Going Crazy Once in a While.. is OK (s******g story)

8: Every Story Has its Beginning

Ryan's pov

I chuckle at Irene's whining.

I have been making excuses not to go into the lessons lately just because I can't stand Kyle and Shai making out right in front of me. Okay there has always been something going on between them - I am not a blind, and I am trained and it is my job to analyse - but now that they have become an 'official couple' ... ugh.

Gahhhhhh holding hands, smiling and sneaking a look at each other every time they think I am not watching .... Cannot stand this.

Of course, then my responsibility as an instructor gets handed down to Irene. I admit it - sometimes, I'm a little devil-ish brother.

"No, but you can't continue to do this. You are their instructor, not me! If you don't like them being together during the training, neither do I. I don't want your responsibility, Ryan!" she complains.

And I admit one more thing: as much as I understand her complaints, I also don't want the first thing I see in the morning to be Shai and Kyle making out.

"Come on. It can't possibly be THAT bad. I mean, I'd rather have them make out then have them ful an insane start like you did when you were fifteen... or sixteen," I tease. She knows what I'm talking about. That was the first time I've ever s*****d someone. It was a stressful day for both of us.

The colour drowns out of her face, and she gulps.

"Yeah..." she trails off.

-------- three years ago --------

Irene's POV

Ryan was extremely furious, walking into the police station I was held in.

His eyes were cold as ever. Our gaze locked for a brief second, and even that made me flinch in fear. I quickly dropped my eyes and didn't dare meet Ryan's ever again

Remorse was already swarming in.

It was really stupid of me to run away like that. I could only imagine how much everyone worried about me... especially because of who I am. I bet they didn't even know if I was kidn*pped or simply ran away. That's probably why DEFCON 3 was activated four hours after I ran away.

Ryan talked with the police for a moment, glancing at my direction every minute.

"Alright, come out kid," an officer finally said, opening the cell door for me. "Just to give you a heads up, your brother is super pissed."

I know that.

I couldn't even think of amount of trouble I was in. I knew it the second I ran out of the HQ.

I still couldn't meet Ryan's eyes. He let me out of the station. A black Ford was parked at the side of the building.

"Get in," he growled. The drive was soundless. Ryan only focussed on the road, and I focussed on keeping calm. As we neared HQ, my stomach churned more and more.

He finally pulled over at our parking lot.

He pressed his left ear - the earpiece. "This is Agent Ryan O'Connor. I hereby announce that the case N'179-02 is closed. I repeat: the case N'179-02 is closed."

Then he listened attentively at his earpiece, and ended the conversation with a 'yes, sir'.

He turned to look at me. I couldn't see anything on his face other than the disappointment and frustration. "Straight to my office. I will be there in a few minutes," he said, his tone quiet, yet stern. It didn't leave any room for questioning.

"Yes, sir," I quickly answered. I wanted to say sorry, but I had a feeling that this wasn't the time. It was dreading to think what he was going to do with me, but whatever he was planning to do couldn't be good.

I went straight to Ryan's office as instructed. The room was deadly quiet and the silence was freaking me out. And Ryan who told me that he would be here in a few minutes...

didn't show up until twenty minutes later.

He stormed into the office. I stood still at attention, not quite meeting his eyes.

"Time for some explaining, Irene ... and it better not leave out ANYTHING. What happened, and what did you do," he said.

I begin to tell him from the beginning to the end. How I wanted to get away from everything for a while (or sneak into a bar to try alcohol like they always doing those movies) and how I told him that I was going out for a walk with my friend... and what I did during the five days I spent outside the HQ... which seemed to piss off an already pissed- beyond - possible Ryan even more. His jaw was clenched when I finished speaking.

"Let me get this straight." His voice was slightly trembling. "You lied to me, ran away, stole a car and drove without license, fought in a bar, drank, smoke, and assaulted two police officers. Correct?"

"Yes, sir," I replied, my voice barely audible.

"And above all ... you broke my trust. Broke out trust."

The guilt was killing me. I legitimately wanted to get on my knees and say sorry. His last sentence was like a stab through my heart. It pierced through me, leaving me numb and hurt.

