I'M FEMALE, I'M MAFIA

TRAINING DAY

Jade did well in the interviews, passed the TEA by a wide margin, and passed the physical exam and the lie detector test. There was one tense moment when she was taking the lie detector test and the questioner said, “Did you have any knowledge of your father’s illegal activities?” Jade had answered “No." She half-expected the needles on the machine to swing wildly off the scale, but she didn’t notice any change. Her answer was truthful, but she thought she had known from a very early age, at least unconsciously, that her father was doing something illegal to pay for her education at Sherriad. Apparently the machine did not notice.

By the time the psychological exam finally rolled around, Jade had graduated from RISD and was living in a microscopic apartment in Providence. She increased her hours at the cafe to support herself. She’d had a couple of job offers, one in New York and one in Boston, but turned them both down, banking on being accepted into the Secret Service. She knew it was crazy to put all her eggs in one basket, but she just couldn’t get excited about working for a graphic design firm. The farther along she progressed in the Secret Service employment process, the more determined she became to get the job. It was a challenge.

When she sat down in the comfortable chair in the psychologist’s office, she was surprisingly calm.

His name was Dr. Steiner. He was in his 50s, with a snow-white goatee and penetrating blue eyes. He looked like the type of man who didn’t miss a trick.

He started with the usual psychological tests with Jade - Rorschach ink blot, free association, freehand drawing - and then started asking questions about Jade’s childhood.

“I see here that your father was arrested for passing counterfeit currency and construction site theft." He looked up at Jade. “How do you feel about that?”

She tried to remain relaxed. “Of course I was very upset. I was only sixteen. I had no idea that my father was involved in any kind of...”

“I didn’t ask you how you felt about it then, Ms. Brownie. I’m asking how you feel about it now."

“Oh." The man was apparently too smart to fall for that approach. “I’m not sure what you mean. Can you be more specific?”

Steiner motioned to her. “Do you feel angry about it? Sad? Ashamed? Vindictive? You and your father must have been very close." He looked at the file. “It says here your mother left when you were... ten?”

“That’s right." Jade could feel sweat trickling down her back. She had prepared a dozen different answers to this question, but she didn’t know which one to use. “My father was not a sophisticated man, Dr. Steiner. He only had a ninth grade education. Now that I have some distance on my growing up, I feel genuinely sorry for him. I know he was doing the best he could."

Dr. Steiner nodded. “You’re not angry with him, then?”

“Not anymore. At first I was mad at him for killing himself and leaving me all alone. But I’ve come to terms with it now. He just couldn’t cope." 

“The police report says he never revealed where he got the counterfeit money." Steiner looked up at her. “Do you have any idea where it came from?”

“No,” Jade lied. “I always assumed he got it from whoever was buying the stolen construction site materials." She shrugged. “Honestly, I never gave that part of it much thought - I’m sure he didn’t know the money was counterfeit, no matter where it came from." 

“I see." Steiner studied her for a long moment. “So, your desire to become a Special Agent has nothing whatsoever to do with your father’s arrest... ”

This was the sixty five thousand dollar question. “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. Of course my father’s arrest made me dislike counterfeiters a little more than other types of criminals. I’m basically a very moral person. I applied for this job because I think it will be satisfying to help protect the United States against criminal activities of all kinds."

What a bunch of hogwash, Jade thought.

She waited anxiously as Dr. Steiner looked back at the file. He flipped through a couple of pages, scratched his beard, thinking, then closed it. “That will be all, Ms. Brownie. Thank you for your time."

Jade rose from the chair uncertainly. The interview had seemed too short. She wondered if she had blown it with her morality pitch. “So... did I pass?”

“We’ll let you know.

* * *

When Jade received the official letter informing her that she had been accepted into the Secret Service, she let out a whoop and did cartwheels through her little apartment.

She called Pauline and Kat and told them the fantastic news.

Pauline still couldn’t understand why Jade wanted the job, and she could tell Kat thought it was a little weird, but they both congratulated her.

A month later, Jade began to wonder if she had made a mistake. The qualifying process had been bad enough, but the Secret Service training course was like going from the frying pan into the fire. It was one of the most challenging and stressful experiences Jade had ever been through.

The first part of the course was conducted at the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center in Glynco, Georgia. For ten weeks she and forty seven other new hires received an intensive education in criminal law and investigative techniques. It was mostly “book learning,” as her father would have called it, something at which Jade excelled.

The going got tough during the second part of the course. The seventeen week intensive for Special Agents was held at the Secret Service James J. Rowley Training Center, in Laurel, Maryland. There were no signs indicating the facility’s existence, except for GOVERNMENT PROPERTY - KEEP OUT postings around the fenced in, five hundred acre perimeter. The center boasted six miles of roadways, thirty one buildings, including the simulated downtown area of a city, underground bunkers, obstacle courses, a firing range, a high-speed driving course, and a simulated airport and helipad, including perfect mock-ups of Air Force One and Marine One, the president’s airplane and helicopter, respectively.