Raven

Chapter 10

June 2018

I flip the black handle of a standard dagger over in my right palm, using my left hand to wipe perspiration and dirt off my brow. Dark strands of hair loosely falling out of my braid cling to my neck and cheeks. I draw in a deep breath and snap back into attack mode, leering at Reid with determination. I stalk forward and wind my right arm back, driving the tip of the blade towards his gut. As expected, his forearm bars any attempt at physical contact. I grit my teeth and bring my right knee up, driving it into his stomach. He stumbles backwards once, but quickly catches my foot and yanks me flush against his body. A low pitched growl emits from my throat and I tense up. I make another firm effort to stab him in the side, but he catches my wrist and dislodges the dagger from my grasp. I groan loudly and shove myself off the black fabric adhered to his sweat laden chest, slowly pacing around in front of him.

"Again, Raven,” Reid demands. I sigh loudly and look up at the sky while shaking my head.

"We've been out here…for hours," I pant with frustration. “Plus…I’m convinced I need a better weapon.” I lean forward and prop my hands up on my knees while trying to catch my breath. Beads of moisture drip from my face as I hunch over, splattering into the grass. Reid walks over and kneels down so he can give me a look that says he doesn’t want to hear excuses. I recognize his scrutiny well because I receive it all the f*****g time.

"Stop worrying about how long we’ve been out here, and start concerning yourself with improving your tactics. The dagger I gave you is fine, you just don’t know how to use it yet.” I grouse loudly and drop to the ground on my back, pressing my palms against my forehead.

“It’s definitely not as nice as that emerald one you always carry around,” I grumble back, causing him to audibly huff.

“Trust me, dolcezza. You don’t want that knife,” he matter-of-factly answers. I shoot him a sarcastic look and consider pushing the issue further, but decide to back down out of pure exhaustion. We've been training like this every weekend in addition to Monday’s and Friday’s for two months straight. Usually we’re out here anywhere between four to five hours, and although I’m improving, Reid is still relentless when it comes to combat. He doesn't allow any wiggle room and he refuses to take it easy on me. Needless to say, I've been extremely exhausted the past sixty days. Tessa absolutely hates our arrangement and thinks it is a banishment and death wish, but at this point I don't care. Reid is the only logical option and he’s invested far more time and effort into this than I ever expected him to. Much to his chagrin, he hasn't been able to locate any useful leads yet. He hasn’t unearthed a single nugget of intel, even on the black market where people are dying to sell one another out for their next payday. But, he’s confident that someone will slip up eventually. We will get the information we need, we just have to be patient. There haven't been any additional attempts on my life since the last one, but we both know it’s just a matter of time. Once a pack has been hired, paid and a deal is made, they won’t give up the hunt until they succeed; until I’m either dead or captured. We haven’t exactly discussed what will happen post conflict resolution, but I know Reid and I will go right back to the way things were before. We’ll act as if we never met and don’t exist to one another because that is the nature of our relationship. Even if it hasn’t been explicitly stated, we’re both aware us spending time together isn’t sustainable or smart. We’re from entirely different worlds that were never intended to collide with one another.

Reid walks over to my side and smirks down at me as I lie sprawled out on the ground. He extends his hand out to help me up, but I have a better idea. As soon as my palm grasps onto his, I grin and quickly swipe my leg behind his knees, forcing him to lose his balance. His arms shoot outward and palms plant on either side of my head. He catches himself hovering a mere foot above my body.

"If you wanted me this whole time, all you had to do was ask,” he flirts. “There’d be no convincing needed on my end.”

I roll my eyes at him. “I don’t want you, mutt. I just like watching you suffer,” I counter while batting my eyelashes at him. He laughs at my comment and I find myself smiling, allowing that familiar tune to play in my eardrums. The softness of his current relaxed state touches his ebony eyes, beaconing me to stare even longer than I already have. Thankfully, the half of my brain still capable of making smart decisions in his presence quickly de-escalates the situation and I shove his body off of me to the left. He drops down on the ground next to me and folds his hands behind his head, lying in the grass as we both stare up at the clear blue sky.

Being here with only Mother Nature as our company has me secretly relishing this moment, wishing it was under different circumstances.

