Smiles

Fillmore Mctussie: Mail

To whom it may concern,

            My name is Fillmore McTussie. I greet you with my greatest hospitality and the blessing of our dear Lord.  I am of age 65, and I have been living in [Redacted] since the father of my father moved here after he escaped the war. I used to work as a mechanic at a military outpost, fixing their jeeps and machines. The military pay was good and dandy, but due to my age and the bones giving way I ended up working at my late Father’s Gasoline Station.

            My no good for nothing son left his only child in my care when his wife left. Oh dear Dorothea, she was an angel. My son was left with grief and since my grandson was reminded him of his wife, she asked me to take care of it.

            Ho ho, How I was happy to take care of him. The Kid was one fun rascal to begin with. It would lighten up the house. He has been staying here, he was 22 when he died. He blew himself up. I thought it must be the stress, drugs or personal problems I didn’t knew.

            I just don’t get children these days.   

I was hoping you could tell me more about it. I don’t know if it’s the sorrow or grief but I want answers. I am confused and I want to know why this happened to him. I saw your postage near the police station and decided to contact you right away.

I will tell his story. Where it all started.

            He moved in with us at age 12 when his mother passed away. He was not a sinner, nor a homosexual, and goes to church with us. Nothing out of the ordinary, unless you count him bringing a bunch of his friends in his room but that’s nothing out of place.

            He helps out with my wife doing the chores and working in the garden. Helps me out carrying boxes around when he has time as well. He is a Great Kid. I still wonder what went wrong. I started noticing something when he went home from school one day looking like he has seen a ghost but I brushed it off as nothing more than Kid being grouchy.

            I still remember it, he was walking home from school. He appeared out of the corner as in schedule. But instead of him looking at the woods or towards me as he usually does, he was looking at the ground. I can visibly see his eyes wide open as if he has just seen some malicious sin.

            When he was close enough, I saw his hand shaking. They were gripping the straps of his bag strongly. I can sense that he was afraid of something or saw something frightening. I thought at that time he probably just saw a bear. Bears are normal in these parts.

I called out to him. “Danny! Something wrong?” But he just nodded his head left to right and keep on walking. I was worried and confused. My grandson doesn’t hide secrets from me. And if he did, it must be something personal and he doesn’t want us to know about it. I respected his personal space, but I wished I could have gotten closer to him.

During dinner at that time, we sat down at the dinner table and it seems he has calmed downed. He was just looking at plate, occasionally eating a piece of meat, but he was uninterested in consuming what’s on it.

“Is there a problem there kid?” I asked out in him after observing what he was doing.

“Yeah, yeah. Uh. No.” He responded like his head was somewhere else.

“You sure kid? If there is anything wrong, we are here to help you out.” I say the best comforting words I can muster.

He stayed silent.

“Hush now Fil. Let the boy be. He must be tired with all his school work. Is that right sweetie?” My wife always has the best ways to lighten the mood.

“Yeah. Uh. Homework. I’m going to my room. Excuse me” He said leaving the dinner table. That was a first for him, I was surprised.

“But Sweetie. You barely touched your meal” My wife is prideful of her cooking and for a good reason too. She just cooks too damn good.

“I’m full right now Granma. Your cooking was nice tough” And he disappeared upstairs.

That night we heard a yelp of surprise from his room. When we opened the door, he was fast asleep. I thought at the time it was nothing more than dreams or nightmares that made him make that sound. Me and my wife pay it no mind.

We regret that decision.

I did.

I should have looked on it a little bit further. Know what was troubling him. It was that where it started, As far as I can remember. And now, things started to worsen a bit. At first it wasn’t that bad. A few months passed by and my grandson seems to be back as his usual self.

And then like De Ja Vu, it happened again. Him walking down that corner of the woods, grabbing his bag strap and eyes wide open. I shouted at him but he doesn’t respond.

When he walked near me, as I was looking at him, he said “I’m going to be at my room. Uh, Homework to do. I’m not hungry, umm, I ate at Derek’s.” while not making at eye contact.

