Intergalactic Pest Control

Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Sector 12 Transgalactic Station

If Reggie’s life passed before his eyes, it did so fast enough that he didn’t notice. All he saw were the pincers coming at him. He reached up instinctively and caught them, his gloves keeping the pincers from slicing into his palms. The momentum of the creature sent him onto his back into the stinking garbage.

His shoulder seared with pain as he struggled to keep the pincers from closing. They inched closer to his face, closer to taking out his eye. The life he might yet lead flashed in front of him then. And that was all the inspiration he needed to muster his strength for one big move.

He squeezed the pincers like they were dual joysticks and he was in an epic, deep space dogfight in Galactic Force. He pulled them in opposite directions until he heard a crunch and a loud cracking. Suddenly he had a flashback of having his teeth pulled as a child. A gush of green burst in his face.

The pincers were free of the ShimVen’s head, and Reggie found himself with two very pointy weapons.

He stabbed the wriggling bug in the thorax, torso, and head. The bug stopped wriggling. Reggie felt victorious as he stood over its body like a gladiator, earning his honor with his hands. He wiped the pincers clean on his pant leg and tucked them in his belt. He’d always loved the trophy system.

Allowing himself a second to catch his breath, he turned his attention back to the fuel. Even more carefully than before, he grabbed as many canisters of fuel as he could, holding them all in a bear hug. He hefted them back to the office, looking over his shoulder every so often.

He appeared in the doorway, brandishing a giant smile. Pride filled his chest as he stood there covered in bug guts, with his trophies on display.

“Got the fuel and tubes and stuff,” he said.

“Care to explain the rest of this?” Joel gestured to Reggie as a whole, and the mess covering him.

“Ran into some trouble,” Reggie said with a shrug. “No big deal.” He cracked a smile, which only served to amplify the horror that was splashed all over his face.

The look on Joel’s and Cody’s faces was a mix of concern and disgust. “Okay, then,” Joel said, taking the supplies from Reggie. “Give me an hour, and we’ll be ready to flash fry some bugs.”

The office they’d picked for strategizing belonged to a person who did not like her job. Shelly was her name, and she had scribbled profanities in the margins of all her notepads. On one page, she’d simply written, ‘I hate my life’ over and over again. Cody even found what appeared to be a death threat against someone named Robert in human resources, crumpled up in the garbage can.

To be fair, Robert did sound like a real douche. Still, Shelly’s office felt like a Tupperware container full of fresh despair. It was in the air, and Cody was sick of breathing it.

“Are we about ready?” he asked. “I’m getting antsy.”

Joel dropped his screwdriver on the desk where he’d been working and stood up victoriously. “Done. And these things are going to cook some serious bug ass.”

Cody jumped to his feet, matching Joel’s excitement. “Good, I need to get out of this room. It’s starting to freak me out.”

Joel ran them through a quick tutorial. The flamethrowers worked largely the same as the chemguns except they had tanks full of fuel instead of chemicals. When the fuel hit an ignition source as it exited the barrel, it produced a streaming flame.

“So, a little note about the guns,” he said as he neared the end of his spiel, a warning in his tone.

Cody and Reggie froze, anxious worry on their faces.

“As brilliant as I am, these guns were rigged together in an hour, with spare parts,” Joel explained.

“Which means…?” Cody asked.

“Which means, if they get knocked around, they could blow up in your face,” Joel said, sidling casually around the other two and heading for the exit.

“Noted,” Cody said, eyeing his gun. He carefully put the flamethrower over his shoulder.

“All right, boys,” Reggie said, when they’d exited the office. “We’re down to about thirteen hours to rid this station of nasties. We totally got this!”