I know I’ve drilled into my own head that I don’t want Reid, but that’s total bullshit and I know it. For the past two months, I have become extremely comfortable with his presence and any physical contact with him. It's probably not a good thing, but it’s unavoidable. I enjoy being swallowed up by the expanse of his dark allure. He’s nothing like Zander warned us werewolves would be. The only thing I will confirm is that Reid does have a bit of a short fuse with anyone that’s not me. He can be pretty aggressive when I’ve heard him converse with others over the phone. He’s accustomed to giving orders and people taking them without question, so his intensity regarding anyone besides myself is obvious. But, he’s never gotten seriously angry or lost control of his temper in my presence, so it’s hard to see this impulsive, rage-filled species Zander has been preaching about. Reid is patient, understanding about my reservations, dedicated to finding my enemies, and he knows me better than most other people.

We've spent quite a few days like this; lying in the grass side by side as we bask in each other's presence. We typically stick to the lighter topics of life ranging from video game consoles and music to our biggest pet peeves. But every once in a while, we flip to the opposite end of the spectrum. We can spend hours combing through deep topics of the universe; our existence, a possible higher purpose, mortality…life. The intellect behind his responses interests me in a way no one else has before. Speaking with someone on this level is very rare for me, so getting sucked into my attraction to Reid is even easier. The only topics we haven’t delved into are the classified files; his family life or mine, any specifics regarding his pack or business, and certainly anything pertaining to my amnesia. He picked up on the fact that I have memory issues pretty quickly, and has asked a few times about it, but I adamantly avoid that like the plague. I shut him down hard and quick, so he doesn't push it any further. I’ve purposely kept him at an emotional distance because I can’t afford to get attached to him any more than I already have.

Two months later, I find myself wondering if that space between us is what I truly want at all. I’m becoming more inclined to believe it wouldn't be the end of the world if I opened up with him. It might be obtuse, but I’m comfortable with Reid to the point where I trust him with my life. When you have faith in someone on that level, you don’t keep secrets or withhold information from them. You owe them honesty, and I think he deserves that from me.

I clear my throat and fold my hands on my lap, mentally preparing myself to make the huge leap he doesn’t even know I’m about to take. "When I was sixteen years old, I lived with my mother Nadia, father Nathaniel and brother Alexander in Noctis Manor. At some point one random day, we were attacked by werewolves and taken as hostages for about a week. I don’t know what happened to them or me, but I was apparently able to escape." I pause for a moment and chew on my bottom lip before Reid responds.

"Raven…you know that you don't have to tell me any of this if you don’t want to," Reid offers. He looks over at me and I him. He doesn’t want to force me into revealing personal information, but this doesn’t feel forced. It feels natural.

"I know I don't have to. I want to," I answer while softly gazing into his eyes. He nods his head at me and turns back to face the sky as I continue once again.

"I was the only one who survived…our attackers burned 80% of the mansions interior and destroyed every single photograph, computer and hard drive to cover up the evidence. Noctis tried to ransom for our lives and scoured the area in search of us for days, but they were never successful. The four of us were missing for a little over a week until I randomly appeared bruised, bloody and unconscious on the outskirts of our territory. When I woke up after a week of being in a medically induced coma, I had absolutely no recollection of who anyone else was, including myself,” I explain. “My mind felt like this disconnected puzzle piece, it still does…so, from that point forward, I’ve essentially had to start my life over from scratch and learn to rebuild relationships with people all over again. I can't remember anything about the first sixteen years of my life. It's like half of my brain shut off and every single memory in that time frame is just dormant; I can’t even recall what my family looked like.” I pause for a moment, drawing in a sharp breath. “You just…you have no idea how frustrating it is to know that those memories are there. But no matter how hard I try, I'm still never able to resurrect them…I’m basically only half a person now." I nervously fidget with my fingers as I finish and patiently wait for Reid to say something. We’re both completely silent for a while, mulling over the intimate details of my confession. I stare at the sky which is now becoming splashed with colors of the looming sunset, reds and yellows burning the horizon. Reid obviously doesn’t know how to respond to the nuclear bomb I just dropped.

I bite my inner cheek and sigh, silently wishing that everything I just told him regarding my life wasn't true. I wish for a lot of things that are never going to happen, actually.

