Daughter of the moon

Chapter 1: Grieving

Alexandria: Present

 ‘Elric is dead. He's gone.’ It’s the first thing that hits me when I open my eyes. Followed by the all too familiar sense of panic and sadness. It’s like I lost him all over again. Tears begins to fall as I try to muffle my cries with my hands, attempting to not wake up our children.

 Soon after, the tears stop falling. I sit up and hold onto his pillow. It's been two weeks since he was killed in the battle. Three months since we were last together. I can barely remember the taste of his lips on mine. Even the pillow barely smells like him now. Just that faint scent of mint and chocolate and soon, just like Elric, it too will be gone. I can’t help but think about the last day I saw him.

“I don’t understand why you don’t want me to go,” I state, obviously pouting, while standing in the doorway, as Elric packs his bag again. Off to another battle, this time to face Abigor, the one who calls himself king of us all.

Elric lets out a loud sigh. “I told you. I just want you to be safe.” For such a “Big Bad Wolf,” he’s always so worried about me, the woman who regularly makes him eat dirt for breakfast.

‘He’s such a sappy bastard…,’ I think to myself, ‘but, it does make me smile.’

“This coming from the man who I can throw two counties over.” I mumble knowing I’m about to give in. I may be able to knock him on his ass, but when he looks at me with so much concern and worry on his face, I can’t help but give him what he wants.

 Elric takes my hand and slowly brings me into his embrace. We stand there, getting lost in the comfort of each other. ‘I could stay like this, forever, if life would let us.’ This man’s body is like something that only the Gods could have molded.

 Elric Reed. My husband. A god amongst men.  Perfectly picturesque in every scenario. Even when he’s battling the others, I still catch myself wanting to throw myself into the fray and take him right there on the field. The way the sweat beads along his biceps, the way his abs undulate and heave with every thrust. ‘What has this man done to me?’ I smile at the thought.

 “Please, don’t fight me on this,” he finally says, bringing me from my “naughty place,” as he’d call it. “Look, I know you’re strong, but this—, the one they call ‘Abigor…’ They say that Darkness is on his side. That rogues, witches, vampires, and even the dark fae follow his command. I don’t know what I'd do if they took you. I-I..” he stammers, searching for the words. “I can’t lose you. Please. Just let me do this.”

Every ounce of my resolve melted away as soon as he said it. I know if I were to go, his entire focus would be on keeping me safe. I loved him for that. He knew I was more than capable, but still wanted to keep me safe. “Just think,” he says in a suddenly more upbeat tone, “the faster I get back, the faster you can show me just how much you miss me.” I roll my eyes and push him away. “Perv.” I glare at him with a smirk. “Only when it comes to you,” he says, knowing he won and smiling that smile I wish I could smack off his face. Before I can say another word, he’s already got me in his grasp, pulling me back to him and kissing me, leading me closer to the bed to say good-bye to me properly one last time.

The memories come more and more frequently. They haunt me. Keep me paralyzed. Frozen in the realization—the realization that he’s… “He’s never coming back.” Frustration takes over me and I call out angrily for my mother, the moon goddess, Selene. “Give him back,” I sob, helplessly, completely lost to my grief. “Please...” I ask her, as hot, stinging tears run down my cheeks.  I call out to her one last time, but of course, she says nothing. I slowly pull myself out of bed, knowing it’s useless to talk to her like this, and quietly make my way downstairs to the kitchen.

It’s hit our children hard, their father passing. As I step into the kitchen, I notice Oliver, our oldest, trying to make pancakes. I smell the burning batter first; that aroma of almond, vanilla and butter his father used to use when—Suddenly the pan starts to billow with a faint smoke. I hear Olli grumbling to himself, realizing he’s burning them and getting frustrated because of it. I chuckle a little to myself. “He reminds me so much of you.”

I remember the first time Elric introduced me to him, before confirming we were mates. Oliver's mother abandoned him after Elric made it clear that he was not going to stay with her and would only be there to support his son. He was so young and scared that he would be rejected for having a child with another woman. I remember how hopeful he looked when I told him that if his mate really wanted to love him, they would accept all of him, including his adorable son.

“I tried to make them like he used to,” Oliver says, staring at me with the same hazel-green eyes he shared with his father, suddenly pulling me out of my memories. I stare at him a moment, looking at his face. He has the same features. Same jaw line. Same sandy-blond hair. It’s like looking at a photocopy of him, just more baby faced. It was like going back in time looking at the younger version of Elric.

