My Love Letters To Food

When Life Gives & Takes: An Open Door

I am in Food Suppasit's bedroom!!! I am in his room! About to sleep in his bed!

Oh s**t, I'm in his room. Is this a good or a bad thing? Should I even be here? I feel like I just entered sacred space somehow. I am seeing the personal space of my God and I am not worthy. I am not worthy to be here but since I am, why not enjoy it. Closing the door and locking it, I start to allow my inner fan to come out as he's been wanting all day. Taking pictures of the room and everything I see is a little creepy but I cannot help myself. This is going to be my only chance, potentially, and I won't miss it. 

Yawning every few seconds, I unlock the door and decide to try and sleep. No need to change the sheets. That will remove all of Food's scent. Even if I catch his flu, I don't mind. Shifting in the sheets, I send Aunt Fon a selfie and a few pictures explaining where I am. 'You lucky bitch.' is her reply with a winky face and hug on of his pillows as I smile in contentment. "Dreams do come true.", are my last words as I drift to sleep thinking of how much better sleep would be if it was Food instead of his pillow that I am hugging. 

"It's not that I don't remember who he is, we just didn't talk much back then so," Food stops talking and another voice speaks, "So what?" I recognize the voice as P'Mait's. "He was just always isolating himself and he took my hoodie and never returned it." Food explains and P'Mait laughs at him. "I knew you were still upset about the hoodie. I got you a new one, didn't I?" Food sighs, "Yes, but why didn't he speak to me again after that? He's too full of himself sometimes. I guess rich does equal to snob." Wanting to tell him off, I hold myself back and listen to what else he has to say about me. "He's not a snob. He's very shy and scared of you. He must have been scared to talk to you back then. Especially around your guard dog, Cream." P'Mait emphasizes the word 'dog' when he refers to Cream. 

"Don't you dare say the devil's name around me! Every time I hear her name I see her sitting on our roof again." Food speaks to P'Miat and his brother laughs at him. 

"Anyway, on to more sane people. Just try and be nice to him. He's been lonely most of his life. Apart from his family, he has no one else to talk to. We both know you and Sine need some space before you destroy your friendship. This could be a good thing. For all three of you. Nam is a good person who struggles to know who is his friend for real and who is there to get to his parents. I know you're not that kind of a person so you two should get along great." P'Mait encourages him and Food contemplates the whole suggestion because when he thinks he's always quiet and serious. I can see his frowning face a little with my left eye. 

"Fine. He shouldn't expect me to talk much though. I really don't know what tp say to him. Tell him I'm not talkative and I'm not being rude." Food explains and P'Mait smiles at him. 

"Oh yeah, Ma said she and Pa cannot make the dinner on Sunday. You know how busy Hia is so please don't be angry at them. We are her though and we will have fun either way." The look of disappointment on Food's face is unmistakable as P'Mait's words sink into his mind. "I'm not important to them anyway. I knew they wouldn't come." Food mumbles and P'Mait hugs him. "You know that's not true Food. They are busy and we all know it. Khunya's condition isn't getting any better either. Hia is away and won't be home until your birthday." Food doesn't seem to buy P'Mait's words and I feel my heart go out to him. No matter how busy life gets, my family will always leave everything to be by my side, especially my parents. My mother few through three connecting flights last minute for my first-grade prize giving after the biggest meeting of her career. She didn't even stay to celebrate. What could be more important than your baby?

"But it's unfair. Every game, every win, every major life achievement I've had has either had you, Hia or Khunya. They have never come for anything. Why did they have me if they were just going to miss everything? They haven't seen me play since Hia was old enough to drive." Food laid out his reasons for believing his parents don't love or care for him. He must feel like more of a plant than a child. Everyone just watering you about nobody loving you. I'm the child of an affair and my biological father wanted me dead but I have never felt like this. I would never understand that feeling of feeling so unloved. 

Food is crying into P'Miat's arms. Every family has its own issues but the neglect of a child should never be one of them. 

"Hey, you saved our family. odn;t you ever forget that. Our family is together today because you were born. Ma and Pa are just not good at expressing themselves to you. I'm sure having a baby at the age of fifty was far from their plans so they think it's best to give you space. Ma always says nobody wants old parents like them. I'll talk to them about this, okay?" P'Mait assures Food and he nods. 

"Go lay down so your eyes don't get puffy. Don't wake up Nam. He could barely stop yawning earlier." Food nods and I fake sleep as best as I can. P'Mait walks out of the room and closes the door while food takes off his white t-shirt and crawls over me to get to the other side of the bed. Completely unphased by the closeness, Food faces the wall and falls into a deep sleep within minutes. 

Still tired and getting overly excited, I roll over a little and face Food's broad and muscular back so I can hike my leg up and sleep in my usual position. The pillow I was hugging, now under my leg. I can hardly keep my eyes open in this position. 

