helped so much, I brought you and your team a whole bunch of goodies made by yours." A large trolley is brought in and the whole team is shocked. "Everyone listening, please be jealous of us!!! He cooked everything including the kitchen sink. It's a trolley almost as tall as he is right here in my booth!!! There is enough for everyone here. Thank you Nong'Nam." P'Anda point to her watch and P'Ming takes the listeners to an ad break so she can walk us out. 

We shake hands at the main door and I get in my car to drive to campus. Who would have known one interview would start a world of trouble.

Before I am halfway to campus, P'Mait calls me through i********: DM and I pick up because why not. It's just P'Mait."Hello, P'Mait?" Frantic breathing rustles through the speaker and I start to panic. "Do not come to campus or anywhere near it!" 

"Why? What's wrong?" I inquire and a car door slams, as two other voices muffle behind him. "Half of the Bangkok press is here and everyone is trying to find you. Even other faculties. What were you thinking when announcing your faculty on national radio? Wait for me in the apartment! My neighbor says they are even outside your apartment building." He hangs up and I am left stunned. 

Panicked and scared of being ambushed while on my own, I circle back towards our street. From the traffic light, turning into our street, all the way down it and heavily around my gate, men and women with cameras wait for my arrival. Thank goodness my car is blacked out. As officers clear a path for us to get through to the other side of the street, I hold my breath and drive slowly like the rest of the drivers. 

For such a hot and humid morning, this many people have the energy to stand at my gate? What is wrong with everyone here? This was supposed to be a simple giveaway. Find me and have a cooking lesson with prizes to take home from my sponsors. I'm not even that famous. People don't even react this way to my Pa. 

My phone vibrates on the dashboard holder and I swipe immediately, thinking it's P'Mait. "P'Mait, I'm here." is my immediate response while parking in his spot outside his gate. I'm still staring at all the people who are hounding my gate for no reason. They must have photographed me at events or award shows a million times since I was a baby. I post every day and make public appearances all the time, so what is the big deal with today? What is it?

"Yeah, this isn't P'Mait. It's Food, his brother and he said..." After he says 'Food', alarm bells are ringing in my head and I boil over twice. Why is he calling me? How is he calling me? What is going on today? Maybe my Pa was right. It was too early to reveal my university to the public. I guess some people do feel a sense of knowing me without knowing me. 

"Hey! Are you listening to me? I have the flu and the last place I want to be is outside. I'm waiting for you by the door because Hia asked me to." Food asks a little annoyed with his voice cracking and husking the more he spoke. I start to lock up the car and take my phone off the dashboard mount. "S-sorry. I-I-I'm coming now. Please wait a second. I-I-I'm locking up the car." 

"No, just bring it in. Hia has a parking space inside." Food insists and I restart the car with my phone and bag on my lap. Reversing into the street and going towards the gate. Food is in front of an empty spot with P'Mait's name in gold on a wooden plaque. He looks as sick as he sounds. Pale skin from his usual slight tan. A red nose and watery eyes make my favorite face all puffy and sad. If he didn't say he was sick, I'd have thought he had been crying.

Once I look at the parking space and realize it's parallel parking, I want to cry. With my horrible parallel parking skill, we are stuck out here for five more minutes and he looks irritated. He gets fed up, opens my door, and points me out. I climb out with my phone and bag, and he parks my car in seconds. Standing outside of the car and looking at him drive it, I see that it suits him better than me. I'll have to ask my account about another one. Maybe for the day when I confess and he says anything but no? 

"Let's go in before they spot you." Food hands me the keys and walks towards the lobby door. The heat is proving to get the better of me under my hoodie and mask but leading them to me is not an option knowing I have no security to safeguard me. I tough it out until we reach the lobby and the air conditioner starts to cool down my overheating skin. I am sure I look red and ripe for the picking. Food could care less. He hardly says a word to me and walks on towards the elevator. We go up to five floors with him behind me. I picked the wrong day to wear my most form-fitting jeans to campus. I am not a fan of those ugly black pants. I wear them as little as possible. 