“You sure, Kid?” I asked, my voice filled with confusion at that time.

“Uh, Yeah. I’m going to be busy. If you need me, knock at my room” He then went inside the house. I heard him talking to my wife, but it was too muffled to hear anything clear.

What stood out was that he didn’t join us for supper. He never skips supper and I thought that what he said was just him saying things. Me and my wife was left to eat alone at the table. It was lonely, without my nephew around to talk with the only noise can be heard were the scraping of our utensils on our plates.

I was contemplating what might have happened. What could change my dear boy so much? I was in deep thought, thinking of scenarios that could have happened to him. I thought at first it was drugs, but I know for sure it wasn’t that.

Then I thought maybe it was school. I remember where I was bumped out at my friend David when he didn’t call me to open a cold one with the boys. I punched him in the gut for it. Maybe it was that? At that time it seemed plausible.

“Dear, you think you can talk to him?” Silence was disturbed by my wife.

I looked at her with peas on my spoon. I chewed and swallowed them and I looked my wife into her eyes. “Let the boy be, dear. He must have a rough day”

“I guess you’re right. I’m just a bit worried about his well being dear. After what he said to me earlier.” Her eyes stared outside. I looked at where she was staring and she was staring at her own face.

That made me worry a bit. “What did our boy even say?”

My wife looked at me with her eyebrows knitting and eyes filled with fear and despair. It was all silent, only the sound of the crickets can be heard outside. Then by shear of stupid coincidence, it started to rain.

Silence was broken with the sound of raindrops on the window sill. She went back into staring at her reflection in the window. Watching something I cannot see.

“He said he started seeing people smile”

I looked at her with confusion and astonishments. Two thought came to my mind at that moment. One, she must be acting crazy if she thinks it’s scary that people smile and Two she must be tired from doing all those household chores.

“You must be tired dear. We should get some rest. I’ll clean up, you go and sleep” Of course I will clear up the table after drinking a cold one.

            Later that night while I was watching the ball game on the Television, I can here heavy breathing from my nephew’s room. I thought at first it was something else but I concluded that it was simply him exercising before bed. I too used to exercise before bed back in my day. I laughed it off, thinking he was trying to get those girls.

            Kids nowadays.

            I felt proud and was pretty smug about it. I decided to cheer him up the next morning and cheer him on. It’s the least I can do as a grandfather.

 Tomorrow morning came and I told him as he was going downstairs“ How was your work out Kid?” I noticed he was carrying his Backpack.

            He stayed silent for a bit “It was great” he answered like a lamb. I smacked his back to cheer him up.

            “ Be proud of it Kid. Soon you’ll be tough as me and where are you going?”

            “Um, school?”

            “Ok Kid” I gathered my thought and realized it was Saturday. “But it’s the weekends Kid”

            He stopped at the door way. He looked back at me. “I mean. Uh. I’m going at Derek’s. Don’t wait out for me.” He then left without even saying goodbye.

            He left me at the doorway scratching my head. “ Kid’s this days.” I grumbled

            That night he came around ten. I remembered it when he I heard someone coming through the door. I was being cautious and tried to reach for my shotgun hiding under the bed. But I remembered what my nephew said. I ignored the gun and went straight to the door.

            I was about to call out to him but suddenly I heard him sobbing. I was curious and just watched around the corner. I expected him to be hunched over or wiping her face. But when I peeked my head out I saw him standing straight, his hands on his side, just standing.

            With his eyes full of tears.

            I freaked out a bit. He must have seen something, I thought. I called out to him. His eyes darted to me and he went straight at me. I tumbled back as he ran. “Kid!” I shouted out. But his face was in my chest. I can feel his grip around my back.

            He looked at me with those teary eyes of his. He started sobbing. Then started he wailing. He was wiping his tears in my shirt moving his head right to left. He kept on screaming.

            “Make it stop! Make it Stop! I can’t handle this anymore! I hate it! I hate it!

            WHY ARE ALL OF YOU SMILING!?”