 “I don't know what I did wrong,” he sniffles. I turn off the stove and pull him into my arms, holding onto him tight, so he can let everything out. I feel his chest heave as he sobs into my shoulder. It takes everything in my power to not break down with him. “Olli,” I say, shakily. My eyes begin to water, but I compose myself as best I can. He clings on to me like he is trying to make sure I don't leave as well and I simply stand with him, one hand on his back, the other petting his head, my hand gently stroking the dusty golden locks that were once his father’s. As I listen to him quietly, my heart breaks for him. It would scream if it could. Just thirteen years old and he’s already lost so much. Just two weeks ago, he had a father who would be returning from battle. He’d say, his father was “the toughest wolf in the pack,” and he was. Stronger than even the current Alpha. Now, two weeks later, we stand in the kitchen of a home, who’s “alpha” will never return… “I miss him too,” I say, the shakiness from before replaced with a false strength for the sake of our son.

 We stand there until his sobs soften and he finally pulls away. “Why don't you go ahead and head back upstairs to your bathroom and shower? I’ll finish up here,” I tell him. I kiss the top of his forehead and he nods and slowly walks back up the stairs. Thirty minutes later I have breakfast made. Just when I’m setting the last of the food on the table, Oliver comes back down, bringing both of his little sisters, Lena, who is five and Maya who just hit the one-and-a-half-year mark.

 Oliver hands me Maya and starts helping Lena fix her plate, while I place Maya in her highchair. As we all get settled, a sullen sense of silence falls over the room, the only sounds emanating from it are the clinks and scrapes of silverware off our plates as we eat.

 I stare absent-mindlessly into my plate of pancakes, my fork slowly dragging through the edge, splitting them almost in two. My phone dings twice. I ignore it. I don't want to read the messages about how people are sorry for my loss or telling me to “just be strong! It's what Elric would have wanted!” Give me a goddamn break. ‘Elric would want to be alive, you f*****g dumb-ass.’ That’s what I want to say to them. What I want to shout. He should be alive…

 “Why can't he come back,” Lena asks, breaking my increasingly furious train of thought. “You have powers, mommy. You can just bring him back.” She says this with an absolute certainty that most adults can’t muster in a courtroom in a case they’re winning. It makes me laugh inside, but knowing what I do… I give her a pained smile and tell her, “I would if I could sweetie, but even I have rules I must follow that simply cannot be broken.” As I say that, I seemingly feel my mother’s voice coming from my own, and immediately look down into my plate, attempting to hide the confusion and anger, knowing full well, that was also her response to me. Looking defeated Lena slowly gets up from the table and makes her way back up to her bedroom. Oliver and I start picking up the kitchen, silently. 

 After the dishwasher is loaded and everything is wiped down and cleaned, I head up to Lena's room with Maya to get them ready for their father’s funeral. Twenty minutes later I have both girls washed, dressed, and hair pulled back. As I French braid Lena's hair, I think back about when I first brought her home.

Elric had been gone for weeks. He left to visit his old pack to speak with their Alpha, Cedric. I was pushing a then 8-year-old Oliver on the swings in our backyard when we heard the screams. I immediately grab Oliver and put him inside our tiny crawl space, telling him to be quiet and “no matter what, don't make a sound.”

 Then I heard it. I look outside to see a rogue tossing a man to the ground by his neck. He's large. His eyes are red and cloudy. Clear sign that he’s given up his humanity, completely. The only thing stopping him: his death. Crawling away from him is the dead man's pregnant mate. I dash through the door as soon as I see her. My body moves on instinct. ‘Have to protect her.’ My feet pick up speed as I kick up dirt and grass behind me, rushing in their direction. I get to him first, dropping my shoulder into his sternum, barreling right into him and rolling across the ground until I’m on top of him. He barely has time to blink, before I snap his neck, killing him instantly.

 I hear a distant rustling and suddenly three more come out of the tree line: two males, both sickly thin, a deceptive power and agility in their stance, and one taller female, with claws jutting from her fingers one could almost mistake for blades. I quickly turn to face the woman who had been crawling. I pick her up and carry her to my door and lay her down inside.