I never wanted to let him down... I didn't want to let ANYONE down... If there is one thing I hate having under my conscience is disappointing someone.

I only wanted a little bit of fun ... just for an hour ... away from everyone ...

I hated myself for getting into such a mess. I wanted to get back to the HQ but I just had to get myself involved in that f*****g bar brawl. Ah, only if I got back after the fight was over ... only if I did ... but no. The fear took the best of me and I chose to hide from my problems...

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, meeting his eyes for the first time. I had to fight so hard to resist the urge to cry. He looked so disappointed ... so hurt ...

"Too late for that now, isn't it?" he said dryly. But as he spoke, his voice gradually got louder and more aggressive.

"I won't see anything about you lying to me ... you went behind my back, betrayed me. I don't think I need to tell you more about this. Driving without licence- I can't see anything about that. I don't really care about the fact that you drove a car- you know how to. What pisses me off is that you stole a car. You STOLE. We didn't teach you how to do operate a vehicle so you could steal. We taught you so you could use the skill in case of an emergency, like when someone's life is in danger. Do I really need to remind you why stealing isn't right? I don't think so. You are smart enough to know that. Fighting- what can I say about that? You were taught to use you training to protect and to defend. Not to attack and assault. And drinking... and smoking- those could really kill you, I hope you know that. I think you do, with that intellectual level of yours, you should know it."

And he was beginning to sound cynical, too. I could see it in his eyes that he was hurt.

"I can't even describe how I feel right now. You lied straight onto my face. I trusted you! I believed you! And you go ahead and stab me in the back. Do you know how much that hurts?"

"I am sorry..." I said with a tear rolling off my cheek.

His face almost immediately turn red. That's when I knew he'd lost it.

"Are you? Jesus Christ! Do you have any idea how much we panic when you will gone? Do you have any idea just what kind of mess you have created?" Ryan yelled. The vein on his forehead popped out, and it was obvious that he was losing his temper ... or that he had already lost his temper long time ago.

"Sorry..." I said again, not really knowing what else to say.

"Oh, you will be. I'll make sure you're sorry," he barked, grabbing something in his desk. He pulled out a long, slender stick that almost resembled a switch.

My stomach sank at the realisation of what it was that he was holding. He requested me - or ordered me - to bend over his desk. My heart began to thump so loudly that I was surprised it didn't explode. He was going to s***k me... probably s***k the life out of me. He swung the cane in the air to test it out. The whistle made me tremble already. I didn't know how much it was going to hurt. I had never been s*****d yet, but I had heard stories...

"Integrity is everything, Irene," he said, smacking my bum with the cane really hard. I gasped at the sharp sting, and couldn't help but squirm a little. God, this hurt. And I knew he wasn't going to end this s******g by a few smacks. He was pissed.

"You have no idea WHIP We had to go down to the White House for ourselves WHIP and inform the President about this incident WHIP I don't know if you understand or not WHIP but you are an asset WHIP and important one, too WHIP You don't even have a document WHIP What were you going to do in that station alone? WHIP WHIP"

"O-Owwww!" I reached back for my bottom without a second thought. The smacks heart so much... it felt like a bucket of hot water was poured onto my bottom. It burnt so bad.

"Hand on the desk," he ordered sternly. "Or I'm gonna give you five more on your thighs."

And obviously not believing his threat, I kept my hands there, rubbing my bottom.

"Fine. You wanna test my patience? So be it," he growled, pinning down my hands on my lower back. When my hands were out of the line of fire, he wasted no time in keeping his words. He landed the first smack on my upper thighs, hard.

"OW!" My thighs really did feel like they were going to rip open as he landed the rest of four smacks he promised. I kicked my legs slightly to ease the pain, but it only resulted in Ryan scolding me more.

"Don't test my patience. I don't have any more left. WHIP Now, back to what I was saying before you interrupted me with the business of reaching back. WHIP We freaked out. WHIP There are tons of people in this world WHIP who would love to kidnap you and use you as a hostage WHIP And guess where that's gonna lead us to WHIP You got arrested WHIP for God's sake! Dad's getting rattled out by the President himself right now WHIP I don't think you understand the situation here WHIP By getting in trouble with the cops, you created such a mess for all of us WHIP The higher-ups in the government is pissed WHIP they even considered bringing our existence to the public WHIP"

Ryan was definitely killing me with the cursed cane. My butt was being torned open by it! I thrashed against his grip, and sobbed my eyes out.

