The Sin

Goodbye

*Trigger Warning—Chapter contains the subject of 'suicide'. Reader's discretion is advised. Thank you?.*

•••

"Lily, wake up!" Dan cried.

He sobbed in despair still holding her to him.

"Please, " he whispered.

"I can't go on without you, there's no point going on without you."

"Please, come back to me. You promised, " he whispered.

"Dan!" Philip ran to him, eyes wide with shock.

He paused a little as he walked dazed towards Dan.

"I-Is that?"

"Lily, " Dan buried his face in her neck.

The Ambulances arrived and reporters were quickly flooding the scene.

"Dan, you have to let her go, they have to take her, " Philip said, his voice thick with emotion.

Dan tightened his hold around her.

He shook his head.

"I'm never letting her go."

Two of the health officers stared at Dan with pity in their eyes.

Philip knelt beside him. His heart clenched when he saw her face.

He swallowed and signalled the two health officers.

"Dan, please, " Philip placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"She's gone, Dan, " Philip whispered, his eyes watering.

"No."

Even as they pried Lily from his clutches, he still didn't want to let go.

Dan stood and stared as they placed her in a body bag.

His hands shook.

They placed her on the metal stretcher.

Dan felt like he was observing everything happen outside his own body. Like he was there and wasn't at the same time.

One second, they were in her apartment making up and the next, she was being placed in a body bag.

How things happen unexpectedly.

Dan took a few steps towards her, still not quite believing they were taking her away from him.

"Dan." Philip held him back.

But he didn't stop.

"Dan, stop."

What did it for him, was when they finally sipped up the body bag.

Dan quickened his step.

"Dan, wait. Stop!"

•••

Nothingness...darkness...perdition...pain...nostalgia...heartbreak...heart clench...

Rowing, smiling, forest-green eyes, billion-dollar smile...

Bondage...repression...nostalgia...staleness...pain...ambiguity...

Lily.

The love of my life, my heartbeat, my everything...

My pain, my bane, my weakness, my insanity, my sanity.

My stamina.

I'd lost all of these things, I've lost her.

My reason for fighting, for breathing, for holding on, for enduring...

Is gone...forever.

I don't deserve to live.

I'm a failure, I've failed her.

I need to be with her, I can't live without her.

I can't...breathe.

•••

"Dan, it's not your fault, " Philip said through the door of Dan's old apartment.

Philip sighed tiredly.

"You can't keep giving me the cold shoulder."

Philip paused.

"You know I cared about her too, " Philip said quietly but enough for Dan to hear.

"It's already been so long, you have to move on Dan."

As much as Philip hated saying it to his best friend, it was the truth.

"If heaven really exists, she'd be there, " Philip said to comfort Dan.

Dan stood facing the door.

"There is no heaven, " he said quietly.

"Only hell."

Philip's eyes widened.

Dan spoke for the first time in weeks.

"Dan, please we need to get you out of there, " Philip pleaded.

Dan clenched his fist.

He was leaving. He'd only stayed longer to make sure they wouldn't come after Philip too.

His eyes lowered.

He was about to cut ties with the only person left in the world that gave a s**t about him.

He was born to be alone.

He wished his and Lily's path had never crossed, he wished they'd never met.

What was the point? What was the point of having ice-cream when in the end, it would only melt away?

Just like his heart and every piece of human emotion left in him had melted away.

He lowered his head and placed a hand on the door.

He exhaled.

He missed her.

He bit his trembling lip.

The void inside of him only seemed to widen. He was empty, he was nothing.

Without her, life wasn't worth living.

"Philip, I'm leaving, " he said quietly.

"There's nothing for me here, " he finished.

Dan could hear Philip's sharp inhalation.

"Is that right?" Philip said quietly.

No reply.

"What about me, uhn? What about the Bookshop?" Philip knew they were flimsy excuses at best and honestly, his last resort at making him stay.

Philip had always known Dan was going to leave, sooner or later.

