My Love Letters To Food

If At First, You Don't Succeed: Try, Try Again.

A wide smile spreads across my face behind my mask as I try to think of what he will think of today's flowers. I wanted to send something that had a bit more romance and a lot to do with him. The florist-designed a rather different approach to flower arrangements that I hope will make him smile. It was a little cheesy but I guess I am too.

On queue, the same delivery man walks in but today he greets the professor first before he walks over to Food and places the biggest flower basket I have ever seen on his desk. When I said he can make it as big as he needed, I did not see this coming. Where was he supposed to put it? Blue and white roses are shaped into a supersized heart and a rugby ball from our high school that he had signed is in the center. It was in the box of things I had taken with me that my father had saved. I hope it will show him that I really do know him and that I am sincere. 

"Please sign here." the delivery man hands him the electric clipboard and he dribbles his signature. Once the man is gone, Food searches for the letter first and lifts up the flowers with both arms. Sine takes out the contents in the basket under the flowers. Today I may have been a little extra and sent everything including boba tea I made using my father's recipe. "Well, today they went all out. Even a Booba tea. Your favourite too." Sine informs Food whose view is obscured by the roses. When he puts it down, he looks at the boxes on Sine's desk searching only for the letter. Sine hands him the envelope and he almost rips it open. 

"Please sign here." the delivery man hands him the electric clip board and he dribbles his signature. Once the man is gone, Food searches for the letter first and lifts up the flowers with both arms. Sine takes out the contents in the basket under the flowers. Today I may have been a little extra and sent everything including boba tea I made using my fathers recipe. "Well, today they went all out. Even a Booba tea. Your favorite too." Sine informs Food whose view is obscured by the roses. When he puts it down, he looks at the boxes on Sine's desk searching only for the letter. Sine hands him the envelope and he almost rips it open. 

Reading the letter in detail and more than once, he smiles at a few passages. Sine reads it too and I slide down in my seat with my hoodie pulled over my head. How can he just let Sine read our private matters like that? 

Knowing that there is nothing I can do about it, I take out my books to take notes for today's class. At seven-thirty AM Food placed his basket of flowers near the professor's desk and buts the food in his bag. His bag is bigger than usual. Was he expecting me to send more?

Food and Sine do not leave immediately after class like I expected so I do. Hiding across the hall in a broom closet, I wait for them to come out but they do not. I wait for almost an hour and a half for them and just as I was about to rush to my next class, Sine and Food walkout in conversation. "Maybe he's a ghost because we just sat there for our entire free period and no one showed up. Everyone from our class left and I even looked around again today, nobody is new in our class. We had a class with them all last year. Even that scary girl in the back, Lemon, has been with us since the first year only. No one is from high school." Sine states the facts of their mystery as he holds the other side of the basket of flowers. Food is holding the rugby ball and inspecting his signature. "But I signed this ball. It was my first championship in my first year in high school. Who would have kept something from that long ago? Who is this guy? How do they know I like khao kai jeow that spicy?" Sine fans his tongue and frowns at the thought of the omelet I presume.

"I was not expecting that amount of spiciness in the egg. And I don't like the boba that sweet either. It's too much. This person really does know you. So what are you going to do? Keep playing pen pall?" Sine asked him as they walk down the corridor. I open the door a little wider but do not step closer to the door. I just want to hear them more clearly. "Do I have a choice? I doubt anyone from our class is the person unless they are willing to miss the next class or get scolded by professor crazy." 

Oh s**t! I almost forgot we have professor crazy next. Once their footsteps are no longer echoing in the hallway, I speed walk into the lecture hall and rush to his desk. His reply letter is on his seat just like yesterday. I grab it and kiss it like a Willy Wonka golden ticket while I run towards the next class. Thankfully, just as I near the door, a group of guys from my morning class are rushing in and I just rushed in with them, trying to blend into the background as much as possible. Nobody really cares much and since I sat in the far back of the class, nobody really pays attention to me. 

"Thank you for joining us, Mark and Friends! Come late again and I will take away ten percent from the project I will give you today!" Professor Crazy shouts as we all look for a way to not draw attention to ourselves so he won't draw the class's attention to you. 

As soon as he walks out after dismissing our class, I run out with a group of cheerleaders who complain about being late for practice, because Professor Crazy wanted to finish a section just before lunch. "I swear his parents never loved him! What is wrong with that man?" One of the girls asks her friend as I hustle behind them to get out. I have no interest in their conversation so I do not listen further once I get to the door. 