I wish I could remember the huge missing chunk of my life, I wish I had a family to offer me advice and support, I wish I had a normal life that didn't involve someone trying to assassinate me. And lately, I've found myself desperately wishing that Reid wasn't a werewolf and I wasn't a shapeshifter. If that were the case, we wouldn't be in this position and maybe we could try our luck with something resembling a relationship. I don’t know how he feels, but on my end, being with him is so easy that it’s like breathing. I’ve never had this pull towards anyone before, and I’m chasing the feeling like an addict after a drug. I know he isn’t my Aequilavii, but I want him around, even if it’s only temporary. Unfortunately, I don't have a genie in a bottle to grant my wishes and we are what we are, so I know any hope of us being together is virtually non-existent.

I hear Reid sigh for a moment before he stands up off of the ground, facing the woods. “Maybe your memories are only temporarily locked away within your mind,” he begins, turning to face me with a soft grin. “Maybe all you need is someone who will wake you up inside.” I feel my cheeks burn crimson as he stares at me, a warm orange glow drifting across his face.

“Now that would be a miracle,” I answer.

“Miracles can happen,” he responds. I slowly turn back to face the sky, gradually smiling from ear to ear.

Maybe I do need someone to wake me up inside.

Maybe I need him.

•••

I audibly yawn as I stare at a 300 page letter report sprawled out across my desk, running my fingers through my hair with exhaustion. It is currently 10:30 PM and unfortunately, I am still at the office doing work. It’s completely against my instincts to be here this late at night, alone, but since I’ve spent the past two months leaving before noon every Monday and Friday to train with Reid, I've been forced to make up hours in one way or another. So, instead of giving up my weekends for work, I've elected to stay late tonight against my better judgement. I grab my cup of coffee and go to take a gulp, sadly realizing that it’s now empty.

Well, time for round three.

I sigh and stand up, making my way back to the kitchen to crank up the Keurig for another 12 ounce glass of liquid energy. As I arrive in the kitchen and pop the coffee cartridge into the machine, my body tenses up at the sound of someone picking the lock on the front door. I can't smell anyone, but I'm not stupid. The most likely scenario is that the pack who wants me is finally back for round two. I reach over the counter and rip the plug out of the wall to cancel out any additional noise. I need my hearing is at its maximum potential. I quickly yank the utensil drawer open and locate a large butcher knife. I take it in hand and sprint across the room, pressing myself up against the wall right next to the entrance. I flick off the light and close my eyes before taking a deep breath in through my nose, and slowly exhaling through my mouth as I attempt to even out my heart rate. I make sure to focus on masking my scent (a talent I’ve been working on with Reid) in the hopes they might think no one is here and leave. Since the only light on right now is the one in my office, maybe they'll chalk it up to me accidentally leaving it on. I know it's a shot in the dark, literally, but I've got to try.

The front door lock clicks open and the shuffle of a singular person stepping inside echoes down the hallway, reverberating off the walls and through the membrane of my eardrums. I grit my teeth and tighten my grip around the handle of the knife as it rests against my chest, silently preparing myself to stab the intruder. Soft footsteps travel up the hall, briefly stopping at my office before heading towards the kitchen once they realize that my desk is unoccupied. I should feel much more terrified, but I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. Training with Reid has given me a certain sense of confidence, and I feel like I might stand a pretty decent chance at taking this guy out.

The shadowy silhouette of a man grows in size and strides through the entryway to the kitchen. I hold my breath and prepare to attack. I let out a yell and drive the knife horizontally outward to pierce their side. Before it makes contact with the intruders’ body, a strong hand flies outward and catches my forearm with the knife hovering mere centimeters from their ribs.

"Sorry dolcezza, it's not my time to go just yet," a familiar, seductive voice whispers directly in front of me in the dark. I reach over to the wall with my free hand and flick on the light, revealing a smirking Reid who is still holding my forearm.

"What in the actual hell are you doing, Reid? I almost killed you!" I angrily snap, yanking my arm out of his grasp. His eyes widen as he takes a step towards me, placing his hand over my mouth to shush me. I narrow my eyes at his black ones and attempt to shove him backwards, but he doesn't budge.

"Raven, I need you to be quiet," he demands in a whisper. I’m extremely irritated that he showed up unannounced and has already begun throwing around demands per usual, but I bite my tongue and reluctantly nod in acceptance. He’d better have a stellar reason for the intrusion.

Reid slowly removes his hand from my mouth and shuts the door to the kitchen. He turns the lock and walks over to the window to peer outside, still saying nothing regarding why he’s here in the first place.

"I’ll ask again. What are you doing here and how did you know where I was, Reid?” I demand in a hushed tone. “It's 10:30 at night, so you shouldn't even be in my territory.”

