Out Of Hell

Confusion and Chaos

She slammed the door to her room, only to find she had no idea where she would go. She needed some air. Grabbing her purse she headed for the door. As she opened it she got a blast of sunlight. It was a beautiful day outside. Since it was still early evening, she decided to hop in her car and go to town, maybe grab a movie from the blue box movie dispenser. If she occupoied her time she wouldn't have to think about him or all of the crazy s**t that seemed to be following her around. Somehow she knew she wouldn't be able to escape him fully. As she drove down the driveway the sunlight was still melting in the sky, and she was hoping to find a way to simply quiet her brain, and his voice, for a few moments. She was heading to the gasstation to get a movie and gasoline, maybe a snack as well. The evening light seemed to be guiding her on her path. As she pulled in to the station she noticed there were many cars and trucks parked to the side of the station. There were men women and children standing around talking about something. Getting out of her car she recognized the cashier Tanya right away when she saw her. Tanya smiled at her, starting her way.

Hi there. How are you today? Tanya was smiling.

I am okay. How are you? I heard about your bothers.I am so sorry. Jessie felt like a fraud.

I was going to go fishing lilke you said I should, they just never showed up. Tanya's face was tired from lack of sleep.

I am so sorry things are so rough for you right now.

I just wish I knew what happened, you know.

Yeah, I guess that must be the hardest part. Jessie had a flash of the boys in the woods with the barbed wire.

It really is, I mean they had talked about going away and finding a plasce for all of us in the woods, a cabin, or something so that we could all be together. Our parents died a couple years back in a car accident. I think they wanted a fresh start, but they wouldn't go without me I know they wouldn't.

Do the police have any leads or ideas on where they might have gone?

The police are only pushing because I have been on the news, they really don't like my brothers.

That shouldn't affect their job though.

No it shouldn't, but Rick and Rob had issues with the cops, they didn't always do what was right, you know.

No I don't know who your brothers are except from what you have said on tv.

Oh, I am sorry, they weren't perfect, they both had drug issues when they were younger. But that is why the cops really aren't helping. You don't think the cops know something, and aren't helping do you?

I don't believe they would. But I am not a cop, and I really try to stay away from them too.

I heard something about you, your name is Jessica isn't it?

Jessie looked at her a moment too long before she spoke, Why do you ask?

It's just that working at the Save and Stop I have heard of you, and George. I'm sorry if you don't want to talk about it. I just know George, and well, he kinda deserved it.

I really don't want to talk about it Tanya, I want that part of my life over with. Jessie was a little angry by this young girl saying it was okay.

I'm sorry. I bet you just want to move on. I won't mention it again. But Jessie, you should know everyone at work is on your side.

Yeah, well nobody is willing to stand up to the boss for it though.

No, and I can't speak for all of them, but I am sorry for that too. Most of them have families and can't loose their income. You know he would firre them if they said anything.

Yeah, I know, and that is why I don't judge them. I have to get gas and get home now, but good luck looking for your brothers. Jessie smiled knowing Tanya would never find them.

Oh okay, well if you have time and want to help we are all going out searching every day throughout the day, we meet here for anyone who wants to help search. The clerk is a close friend of mine and can get me a message if you show up needing to know where we are.

Okay Tanya, thank you for being so kind by the way.

Oh it's no trouble, I wish George hadn't ever came in that day, it would have been nice to work with you, maybe become friends.

Yeah, that would have been nice. Jessie was glad the young girl couldn't see Jessie cringe at the thought.

You take care Jessica, and have a good day.

Thank you, I will. Jessie wentinside to pay for her gasoline. Deciding that the movie wasn't a good idea as well.

As she climbed back in the car she waved to the young store clerk thinking it was best to just go home and pray the darkness left her alone.