"You can go in first." Food offers as we reach their apartment and I go in under his arm, holding the door open. 'No need to ask me twice.' Walking in, I expect the big mess P'Mait always talks about but it's not that bad. The only messy place is their kitchen because I'm positive they eat every two seconds. Noodle cups overflow the trashcan and fruit peels scatter the sink. Is that all he's eaten today?

"Sorry about the mess but I am tired. Have a seat and relax. Or do whatever it is you want. Make food with what you find. Your stalkers won't leave anytime soon. You can see through the balcony there." Food excuses himself and walks down a narrow hallway. A door slams and I am alone. 

What else is there to do besides clean up this place because I know I will not be able to stay here all day, potentially, with the place in such a state. Taking off my white jacket and mask, I start looking for their cleaning supplies. Finding their broom closet with surprisingly a lot more cleaning supplies than I thought. "Their Mother had to have stocked this up because they both do not look like they have a clue what half of this is because it's still sealed," I mumble to myself unwrapping the sprays and bottles. 

Let's start in their lounge because it's so dusty. When was the last time they used the furniture cleaner at the top of their television? "This is going to need my therapy playlist." I start cleaning. 

Okay, so it wasn't that long. It took about forty-five minutes after I moved the furniture in the living room and the kitchen. I even cleaned their fridge out from the inside and wiped their shelves. Their iced in freezer drawers melted with salt and a bit of humidity from the door I left slightly open. 

Knocking- No, banging comes from the door and I'm not sure what to do until I hear Sine's voice shouting, "You lazy bum, Food! Wake up and open the bloody door! It's so hot and the damn idiots next door are blocking the street for some guy!! It's so hot! OPEN!!" Fearing that he will wake Food up because he hasn't come out to open the door, despite all this shouting, I go and slowly open the door. His shouts stop immediately and he stares at me dumbfounded. "You are?" He asks as he walks in. "P'Mait's junior. He said I should wait for him here." He offers me a sly smile and nods. "Cool. I'll just go inhale Food's flu then.", and proceeds to walk down the hallway, and shortly after, a door slams and shouting begins. 

Deciding to busy myself with anything else but their craziness, I go back to the kitchen and do what is comfortable. Cook. There isn't much to work with but I will have to make do. Some spicy fried garlic noodles with chicken breast are the best I can do with their limited ingredients. I may have to sort that out. No wonder he got sick so fast. You cannot live on noodles and chillis. 

DAY 5: Spicy fried garlic noodles and pan-fried crumbed chicken breasts.

This was not the meal I had planned for today or the way I wanted it to be prepared but, here I am. I'll have to count it as a day without a letter from me or him. 

Maybe this is the time to finish this first week's chapter and edit it. I could modify a few recipes too. Cooking the noodles and the greens separate for that seamless taste of fried noodles without frying them. The hot oil in a pan takes on the flavor of all the chillis, garlic, onions, peppers, spices, and greens that I add to it. 

The aroma isn't as heavenly as I'm used to, but it's heaven in itself that it's this good. As that cooks on low heat, I batter and breadcrumb the chicken, then fry about six. I am hungry too. On the side, a vegetable soup is going with a few herb packs I found while cleaning, and some frozen veggies from the deep freezer. 

I am not sure if it is the clean house smell or the fact that I am cooking but I am feeling less anxious than when P'Mait called me. Maybe it's because I am not stuck in awkward conversation with Food and Sine about who I really am and not just P'Mait's could be a fling. That's how Sine saw it, anyway. Well, anyone would, honestly speaking. 