"I’ve been trailing you all day," he mutters in return, still staring out the small kitchen window.

"You what?” I question with wide eyes. “Why have you been following me?"

"Do you really think I’ve left you unprotected at any point over the past two months?” he answers, casting me a sarcastic look over his shoulder. “I’ve had someone trailing you 24/7 as a precautionary measure. I wasn’t taking any chances."

I’m hovering around the middle of the kitchen looking like a deer caught in the headlights. People from Luna Rossa have been in my territory consistently for two months, and he didn't think that was relevant information to tell me? Not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, it’s more so the concept of keeping me in the loop like he said he would. Giving me twenty four hour surveillance without my knowledge does not constitute as keeping me informed.

Before I get the chance to answer, the front door opens once again and my head snaps back over to the kitchen entrance. Reid sighs as the footsteps of four people walking into the hallway seeps underneath the closed door, and I now understand why he has been telling me to keep my mouth shut. Reid grabs onto my arm and shoves me behind him to guide me away from the door. He slowly begins to take his shirt off and unbuttons the front of his pants. My eyes widen slightly at the prospect of seeing him naked and I quietly smack him on the arm. He glances back over his shoulder at me with his usual cocky grin.

What are you doing? I inaudibly mouth at him, but he doesn't say a word. He just flashes me a flirty wink before turning back around and stripping down so he is completely naked. Within a few seconds, his body begins to contort and he drops to the ground on his hands and knees. I watch in awe as his body begins to transform into an extremely large wolf. The pores on his skin expand and give way to a completely unique black and white marbled fur coat. His mouth and nose elongate into a muzzle and sharp canines form under his lips. A thick, bushy tail emerges from his back as his ears transition to the top of his head, accentuating it with white tips. Once he is completely transformed, he lowers his head in the direction of the door without making a sound, silently licking his bared teeth. I've never seen a werewolf up close before, but now I have. Reid hasn’t shifted into his wolf form in front of me up until this point because we have been solely training as humans. As the four sets of feet come to a halt on the opposite side of the door, I take this as my cue to shift into my Rottweiler. I frantically strip off my clothes, somehow managing to get completely naked and begin shifting just as someone reaches their hand out to test the lock.

Without warning, the door to the kitchen is forcefully kicked open as black and tan fur ripples across my body from head to toe. The wood panel flies inward and Reid lunges forward with a fierce snarl, latching onto neck of the first person his jaws come in contact with. He tackles a guy with dirty blonde hair to the ground. The man lets out a brief, blood curdling scream. Then, he goes completely silent. As if right on cue, the other three men instantly begin shifting in the hallway. Before I know it, there are three more fully formed wolves baring their teeth at Reid from a few feet away. Reid inches himself slightly closer to me and shakes the crimson out of his fur, snarling at them with their dead pack members blood dripping from his canines. A dark brown wolf is the first one to make a move and he barrels forward, ramming into Reid's chest while another tan wolf lunges at him and grabs onto the back of his neck. This barely even phases him as he swiftly latches on to the ear of the dark brown wolf, ripping it completely off. The brown wolf yelps in pain and stumbles backwards, his fur now stained red with his own gushing blood. Reid then throws his head back and shoves the tan wolf off of him, whipping around and grabbing onto his throat right underneath his jaw. In one swift motion, he yanks his jaws downward and rips out the tan wolfs jugular, causing him to bleed out on the tile. The wolf missing an ear gets a burst of energy and jumps back on top of Reid and they begin savagely fighting one another.

I've become so distracted by the fight raging in front of me that I am blindsided when a rusty brown wolf charges at me and slams into my side. My nails skids across the black tile and the breath is forced out of my lungs. My fighting instinct completely takes over and I savagely snap at my attacker as he drives me against the cabinets of the kitchen. My teeth finally grasp onto his side and I bite down with as much force as I can muster. I throw my head back-and-forth as his skin tears into ribbons. He emits a high pitched whine followed by an irate snarl and manages to grab a hold of my back right leg. His angered retaliation drives his attack and his canines puncture clear through my leg. I yelp as I attempt to brace my legs on the floor to prevent him from injuring me even more. I get a sudden burst of energy and charge my body against his, shoving us back off of the cabinets. As soon as his body is pushed away from mine slightly, he grabs onto the scruff of my neck in an attempt to shake me, not realizing that he left his own neck exposed. I seize this window of opportunity and latch my jaws onto the front of his neck, flipping him over. I forcefully pin him to the ground as he struggles to escape my grasp. His attempts to clamber away are to no avail, and in one quick motion, I bite down as hard as I can on his vertebrae. I hear a sickening snap, and then he goes completely limp. I retract my hold on him and stare down at his slowly fading body, reeling over what I've just done.