But it seemed it was sooner.

"I'm not worth staying here for?" Philip said.

"No, " Dan replied after a moment.

"There's nothing keeping me here anymore, " he said quietly.

"Your life will be better without me."

Philip hit the door.

"Do you hear yourself? Can you even hear the words coming out of your mouth?!"

"This isn't like you, Dan."

"What would the old you say? What would Lily say?"

Dan gritted his teeth.

He turned around and left.

He jumped from his balcony and disappeared into the night.

The night was very cold, so he stuck in hands into his black coat.

His legs took him to the old park.

He paused and stared at the looming iron gate.

He fizzled out and appeared on the other side.

He went to his spot-the old bench he used to sit on.

He sat and stared at the looming forest ahead.

This part was closed-off for a reason.

He sensed a dark presence there—a depressing spirit.

He sighed-he could see his breath.

His hand fiddled with the cigarette in his left pocket.

He was so tempted...but then he saw her beautiful forest green-eyes.

A tear fell down his eye and he lowered his head, biting his lip.

"I'm sorry, " he said quietly to the wind.

"I wish..." His voice cracked.

"I wish I had told you just how much you mean to me Lily, how much I—" His words choked.

He buried his face in his palms.

"How much I love you, " he cried.

"I love you so much."

He raised his head and then he wiped his eyes.

"I'll join you soon, sweetheart, " he said softly.

He removed a knife from his pocket.

He sliced through his left wrist and then did the same for his other wrist.

He sighed-it was one of content.

He smiled, his first real smile since she died.

He leaned against the bench and stared at the night sky.

There wasn't any moon, just the stars.

Somehow, he thought she was one of those stars, staring down at him with a smile.

He could hear her laughter.

A flash of them kissing flooded his mind.

"I love you." His eyes shut.

"I'm coming, " he whispered.

"Dan?"

His eyes opened tiredly, he felt so woozy.

"Lily?"

"I'm right here, Dan."

He turned his head slowly to the side and saw a figure sitting beside him on the bench, white from head to toe.

Everything shined.

His eyes widened slightly.

"Lily?" He felt so light-headed and tired.

"Yes, Dan." The figure reached out to him and held his hand.

Tears brimmed in his eyes.

"Why did you leave? You promised, " he whispered.

She placed a hand on his cheek.

Dan let out a soft breath.

"I want to be with you, if we can't be together here, then I'll join you where you are, wherever that is. I don't care as long as I'm with you, " he said slowly.

"You can't, " she said.

"Why not?" Dan looked down at his wrists. Blood pooled around his feet.

He looked back at her glowing face.

"I'm almost there, wait for me, "

"Dan, please."

"You can't die now, you still have so much to do, "

"What about Philip?"

"The devil is out to get you, he already has. He will not back down until you succumb."

"You have to remove the seal he placed over your heart, you have to."

"He has vile plans for you, Dan, you have to resist him, you have to, "

Dan stared at her, he looked into her smouldering eyes.

"I don't care, " he whispered.

"He can do whatever he wants, nothing matters anymore. You're gone, you're probably not even real. I'm probably going through a near-death experience."

He sighed tiredly.

"I love you, Lily, " he said.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm so sorry for everything."

"I want you to know that pushing you away was like stabbing my heart a million times with a butcher's knife, "

Tears fell down his eyes.

"I don't deserve you, I never did."

"Why would you love a monster like me?"

"Because you're worth loving, Dan, " she said.

Dan sighed.

"I'm a waste of space."

"Even my own mother hated me, how bad could I have been? I was the worst, "

"I don't deserve to live."

"You do, you're worth everything and more, "

She took both his hands in hers and they glowed.

She kissed both his wrists and the wounds healed. He felt strength fill his entire being.

He smelt lilies.

He looked down at his wrists and saw something white—the glowing light entered through those wounds.

"I love you, Dan, they love you too, " she gestured upward with her finger.

