An Unwavering Promise--Completed

Chapter Six

Eleanor’s POV

Leaning back in my seat, I stared out the window, watching the clouds and land below us pass by. Alexander’s smile had been off, but perhaps I was simply paranoid and reading too much into things. I had just been vulnerable with him, so there was no way that he’d refrain from doing the same. Right?

Your thoughts are very loud, El. Can you knock it off?

I smiled inwardly at Rae. Well…?

Sighing, I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know how to shut off my brain in order to please Rae, and I couldn’t even think of a witty response to her either. There were too many nagging thoughts running amuck in my head, and I couldn’t focus on anything else. I understood that my mental stability was slowly declining, but I had no idea how to stop it or calm myself down. Therapy had definitely been helping me, but now we were just talking about things, and it felt almost stagnant. I needed something to do, which is why I had thrown myself into this project of finding the orc or finding Nathan. I was a person of action. However, in all this potential action, I was neglecting myself and the consequences were beginning to show themselves.

We can control the darkness. It will not swallow us whole. Trust in us and our ability to overcome challenges. We always have, and we always will.

It’s not just the darkness I’m worried about, Rae. Though we haven’t been with Alex and Hunter for that long, I do like to think that I know him well enough to see when he’s not being straight with me. What do I need to do for him to trust me as much as I trust him? Why isn’t that enough? Why do I need to tell him everything but he gets to keep his secrets? I hate double standards, and I hate when men think they’re protecting women by keeping things from them.

Then say all those things.

I went to respond, but stopped myself. Rae was right. If I was having these doubts and feelings, why was I telling her and not my mate? He had a right to know that I felt like he wasn’t being honest with me. That was part of the trust building activities that my therapist had said I needed to do. I don’t need to live in my head all the time and keep things bottled up. I had to let him know that I could see through his facade.

“Alex,” I started aloud, unsure of how I was going to go about it.

“Hmm?” he raised an eyebrow and looked over at me. “What?”

I pursed my lips nervously. “I–I uh, don’t think you’re being totally open with me.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“About you not keeping things from me. I asked if you were hiding anything from me, and you said no, but I–I don’t believe you,” I stumbled out.

“Why not?”

It was a simple question, but it held so much weight to it. How could I tell him that I just sensed his insincerity in his answer? How could I mention that I saw it in his eyes? It wasn’t that I didn’t want to believe him, but there was this nagging feeling I couldn’t ignore. And with Rae’s encouragement, I wasn’t going to ignore it.

“I just, um, can sense it,” I stated.

He nodded slowly twice before saying, “What do you think I could be hiding from you? You’re my mate. Why would I?”

I bit the inside of my cheek and held onto the words that came immediately to mind. He was questioning my belief in him. This prick was gaslighting me.

“Alexander,” I said curtly. “You had a life before me, and although we’re mates now, I firmly believe that we have things we haven’t shared before we were together. That’s fine. I don’t mind. However, I won’t stand for you painting me as the bad guy when I’m just asking simple questions. I’m not demanding that you tell me whatever it is you’re now very obviously hiding from me. However, I do think I deserve to know when you’re being restrictive with your information. I will not play that game where I have to share everything with you and trust you blindly, but then you do not have to do the same.”

“Okay,” he said quickly. “When I’m ready, and when I think you’re ready, I’ll share.”

The rage that burst forth inside of me startled him through the bond. I gave him a cold stare before cutting him off from me and turning my entire body toward the window. If that was the game he wanted to play, then I’d show him that I was a f*****g grand master. I now knew for sure that he was hiding something from me and didn’t think I could handle it.

“Eleanor,” he tried gently.

I ignored him.

“Please, listen. Why are you upset with me?”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “You’re an i***t if you can’t understand the basics of language and relationships,” I mumbled just loudly enough for him to hear.

“Eleanor, listen–”

“No!” I interrupted rather loudly. “I’m not going to listen to you unless you have something real to say. Maybe an apology or whatever it is you’re hiding from me. Until then, I don’t want to hear any lies you have to say. This will not be a one-sided relationship. Trust goes both ways. You’re the only person I’ve fully let in, but you have to do the same for me. Otherwise, what we have will die, and I’ll resent you.”

Alexander’s face was stunned. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes were wide. I didn’t think he was prepared for Alpha Eleanor to show up. However, I wasn’t going to reign her in when I thought things were unfair.

After some silence had passed, I finally got the nerve to ask, “Do you have another family somewhere? A kid or something?”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t.”

“Then what could it be?”

“I–I…” he stopped and exhaled loudly. “Eleanor, you can’t force me to speak to you about things that I don’t want to discuss.”

“Like you did to me?” I shot back.

He gave me a pitying look. “No, that’s not what I did.”

“Ohhh,” I said sarcastically. “No, of course not. You only pried the information about Nathan from me before I was ready, and that’s different somehow. Thank you for clearing that up for me. I’m only a lowly woman who can’t understand when I’m ready to talk. That’s why I need you, a man, to explain it to me.”

Alexander stayed quiet for a minute. “You know that’s not how I view it.”

“Because you’re the only one in this relationship who can determine the importance of information sharing. Don’t you see how hypercritical you’re being?”

“I’m not–”

“You are,” I interjected. “I guess you’re just blind to it.”

He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. “Can you please stop interrupting me? I’m not done speaking.”

“Okay then. Speak.”

“I can understand how you might misinterpret these situations as being similar,” he put up a hand to stop me from speaking, as I had opened my mouth to contradict his statement. “But, I can assure you that it is truly different. I’m not keeping anything important from you. I’m not really keeping anything from you. I wish you wouldn’t view it like that. You said that we both had lives before each other and that you didn’t expect me to tell you everything that happened before we met. Please respect my privacy concerning these matters.”

This was absurd. How could he not see how ridiculous this all was? It was painfully clear that he wouldn’t listen to my reason and see the error in his ways. There was nothing I could say to show him how hypercritical he was being.

“Fine,” I said after I collected my thoughts and tampered down my anger. “If that’s your decision. However, don’t be surprised by the consequences that follow.”

“Eleanor! I’m a grown ass man. You can’t treat me like a child and threaten me with consequences in order to get your way. That’s very manipulative.”

“Oh, now I’m being manipulative?” I asked in a calm, soft voice. “Everything we do has consequences, dearest. Good and bad. I’m merely stating a fact that this choice, right now, will have lasting effects. I am simply informing you so that you won’t be surprised when it comes up again. I want to build a relationship based on mutual trust and understanding. If you can’t–”

“I don’t think you’re being fair,” Alexander pointedly said.

I sighed and shook my head. “There’s nothing I can say or do right now that will either please you or make you see sense. So, let’s just move on until we have a better time to talk.”

Alexander begrudgingly agreed, we landed in Seattle in silence. The rest of the journey continued just like that: in silence. We made it to the Seattle airport safely, rented a car, and then drove the half hour into the city. My anger was building, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I exploded. However, now wasn’t the time to hash things out. We were on a mission to explore something far bigger than us. I didn’t want to distract ourselves with an argument. I pulled out my phone to get directions to the house we were going to scout out tonight. The GPS took us north of the main city and into a little suburban area. We had rented a place nearby to stay, and to solidify our story of being tourists. We needed to wait until nightfall before staking out the house the orc lived in, and I was fearful of how slowly the time would pass until then. I had planned on other ideas of waiting; however, there was no way we would be doing anything intimate until the discussion passed.

Walking into the rented home, I was greeted by two pale faces and groaned inwardly. Berty and Candy were sitting on the couch, drinking something red from a wine glass. I knew it wasn’t wine and sighed. This wasn’t going to be a fun trip at all.