Not a *Bleepin* Hero...

Part Three - Who the f**k is Mr. No-Body

I wake up in my bed and my body feels like I've been hit by a train, while in a gas truck with dynamite strapped to it that exploded, while also being it by a crashing place, as rocky punches me in the face as someone bang nails into my skull. Light hurts my eyes but not in a hangover way and every inch of my body hurts like one big bruise. Somebody kicked my ass but I can't remember who... s**t, I can't even reminder yesterday much.. Well I do remember be acting like a dumb s**t and savings those people at the bank.. And I remember Ghosty-b***h but nothing after that.. What the f**k did I do last night.

"What happened?" I hear Ghosty -b***h say. I sit up to see her standing at the foot of my bed.

"How the f**k do you keep getting into my f*****g house!?" I yell and now that I think about it the last thing I remember is this b***h in my house talking all cryptic and s**t. I clinch my ass cheeks... No pain so I wasn't raped..

"b***h! Did you fuckin' rufy me! I'm not into that kinky shit..."

"You mean you don't reminder one of GoatFaces men coming for you a few days ago?"

"What in the fuckin' f**k are you f*****g talking about you crazy ass ghost b***h, and what in the fuckin' hell would GoatFace want with me?!" Again I yell.

"He more than likely want to make sure that you aren't a potential superhero..." She says but before she could go on I rush over

"I AM NOT A FUCKIN' TIGHT-WEARING-FAIRY-ASS-PASY-ASS-FUCKIN'-HERO! HOW MANY MORE FUCKIN' TIME DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, YOU DUMB FUCKIN BIT..." I yell but before I could go on... Well the last thing I remember before everything went black and dizzy is a flash of gold light. I don't get what the f**k is going on... And I know that I'm not the smartest man in the world but I do know that my bad mouth and my father's last words of "do for you, f**k everybody else" is going to get me f*****g killed. I may not know what's going on but I do know that I need to do less talking and more listening. What I also know is.. I'm so fuckin' sick and tired of blacking out like a fuckin' b***h-ass-p***y.

I begin to come to but I leave my eyes closed. I can hear two voices; one of them belongs to Ghosty-b***h and the other is a booming voice that reminds me of a magician or an announcer; very dramatic and theatrical.

"What are we going to do with him... He's no hero... Far from it..." The booming voice asks.

"He was touched... The powers were passed to him... We need him..." Ghosty-b***h replied.

"Need him we may but look at him... He's a scoundrel.. a... a... Riffraff... We need to find a way to part him from the powers and seek someone more valiant, brave, and true to aid us in stoping GoatFace from tearing a hole in reality and bring all living hell to the living realm..."

"f**k you.." I mutter barely able to speak.

"Wh..wh.. What!" The booming voice yells offendedly.

"You heard me.. f**k you.. I know that I'm not BoyScout but... I am not as bad as all of that... So... f**k you..." I say trailing off as I open my eyes to see a man glowing unnaturally white floating inches off the ground.

"What the f**k!" I scream as I try to get to my feet and I hit the floor. I attempt to scramble to my feet but is take off the ground by a force of some kind. I'm floated over to the man until I am face to face with him.

"I could crush you mortal... " he says.

"Frank, this is Mr. No-Body..." She says nervously.

"Who the f**k is Mr. No-Body?" I asks even though I'm sure that I've heard that fuckin' name before.

"You do know my name Frank..." Mr. What-ever-the-f**k say to me. How the f**k did he know I was thinking that.

"...because in this form I am in-tune to many frequencies, the least of which being the frequency of a human mind. In fact I am talking directly to your mind but your feeble mind processes it as a voice speaking to your ears when Jun reality your ears are not hearing a things nor are your eyes seeing my mouth move." I hear or not hear... I am confused as f**k!

"No need to be confused Franklin or should I call you Percival Franklin Morris.." He says. Get the f**k out of my fuckin' head you fuckin' b***h-ass-wanna-be-Houdini...

"There is no need for such language young one..."

"Get! The! f**k! Out! Of! My! Motherfuckin'! Head!" I yell startling Ghosty-b***h. The fuckin' Mr. Whatever-the-f**k was right and the son of a fuckin' b***h was talking directly into my head. Meaning, I just realize he knows what I just thought.

"You are correct in you assumptions..." I hear in my head. Then I feel a fuzzy feeling in my forehead. I close my eyes and hope that doing so will help. My hands feels as if they are on fire. I shake them and the feeling of my hands being on fire leaves me. I hear a scream but in my head. I open my eyes to see Mr. What-the-f**k on fire. There is a flash of golden light and a sharp pain to my lungs. I instinctively shield my face and close my eyes. After a moment or two I open my eyes to see that the fire was gone. I feel a sharp pain to my forehead and chest then my vision goes dark...

I hear something that sounds like a finger snapping and my eyes snap open.