He didn't know what she meant.

She kissed him on the cheek and then his eyes shut close.

"We will meet again, " was the last words he heard before he fell into a deep sleep.

√√√

When Dan opened his eyes, he was back at the mansion?

He groaned sitting up. He looked around-he was in his room.

He laid back down and stared blankly at the ceiling.

The emptiness was gone and it'd been replaced by a soothing warmth.

"Lily, " he closed his eyes and a smile spread in his lips.

'We will meet again.'

He lifted his wrists-no scars, nothing.

He sighed and closed his eyes again.

'It had been real.'

'She was real.'

"Young one, please come downstairs, " he heard Peace say in his head.

He groaned and placed a pillow on his face.

'He was back.'

Dan was back at the mansion.

He went downstairs and he saw all of them standing there, waiting.

"You are back, " Royalty said.

"And while you were gone, a lot of things had happened, " Sin stated.

"Sit, " Anger stated.

He obeyed and sat on one of the couches.

He sighed.

"We warned you not to go back, " Anger fumed.

"Look what you've done, " it continued.

Dan sighed again.

"You've caused an uproar in hell, "

"Your father is furious, because you disobeyed, " Peace stated.

The wooden handle of the couch he sat in crushed from the pressure of his hand.

Dan clenched his jaw. He didn't say a word.

'How dare he? He killed Lily! Right under his nose.'

He'd never felt so utterly powerless in his life.

He'd failed, he'd failed her.

Dan gritted his teeth.

"There's a war coming—" He cut Peace off.

"There's always a war! " Dan roared.

"Every. Single. Day."

"The things I've seen down there, the things they do...people don't even know a drop of it, "

"We humans are all ignorant pieces of s**t, we will all die."

"But I don't care, I don't fear death. Lily is dead, gone and I will NEVER serve the one who killed her."

"We knew this would happen, that is why we asked you to stay away from her, but alas, you couldn't, "

"You killed her Dan, not your father, because of your stubbornness. If you had cut ties earlier enough, she wouldn't have been a target." Peace continued.

"She would still be alive."

"Shut up," he gritted out.

"You know it's true and now you feel the guilt weigh so heavy on your shoulders you want to die, but you're partially immortal, so you won't die easily just by slitting your own wrists." Sin said quietly.

"W-What?"

"We see everything, "

"That wasn't Lily you saw, that was only a figment of your imagination. It seemed you wanted so desperately for her to be alive that your consciousness actually made it seem so, "

Dan stood with shaky legs.

"She is dead, already rotting six feet under, " Sin continued.

Dan made his way towards the entrance. He opened the door and stepped out.

He was met with dark clouds. He turned around—he saw the ominous forest.

He bent on his knees gasping for breath.

"Please, kill me now."

Peace appeared beside him.

"Forget about your human attachments, for now, they'll only serve as weaknesses your father will use to torment you."

"Eliminate all emotions, erase everything, erase Lily, erase Philip, erase the bookstore, erase your family. Erase everything."

"I c-cant, " He'd tried. He'd tried not to feel, but he just couldn't.

He couldn't forget. He couldn't forget Lily, Philip or his past.

"Shall I help you?" Peace raised a skeleton-like arm and covered Dan's face.

"I'll make the pain go away, no memories, no pain, no regrets, " its voice had reduced to a whisper.

"A new beginning, you will be reborn, "

"Lucifer cannot hold you, your transformation is yet completed, "

Dan succumbed.

'Everything, everything...'

"Please, leave the pain, " Dan whispered.

He didn't want to forget the suffering he felt from his isolation, his eschewing, his alienation from his family, his a***e from his mother.

He never wanted to forget...

...the pain he felt from Lily's death.

The feel of her getting cold in his arms, the feeling of him calling her name and only being met with silence.

Her smile...he would forget. Her words...he would forget, her eyes...

...he would forget everything.

Dan exhaled.

'Goodbye, Lily.'

...