Driving down the same road she came in town on she felt more alone than ever. How had she gotten here? Why had things gone so wrong? Was she ever going to be okay? These were the things that kept her from being okay. She was always thinking about the way she was, and how she had come home and the things she had been going through ever since she stepped back in her aunts home. How was her Aunt involved with all of this? Did she know Darkness? Was she aware of his iritating ability to say things that didn't fully answer any questions, only bring more confusion? How should she handle this? As she drove down the long driveway she decided she needed to just go on a walk, collect her thoughts. Pulling in to her parking spot eside the garage she decided that she would just go, walk away from the house into the woods someplace she could think. She had tennis shoes on and was actually in some very comfortable clothing, so she went with it. She didn't even look at the house. As she headed for the woods she felt a soft breeze lazily sweep over her. She almost felt guided to the path she had already chosen. It lead to her families cemetary high on the hill behind the house. Her mother and father were burried there, as was her aunt, and other ancestors. Walking the path she could feel them around her, or at least the essence of them. She was acutely aware of his pressence as well. She could feel him watching her. She quelled the thoughts in her mind, if only for a moment she would not allow him to impose on her. Putting her intention forward she continued her walk. His essence fading the further she went. He could not follow her here, he couldn't go where she was heading, and he knew it. She inhaled deeply, more freely then she had since coming home. She wasn't sure but she could feel the haze of Darkness ebbing as she approached the sacred space where her ancestors were released and given back to the earth. He and she couldn't meld together here, and she felt the relief that came with his abcense. She almost felt good for the time being. Approaching the cemetary she saw that the gate had become overgrown with weeds and was almost impasable, she made it work but it wasn't easy. As she stripped the weeds away she could see that in spite of the cemetary being used the year prior it was simply not as well kept as she had originally thought it would be. She made a mental note to speak to the groundskeeper about his mismangement of the cemetary. In fact he had been slacking on the entire place, there had been some issues but she thought he was still working to maintain things, if not then what the hell was she paying him for? She walked to her parents graves glancing at them half heartedly. She had loved them, but they had been gone so long that she could barely see their faces or hear their voices anymore. Where she was going was just past them, the tall red maple standing beside her aunts grave hadn't started to turn yet, but it was still beautiful. She sat down beside it next to her aunts space, sighing heavily as she did. Her great aunt Nikki was the one who had told the darkness she was coming home, more than likely because she knew that Jessie would be there to say goodbye and lay her to rest.

I wish you were here aunt Nikki, things were so much easier when you were here. I miss you. Saying these things out loud she could tell she needed it, the release of awknowledging that pain, greif.

The wind swept her hair from her forehead reminding her of aunt Nikki saying it would all be okay, and that it can't be dark forever. She knew in that moment she was okay, safe so to speak. Sitting there she could almost hear her aunt say that darkness is inside all of us, but so is light. Life is determined by which we feed more. You can go through your entire life sharing light with everyone you meet, but there in the shadows darkness will always be. You have to make a concious effort to shine the light in all darkness, so that it does not consume you. As she turned the words around in her head she knew it was good advice, she just didn't know if she could use it. This darkness, the one inside of her, was trying to drive her crazy. He was eating all of the good inside of her, she knew he was never going to let her go. She could feel her body falling away from her as she sat there. Closing her eyes she felt it strronger. What was happening? She opened her eyes to someplace else, someplace bright. She could hear birds, and nature all around her, but couldn't see it.

Where am I? She asked the empty space.

You are here. A soft voice came from beside her. Looking in that direction she saw something forming.

What the f**k? More crazy?

No, sit patiently for a moment, let your eyes see me. The voice was calming.

Okay, yeah, sure. Cause things like this seem to be helping me right now. Sarcasm was one of her go to emotions when things seemed bad.

Stop it Juxie. The voice knew her. Only her aunt Nikki called her that.

Who are you?

Focus, and you will see. Slowly the voice and the figure began taking shape.

Aunt Nikki? Is that really you?

Yes Juxie, it's me.

How?

Nope. No time for that. You needed me, I came. Sometimes that is all that is really important.

Okay, so what are you here for now? I mean you did kinda leave me without knowing what the f**k to do.

Yeah, well, it really wasn't my choice honey. I had to go, there's just no other way out of it. You know there can be no life without death. It's what we are born to do, die.

It isn't death causing me issues Aunt Nik. It's life, and the darkness that keeps following me.

You got out once, it has been a minute, but you did it.

That seems like forever ago.

No, you have only been back a short time, you can still escape.

Escape what?

Escape from this darkness. You do not have to be like this. You have a choice.

Who is he? Jessie could feel the shift in the air when she asked.

Her aunt faded a little, He is the sickness that lies in your blood, he is the darkest part of you, and he will destroy everything good in you.

How do I escape? He follows me.

And he will, always, if you allow him to.

Why do I want him so bad?

Because he is everything that primal side of you embodies, you cannot trust him, or he will have you dancing inside the flames as you burn. As she said this she was fading even more.

Where are you going?

I can't stay, I wasn't supposed to be here. Just remember it is in you to let go, to be light, to be good. Don't ever forget that. She said disappearing into nothing. Jessie stayed sitting rolling the short conversation around in her head. Her aunt knew more than she could say, but what more did she know? Time froze as she pondered that question thinking about all of the things she had told her while she was still alive. There was so much more to this than she knew, she had to figure this out, but how?