My car is parked in the paid parking close to the professors' offices and that is at the very back of my campus. It takes an average of ten minutes to walk there but I ran there in three minutes. Taking out the letter once I am inside, I read it eagerly.

'The Boy Who Loves Me

Okay, you really know me. The rugby ball proves that. I keep wracking my brain trying to figure out who you are. I even went through old class photos and I can't seem to place you anywhere. What clubs did you join? Where did you hang out? When you said you have no friends, that really threw me off because everyone has friends or at least people they are acquainted with. Nobody that was around me that much, even as just a classmate, was always alone.

And I am not superficial. It's just unfair that you know what I look like and I don't have an idea of what you could possibly be like. Are you tall like me or short? Are you light or dark? Do you wear glasses or have braces? How are you able to cook such delicious food? Your exes were very lucky to have a boyfriend like you that can cook. I wonder what you find so amazing about me that you go through so much trouble. You can just give me the food yourself and stop it with the flowers. It seems like a great expense. Don't get me wrong, I like them. I also like that spicy tomato thing that was with the omelet. What was that?

As for giving you a fair chance by judging your efforts, I can try to do that but I have to say my curiosity is getting the better of me. I hope to catch a peek at you after class. Even if you are a ghost-like Sine thinks. 

Yours sincerely,

Food the Foodie(on IG).'

He thinks he's clever. Does he really think I am that much of an amateur that I will follow him and he can catch me? I think not. 

Tomorrow must be trickier. He's getting a little too close for comfort with his questions. 

"You think you're so smart Mr. Suppasit." Leaning back on my car seat, I try to stop my giddy laughter from attracting attention in the busy parking lot. People may think I am crazy or something. Well, I am a little crazy. Crazy for Food.

26/05/2021

For this to be extremely challenging I will take the food and flowers with same and leave them on his desk. I want him to know that I can be and have been everywhere from the start. He can even get a chance to enjoy his breakfast before class this time around. To execute this perfectly and not be seen, I have been watching P'Maits car all morning and seeing when he leaves will leave with Food. It's four am and I have everything ready in my car. The security guards really thought I was crazy loading up my car with a big arrangement of red and white roses box a big box with a bow on it. 

I did not care though. I want everything to be grand and beautiful for Food. He deserves only the best and that is what I have informed him of in today's letter.

DAY 3: Tom Luad Moo (ต้มเลือดหมู) with Spicy fried rice and homemade chili paste

'Food

Let's answer your questions today.

Do you really think I will follow you just so you can catch me at such an early stage? I have nothing against you knowing who I am or what I look like but I think this is more interesting. I get to make you fall for me only based on effort. that is true merit to me. If I win your heart, I will know it is me and me alone. My looks may add to your decision but for now, we will never know.

I was in no clubs. My father's business needed my help after school so I was never involved in clubs. Not even in primary school. I was always in the library. That is the last place you would be. Or anyone that knew you. I always had a love for romance novels so that is where I was all the time. It was seldom that I sat in crowded areas. I would also sit behind the stairs of the music room or on the roof of the school around the rooftop garden. I would watch you chase around your friends by the water fountain where you always were. You just liked sitting on that piece of wood that stuck out from the fountain. You used to move anyone who sat there even though there were actual benches for sitting near the fountain. Youn almost caught me staring at you a few times. 

My height is average for a Thai man, you're just a giant. My mother calls me snowflake because she says my skin reminded her of the one time she saw snow in Japan on a school trip. I have never worn braces but I do wear glasses on occasion. Both of my parents are excellent at cooking. You could say I was born with the ability to cook. I cannot remember a day in my life where I was not in the kitchen. I have no exes. I told myself a long time ago that you will be my first and my last everything. 

It is no trouble at all to do everything I do for you. I want you to have an amazing story to tell when we have children and they ask how I won your heart. Just like you've given me the best experience falling in love with you, I want you to have one as well. 

The spicy paste you ate today is called 'shatini'. It's a South African breakfast side that comes with eggs and sausages. 

Today's meal is just as hard to make as I am to figure out. It can often be bland when not cooked right but very flavourful with the right sides and sauces. Enjoy.

All My Love,

The Boy Who Loves You.'

This should really rattle his brain. How can he expect to see what is invisible to him? Even if I am invisible, I hope he falls for me. 