The door opens a few minutes later and the light makes me crawl away from it. I drape my leg over the pillow again and drift to sleep. "Should we move them?" Sine's voice asks and P'Mait answers him, "No, they're both tired. Food was crying about our parents again. They need the rest." The door closes and sleep captures me. This time it's much warmer. 

Who is holding me? I ask myself as I feel arms around my waist. I know this feeling all too well because this is how uncle Fah sleeps. He's slept this way since we were children. Aunt Fon hates it because he still does it to this day. I know one thing though, uncle Fah did not come to my place and my place is swarmed by the paparazzi. Not wanting to alert this person that I'm awake, I lift my head up come face to face with a sleeping giant. Food. He has his arm draped over my waist and his other arm under my head. How did we get here? 

Ever so gently, I lift his half a ton arm and try to move it onto his own thigh. He pushes my hand away and grips my thigh tighter. That is going to leave a bruise. "Food," I call out for him so he can let me go before my southern regions poke him awake. He moves in closer to me and I am thrust into his chest, face first. "Mh mmh.", Food protests and I start to panic. If I get a hard-on while in his arms like this, he will surely know I like him. Oh s**t! Oh s**t! "Food!" I shout a little louder and he makes no move to wake up. I hit his chest once. Nothing happens. I hit him two more times and as I go in for a third, he grabs my arms and threatens me in the sexiest way ever. "Hit me one more time and I'll hit you back." He goes right back to sleep as if he didn't just threaten me while looking me in the eyes. 

The small light from the window above provides me with light from the balcony. Food's sleeping face looks much calmer. His eyebrow hairs move a little with the light breeze. Can a beast really look this peaceful in its slumber? 

Chancing a touch of his smooth skin on his chiseled cheek, my fingertips trace over it. Oh, this must be what it feels like when believers touch their god. I've believed in him for so long that I am now a pilgrim to everything he does. His ability to sleep so peacefully and allow me to witness it is a gift in itself. Can I not record this moment and keep it forever?

Maybe I can. Pulling out my phone from under the pillow, I open the camera and start to record a video. From his face and mine all the way down to the position of our legs. His giant hand on my small thigh and my leg draped over his trunk of a leg. As I am recording our faces again, I see him looking directly into the camera. Oh s**t.

Food just stares into the camera. I stare at him staring into the camera. We play this staring game for a few minutes and I don't know if I should put my phone down or just carry on. He decides for me by getting up and detangling himself from me. "You hungry? I can order something." I nod at his question, not sure what else to do. He takes his leave and goes out the door, closing it. What was that?

Checking the time, I see that it's almost seven PM and aunt Fon will arrive around ten PM due to her hours at the television station. She's an assistant producer there. 

She sent me a text about having dinner without her in our Line chat. She'd come by after eleven because of a late shooting. "Well, so much for NamFon night." Kneeling on Food's bed, I try to see if there are any more paparazzi outside my gate and sure enough they are still there, in larger numbers than this evening. I really need to go home and get some work done. Why can't they just leave?

The door opens and it's Food again. "What do you want to eat?" 

"Anything but noodles." He smiles at me and closes the door again. He still hasn't switched on the lights. Walking to the switch, I turn them on and make his bed. I don't know how he normally makes it but I just did what I normally do to mine. Tuck in the corners tight then tucks in the side of the covers. Straighten the pillows and fold the towels and hang them over the edge of the bed. 

"You're also an OCD." Sine whine from behind me and almost gives me a heart attack. "Why?" I ask because I don't see what he's talking about. "Food has clinically diagnosed OCD. He needs everything to be in order like this or else he will go crazy. You too, I guess." Shaking my head, I straighten his shoes beside his bed and put on the house slippers I've been wearing today. I walk past him and down the hall, into the living room. 

"Oh, you're up. Food ordered sushi from downtown. they said it'll be an hour before everything is here so get comfortable." I nod and sit down on the three-seater couch. Scrolling on my phone, I look at the family Line group chat. My father is not understanding why Food has to be the winner. He has never been a fan of his because he feels I'm obsessed with him and he's holding me back from having a real relationship with someone who will know I exist. 

'Pa, leave him alone. He's done nothing except be nice to me today. He saw me first and so he won fair and square. Don't have this attitude come Sunday.', is my reply and I lock my phone. I just wish everyone would but out of whatever figment of my imagination Food is. He's the one who kept his stuff, to begin with so why is he upset now that he's back? At least now I actually talk to him on a personal level. 

My phone rings immediately after I am alerted my father sent a reply text and I ignored it. 

"Nam Ezkiel Songsamphan!! I am your father and you will not ignore me! You will not scold me either. I will keep my attitude about that boy if I want to!" My father shouts from the other end of the line. "Pa!" I shout back and get up to go into Food's room so no one can hear him. I put the phone on the loudspeaker and sit down on his bed to talk properly with my father.