Two hearts entwined

Full of life

The one thing I’ve always found strange is my mother, ever since the accident, which I don’t recall all of she’s been so detached, I thought she would want to love me more but in one sense she’s over bearing, she’s fiercely protective and paranoid, yet in the other it’s like she can’t bare to look at me because I remind her of all she lost.

My farther has always been sympathetic,almost guilt ridden in a way. He was driving the day of the accident, ‘The family holiday’ as mum referred to it! I mean I can only take her word and my Fathers, I suffered many injuries so many that eventually when the nurses had done all they could to get me comfortable Mom insisted I was bought home and they agreed, presumably as the poor woman had just lost one daughter maybe they thought loosing another would be less painful at home?

I recall waking up that day, surrounded by a room of items all familiar yet not quiet the same, but the same as what? I had no memory, I couldn’t recall the accident, or my family, I shouldn’t blame my Mom for being so over the top she sat with me each day while I cried confused and in pain and went through the albums with me, pointing us all out one at a time, when I got to grips with that I was told I couldn’t see Lucie, and it felt like some part of me went missing, my twin, surely we would have been the best of friends, it certainly seemed it in all the photographs of us playing in the gardens on days out, or at the zoo and local park.

We moved from that house too when I was 9 and Mom acted exactly the same photographing the yellow room(it’s always been yellow!) arranging it exactly to detail. Going back to the old house to check no one left anything. This was always done very early in the mornings and I’d be sent to my room to continue my studies.

I guess she really was paranoid but i shouldn’t blame her not really, especially not when I’d finally got my way!

Mom had decided that this time I could start at school, I didn’t remember school before the accident and I was never aloud to go after, to many germs, falling over, bumping my head Mom had a list, which for along time I went along with but now at 16 I felt trapped and alone. I wanted to see what life was like and live it for Lucie too. After much pestering she finally gave in and said she would enrol me as soon as we had moved.

This is going to be the year my life changes I just know it, maybe those two 6 year old girls can finally be free .. .. I made it to 16 for both of us!