"OWWWW! R-Ryan ... I'm sorry. P-please... OWWW... R-Ryan..."

He has gone deaf. He ignored my beggings completely. There was no hint of mercy in his voice or in his smacks. He was long away from forgiving me... no matter how much I wanted that.

"WHIP I have so much to talk about right now WHIP What on earth made you think it was okay WHiP for you to lie to me like that?"

"OWWW I'm sorry.. I'm sorry I lied to you."

"Integrity is everything. Trust is everything. How am I supposed to trust you now?" he said still sounding upset. And he didn't forget making my bottom feel like it was going to fall apart.

"I never thought WHIP you were that irresponsible WHIP I trusted you WHIP We trusted you WHIP How could you even think of doing such things? WHIP And I am not talking about you lying to me WHIP I am talking about you fighting WHIP drinking WHIP smoking WHIP stealing WHIP and assaulting WHIP"

"OWWWWW P-please Ryan!" I cried out. And not just at the punishment. I knew Ryan felt betrayed. He always trusted me to take care of myself, said that I was reliable... and I just proved him wrong. I could only imagine what it felt like to be stabbed on the back ... because that's just what I did to him. Something hot settled inside me, and it wasn't anything close to anger. There was this wierd feeling in my chest, and I just couldn't get rid of it.

"I can't even lecture you anymore! WHIP What is there to lecture you about? WHIP You already know everything! WHIP You already know why what you did were wrong, don't you? WHIP"

"OWWWWW Yes, sir I do!" my instincts told me to wrestle myself out if his grip, but my logic also told me that I did, Ryan was really going to murder me.

"You went behind my back WHIP Completely ignored my trust WHIP And proved me that I was wrong to believe you WHIP That's what kills me the most! WHIP I didn't think of you as an irresponsible, untruthworthy kid WHIP"

"I-I'm not! OWWW!" I countered back. I should've known better and kept my mouth shut, but it also hurt to know how he thought of me now.

The cane hurt. It f*****g hurt... but nothing hurt me more than having Ryan disappointed, and STILL FURIOUS with me.

"WHIP WHIP Your actions tell me otherwise. WHIP WHIP And this is not a time to talk back at me WHIP"

I began to choke on my sobsm I was hiccuping like crazy and my bottom felt like it was set on fire. His words were killing me. The cane and Ryan ... they were giving me hell. How much more would he need to give me for him to forgive me? Just how upset was he?

Pissed beyond possible, that's fir sure.

Usually he wouldn't yell like this. He's use this low, intimidating tone of voice when scolding someone.

Ryan slammed down the cane on my sit spots three times, quick and hard. I lurched forward, whimpering again. Hurts, hurts, hurts.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Ryan. Please forgive me," I bawled, looking back at him as he blistered my butt. Our eyes locked for a second. Then he averted his gaze, smacking my sit spots twice really hard.

"OW! RYAN!!" I shouted, thrashing my body under his grip. I just wanted this to stop. I couldn't take it any further : neither punishment, nor Ryan's unforgiveness.

Then he let go of my hands, dropping the cane on the ground. My hands instinctively flew back, rubbing my extremely sore bottom.

Without any words, Ryan pulled me into a tight hug. He tried to calm me down by rubbing my back, but I kept mumbling out words that made absolutely no sense.

"Shh... calm down for me. You're gonna make yourself sick."

I can't be so sure of this now, but at that time, I thought his voice trembled a little.

It seemed like I was never gonna be able to catch my breath, but I somehow did in the end.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled into his chest.

"It's okay. It's over," he assured me.

I don't know why I felt the way I did. He'd just disabled me from sitting down for a long, long time... yet I didn't hate him for some reason. I never wanted Ryan to pull away from the hug. It .. it felt good to stay wrapped in his arms. Is this what 'love' is? I thought.

When he finally pulled away, I noticed something. He tried to cover it up, but I noticed it .. I think.

"Ryan? Are you crying?"