As the makeshift meal components come together, one after the other, I dish up for the three of us in the house and prepare a bowl of soup for Food as well. Now, going down the same hallway of slamming doors with a tray of food for them both. Food opens the door as Sine is passed out on the bed. 'They sleep in the same bed?' My mind goes to a million places but I try to remember they have been friends since pre-school. "Why?" is his first question and I am honestly too stunned to formulate an answer. So I ask my own question, "Why did I make food for a sick person?" He rolls his eyes and takes the tray then points to his mouth and the thermometer next to the air conditioner in the hallway. As I read the high temperature he slams the door. Feeling my face, I remember I put it on so I won't catch what he has. Snatching it off instantly, I curse myself and wonder why I always act like I have no sense in front of that boy. "Wow, Nam." I whisper to myself as I look at the mask in my hands and the shirt long-sleeved shirt that is causing me to sweat.

Gently removing the shirt, my perfect bun stays in place and I take off the white school shirt to leave an undershirt only. I have no idea why I am feeling comfortable enough to get comfortable. Could it be that P'Mait is coming or that Food told me to make myself at home or that I'm tired and these people are showing no signs of going home? 

Once I am in the living room, I go to get my own food and eat on the floor of the balcony because I have a habit of sitting on the floor when I eat when it's hot. Their balcony sliding glass door is in direct view of the front door, so I will see anyone coming in. This apartment is not as frigidly cold as mine and I am feeling the heat.

After an episode of Tom and Jerry, Sine comes into the lounge area with the tray as the door creeps open. I am sitting in full view of both areas and when the person fully enters, Sine gets very excited and smiles wide. His light brown locks bounce as he jumps into familiar arms, and I have to stop myself from dropping the bowl of noodles. "Papi!" Sine whisper yells and P'Mait catches him as he jumps into his open arms. They kiss and I almost faint. Ducking behind the wall, I pretend to have seen and heard nothing.

Eating my lunch on the floor of the balcony in hiding, I wonder if Food knows about them. How could he not? He and Sine spend ninety percent of the day together and he lives with P'Mait. These are the closest people to him, of course, he knows. As one chopstick full of spicy noodles enters my mouth after the other, the door slides wider and P'Mait walks out. "There you are. Sine thought you were in my room." He sticks his head into the living room and shouts, "He's out here!" Footsteps stampede out here. Sine steps out behind P'Miat and they sit on the cement bench opposite me.

"Food wasn't rude when he opened for you? He's a d**k when he's sick." I shake my head, "I think I annoyed him because I can't parallel park and he had to do it for me." I whisper a little louder. My voice retreats as Sine stares daggers into my hair. "That's why I park outside. I never got the hang of it either and I come home extremely late for him to always do it. So, that black beast of a Land Rover is yours?" P'Mait asks and I nod again. P'Mait is physically restricting himself from touching Sine's hand.

"Yes, I had a campaign with them in London last year. They sent that to me after my ad sold fifty in its first airing month. My car is a VW Golf 8." 

Sine chokes on air and P'Mait laughs at him. 

"If I had half the fame you have, I wouldn't bother with university." Sine comments. I laugh and reply all before I can stop myself. "It's not all that, trust me. The VW was from working for my Pa and this one was a gift after weeks of promoting the car. Nothing is free in this fame life." I educate him and P'Maits stands with my bowl to go inside. "I hope you left some for me.", he looks at me and I nod. "In the microwave. The soup is still in the pot on the stove." He nods and steps inside.

Sine slides off the bench and sits down next to me. I pull out my phone and try to busy myself with nothing in particular. Messages from my family Line group flood and I try to reassure them all that I am fine, especially my mother. P'Jiew may not like being called my mother but she is in every single way. I send her a personal message and explain where I am and how I'm holding up.

The curiosity is written all over Sine's face and I try to ignore him as much as possible. 

He speaks anyway.

"So, you go to school with us?" I nod.

"You only use words when Mait is around?" I nod 

"Your hoodie said you're a comp sci major, but I've never seen you in class. Are you first year?" I shake my head.

"You're older than us or ahead of us?" I roll my eyes and look down at a Line message my mother sends, "I'm in your class." 

He inspects my face. He must be trying to place me. "You lie. Never seen you there before. I think I'd remember. "

"Okay.", is my cold reply.