            I looked at him confused, my eyebrows knitted. I was not smiling at all, I was more worried. What was he saying at that moment? Smiling? Is he on drugs? I was more worried what he was on.

            I patted his head. “It’s ok now kid, don’t worry” but he just started screaming even more.

            My wife came down to check on us. “What’s going on?”

            She gasped and she looked at us while I gestured my head to the kid. She came down and asked “What happened Fil?” she transferred him to her lap. I explained to her what happened, as I was explaining it seems the kid fell asleep.

            Later that morning, the police arrived. I walked and greeted them in the front door. It was 2 police officers whom I know. Edgar and Paul, Paul was slim and skinny while Edgar had a beard same as mine.

            Paul started with. “We came by for a noise complaint. Mind explaining Fil?” his high pitched voice always has intrigued me. We would always joke about it whenever we opened a cold one. I bet it was that snitch Jason, my neighbor.       

            I looked at both of them, they can tell my face was full of worry. I let them inside and asked them to seat at the sofa. My wife offered them coffee but they declined. I sat facing them.

            “My nephew went to his friend’s house and came out late. He came home late and when I tried to greet him on the door. He was standing and crying. He barged into me and started shouting about wanting not to see something for 5 minutes straight. He screamed at the top of his lungs as if he was on church. Never seen something like it, especially not from my nephew.”

            The two officers looked at each other. Something tells me they know something.

            “Where is your nephew now?”

            “His room. He never got out ever since last night.”

            My wife butted in “Edgar, please help him”

            “We’ll do our best ma’am. Can we talk to him?”

            “Yeah”

I took them to Daniel’s room.

On the way to the room Paul said something to me.

“You watched the news last night, Fil?”

“No, did something happen?” I looked back.

“No it’s nothing. A freak accident during at our local high school’s prom night. The thing is, it was a Jap, so the family was suing the school. And believe me when we got there, I can’t understand what half of what they said.”

Edgar butted suddenly “Paul! Mind your manners, their daughter died for Pete’s sake”

“Sorry sorry, was trying to make a conversation”

We finally arrived at my Grandson’s door. I opened the door covered with stickers of super heroes when he was young. We were greeted with the smell of stench and sweat. Surprisingly, he did clean his room like I told him every week.

I woke him up and to my surprise he looked at me with wide opened eyes. He screamed at the top of his lungs and moved, cowered at the corner of the bed along the wall.  Me and Paul backed away.

“Fil, get away from the child for a sec” Paul said pulling me away.

“But I didn’t do anyth- .” Before I could finish my sentence, Daniel screamed.

Both me and Paul looked at it was Edgar who provoked him. He was reaching his hands to Daniel, I think he was trying to calm him down. But Allen slapped it away.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!

Get out! GET OUT!” He said repeatedly screaming in between.

Me, Paul and Edgar looked at each other. We both knew what it meant. We left the room and Daniel calmed down. We stood at the Hallway, outside Daniel’s door.

“What do you think is it?” I asked the two of them.

Both of them stayed silent for a moment. Then that silence was broken by Edgar.

“We honestly don’t know. First time seeing it ourselves. We at the station can’t say for sure.”

“You think it’s Drug Ed?” Paul added.

“Maybe”

I was enraged. “My Grandson is not a Junkie!” I blurted out.

Edgar looked at me “Like I said Fil. We don’t know. We could get him tested if you want. This is way out of our league; don’t know if its psychological drugs but it seems serious. I’ll report this to the station but we are putting this on your hands. Take care of him, he seems to be hostile to anyone.”

“Yes officer, I’ll try to contact you when we need something.”

“Hey Fil, Can we look around to see if there is drugs hidden?”

I’m honestly offended that the law thinks we are hiding drugs. How dare they? Especially when it’s Paul? Who mind you, I even watched over her daughter from time to time when his missus is busy!?

“Paul, we might be friend but if you dare think that I’m a-“ My voice was rising.

He must have sensed that I was getting angry. Of course I was. Who wouldn’t?

