I'M FEMALE, I'M MAFIA

GREAT FALLS

When Jade had received the notification letter informing her that she was assigned to the Secret Service field office in Great Falls, Montana, she tried to keep her chin up. She had known she would be sent to the least desirable location in the country, that it was standard practice for all new Special Agents.

Shivering as she locked her beat-up Toyota, she told herself she could stand living in Great Falls for a year or two, and to make the best of it. Look at the bright side, she thought. It’s a small town. People will be a lot friendlier than in Pittsburgh.

“You can’t park your fuckin’ car there, lady."

Jade turned around - there was a blubbery man shoveling snow off the sidewalk, a cigar jutting from his mouth. “What’s the matter with you, can’t you read?” he said, pointing at the NO PARKING sign.

Well, she thought, ‘most’ people were probably more friendly than in Pittsburgh. She moved her car down one space.

For her first day at work, she had bought a new navy blue business suit and had her hair styled. When the dumpy receptionist ushered Jade into the office of the SAIC - the Special Agent In Charge - the man slowly rose from his desk, staring at her.

“Ms. Brownie?” he said. His eyes moving down to her legs, her shoes, then back up to her face.

“Nice to meet you,” she said, shaking his hand.

“I didn’t know you were...” The receptionist was standing there, watching him ogle Jade. He glanced at her, his face red. “Thank you, Susan. That will be all."

Susan left, giving him a dirty look.

The SAIC’s name was Bill Saunders. He began making nervous small talk, telling Jade about the new-fangled office, which had only been established in Great Falls a year ago. He was about thirty five years old, had a pot belly, was nearly bald, and what little hair he had left was speckled with dandruff. Jade noticed that he was wearing a wedding band, which she thought was a good thing - the excitement she sensed in him had raised alarm bells in her mind.

He outlined her responsibilities, and mentioned that there would be a lot more training on “corporate stuff,” such as Ethics, Diversity, and Interpersonal Awareness.

Near the end of the meeting, Jade asked, “Will there be time for me to work on some of my own cases?”

“Your ‘own’ cases? How do you mean?”

Jade shrugged. “Cases that originate from my own leads, maybe cases in other states."

“Trying to get out of Great Falls already?” he said, smiling.

“No, I just... ”

“I don’t see why you can’t work on outside cases. As long as you get your required work done, do your DOPS."

“My - DOPS?”

“Daily Operation Summaries."

“Oh."

“Anyway, as long as you get your required work done, I don’t see it as a problem."

Jade spent the first few weeks settling in. There was only one other field agent working out of the new office, Ken, a man who had been with the Service only two years. A former Chicago police detective, he had a lot of experience and he spent much of his time working alone. Most of the activity in the Great Falls office concerned financial fraud, counterfeit checks, and Internet account hacking. Great Falls, Montana, was not the center of the world’s illegal currency counterfeiting activity. Or the center of anything else, it seemed.

Bill Saunders seemed to make constant excuses to go into Jade’s office and talk to her, or call her into his. When he had to pick up a file or get his coffee cup, he would move uncomfortably close to her, sometimes “accidentally” brushing up against her. She noticed that he often discreetly inhaled when he did this, as if savoring the smell of her perfume.

One evening they were going over a list of banks in Montana that had been receiving a certain type of fake check, Bill reached over and took her hand.

“Jade,” he said, his voice wavering, “I have to tell you something."

“Don’t,” she said, pulling her hand away. She had been expecting this ever since the first day. She glanced at his open office door, afraid Susan would hear them.

“Susan’s gone, and Ken is up in Billings tonight."

“I don’t care,” Jade said, standing. She had been sitting beside him at his credenza. She put several feet of distance between them.

His face went red, and his scalp went even redder. “Jade, I can’t stand it. Ever since you came to work here... ”

“Bill, don’t do this. Please?”

“You don’t feel attracted to me?”

“That’s not the point, Bill. You’re my boss."

“So what?”

Jade opened her mouth, but closed it again, not wanting to sound like a newbie reciting rules from the Secret Service employee manual. “You’re married."

“Not really."

She motioned to the wedding band on his finger. “I suppose you’re going to tell me that’s a Secret Agent Decoder Ring?”

He chuckled. “Joan and I are finished. We’re getting a divorce."

Sure you are, Jade thought.

Bill noted her expression. “Look, I’ll take the ring off, if that makes you feel better." He did so, putting it in his desk drawer. “I won’t even wear it home."

“Bill...”

“What?” he said, reaching for her waist.

“I’m not going to do this,” she said, moving farther away. “I refuse to mess up my career."

“Mess up? What are you talking about? This can only be good for your career."

“You know better than that, Bill." She searched for excuses. “If we started something and then it fell apart, it would be bad. Really bad."