 Hearing that the rogues are closer, I turn to face them, as they are closing in on me. The first one I knock down with a spinning kick to the temple, so I have enough time to use that momentum to take down and kill the second. The third one nearly gets its claws in me as it swipes at my exposed back. I roll forward and pivot, then instantly dig into the earth with the ball of my foot, using that packed area as a foundation while I channel all my strength into an uppercut using the palm of my hand to seemingly shatter the female’s jaw. She reels back, screeching with a horrid, haunted voice few humans have heard before their inevitable demise, yet all too common in those with her affliction. ‘f*****g vampires…’

In the chaos, I duck behind her and slam the back of her knee with my foot, forcing her to drop to the ground, then grab the bottom of her face— ‘yep, that’s shattered.’  In one swift motion, I twist the creature’s head, that distinct *crack* punctuating the end of her struggles.

 She immediately falls silent, her screams coming to a screeching halt as her body crumples to the ground. I finally turn to face the rogue I’d knocked down. He’s back on his feet, but doesn't advance. He just studies me, like he’s trying to figure out what to do next. Before he can make his next move, a large grey wolf comes from his right, immediately tearing the entire top half of his body from his legs in one swift and bloody movement. It was Amita. Our Alpha’s right hand.

She looks at the bodies around me, surprised I killed so many of the creatures by myself. “What are you doing out here, Alex,” she asks, “Are you trying to get yourself killed?” “There is a woman in my house,” I responded, disregarding her question. “She’s pregnant and injured. She needs medical attention now.” Amita’s body begins to contort and change as she shifts back to her human form, then follows me inside the house.

  We looked over the woman, noticing several stab wounds and the pool of blood now formed around her body. She’s already dead… ‘I was too late,’ I think to myself. We immediately feel her belly, pressing on it for any sign the baby might still be alive. We feel sudden movement and we don’t hesitate to cut it out, severing the umbilical cord. As we pull the baby from her, we notice— “It’s a girl…,” Amita says in a somber tone. I smile wryly… ‘Her mother would have been so happy.’ I thought to myself.

Seconds later there is a loud cry escaping the baby and I pull her close, wrapping her up in a towel from the kitchen cabinet. “We need to take her to the hospital,” I tell Amita, as I hand her the baby and turn around to retrieve Oliver from the crawl space. His eyes go wide in horror as he sees the dried and fresh blood covering my body. “It's not mine,” I say to him with a comforting smile.  He lets out a sigh of relief and I grab one of his sweaters from the coat rack behind him. I hand it to him as we make our way to the side door.

 I call for Amita. “We need to move,” I say as I prepare to leave. She looks at me like I’d lost my mind as she questions me, “You want to go back out there with these children?” I glare at her. “Do you think the giant f*****g glass sliding door is going to stop those things from breaking in here?” I smart back. “Sure. Let’s stay here. Or did you forget, I fought off a pack of those leeches on my own before you got here? Who’s to say there aren’t more on the way?" I take a deep breath and attempt to calm myself down.

 “The medical center is two blocks north from here. You carry the newborn and I'll carry my son. If we run into anymore rogues you take both children and run. I will stop anyone who gets in your way. Clear?” I look at her fiercely. “Your eyes,” she says, looking at me with shock. “How are you doing that?” I step once in her direction, all the patience I attempted to summon now replaced with anger, and stare into her eyes, commanding her attention. “I SAID, ARE WE CLEAR!?” She regains focus and nods her head. “I’m ready when you are.”

 I slowly open the sliding glass door and turn to pick Oliver up. He squirms his way onto my back, and I grip his wrists tightly, like a makeshift backpack, so he doesn't have his arms around my neck. “I’m scared,” he sobs. “That's okay” I tell him, “But, we need to stay quiet. Hold on and don't let go.” Amita comes out from behind with the baby now swaddled to her chest. We give each other a nod then sprint towards the medical center.

 After nearly ten minutes of running, we arrived. We hand the infant to the attendants, leaving them to their work. I let Oliver down in the hall, giving him and myself a moment to come down from the ordeal. ‘We did it,’ I think to myself. ‘She’s safe…’ The baby we rescued is in the infant ward. Moments later, we hear the “all clear” bell, telling us all is safe.

 I watch over her closely, waiting for someone, anyone to claim her. I feed her and change her while we wait. Olli seems to have taken a liking to her. And she seems to like him as well. I hear him giggling as he plays with her. He loves tickling the bottom of her little feet and watching her kick them every time he touches one.