 “Woah woah woah, Fil.” It was Edgar who stopped me from finishing my sentence  “Calm down. It’s for the boy. God’s name we know you don’t do drugs. Of course you can decline, but we are just making sure.”

I breathed in and tried to calm myself. “Forgive me Paul, All this is getting me heated up”

“I understand Fil”

They searched the house and they found nothing. They gave me a number to call whenever something happens and they left. Leaving the house into a gloomy silence.

I don’t know what was going on during that time. I reckon it was still my grandson’s fit. I decided to just attend to the pump and let things go by.

He finally calmed down after a few days. During that time he was stuck on his room, only going out to the bathroom, but even so he was sneaking. Trying to hide from us, of course we knew what he was doing and we tried to understand him. I called the school and explained the situation; they told me he is very late in his studies.            

That got me worried. What if he couldn’t get the education he needed? What if he ends up as a bum? It got me real worried. I calmed down after he finally got out of his room. I was with my wife in the kitchen explaining to her that Steve from the county was being rude when he wouldn’t sell his radishes at a discount.

Then I heard footsteps on the stairs. “Hey, Can I work on the Pump today? I don’t feel like going to school”

It got me worried but I tried to understand him. But… “Sure Kid, but don’t miss out on your school, you got that?

He stayed silent.

My wife slapped my shoulder and said “Hush not Fil, let the kid be”

I laughed out “I was kidding! Ok, enjoy yourself. Don’t blow up yourself now”

For the first time in a while I saw something that made me happy. He was smiling.

“Umm, Thanks”

He went out of the door. I continued talking to my wife how Steve was purposely increasing his r****h prices. It was not fair; I did help him out with his field once in a while when he asks for help.

I believe that the secret to gardening is the soil, I told him many times about it. And in the end he did listen. He checked for the soil and it needed to “De-acidize” whatever that meant. But believe me; after he did it, his crops grew beautifully. I want to take credit for it but Steve insists that it was his new fertilizer.

Something happened that afternoon. We were thrown to the wall and to the ground. I wave of heat passed through us. Something pushed us away. Then a large boom was heard, my ear drums were ringing loudly. For a second I couldn’t hear anything. My wife was the same. Luckily no bones were broken, just a small burn at the side of my face. A stark realization came.

The pump exploded.

I looked at my wife and she gave me eyes I wouldn’t forget. They were looking at me with despair and fear. I didn’t think. I just moved. I helped my wife up and run fast as I can outside. It was a hellish scene. I can remember it clearly.

Black smoke engulfed me as I opened the glass shattered door. I saw my windows were shattered and on the floor. I was coughing, gagging, can’t breathe inside that black smoke. I run still. I got out and a breeze blew away that dark cloud. I saw it.

The pump and its roof were meters away from where it was. A big hole replaced where the station was. The near surrounding trees lay flat on the ground facing away from the crater. I looked around. Finding him, hoping he was ok, a thin hope that he might not be near the explosion.

I looked up how high the smoke was; maybe I thought that it might make Jason notice to help. Then I saw something falling. I backed up a few steps in fear it might hit me. It might have hit my head and knock me unconscious, that was my thought during that time. I dropped on the ground as I tripped on a piece of broken wood. It bounced a little when it hit the ground but it was not much.

I pulled myself up. Smoke is still everywhere and I am coughing. I tried to inspect what it was. It was charred, burnt to a crisp. I thought it was some random debris I checked. I saw a stick nearby and flipped it. I gasped when I saw it. I coughed as well due to the smoke.

It was a severed hand.

Burnt, smelling like roast, charred to blackness. Bones sticking were sticking out, protruding like steel beams on a unfinished construction site. Then I hear a thud a few meters away from me. It was a torso. I looked above and it rained body parts. Then in front of me dropped my grandson’s head, hair all burnt and face all charred.

I fainted afterwards. Woke up in the ER, doctors saying I fainted due to the smoke. I will never forget that day. I stayed in the ER, refused to leave. That was few months ago, and I still want to know what happened.

Please, if you could help. Contact me.

Sincerely, Fillmore McTussie.