At five-thirty AM P'Mait is opening the door to his car. Food walks of the gate sluggishly and gets into the passenger seat. The wind is slower than my speed out of my apartment and into the elevator. As soon as it stops in the lobby, I am out at lightning speed. It takes me less than five minutes to drive out of my parking space and catch up with them at the red light. 

Knowing P'Mait may recognize me, I cut him off and race with the winds speed to school. I park in a different lot than most students and it is much closer to our building than student parking so I save time there. Rushing down the deserted hallways of my department, I hear a voice behind me and I know it's Food. How did he get here so fast?

The door to our lecture hall is just in front of me so I almost kick it in and rush to place everything on his desk. Frantic he may suspect me if I just lay on my desk and pretend to sleep, I hide at the back of the class behind the professor's file cabinet. I am just slim enough o fit behind it and I sit there. In the dust that will surely dirty my black pants, I sit.

Not sure what to do in order to come out and not be seen, I try to think of a way out of this. I must have been a hero in my past life because out of nowhere a group of people make noise and run around the classroom. I sneak out amidst the commotion to find Food holding one of the boys by his neck and a few seniors standing guard at the door. "This is the punk that slashed my brother tyers yesterday?"Food asks in a silent but deadly tone. If anyone knew anything about the Suppasit brothers, they knew they were the type to fight for each other and they never lose. 

One senior shows Food something on his phone and I cannot see it clearly from my desk but I can hear it clearly. "How dare you reject me! Huh, P'Mait? Do you think you can reject me because you're a doctor? Well, I'm an engineer!! I have a bright future too! You've slept with half the people in my class but not me? Why?" The voice must be from the guy Food is depriving oxygen to. I know he could potentially damage his vocal cords but I have to say he looks so sexy doing it. 

"Do you have any idea how hard my brother had to work to get that car? Do you have the slightest clue how much a new set of the tyres cost? You spoilt little b***h. No wonder he had no interest in you. 

Now, this is what you're going to do. You will send me the money to pay back my brother for those tyres and you will never bother him again or else you'll be his next patient. I will make sure your hands never work the same again. And if you know what happened to his ex-boyfriend, you know exactly what I'm capable of." The boy looks ready to pee himself. I would be too if that gorgeous face with ogre-like strength threatened me that way. "Okay! Okay! I'll give you the money! Please don't break my wrists! I'll give you the money." The boy cries and starts to shake the more Food's other hand neared his hands. He is sobbing and choking at the same time as he begs in a wheezing voice. Barely any air going into him now because he's turning a slight shade of ghost. 

Food drops him and the boy takes out his phone to do the transfer. "168532679007 and be very very generous!" Food shouts out his account number and as soon as his phone pings, he nods his head at one of the seniors, and they all gang up on the boy to kick him. "I said I would not hit you, I never said anything about his friends not hitting you." Food corrects the boy who screams at him for being unfair. He sits down at his desk and I drop my book bag to the floor by accident trying to get a better angle of the action. This distracts everyone to look at me and the boy takes his chance and tries to run out of the lecture hall. One of the boys at the door stops him from running out the door and alerts the others. They nab him while the others follow after them. 

I do not dare look up and just leave my bag on the floor. I hope this convinces him that I am really asleep and dropped it by mistake. The last thing I want is for him to beat me up. No footsteps come my way for almost two minutes so I am sure. He's not coming towards me. 

Chancing a peek, I look at him through my desk and my forearm. He's already reading my letter for the day. He smiles throughout the letter. He even puts it down and leans back smiling. I guess the direct and courageous approach is more effective. 

Excitedly, he opens the box and giggles at the contents. Within a few minutes, he has season his tom luad moo (ต้มเลือดหมู) and is digging into the rice and soup. He adds lots of chili paste. Way more than even my grandfather and he's from the south. I'm sure when he defecates, P'Mait has to stay on their balcony. But I still love him! There is something really wrong with me when it comes to Food Suppasit. 

Only his slurping and chewing are heard from within the lecture hall. He is thoroughly enjoying himself. He finishes everything, including the chili paste. "Hey! Why did you not leave me any?" Sine shouts from the door as soon as he sees the roses and the remnants of the meal on the desk. "The letter said I should eat alone. I arrived and it was here already. Plus it was tom luad moo (ต้มเลือดหมู) with chili paste and you know I do not share that. You can have some khanom (ขนมห) in this container. It's just wings but I think they are spicy." Food is nice enough to offer the surprise dish of wings for when he gets hungry later on. 

"Oh, man. But I'll take it. My sister woke me up at the c***k ass of down and I had no time to make any food or stop for anything. The canteen stalls aren't even open yet either. 