 The next day, I spoke to both the doctor and her case worker; she was home with me before lunch. Elric arrived home 2 days later as I was feeding her. He smiled at me and asked me what her name was. I smiled at him and told him I decided to name her, “Lena.” The name of the mother that raised me. Later that night cuddled up in bed, Elric pulled me closer to him. “I knew she was ours the moment I saw you with her.”

A single knock on Lena's bedroom door pulls me out of my thoughts. “You should get ready, or we’ll be late,” Oliver says as he hands me my phone. “Grandpa Cedric keeps calling.”

I take the phone from his hand and make my way down the hall to the master bedroom. I quickly shower, not taking any time to enjoy it or to cry. I scrub days’ worth of grime and sadness from my skin until it’s pink and sore. As I’m stepping out of the shower, my phone goes off again. I dry myself quickly to answer it.

 “Hey Cedric. Sorry I ignored your calls. It’s been a tough morning,” I mumble.

“It's okay. I don't know where I'd be if anything were to happen to my Zuri,” he replies. “We should be there in about a half hour. Take all the time you need to get ready; nothing will start without your family present." I thank him and end the phone call.

 I go back into my room to air dry on the bed and let out a deep sigh. Everything hurts. My entire body feels like I’ve been beaten and burned alive. It feels like my eyes are an eternal well of tears.

“It’s like a bad dream… and I can never wake up. Why can’t I wake up? Why can’t—"

 I immediately break down and sob silently into his pillow, attempting to suffocate myself in his intoxicating scent one last time. “I miss you so much,” I cry. I nuzzle into his pillow and simply lay there a moment as I regain control of myself.

“Daughter.” I hear her voice behind me and that unmistakably soft hand, touching my shoulder. 

“Did you know?” I ask her this, while refusing to look at her, still laying in my bed.

“I knew it may be one or both of you,” she answers, almost apologetically.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Tears well up in my eyes and start to fall. It feels like I am constantly losing him, over and over again. She pauses a moment, then answers flatly, “Because you’re my daughter.”

 "You told him though, didn't you?” I look at her, angrily, my fists clenching my blanket, starting to tremble. “You told him that I could die, that’s why he was so adamant about me not going!” My breathing becomes more uneven as the events that led up to his death start making more and more sense.

 “Serene-,” my mother says, calling me by my birth name. “I-I… Hades escorted him.”

The look on her face filled with so much remorse I almost feel bad for losing my tempter.

“Tell Hades to give him back.”

My stubbornness is getting the best of me. I feel like every angst filled teen in a movie yelling at their mom, but I’m too upset to really care. My husband was stolen from me. I want him back.

 She looks at me with a knowing expression, a faint, pained smile on her face. “You know he won’t do that. It kills him; you know how fond he is of you, but he can't do that again. It’s been forbidden.”

My head drops as I stare at the floor, my mind swimming with all the thoughts and questions I want to throw at my mother… But I know better. It’s pointless. She won’t repeat herself and I refuse to sit here anymore. My husband is gone, and I have to deal with that. Not her.

“I have to get ready,” I say, refusing to give her another moment of my attention. “Serene,” she says quickly, attempting to salve a wound that simply won’t be healed, “you'll get through this. You’re strong. You’ve always been strong-,” her voice echoes off. I feel her presence disappear, and I eventually get out of my bed, making my way to the closet door.

I take a deep breath before opening the closet door and flicking on the light. I pull out my dress, shoes, and under garments. As I dress, I keep thinking about all the things Elric would say if he were still here.

“Wear something sexy for me under that dress,” he’d say. “Morbid, perverted f**k,” I'd tease while laughing at him. I swear, that man was the most kind-hearted, gentle soul I’d ever met, but he was a dog through and through. A true beast… I bite my lip, as memories begin flooding back. “Still can’t believe none of the pack heard us, back then, at that ceremony,” I say, as I slip on his favorite thong. I smile wickedly, and wiggle my butt a little, like Elric was right there with me.

He would always make inappropriate comments to me. At weddings, at funerals, hell, even at Lena’s fourth birthday party. He “loved those cupcakes.” Dirty bastard. I laugh at myself and wipe away the few tears that managed to sneak out. I finished dressing, wanting to at least look good for him one last time. I finish drying my hair and pull it halfway up, with two warrior braids on each side of my head. I didn’t bother putting on make-up knowing it would be pointless and ruined here shortly. The tears never stop coming.