I killed someone...I took a life.

I am forced back to reality when someone grabs onto the back of my neck and drags me across the tile. I my nails drag across the floor and I look up to see the wolf missing an ear ready to pin me. Before he can injure me further, Reid tackles him to the ground and savagely tears into the soft flesh of his neck, mutilating any tissue that his teeth come in contact with. The malice and primal wrath behind his attack are representative of some instinctual drive in his nature. The overwhelming urge to protect me clearly kicked on in his mind, and he won’t stop until the threat is eliminated. Killing the man who means me harm is pure instinct and it's only a matter of seconds before the wolf is left mangled and dead amongst a growing scarlet pool. There’s nothing but blood, fur and shredded clothes scattered across the floor as far as the eye can see.

I try to stand up and walk towards Reid, but immediately crumble back down with a whimper. I glance back at my right leg and the steady stream of blood seeping through my fur as it gathers on the floor. With all the adrenaline coursing through my veins, I hadn't even realized that I was hurt. At the sound of my whining, Reid's head shoots up from the corpse of the dark brown wolf and his black eyes lock onto me. In an instant, he begins shifting back into his human form. I struggle to avert my eyes as he rushes around the room to locate his clothes, his body painted red and naked. He locates his pants and pulls them on in a hurry then rushes over to me. He drops to his knees with a look of panic in his eyes.

"Raven, I need you to shift back and let me look at your wound," he insists. His eyes flicker from my face and back to the blood seeping out of my leg.

I reluctantly whine and begin shifting back into my human form, and he chivalrously lies his shirt down on top of me so I won't be completely exposed to him. The fur on my body retracts, my bones rapidly snap back into a humanoid shape and skin graces my being once again. Once I am completely shifted back, I groan in pain as I prop myself up off the floor on my right palm, clinging to Reid’s shirt against my bruised and bloodied body. He turns his head around to give me some privacy and slides the body of the brown werewolf to the side, snatching my blue boy shorts from off the floor. He hands them to me over his shoulder and I gingerly take them while fumbling around with his shirt. I pull it on over the top of my head and shakily manage to shimmy on my underwear, staining the fabric with my own blood. I grimace in pain as they slide over the giant puncture wounds in my upper thigh.

"I...I'm done, Reid," I meekly inform him. I attempt to stand up, but he immediately turns back around and stops me. His eyes assess my leg with careful concern. He reaches his hand back and grabs a shred of clothing belonging to one of the other wolves off the floor, quickly binding my leg. I bite my tongue hard and squeeze my eyes shut in discomfort when he tightens the fabric around my thigh to slow the bleeding. He immediately recognizes my discomfort from the added pressure and brings his bloodied hand up to my face, gently stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"I know it's uncomfortable, but I've got stem the bleeding." I nod my head in response before he scoops me up in his arms. He power walks towards the entrance of my office with my arms lightly drape around his neck.

"Where are we going?" I mutter through clenched teeth. I try to ignore the pain radiating from my leg, but it’s proving to be difficult right now.

"Do you have medical supplies at your house?" he questions as he kicks the front door open and begins jogging towards my car in the dark.

"I...I mean yes, but we can't go there. Tessa hates you and you know it," I remind him. We reach my car and he yanks the passenger door open for me, gently setting me down inside.

"I don't give a s**t how much Tessa doesn't like me,” he grunts. “You are my only priority, and right now I need to take care of your leg." He buckles my seat belt and slams the car door closed once he’s done. He darts around the front of the car and climbs into the driver’s seat, grabbing the keys out of the center console. He cranks up the engine and pulls out of the parking lot, shooting me a quick side glance for information. "What is the fastest way to get to your house?"

I grit my teeth and rearrange myself in the passenger seat, tightening the makeshift tourniquet a little. I exchange a pained look with him and draw in a deep breath, knowing full and well that there is no point in arguing with him. He won’t take no for an answer. I know him well enough to accept that his resilience is a fact of life.

"Just...take a right out of the parking lot and head towards the interstate,” I instruct.