Hey man, did they find the punk that slashed P'Mait's tyres?" Sine asks and I think he may be in for a story but in true Food fashion, he just shrugs and shows him something on his phone. Sine is shocked by what he sees. "Just like that? He gave you twice as much as we paid if them yesterday! You didn't break their wrists did you?" Sine narrows his eyes at his friends and he just shakes his head. "I just chocked him a little and reminded him of what happened to that s**t head, P'Gun."

Without any further questioning, SIne starts to eat the wings while Food takes a nap. It's only ten minutes past six AM and I'm sure he's sleepy from such a full breakfast. I am also sleepy from being up so early and the environment is silent enough for me to sleep. 

A sting on my back wakes me up and I grumpily wake up. Who does that? About to rip the perpetrator a new one, I find myself staring back at my professor's face. Looking around for any sign of help, no one is in here anymore. "Wake up sunshine. I need to lock up so get up. I would have let you sleep here and missed all your classes but I am done for the day. Sadly." Is he a sadist or something? Why did nobody wake me up?

Quickly gathering my books and bag, I just bow in apology and rush to the door. I stop by Food's desk and grab the letter waiting there for me as I expected and high tail it out of the room. Once I am safely in the hallway, checking my wristwatch I see that I am late for Professor Crazy's class and so I walk out of the building, to my car. I am not going into that woman's lecture hall twenty minutes late. I have no death wish. 

In my car, I read the letter at my own pace.

'The Boy Who Loves Me

Well, it was worth a try to get you to follow me. Since you answered my questions so nicely this time, let me ask some more. You already seem to know a lot about my life. You know my brother and best friend. You know my ex and how my hair looked before I started choosing my own hairstyles. So I think its only fair I know you. 

When you said Your mother calls you Snaow Flake, I wonder just how light skinned you must be. However, I won't waste my time on such wonders. My real questions will be below.

Where are your parents from? Where were you born?

Where do you live? are you close to my house since we went to gether to school of so long or the surrounding areas?

Do you like to eat as much as you can cook? Because if I could cook like you, I would be the size of a polar bear. All I would do is cooka nd eat all day. 

Since you said that you weren't around last year and that you just got back, where were you and what were you doing there? What made you leave? Why are you back?

I'll ignore how weird it sounds about you watching me from rooftops and staircases because you said to judge you based on current efforts. 

If you are the height of an average Thai man then you are short anI wonder what your hair looks liked not just to me. Is it cut short or are you one of those hippies with long hair? What colour is it? What do you dress like outside of university? I'm not trying to be disrespectful but if I were to be attracted to a guy, the last one I would look at is the one in short stuff and makeup. I don't even like girls who dress like that so it is not a prejudice against you only. I mean I could try to adjust but it would be very hard. Especially for my family. 

Do not think I did not see that little joke you made about children. Have you thought that far into our future? Doo you see me as husband material? I mean you have had fifteen years to think about this so maybe you have thought that far. How many kids would you like? 

Seriously though, you want me to be your first and your last? I must have saved an emperor in my past life to have someone so devoted to me. Thank you. I've never been so important to anyone that they have cared about me this much. My family loves me as well but I do not think they love me half as much as you have these past years. 

Yours sincerely,

Food 

P.S Thank you for the roses. I've never received any before but I've secretly wanted them. Not for valentine or out of obligation but just because they wanted to.'

Can you fall in love more than once? Can a single letter give you so much hope? Is it any good for my emotional and mental health if in the end, he decided to not fall for me? No to all of these questions and everything else above. It is a direct no. But can I help myself when it comes to him and everything he does or writes? No, I can not.

Sitting back in my car seat, I lower it and squeal as quietly as possible out of pure joy. Why did I not take such a chance years ago? I could have been happier or heartbroken sooner.

My book is so personal this time around because it revolves around me and what I feel. My father's words are not there to soften the blow or comfort my bruised ego. In this one, every meal has its own trials and tribulations. The process of preparing a meal with a single person in mind and anticipating all of their possible emotions. I try very hard to explain the way my emotions venture out and about in my mind to make me lose focus or lead me into a panicked state in the middle of cooking. Finally, in the end, I have compiled a masterpiece that will be my only show in the effort of how badly I want him to fall for me. With each mouthful, my heart convinces me he's falling and that is the most interesting part of the whole book. Should I even publish the conclusion, good or bad? Or should the book retain its mystery of how my love pursuit turned out?