 I slip on my black, short heels and make my way back to the living area. Oliver is sitting on our couch with Lena cuddled up with him, while mindlessly staring at the cartoon on the television. Maya seems to be content playing with her toys on the floor. I look up from Maya and see they’re watching “Code: Lyoko.” I smile thinking how Oliver used to scream and sing the song when he was younger, every time I played it for him as a distraction so I could get work done in my office. He was always such a mama's boy. Still is, most days.

‘He'll be moving up to warrior training soon. All wolves must train with the pack,’ I think to myself. ‘I know I have nothing to worry about during training.’ He’s been learning martial arts since he could walk. Getting up to train with me most mornings and sticking with it consistently every day for the last 3 years. It scares me to think about him taking the same path as his father. Being a Warrior. Though, as scary as it is, it would also fill me with pride seeing him do just that.

 Oliver now helps train Lena on her beginner pallet with early combat teachings. She hasn't taken to it like her brother did. That's okay though. As long as she can hold her own against another wolf, she’ll be okay. I make my way to the other side of the couch and sit beside Lena. We sit there and watch that silly cartoon until there is a knock at the door. Oliver turns off the television while I get up and open the door. “Hi,” Cedric says to me while Zuri pushes past him to give me a hug. Her warmth washes over me. I didn't realize how cold I felt before that. ‘It must be all the sadness,’ I think to myself. “I’m so sorry, Alex,” she whispers to me. “Is there anything I can do for you?” she asks.

 “The fact that your first question wasn’t, ‘How are you doing,’ was more than enough,” I say. “Thank you.”

 “Thank you both for coming all the way here,” I say as I take a step back and pull out of Zuri’s embrace, allowing them to step out of the cold rain.

Cedric makes his way toward the living room where the children are. Oliver and Lena get up, happy to see him. “Grandpa Cedric,” they scream excitedly. Both of them rush over to him to give him a hug. Cedric bear hugs Oliver and then picks Lena up off the floor.

 “Hey there, Princess Lena,” he says to her then gives her raspberry kisses on her cheek. He looks around. “Where's the other princess at?” he asks. Lena giggles and points to where her sister is playing on the floor. She looks back to the front door and exclaims, “Zuri!” Lena wiggles out of Cedric's arms to run into hers, excitedly. “Are you staying the night,” Lena asks while bouncing around in her arms. “Yes, we will be staying for a few days,” Zuri states, then looks over at me. “If that's okay with you?”

 “Of course,” I say, a sort of relief washing me. “Honestly, I don’t think I can make it through the next few hours without you.” She smiles at me and takes my hand. Warmth rushes through me again. Suddenly, I remember, Zuri has this ability; with a mere touch, she can ease mental or physical suffering in an individual. Like all Luna’s, Zuri has been blessed by my mother. I look into her light brown eyes, and I can see it, the little green flecks that give it away.

 My mother does her best to make sure the women are all strong and kind leaders, so she almost always blesses them with a similar version of this ability. No matter how large or small it’s always something that can be used to benefit the pack. Zuri, however, is the only one who’s able to use it on one who is dying. It takes a lot out of her every time, but those who are passing, granted she’s available, almost always die with a sort of comfort on their face.

 I squeeze Zuri's hand, thankful for her kindness. I look back at Cedric and give him a small thankful smile for being here. He really is a great leader. With all the wolves under his guidance, there was no wolf they respected and adored more in his pack. 

Cedric walks over and puts his arm on my shoulder. “Are you ready to do this,” he asks. “No,” I responded bleakly, “But I'll do it anyway.”

 We gather up Lena and Maya, putting on their shoes and making sure everyone has raincoats. Cedric pulls their SUV closer so none of us get too wet. He steps back out of the car and opens the door for his wife so she can sit up front with Maya, and helps me put the car seats in, while Oliver climbs in back and waits patiently with Lena on his lap.

 Once everyone is buckled and settled in our seats, Cedric glances back at me in the rear-view mirror one last time then checks to make sure we are all okay before he backs out and heads to the funeral pyre. Here’s to hoping whoever set them up had the common sense to cover everything from the rain.

 One last thought crosses my mind when looking at my house before we drive away.  ‘How will this ever be home again without him?’