"What the f**k!" I say in a less than pleasant tone.

"You attacked me.. I was involuntary but still. So I thinned your blood enough to causes you to black out, though if I have interpreted your thoughts correctly I know that you are infuriated by this fact." He says matter-of-factly.

"You damn right!" I say through gritted teeth.

"You seek to know what is going on... Well I shall tell you. I am known as Mr. No-Body. When I was just an infant I was found in a crater in the middle of the desert. I was found my a drifter by the Joe John and taken to a hospital. The night Joe found me he was so hopped up on Methamphetamine that his claims of seeing me fall from the skies and creating a crater was brushes off as the rantings of a meth-head. He was sent to a rehab program and I was sent to a foster home. Years later it was explained to me that I fell from the Astral Plain. I was conceived on earth by a human Male and an Astral Plain being..."

"What the f**k are you babbling on about?!" I yell, interrupting Mr. FuckFace's story.

"I am a mystic.. a..a.. Well there is no human word for it.. the rawest translation for what I am is soul-channeller but I'm more and less than that. I was conceived only to be able to have the souls of the five greatest and most powerful Mystic's souls and powers locked into my body... Chosen to be a powerful defender of the "living" world against dire threats...."

"Hey! Mr. FuckFace-No-Body, I've seen movies and I know where this is fuckin' going" I yell.

"Oh?" He asks in a tone that make me feel that he thinks that he is better than me, the arrogant son of a b***h.

"Yes I do, you arrogant son of a b***h. You are ramping up to some big reveal. More than likely you are leading to me being a powerful mystic who has to face my destiny or some shits... that I need to put aside my asshole tendencies, shape this f**k up and do right by the word or some shits. In any case all I have to say is mother-f**k you, eat my fuckin' c**k whole and fuckin' love it. Then clean the f**k up and shove that hero s**t up your pansy ass!" I say in a less than elegant way. This is where he uses his powers to f**k me up but nothing happens.

After a moment or two he... Well he changes... transform from a man made up of white like to a man in a long black robe with long coarse grey hair that stopped just below his shoulders and a long grey beard that ended mid-chest.

"I'm not going to hurt and I'm not "ramping up". You are not what I am and be lucky you don't have this burden. No... I wasn't getting at some secret origin of who you are, were or will be. You asked who I was and so I attempted to tell you. That is all." He says in a calm tone like an old man trying to get a bad ass kid to calm down and just listen. I could say a lot about how I am no kid. I could curse and yell but something tells me that if wouldn't do nor mean a fuckin' thing to him.

"I seems as if you are ready to listen..." He says. I say nothing. Ghosty-b***h, who I forgot was even in the fuckin' room and only realized she was here because he looked at her and gives her some sissy-ass look.. of maybe a look or concern but I don't fuckin' care enough to care says nothing.

"In this form I am not in-tuned to your thoughts so I don't know how you will take this. Though I wasn't leading up to who or what you are, when I was in your mind I stumble upon something interesting... Tell me Percival, what do you know of your mother?" He asks and though I want do badly to tell him to go f**k himself for asking such a fuckin' question I find myself answering before I knew what this f**k I was doing; "All I know of her is that she f****d my father and left. Nine months later I was left on his door step and became his punching bag and reason to drink. My father was a rat-bastard all because some b***h f****d him, left than f****d him again by leaving some kid on his doorstep... Why do you fuckin' ask?" I say.

"Your mother had to leave you with your father. She couldn't take you with her, especially since you were male.." He mutters.

"What the f**k are you babbling about!"

"Your mother is a fae.. Male Faes are rare so she could take you with her. She more than likely binded your powers but you getting the touch must have destroyed the binding spells.. There is also the low level superhuman abilities that developed that night though which was the first domino is.. well is rather impossible to figure our without farther studies.. you are just a cocktail of potential and power now aren't you..."

"What the f*****g f**k!!!" I yell, breaking him away from him ramblings.

"You are genetically Fae.. Well at least partly, though Fae having blood means you are full Fae but you're male of that line... which is impossible... More like improbable at best..." He says in a manic-like-ramble.

"What the f**k is a Fae!" I yell.

"Oh ... Right... Um, Mayla, please explain to him. I must work this our in my head..." He says. There is a flash of light and a warp to the air around him and the motherfucker's gone.

"You didn't tell me your name was Mayla..." I say.

"You didn't give me a chance. You were to busy calling my Ghosty... 'B'"

She says hesitated to say "b***h".

"b***h?" I ask.

"Yes... That word..." She says as she's rings her hands nervously.

"Now what was Mr. FuckFace taking about. What the f**k is a Fae?"

"In English...Faery.. or Fairy" she says pronouncing the first as Fae-re and the second as Fair-re.. Wait, wait, wait... Hold the f**k up... Fairy! Fuckin' Fairy! What the f**k!!!